Why Study Men Only?

     In regard to point #7, it is recognized that shyness afflicts women
in about the same ratio and proportion as it affects men. However, it is
also recognized that love-shyness is a far more deleterious condition in
the male than it is in the female. In American society it is the male who
is required to make the first move when it comes to the initiating of
romantic relationships. This remains a hard, fast, absolute requirement
of the male gender that has not been reduced or mitigated in any way
by the social changes that have been instigated by the women's liberation
movement. To be sure, contemporary norms do permit a woman to
initiate contact with a man after a relationship has already commenced.
But the norms do not permit a woman to make the first or initial contact
with a man; nor do they enable a woman to feel comfortable about the
idea of initiating sexual love-making with a man even after a love rela-
tionship has gotten started.
      As a result of these norms, chronic love-shyness entails far deeper
and more thoroughgoing consequences for the life of an afflicted male
than it does for the life of an afflicted female. For example, most love-
shy women manage to successfully pass through the various stages of
dating and courtship; and they manage to do this at the normal ages.
Simply put, the very shy young woman is no less likely to date and to
marry than is the self-confident, non-shy woman. Moreover, unless she
is well below average in "looks" there is evidence that she is no more
likely than the typical self-confident woman to suffer deprivation of male
companionship.
      In essence, even very shy women marry. Love-shy men cannot
and do not marry irrespective of how strong their desires might be to
contract a marriage. Inasmuch as love-shyness blocks and impedes men
from living a normal life and does not do this for women, it is clear that
love-shyness is a far more momentous problem for males than it is for
females. Study after study have presented irrefutable evidence to the
effect that men need women a very great deal more than women need men.
Women who for any reason remain in the single, never married category
almost always manage to make an emotionally healthy adjustment. In
fact, several research investigators have found spinsters to be a happier,
better adjusted lot than married women! In stark contrast, the single,
never married man has been found to be far more vulnerable than the
married man (and the spinster) to a wide range of physical health and
social adjustment problems--to say nothing of psychoemotional
problems!
     A key reason for my choosing to limit my research to the problem
of shyness in males is the fact that male shyness is a great deal more
likely than female shyness to be associated with neuroticism. In essence,
shy women are not any more likely than non-shy women to be neurotic.
In stark contrast, shy men are a very great deal more likely than non-
shy men to be quite seriously neurotic.
     Most single, never married men are a burden both to themselves
and to society, whereas most single, never married women are not.
Desperately wishing to marry but being incapable of doing so because
of shyness renders the situation of the love-shy male all the more prob-
lematic and deserving of serious study. More succinctly, it is only through
understanding the plight of the heterosexual man who is "single, never
married" against his most deeply felt wishes and desires that we will be able
to offer and provide constructive help.