Enough is Enough
While doing some intense work with my teachers in New Mexico, I've recently realized that I hold some very VERY limiting thoughts about myself, about who I am, and how I am in the world.

It's so funny when we all of a sudden see a pattern that we hadn't been aware of before. It's as if a part of us is like, Oh My God! How couldn't I have seen this before?! It's so obvious! I've had several of these revelations recently, and all had to do with some things I've struggled with for quite some time, trying to find solutions for in every way shape and form, only to realize that, not unlike a New Age cliche - the answers were inside myself all along.

Which is REALLY funny when you consider that the MO of most therapies and introspection has us looking at and delving into the sources of our original discomfort - as in, my mother didn't give me enough love, and deeper into true trauma. We are told that we must HEAL from these episodes and come to accept them and all that jazz. There is definitely a taking of personal responsibility for all of this, but it's down the line, so to speak, and not at the point of initialization.

We balk at this, don't we! It wasn't my fault that this happened, or that happened, even if we go into the realm of - I am in this life to learn certain lessons OR I chose this path before I was born. These still leave a bad taste in our mouth regarding others - as if it is our path in life to forgive others for their transgressions - as if we have such power over other individuals, as if that has ever really helped anyone. We still find ourselves at the mercy of the stars, the gods, others, and even in these best scenarios - at the spirit we were/are before we were born - which, takes us back to the paradigm of attach from the outside of the other options - yet in a much more confusing way - we feel attacked by the outside world, even when that force outside us is ourselves from another time. In short, we are angry, and every other emotion, at ourselves.

Ultimately, in any one of these scenarios, this is where the true wound lies, within ourselves. Ultimately, the only cold hard fact about any of these things is that we cannot go back and heal that original wound - all that we can do is heal the re-feeling and re-living of that wound - it's perpetuation of which we have TOTAL CONTROL. That original situation no longer exists, only its memory does. The memory lies deep inside us - psychologically, biologically, emotionally and spiritually. And, it is within these parameters that healing must occur if it is to be authentic and lasting.

In The Disappearance of the Universe, a companion to A Course in Miracles, it says that every situation in which a separation of any kind occurs is a symbolic and physical representation of the one and only original separation from which all subsequent separation stems from - our separation from God, Source, or Spirit. I'd have to agree with this on many levels. We all know that we often project feelings onto other things and people - our fear of financial insecurity is transformed into anger at a partner, for example.

All of our reactions, in fact, can be traced back to a feeling inside us - in fact every word. Language is our channel of communicating what is going on inside our heads and hearts, and inherent in every symbol is this reality, is this purpose. If we follow the words and the actions back to this source, we will then be confronted and informed by its origination. Regardless of WHY we feel a certain way, it is how we feel, as a seemingly separate being from others. Words are taken, incorporated, and felt through the prism of who we are, of our existing thoughts, feelings, and history. There is no such thing as objectivity. Even the scientist in his cold linear lab must filter his findings through the paradigm of the scientific method, his life experiences and knowledge, the language he is using, and possibility the most important, through what he is open to at that moment - what he holds - SEES - possibility for.

We are all these scientists and the knowledge that we are never ever ever objective is not a curse, but our truth - the beauty of who we are, as shaped by our experience, and the collective, and ultimately, our point of origination. How we filter the world will be different than someone else conceives of the same exact words and experiences. For some, what might seem harmful words could be construed as humorous, hateful, painful, inciting anger, or inciting ambivalence, depending on where the receiver is at.

We all like to see ourselves as the empty, objective recipients of events, but nothing could be farther from the truth. I am not at the mercy of this reality, though either. The truth is that I consciously am creating these responses - even if at this point it's unconsciously or subconsciously.

Those cliched phrases of think happy thoughts and happy things will happen to you don't really work for me either. While words are very VERY powerful, they in and of themselves mean very little - they must be imbibed with our own thought systems, history, and every changing awareness and situation.

Intention is also very important, but so few of us really dig deeper than the surface layers to not only examine, but give ourselves the room to truly feel how we feel, without judgment, that we actually end up re-entering the world of right/wrong when we try so desperately to set the right intention to manifest what we want or think is best for us.
I would say that, in reality, intention is an outcome of who we are - and in order to shift that, we must start the digging to discover our own selves.

When we uncover a hidden thought that is oh so active in our unconscious - such as - I am not smart enough - we are able to deal with that and transform the underlying system, which will naturally result in a shifted intention that is in line with who we really are. If we simply try to shift intention without doing any real work, we end up fighting ourselves, and become frustrated, disillusioned, and ultimately hopeless. It's like we're trying to heal the San Andreas Fault by patching up the cracks in the roads created by the quakes with tar and stones. Things might look a little better, but deep down the tension and friction is unchanged, and more apparent.

I've been disillusioned like this, and recently threw my arms up in the air around the idea of Abundance. I'd done all the work, so to speak, the visualization, the right words and phrases, the tithing, all of it, and found myself in the exact same spot financially, feeling like a failure, like a New Age loser and actually feeling like my original fears were right - that I was born this way and that I would always be this way - as if it were genetic, as if there were just some people who naturally attracted abundance, and I was just not one of them. It brought up old Catholic guilt, original sin concept, and the idea that there was something inherently wrong with me.

I became ever more angry at the loads of books that arrived on my desk - each claiming to have the way into true abundance, through a simple 26 step process, through post-it notes, through subliminal mind reworking. I began to understand just why so many people were turned off by the self-help genre, even though I totally believed that the underlying intention was beautiful. It was the outcome that wasn't. I didn't see it working in my life. I saw EVERY area of my life shift but this one. I saw happiness and joy expanding exponentially, but I did not see it manifesting as abundance in my life the way I thought and was told it would.

Now, we could go around and around in circles on this idea, but the truth is, for me at least, the problem did not lie in my interpretation of events or my life, or my failure to work the program - it lay in a deeper place that I had never reached before, and when I did, I began to understand things a lot more.

It was during an exercise I was working on for a class I'm taking, where the question was posed: Do you finally think that you are enough?

I was taken aback. Of course I didn't!!!!!!! Was I supposed to?! Here I was, immersed in New Thought, immersed in cutting edge philosophy and action, and I had never connected consciously with this reality in my life. I knew what I was supposed to feel, and even spoke as if I did, but when I cut to the chase, I knew that THAT was the fundamental issue with me - I still didn't think I was enough.

We were encouraged to journal about our answers, and a stream of 12 areas came out in which I felt I was still operating under the thought structure and premise that I wasn't enough in. I was flabbergasted. I had thought through all of my work that they had been taken care of, but they weren't. I found that my not enoughness with physical abundance and my body was just the tip of the iceberg, reaching down into the depth of every area of my life. All of a sudden I could see that this idea of lack was not a money issue for me, it was a life issue for me that was playing out in all things. Money and lack of self-acceptance were simply where I had my focus on.

I was then overwhelmed with an immense sense of gratitude and peace. Herein lay the answer to my problem, my own disconnection. Suddenly I could see it everywhere and it was so obvious. I immediately set upon creating what I call my Daily Declaration of Enoughness which I speak after meditation every day. I share this with you in the hopes that you may also find the own answers to your separation and to any blocks to joy in your life:


DAILY DECLARATION OF ENOUGHNESS:

1. I AM THIN ENOUGH:

My body is strong, healthy, and perfect. I nourish myself with self-love and healthy food. I give myself all that I need to thrive.

2. I AM SUCCESSFUL ENOUGH:

I am a warrior. I trust in Spirit. I follow my soul. I am a wonderful producer. I love what I create. I AM success. I let go of all limited definitions of success.

3. I AM DYNAMIC ENOUGH:

I am a vibrant, engaging, spectacular woman. Positive and loving energy radiates from me always. I resonate with Spirit and tone with all beings. I draw what I need and love. I let go of all definitions of dynamic based on fear, lack and the past. They were unreal then; they are unreal now.

4. I AM RICH ENOUGH:

Everywhere around me and inside me I am encased and dripping with abundance. I am aware of and connected to the infinite nature of all things. As I more fully live in this truth, my density abundance increases. Any monetary issues can and are being transformed into their natural state of abundance.

5. I AM SMART ENOUGH:

I engage, explore and challenge myself constantly. I constantly am revealing more and more of the infinite knowledge I and all beings carry inside. I let go of all definitions of smart based on exclusion, knowing full well their shortcomings and limited nature.

6. I AM NICE ENOUGH:

I let go of all definitions of NICE not based on love and joy and embrace the truth of real love. I pour this forth into the world - always helping, always in service. I honor each individual, experience, and thing as divine. I trust my soul to guide me.

7. I AM A GOOD ENOUGH WIFE:

I am a loving, supportive, and nurturing partner. I shower my husband with abundant and unconditional love. I allow myself to being a partnership, to let go of all definitions of "the perfect wife" and embrace our growing union. I am exactly what he wants and needs. I see any suggestion as, not to the contrary, but as wayshowers to deeper love. I honor the strength and truth of our love.

8. I AM A GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER:

I am a wonderful mother and nurturer. I allow the deep well of love inside me to come forth. As I do, I purge and release all false thoughts and feelings surrounding being a child and being a mother. I am limitless in love and energy. All beings in my scope are truly blessed to be there.

9. I AM PRETTY ENOUGH:

I am made of pure beauty and light. As I nurture myself in all ways, my beauty simply becomes more apparent - physically, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually. Inside all is this divine gorgeousness and that is what I see. I let go of all definitions of beauty that do not align with love, Spirit, and joy.

10. I AM A GOOD ENOUGH FRIEND:

I honor my own needs as a friend and I let go of other definitions of what is right or wrong. I allow myself to see the perfection in all relationships. I now allow myself to be in union as I naturally feel is healthy for me. I also understand that it is a two way street. There are many levels and depths, and all is perfect. I meet each person and am so grateful to be able to see past illusion and fear. I am abundant in friends. I let go of all illusions of the past.

11. I AM HIP ENOUGH:

I release myself from pressures to conform, and open up to my own experience of today. I allow my heart and soul to guide me and to be guided, and when there, to totally surrender and embrace and be in what is before me AND in what I am drawn to. I release all definitions of what is cool/uncool and see the perfection in all. I can see and not judge.

12. I AM LIKED ENOUGH:

I am surrounded by universal and divine acceptance and love. AS I accept and love myself, I connect more fully to the oneness and acceptance of all. I release the need to only be happy through others reactions and feelings; I release having to respond any given way. I hold on to the truth of love. I hold this space for all beings. To those in front of me I offer open arms, I heal through presence and acceptance, and above all, nurture their grace.



Happy New Year Everyone!