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okay. my move. so by the time this is posted i should already be well on my way to Burnaby to my home for the next 7 months. okay and i realize that for many of you, you cant understand why i would pack up everything and move away from everything i know, i.e. my family, friends. it is hard to explain, but i can try. i think the moment that it really hit me that i had to get away was with the whole grad fiasco. the whole thing stunk. not to mention i dont think i have ever felt more worthless in my life. not only did i not have any friends willing to think enough of me to share a table with them, but i had my date cancel on me two days before grad. you want to talk hurt? well grad pretty much sums it up. it was a revelation. so basically that was when i had decided in my head i was out of here. its that old fight or flight reflex. umm but i am over all that. i cut the toxics out of my life and have never been better. i dont need to escape. now i am moving just cause i want to. its my latest project. yup yup yup. just be happy for me will ya? i have always loved BC. and in my head i had thought thats where i want to go. to BC, where i have had mostly good memories. and i love the mountains and the ocean so it only seemed natural. life changing experience is what this will be. and yes, i am scared out of my mind. wouldnt you be? i mean i know nobody. i have no family there, no friends, nothing. i gots nothing. everything i know, my whole world is in alberta. but thats what also makes it not scary. the fact that i dont have any expectations i have to live up to. i think everyone has this image of me being this fortress, impenetrable and strong, able to withstand anything. and i guess to a point it may be true. i am tough i will give you that. jen the fortress; too bad she has about 25 Achilles heels huh? well maybe not that many but you get the point. i guess moving is just one of those things that has to happpen. just one of those things. i am seriously going to miss everyone like crazy,and gawd who knows if i am even coming back. you know? maybe i will find my niche in Burnaby. maybe i will love it so much that i will never want to come back. perhaps it will all fall into place. now of course on the other side there is also the possibility i will crash and burn. crash and burn REAL bad. but we try not to focus on that possibility.besides i really dont think anyone is too choked up about my departure. its jen afterall. i can be replaced. a dime a dozen i am. and believe me after a few weeks you will be asking yourself, jen who. believe you me. its crazy the way things work out ya know? but i wont forget...elephants never forget.... :) que sera sera (spelling is dicey)... whatever will be will be. |
