Abuses Defined

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This page is dedicated to all people out there that have survived some type of abuse. And to those who are still in the abusive situations. This page will contain information on the different types of abuses, and how to recognize them. As well as links and information to find help in getting out of abusive situations, or support groups. Through out this site you will come across banners from different site's, organizations and causes that I support. Most, if not all, should be links. Please visit them and show your support. Thank you.

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First you must believe you are strong enough to over come this obstacle in your life. You must believe that you DO NOT deserve to be abused in any way, shape, or form. You are a valuable person and deserve love just as anyone else. Despite what may have been told to you repeatedly over time. There are people out there willing to help and listen. And surprisingly enough, people do care out there. Not everyone obviously, but a lot do. And some are even willing to listen. And if you can't find anyone who will listen to you, you may always email me by following the link at the bottom of the page. I'm always willing to listen, although I may not have the best advice at all times. I'm only 24 years old yet, and have many learning years ahead of me. But I do know a life filled with abuse, and a childhood taken away. And I do know a lot of the feelings associated with it as well.

Click on the above and you will be taken to the W.A.R. Woman Against Rape site.

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Common Characteristics of Male and Female Abusers

A major characteristic of abusers is their capacity to deceive others. Manipulation. They can appear to be kind, caring, sincere when out and about in front of people. But behind closed doors, they are a completely different person.

The Male Abuser:
He was verbally abused as a child, or witnessed it within the family.
He has an explosive temper, even over minor things.
He can become extremely possessive and/or jealous.
His sense of masculinity depends on the woman's dependency upon him.
He has a low self-esteem.
He has rigid expectations and will not compromise them.
He has a great capacity for self-deception. Everything that goes wrong is his partners fault.
He refuses that there is a problem and will not seek treatment.
He can be described as dual personality.

The Female Abuser:
She was verbally abused as a child or witnessed it within the family.
She has low self-esteem.
She has an explosive temper over minor things.
Her sense of power or control depends on her partners performance per her demands.
She has rigid expectations of marriage, partnership, or men, and will not compromise.
She has a capacity for self-deception. She projects blame for all wrong doings on her partner.
She may be described as having dual personality.

Emotional Abuse in Woman and Men

Definition of Emotional Abuse -
Acts of confinement, verbal assault, humiliation, intimidation, insults, threats, inappropriate control of activities, or any other treatment which may diminish the sense of identity, dignity and self-worth.

Many times a woman or a man will assume that if she is not being physically abused by her partner then it is not abuse. That's not really true. Please read on.

Do you ever feel that you can't discuss with your partner what is bothering you?
Does your partner constantly criticize you, put you down or humiliate you?
Does your partner ridicule you for expressing yourself?
Does your partner isolate you from the outside world, such as friends and family?
Does your partner limit how much money you can have, or how much you can work, etc?
Has your partner ever stolen from you or run up high bills and left them for you to take care of?
Does your relationship go from you and your partner being close, to you and your partner being emotially distant?
Have you ever felt obligated to have sex, just to avoid an argument about it?
Do you sometimes feel trapped in the relationship?
Has your partner ever thrown away your belongings, or destroyed something you cherished or even gone as far as to threaten your pets or loved ones?
Are you afraid of your partner?

One aspect of emotional abuse is that it eventually brainwashes the victim.
The process of brainwashing (otherwise known as mind control) is listed below.
1. The brainwasher keeps the victim unaware of what is going on around them. They could talk to your friends or family behind your back to distance you from them. Make plans for you without your consent or knowledge.
2. The brainwasher will slowly isolate the victim from supportive people in their lives. Taking control of social activities, work or hobbies, etc.
3. The brainwasher will leave the victim with a sense of fear, dependency and the lack of power. These feelings become stronger and stronger as time passes and the abuse continues.
4. The brainwasher will work to train their victim in the way that he/she wants them to behave. In the long run it will make the victim feel differently about themselves and lack in self confidence.
5. The brainwasher will have the victim believe that they are always wrong. What he/she (the brainwasher) says, goes.

EFFECTS of long-term emotional and verbal abuse on the victim:
Isolation from others
Low self-esteem
Depression
Emotional problems
Illness
Increased alcohol or drug use
Withdrawal from real life into an alternative reality (such as the internet)

If you suspect you are a victim of Emotional abuse, please seek help. There are many places all over the country that help. Check your phone book, call crisis hotlines, etc.