I have often spoke about how my dog, Diego, coming into my life created a whole new space for experiencing love. Yesterday, we (I, Diego, and my other dog Bogie) traveled over 500 miles delivering the Winter Issue of Spirit of the Valley all over the state. First, we went to Boise and delivered for a couple of hours, and then we drove to Pocatello. I brought the doggies with me because my husband is in Seattle for a while, and I knew that they, Diego in particular, would prefer to come with me and be in the car all day rather than be home alone.
They both seem to get very sad when they're not included in all family ventures - as if they would prefer to be with the pack than comfortable at home. I can relate.
Having them with me was so much fun, and in a way that it never has been before. I realized that as I've opened and explored my feelings towards Diego, I have become a more loving, empathic, and caring person. I also realized that a lot of my fear of feeling this love was the idea that if I opened myself to that love, I would also be opening myself up to pain. I found that my fear stemmed from my own past - and that if I were to really participate in another beings upbringing, I would be faced with the pain of my own....
Instead, what I've found is a nurturing core inside myself that has always existed, is full of love, and when I see Diego, I see a being who is totally enveloped in love, and who is constantly told in many ways that his presence is beloved. In that core of love, I see him operate from an innocence, and see grace and beauty in his every move.
He's still a head case sometimes, but I also see him becoming a snuggly boy too. He naturally gravitates towards the light, towards the love, like we all do until we are taught otherwise.
He's never been taught otherwise.
We felt like a family, because we are a family.
I also have been expereincing just a deeper sense of joy and peacefulness than at any other time in my life. Yesterday, I had several books on tape downloaded to my ipod, and then had a big malfunction with it. I drove almost 600 miles in silence and was okay with it.
This last week has been a lot like that. Things falling through on many levels with my naturally reacting in a positive way - which is quite a new thing!:
- snow storms ruining publication and travel plans
- problems with the printing - making one trip into three
- running out of checks to pay people
- flat tire on the way to printers
- ipod malfunction
- a variety of smaller things that happen at a rate of about one every 20 minutes......
I really felt I've gone with the flow, and am not saying this to brag but to note that obviously something I'm doing is working! I've been at it a long time, like many of us, and have recently stepped up the pace with teachers in New Mexico, and have been just filled with joy during study and contemplation in a way I never have before.
I am also experiencing a new sense of connection and perspective, with the earth. It's hard to explain, but it's as if something has been called up within me and is now being expressed through my sight - clouds look different, the weather brings a sense of recall, and I am more in tune with the stars.
Yes, it's all very "out there" but it all also feels wonderful, more grounded, and most importantly, true. True in my sense, true in my bones, true in my soul.
I was listening to Practicing the Power of Now, by Tolle in the car during one of my many trips this week, and one thing did stand out - that we focus on the past or future to ESCAPE the present. His suggestion was to stop running from the now, and to delve into it - all of the feelings, fears, joys, sensory perceptions, all of it - to really feel what and who and how we are. I had never heard it put in that way before and it had a profound effect on me.
Wishing love and joy in every moment to all of you.
