Run No. 785: Sunday, 8th September 2002: MYSTERY BUS TRIP TO MULLINGAR: STITCH IN TIME and LOUIS COPELAND:

I used to run with a hash which had, as its slogan "I survived KBHHH"; the same could be said about the Mystery Bus Trip 2002 – "we survived". Talking to various hashers afterwards there is inevitable talk of rain, hail, wasps and other biblical plagues. It started in a very normal fashion with a gathering at Lansdowne Road DART Station where Bernie with her bus was waiting for the hash with a sign "MULLINGAR BUS" on the windscreen.

After talk of the bus being half empty (or half full) with the evident absence of such hash stalwarts as SMIRNOFF, WEDGIE, JOY RIDER, CAR THIEF and SHIT STIRRER, it was great to see that there were few empty seats and 16 hashers departed with food for BBQ, beer and personal effects. The bus headed North across the toll bridge (avoiding the "big match" at Croke Park) and Southsiders immediately clutched their valuables. After a tour through the docks with commentary from LOUIS on the port tunnel, Alfie Byrne and other features, we arrived in Artane, Northside Shopping Centre and the Airport where LOUIS told us that we'd be taking the plane to an undisclosed destination … "only joking!" said LOUIS as we ended up back at the St Margaret's Roundabout.

We headed further North past the wild lands of Swords and branched off towards Sherries and a Bin Ladin's Tower .

It was unusual but we started the Hash with a tour round the mills given by the enthusiastic curator of the museum. Despite the unwillingness of some hash members to be educated on the weekend (BIG FOO), the tour was very entertaining and we learnt lot about milling, mill stones, five sailed mills and their workings. Then the hash began …. and the rain.

The first run was a very scenic jaunt round Skerries with the trail darting to and from the seafront to the streets of the town behind. On a good day, we would have dawdled along the front and watched the sea breaking over the rocks and the offshore islands … but, today, there were frequent dashes into doorways for a break from a heavy shower or huddles in shelter while a few brave hashers went checking for the flour that we becoming very hard to see. The visitors had great difficulty understanding our madness .. and self doubt was expressed by many a Dublin hasher.

Through the mists we saw that hash bus which came to rescue the pack from the promontory where we ran out of flour. There was a unanimous decision not to have the circle outside but there was a split vote on whether to go to a pub and warm up … but STITCH commanded that we get back on the bus and get on to the next run. We obliged like sheep.

The windscreen wipers beat time as we headed out of Skerries to the commotion of 16 hashers looking for dry clothes and changing in the cramped and steamy environment of the little bus. There was a cheer at one point as the sun was seen briefly but the patter of rain was never far away and by the time we arrived at the next run site, there was no sign of the sun.

Bellewstown Racecourse … never been there .. the unanimous cry! The hash started straight after we arrived and the pack tore off around the racecourse in front of the stands. Then there was more rain … buckets of it … and hail-stones. The hashers battled on with a few looking for cover but there was little to be had .. even in the wood where the BBQ was originally planned to be held. The trail was very interesting with a great check at a quarry where the hare allowed the front runners to explore two FTs while the walkers caught up with the pack. We were a miserable bedraggled crowd when we got back to the bus … and even wetter than before. I did a good trade in dry T-shirts and we spent a lot of time looking for STTI's watch which she placed down her knickers for safe keeping …. however, it was reported to have fallen out at the back of the bus …. but later was fished out of her nether regions which led everyone to speculate where it had been all that time.

There was more discussion about the hash circle which we eventually had beside a wall where there was a wasps' nest. Down downs had the chance of a "sting in the tail" if one was not too careful. There were down downs a plenty as we took a breather from the rain for a brief moment. Our visitor from Mickleover HHH had new shoes (not to mention a Kilkenny look-alike sweatshirt) and the already soaking shoes were then freshened with beer which was consumed without a second thought.

Where were we going to hold the BBQ. As most people had no food except the raw meat in their bags, a BBQ seemed essential .. particularly after the pub was found to have no food except peanuts. A gallant group started lighting fires on stones outside the pub while the rain came down on and off and a rainbow was busy constructing itself in the Eastern skies. STITCH decided to light compressed coal briquettes which was never very successful despite using all her reserves petroleum spirit while two disposable BBQs were much better. Food went on and hashers were fed .. but a good group never came out of the pub … even when Bernie threatened to drive off without them!

So, as the light faded, the hash headed back to Dublin down unfamiliar roads and having never gone outside Counties Dublin and Meath. The sites were beautiful and the hares should be complemented on their selection. However, the weather obscured the views and dampened the spirits … which were revived by a great sing song on the bus. We had a TV screen so we could have organised Kareoke … but I'm not sure what would have been worse. At the start the microphone would not work .. which was a blessing. However, high level engineering skills were soon at work and we had volume … volumes of ….. I'll let the audience decide. I'm not sure how much ROAD RUNNER was taking in … she was horizontal on the back seat. Thanks to MORE CARGO for doing the hash cash .. and to the hares of course.

Run No. 784: Monday, 2^nd September 2002: O'Reilly's Tara Street Station: Road Runner and Car Thief:

What great weather for the first run of the Autumn! The first runners at the start were the visitors, MEALS ON WHEELS from Bunbury HHH (near Perth, Australia) and PAT MY FLY from Boston HHH. Others soon gathered but there were some notable absences … WEDGIE and SMIRNOFF and respective clans. With time passing by, it was decided that the missing hashers could be looking for O'Reilly's of Irishtown (which does not exist but briefly appeared in a hash trash and on the website). A phone call to WEDGIE confirmed this …. and STTI's a phone call to STITCH confirmed that she was in Dubai, at an important meeting and, basically, to piss off (well it was after 1030 pm in Dubai!). It should be explained that STITCH was particularly annoyed as STTI's was the second phone call … SHIT STIRRER had already been on to her as they were also lost!!!.

The run started with a hare talk which must have amused the visitors since Dublin appears to make up different symbols each run. This time we had a "copyright" mark which was declared to be a "Capetown Check" and "the mark of the ovaries" as SLAVE DRIVER called it which meant a split in the trail. And we were off … off to find three FTs from the starting check which is some kind of record.

Eventually, the trail went along Pearse Street with some loops, trail splits and checks to keep the pack together. There were frequent excursions to the Rainbow Warrior (moored at the quays) but all were FTs. The pack eventually ended up crossing into Ringsend at the "Box in the Docks" and then along the edge of the Grand Canal Basin passing the Dubonnet drinkers at the café. A very scenic trail which took in a lot of old hunks along the side of the basin before going round the backside, along the Dodder, and to the triple locks at the Liffey's edge.

After the Grand Canal Basin, there was an "ON IN" and a straight trail all the way back to Tara Street Station. There in the underpass, and part-time urinal, the hash had its circle with plenty of down downs and accusations. The run was noted as being very enjoyable … and nobody owned up to inventing the bar in Irishtown called O'Reillys. MORE CARGO seemed to have a new car … typical hash cash. New "Goa Interhash" T-shirts are for sale for €5.00 each. These are a bargain!

Run No. 782: Monday, 19^th August 2002: The Barge Inn: STTI:

There was no missing STTI in her bright yellow T-shirt standing by the canal as a group of lads with poles tried to catch boots and bicycle frames from the lock gate. The crowd grew and grew until we had a very good turnout. ROAD RUNNER did an impressive change of clothes in the pub. JOY RIDER did some impressive parking beside the bins. SHIT STIRRER found that the lock gates opened as he made his way across so was forced to cross the canal by another route. All this entertainment before the run … and then the hare talk.

After the hare talk, the pack was off in all directions …. and MORE CARGO arrived just in time to hear the call of ON ON along the canal. The trail turned up through Ranelagh and past the back of WEDGIE's house and into the gardens where we found SHIT STIRRER at the front of the pack (he had taken two aspirins before the run so was transformed into a FRB (front running bastard). The park was nice but the real trail went into the back of the "Hill" where we came across examples of local life before reaching the comparative safety of the Swan Centre in Rathmines.

Here there was a text book check and we, as text book runners, all went up the FT until we could sniff the flour it was made of. After than we had to find the trails which headed us back to the canal … not directly but with enough twist and turn in it to make one feel that it might be going somewhere else.

There was huge mental effort required as the trail crossed the canal … so close to the ON IN. However, most of the hash went on into the back of Wicklow Street and meandered their way round to St. Stephen's Green from where it was a fairly easy gallop back to the start.

The DOWN DOWNs were very lively especially since we found that SMIRNOFF had just been in the papers for a 9 under par in a golf tournament. The news article was duly read out and the hash were so astonished that new names were thrown about like "TIGER". Then a lot of people decided it was time to give RHYTHM METHOD a down down but in true teflon style, he rebutted all attempts by CAR THIEF and 6 MILLION WON MAN. Nobody was thrown in the canal. The sandwiches were excellent … and I pass the scribe back to STITCH until the run I'm laying next.

Run No. 779: Sunday, 28^th July 2002: LUGNAGROAGH WOOD, …past BLESSINGTON: DOG ON AND CORA:

Somewhere just before the bridge on the Valleymount Road, POLLY and SHIT STIRRER / SMIRNOFF met up having both followed the directions on the hash trash. Everyone will now disclaim ownership of the hash trash copy so the blame is probably mine!!! After a further search up past the youth hostel (SHIT STIRRER said that this "rang a bell" …. but he must have been thinking of his early years with another Sheila), we returned and tried another road. Eventually, the rear guard made it to the woods where the pack was waiting … I can think of many hashers who would have been disappointed to find that the hash was still there …. but we were pleased that they waited 25 minutes in the drizzle . I should say that, on the way there, an yellow ESB van nearly ran us off the road – where do they find those ESB drivers – obviously, on the hash!

The run started with the usual address by the hare which nobody could hear because of Tag's barking at the excitement of romping through the forest with a load of humans with an IQ less than a Wicklow sheepdog. However, despite the clather of noise, the run started with WOODWORM and Jamil taking the lead through the woods and up to the first check with was on the forest road above. The trail was found and the hash dashed off to a further check which was obviously not going to lead back onto the road … wrong!!!

Not long on the road and then the trail headed for the woods. This was the part that Cora laid … fallen trees everywhere … briars …. shiggy …. Trail???? … Oregon Trail! Eventually, after a check at the edge of the woods, the trail headed for open ground where the hash managed to frighten a flock of sheep (and we were not even wearing red dresses). After leaving the exhausted sheep in the paddock (no comments please … we're not Kiwis … well, only STTI is the only one from the antipodes), the trail made for higher ground where we came to a "HV" – hash view. From there the trail could only go down hill … and it did.

There was a nice bit through the woods, ducking and diving between trees but eventually we came to a microwave mast where the pack re-assembled to watch AL BEAVER (is that her name or did I mishear her?) slide down a bank on her arse …. well, actually it might have been the CB7 … but it was still fun watching AL BEAVER. Then down, down (no, not down down! that was later) and when we got to the base of the hill, a big surprise …. ON IN .. and back to the cars.

The final surprise was the BBQ. If the hash trash says BBQ (it didn't!!!), it's BBQ time in Ireland. In this rain, only the Irish would think that a BBQ was possible. The hash found a dryish spot under a tree (where a condom was removed to make the place have that clinical appeal). Here there was a hash circle followed by a demonstration of how to erect STTI's BBQ … but not light it … instead we lit two disposable BBQs on the grill (original?). There were various approaches to this BBQ. 6 MILLION WON MAN, in his insignia T-shirt, arrived with bags of crisps for everyone. POLLY arrived with a dog … SMIRNOFF and SHIT STIRRER arrived with wine, nibbles, steak, ribs and dessert. DOG ON went off after declaring the site unfit for a BBQ. WOODWORM and Jamil decided that there was a high risk of their car being stolen so decided to move it to within 5 feet of the BBQ, At the end, STTI was rescued by her knight in shining armour who returned after a spell of switching in that smart yellow ESB van.

Can't wait for the next run!

Run No. 775: Sunday, 30^th June 2002: US EMBASSY, BALLSBRIDGE: SLAVE DRIVER AND RHYTHM METHOD:

At the last run, there was some alarm as RHYTHM METHOD turned up in a suit fit for a funeral and looked like he might usurp LOUIS COPELAND's reputation as a flashy dresser … however, this week, it was everyone's turn to up-stage Chris De Burgh (www.cdeb.com) since it was the …

Words will not describe the unfolding scene outside the US Embassy. Not since the Al Quaida sponsored "Bin Ladin Look-a-like" competition were the embassy staff more alarmed. The appearance on the streets of so many red dresses of questionable style and the appearance of more hairy legs than the Dublin climate would normally sponsor was enough to have most embassy staff running to their bunkers.

Best dressed? It was, unquestionably, CAR THIEF since he won the best knickers prize too with a pair of pink gingham knickers that had been taken off a washing line somewhere in Castleknock. His slip of a dress barely covered his essentials and the vista of his hairy chest obscuring his ample cleavage was enough to make any red blooded animal get up and go. RHYTHM METHOD had a very nice summer number with while linen underlining – a hint of virginity amid a blaze of red abandon (with white pattern). Polka dots were favoured by WEDGIE and POLLY whilst HOT WIRE looked like your favourite school teacher in a plain "look I'm flat cheated" dress. MORE CARGO was excellent in her Cajun chef outfit – complete with oven gloves for handling the hot buns. SMIRNOFF walked off with the trophy for regression since she managed to get into a fabulous ball gown which her 15 year old daughter had grown out of. SLAVE DRIVER was redder than usual and looking a picture with JOY RIDER complete with long red gloves. HEAD THE BALL turned up late with GUZZLER I … ST KEVIN arrived wearing a red waistcoat snatched from HEAD THE BALL. 6 MILLION WON MAN and STTI both turned up in Eastern fashion except that 6 MILLION's dobhi wallah had been on strike and the dress was already covered in flour. RICK O'SHEA was a close finalist for the best legs competition .. but was on call during the run and started late after having to go out to the Shelly Banks. SHIT STIRRER looked like a wayward Scot in a nice pair of kitchen curtains … and apologies to everyone else I forgot.

The run started late but after posing with two foreign tourists who had called by to sign the book of condolences. We were soon off to a FT outside Jury's hotel but already there was a good response from the traffic .. lots of toots and one man was so amazed that he missed the green light change. Then we were off on the real trail which took us through the quiet respectable suburbs towards Baggot Street Bridge. Here the trail crossed the canal on the lock gate and then went round the back of the squares and into St Stephen's Green via the Concert Hall.

In St. Stephen's Green there was an impromptu dance to a band that was playing on the green and then off to Grafton Street where Sunday tourist and shoppers were wolf whistling at us as we took the street by surprise. After posing on Molly Malone's statue – a great photo (I hope) – the pack went on to raid Temple Bar where there was a photo opportunity with some Brazilian supporters who were eager to break up their mass of yellow jerseys with a blush of red dresses.

Where next??? The half-penny bridge, of course, where Father Abraham was sung to amazed tourists who wondered whether this strange group of people were from a lesser know Joyce novel – perhaps "Bloomers Day"? Then we went into O'Connell Street and along the quays and through to Westland Row where a truck gave a honk of its klaxon so loud that it blew small children off the pavement!

We were near home … and after 90 minutes, we were all glad to have the ON IN in sight. The down downs were awarded .. well, everyone could have had a down down. There were no visitors but 6 MILLION brought a friend who did look great in a red dress … but she would have looked good in any colour dress! Two pairs of new shoes were christened. And just as the group were calling for "Any other snitches?" and there was a shuffling to get the "Swing Low" going … RHYTHM METHOD got down on one knee to SLAVE DRIVER and proposed marriage!

Suddenly, the circle was excited again and the down downs recommenced. A real bit of jewellery in the hash circle was a novelty …. STITCH was in tears … as was SHIT STIRRER!! Then on to a wonderful BBQ in SLAVE DRIVER's pad … thanks for all the effort and congratulations (or as my old maiden aunt would say "Felicitations … darling, you can't "congratulate" an engagement!"). The wedding … Chicago next May …. ON ON … start saving your Tesco Miles …. I'll warn the Chicago HHH.

Run No. 774: THE COBBLESTONE, SMITHFIELD: POLLY:

There was some hesitancy in the pack as 7.30 came and went – "Where was DOG-ON, Where was LOUIS COPELAND? Where was RICK O'SHEA? "(Actually, nobody asked where you were Rick – I'll leave you to figure out if that means anything!). WEDGIE had arrived with JOY RIDER (normally the tail end Charlie) … and look at this … STITCH after a little while away (trying to make 5 runs in a row … "One, ….").

Eventually the pack took off down Smithfield and onto the Quays where the trail then went off up the hill into St. James' Gate. There was some deliberate hanging about at the check to allow those who were investigating the FT to find it and so that SLAVE DRIVE, who had arrived super late, could catch up. Actually, SLAVE DRIVER did not catch up until we were at the storehouse and headed for the tinker encampment at the rear. There was a check and the trail went round the back of the houses to another check at the gates of St. James' Hospital. Nobody went looking down the FT but it was fun to see the pack head off went and miss the right turn down Cromwell's Steps towards Kilmainham.

Here the trail went past Kilmainham gate and to Heuston Station where there was a check which took everyone a while to find … the trail went through the hallowed ground of the station and then past the street-walkers and up into Arbour Hill which looked the right place for the hash as we passed the Prison, WEDGIE commented on the condition of the inmates.

After Arbour Hill, the pack was led astray towards Phibsboro before heading back towards Smithfield and the ON IN. There were complaints that the hare went on a short cut here to help, allegedly, JOY RIDER get back without having to run the last loop.

People speak of deferred pleasure but we did not expect to find MORE CARGO absent from the ON IN when we got back. The pack were looking very thirsty indeed with their tongues hanging out but no MORE CARGO. Where was STITCH? Both had gone AWOL. 6 MILLION WON MAN had brought a visitor who, by now, was wondering what kind of a club we were … and we were just about to give up when WEDGIE came back having recovered MORE CARGO. STITCH came back on her own steam.

Run No. 773: THE HARBOUR BAR, BRAY: GUZZLER II:

The day was damp and drab which matched the mood of the Irish as they recovered from the emotional drain of watching the World Cup; of hope turn to joy and to despair and back to hope. Like the ball in a roulette wheel, one willed the manic clatter to stop and the ball to come to rest on "joy" … then to keep the momentum going in the bleak moments when it seemed all over. But it was … eventually.

Hashing did not seem such a bad idea after all. The hash start time had been slipping as the game went on into extra time and penalty shoot-out. The start at 4 pm slipped by as we waited for SLAVE DRIVER who was stuck in traffic. MORE CARGO went off to get beer as we realised that SMIRNOFF was not turning up. There were a number of young hashers .. always good to see … so the run was going to be a mix of Sunday strollers and runners with a soccer problem.

We were hoping to be going for a short run and, given that HEAD THE BALL had not been involved, there seemed a chance that we'd get one. We were soon off and followed the flour to the railway station and into the town. As we went past the pubs, there was lively banter coming from within and, on the streets, the hash was met by groups with tricolours, funny hats and green €ircom team shirts. For once hashers almost passed as normal looking by comparison; the blowing of the hash horn was taken as the dying cries of an Irish supporter.

The run was short and not too complex. The hare took us to the edge of Bray Head (without going up the hill) and then back along the prom. The trail was well marked despite the rain.

At the end of the run, there was no beer so we all went into the pub. Then we went on to the BBQ where the beer caught up with the hash and a circle was held round the large parasol in the bottom of the garden. There were no guests and a few of the regulars were absent. Still, the elite group found many excuses to down their sorrows. DOG ON did a splendid job as waitress complete with tray. The BBQ was a little damp but enjoyable. There were some excellent salads (the couscous was particularly refreshing). POLLY enjoyed drinking his beer with the sell by date of August 1994 … and is still alive.

Run No. 772: THE ORCHARD, RATHFARNHAM: HEAD THE BALL:

It was a normal summers day – heavy showers with patches of blue sky and sunshine. It was a lottery whether the hash would take place during a patch of sun or a torrential downpour. In the end, the hash was lucky and the rain started as the FRBs neared the end of the run. But this was some run,

HEAD THE BALL had written "LIVE" on the check but the hash, being illiterate, had thought this was a "back to the sixties run" and thought it said "LOVE". Consequently, the hare could not relax in the pub while we were on the run – he had to do it again with the pack. Considering that this was a run which took the FRBs 85 minutes (with the hare leading from the front to hurry us up), this was some punishment! JOY RIDER was one of the casualties on the run along with SHIT STIRRER … by some coincidence, however, SHIT STIRRER's injury took place close to the start which allowed him to prowl about looking for the ON IN … which he found. JOY RIDER had to return from near the half-way point with a sprain.

The run started with a CB4 which was run with enthusiasm by WEDGIE and SUBMISSIVE BITCH (from Tidewater HHH, DC area) whilst LOUIS and the others seemed to have been tipped off and ran through the CB. However, the trail then went into an estate where we ran round in circles for a while with plenty of CB5s and checks. Eventually, we arrived at the main road heading for Marlay Park. Here there was a check with an inviting gateway into St. Enda's park. This was a very beautiful section of the run and we held a check on an ornamental bridge so that the pack could catch up. There was no sign of VAX (a visitor from a hash on the Stuart Highway 800km from Darwin, Australia) but it was assumed that she had partnered up with MORE CARGO and was safely headed back to the start.

From here, the hash headed back to the Orchard but the hare was not finished … before we got to the Yellow House corner, the hash took a devious and ingenious route round the back of Rathfarnham Castle and then on into Rrathfarnham village. Round the back of the village, the trail dived into the Dodder Valley and across the superhighway to pass along the riverside. The hare, once again, could not miss the challenge of Bushy Park, where the hare even took the tired pack up the hill and onto the "park" area where there was a CB …. but the FRB's were taken in and roundly confused. DOG ON was seen looking exhausted … Bushy Park wasn't on his plan for the run!

Then back to the Orchard by the shortest route and we were met with a car full of women (and SHIT STIRRER) who had decided too have the down downs in the shopping centre outside Pennys ( now derelict). There was a jolly and thirsty circle with SHIT STIRRER, LOUIS COPELAND and HEAD THE BALL committing the cardinal sin of tucking into the buns before the down downs started – tut tut!!. Down downs were awarded for all the usual crimes (even athleticism!). The usual big "thank you" to SMIRNOFF for the buns … there was even a fight over who would get to lick SLAVE DRIVER's special bun as she wasn't there.

Run No. 771: CLARK'S BAR, IRISHTOWN: POLLY:

LOUIS COPELAND had been trying in vain to reach MARY POPPINS, the designated hare …. phone, visit to apartment complex etc. but without any luck. POLLY therefore agreed to do a live run and came prepared with sticks of wallboard.

At Clarks, LOUIS COPELAND was there with 6 M WON MAN and no MARY POPPINS. MORE CARGO cruised past to say "Hello" and to try to reap some additional hash cash. POLLY prepared for the run … and SMIRNOFF and SHIT STIRRER arrived when just setting off.

The scribe, being the hare, was in a poor position to comment on the run since the hare was doing his best to stay out of contact with the runners! However, there was some comment about the fence at the start of the run … did POLLY climb over it? Nobody else did and there was an interest in whether it was a pole vault or just good luck not to get impaled on the sharp spikes …. the hare admitted to having walked round the fence!

There was some interest on the first check at the edge of Ringsend Park … there were a number of alternative routes and, having announced that there would be no FTs, the chalk was a good way from the check. However this was found and the hash emerged on the Liffey where the hash was, afterwards, pronounced as predictable … but long (even though it was completed within the hour by everyone except SHIT STIRRER).

The run then went along the Liffey to Irish Glass Bottle where it went pat the caravans and onto the path beside the Strand. After a check at the Strand Road, the trail went into Sandymount Village after which, using small streets and devious ways, the trail ended up at the DART Station where it, not surprisingly, went along the DART to Lansdowne Road Station .. or rather under the station and then to Shelbourne Road.

Here it made a predictable right turn towards town and, at the five way corner, went back on in with a wiggle along the Dodder and through the flats.

Good to see DOG ON back and working up a sweat. Down downs were enjoyed by all … POLLY did his best to look Japanese but failed on the aural despite a round of "Mushi Mushi Ano Dei …. which 6 M WON MAN seemed to know after his sojourn in the Far East. Excellent sandwiches from Sheila … however, everyone had their mouths full when it came to a thank you!

Run No. 770: O'SHEA'S CLONSKEAGH HOUSE, CLONSKEAGH: 6 MILLION WON MAN:

There was a small gathering outside the pub at 7.15 with the hare emptying flour into a plastic bag … this was going to be a live run! The hare pleaded 15 minutes start and five minutes to stretch before taking off!!! He was given 15 minutes (stretching included) and departed at 7.20.

As it happened, WEDGIE and JOY RIDER, RHYTHM METHOD and SLAVE DRIVER, MORE CARGO, SMIRNOFF and SHIT STIRRER all arrived after 7.30 so it was easy to comply with the hare's request. LOUIS COPELAND had a new horn which was having its first outing … a very nice looking instrument with crest and tassels. POLLY was suffering from an injury at the Singapore Lion City run on Friday …. between POLLY and LOUIS, there was hardly a squawk that evening (LOUIS needing a new mouthpiece!!).

The run started at great speed with visiting DC hasher, (GI WITH THE) KUNG FU GRIP, shouting that he'd get the hare. There was a charge up the road and, despite the checks, it looked as though we might be stealing a march on the hare. SMIRNOFF sorted out the check that led us into the back of UCD. The dash continued with WEDGIE leading the way across the playing fields to the Ulna Maxima. The DH3 were certainly gaining on the hare!!!!

At the athletic track, as is often the case, the pack came unstuck. There was a mysterious mark "≡" – what did this mean? POLLY was expounding wisdom on what it meant on USA hashes when the pack saw a mark further ahead and decided the mark was a "IN" and, not understanding it (or POLLY), dashed on to enjoy a CB6 and then a further "≡". At this point, RHYTHM METHOD, CAR THIEF and a few others crossed a fence and looked for trail on the Stillorgan dual carriageway (known as the N11 by foreigners). STTI then expounded her wisdom on what "≡" meant in Germany … similar to POLLY's explanation.

Back at the running track, the pack well split at this stage, CAR THIEF and POLLY found a trail off the first "≡" and followed it through the residences, across a playing field and out a gate into a housing estate, through to Dundrum Road and back along the Dodder. All without a check!!!

Back at the pub, there was an apologetic hare who, despite a declaration that he had run the trail a few times before, declared himself surprised by a building site across his intended route. There was an explanation on what "≡" meant to almost every hasher on a one-to-one basis … in this context it meant "I've made a f**k-up".

Pieter (I hope that's the Swedish spelling) joined us at the circle … an ex-Saudi hasher who has just arrived in Dublin and happened to be sitting at the bar. Down downs given to the hare, visitors (although the word "cranium" had to be substituted for "head" in order to bless GI WITH THE KUNG FU GRIP. Not a bad run but a pity that few completed the whole trail and that nobody understood the "≡" mark!!

Run Nos. 767: Harbour Master Square, IFSC: CAR THIEF and "Paul":

The weather was poor and none appreciated the fact more than the hares who had had a bad time laying the trail in a downpour. Before the run they explained the Capetown markings and the use of wax crayons when the weather got too bad for chalk. Then the hare waved his hand and we all went off in the direction that he waved in. What fools we were!!!!

Having been suckered into two FTs with that casual wave, we were then suckered into another two by looking at where the hare was standing and deducing that the hare was there to help us!!! Wrong again: "The hare is never there to help the front running bastards". So it was late when we left the IFSC and headed through the puddles for the tenements behind Gardiner Street. We can't complain that the hare didn't use every laneway and cul-de-sac .. he did. We spent many happy minutes feeding our way through the top end of Gardiner Street, almost going to Temple Street, heading up Parnell Street, going round the back of Dorset Street and eventually ending up at the back of the markets and High Courts.

The trail was tricky and good and we didn't have too much trouble with the marks … we even got used to the Capetown markings and the multi-coloured wax crayons. The scribe missed a turning because he was talking and consequently made his way from O'Connell Street back to the start without marks. LOUIS COPELAND did the honest thing and went back to the last mark and came in with the pack. SIX MILLION WON MAN was well dressed and very vocal in the circle. MORE CARGO was about but remained stealthy until the down-downs where she was seen to be suffering from anoraknaophobia. WEDGIE was down downed for a delay in compulsory purchase …. SHIT STIRRER and SMIRNOFF were there at the beer kitchen with a boot full of goodies including SMIRNOFF's gourmet sandwiches. A great run (thanks CAR THIEF for standing in for SLAVE DRIVER … almost as attractive on a dark night after a large quantity of alcohol!).

Run No.764: Monday, 15 April 2002: Scruffy Murhpy's, Powerscourt, Dublin 2: SMIRNOFF and JOY RIDER:

SMIRNOFF pointed out that the marks from an earlier run were still on the pavement outside the pub … dry weather or a sign that we're becoming dull. After a brief hare talk during which JOY RIDER gave us the message that SMIRNOFF was special technical consultant (help!!!), the pack set off with 6M WON MAN heading for the dustbins – no trail! Eventually the pack headed off on trail towards Merrion Square with RHYTHM METHOD at the front and LOUIS keeping up with him … then we noticed a distinct absence of women … their innate senses must have told them that this was a false trail (or might it have something to do with the fact that the female hares had a sympathy with their own sex?

Back at the start, the FRB's were all told that they had to catch up with those who had missed the FT … but this was not so hard as there was a check within a few yards and hashers everywhere. The hares were worried about DOG ON who was last seen near the FT and had been told it was a CB 26! However, with enough dashing about the place and going down every false trail and alley, the pack were, once again, on trail and headed for Baggot Street Bridge where there was another check. Here, the front runners got a frown from the hares for "short cutting" from the false trail straight into Pembroke Road … a severe case of finger wagging!!

This slight advantage was soon cancelled by a check which sent POLLY up the Khyber and it took almost another check (a CB 8 actually) to catch up with the pack. At the next check, the women held fast and the FRB's knew that they were running an FT … and another before we found the trail down Clyde Lane and beside the park … round the park … down the other side of the street and to the Mount Herbert. Where did STTI and DOG ON go? The biggest short cut of the night .. a down dowm for being so flagrant!

A few of us checked beside the Dodder (downstream) but the ON was upstream and we found SHIT STIRRER congratulating himself at his superior powers of deduction as he was, momentarily, head of the pack. Then we were in Donnybrook but heading for Sandford Road … CB 5 and back, past Sachs, on to the Burlington (check) and then down to the canal where we crossed into Wilton Place, Lad Lane and back through to the pub! MORE CARGO was waiting .. all power to the hash cash.

After watching an oriental do a job that no fit Dubliner would do, we had the circle while the fumes of toilet washings and disinfectant hung heavy in the air. There was a power higher than the GM … as from a first floor balcony, the voice of the Head Sister passed onto us the complaints of two elderly residents. The remainder of the circle was held in soft voices … so much so that although SHIT STIRRER's actions got wilder and wilder, nobody could understand where he was in Swing Low. MARY POPPINS made a welcome return …

Run No.763: Sunday, 7 April 2002: Malahide Castle, RHYTHM METHOD and SLAVE DRIVER:

This could be the best run of the year since it was a perfect Spring day – not a cloud in the sky and warm enough to sit out on the grass bank and watch the hash arrive. Some came by DART (where LOUIS COPELAND had insisted on using the horn to entertain passengers), others by car and 6M WON MAN came by taxi. RICK O' SHEA whinged at the scribe for leaving him off the roll-call for the last run (Scribe: "Apologies"). Great to see HEAD THE BALL and GUZZLER I … long time no see.

The run started late after a certain amount of shepherding as the hash were uncertain which car park the run was starting from. However, we all found room in the car park and were soon assembled on the mound for the hare talk. Then we were off on a clear trail which ran round the "haha" and into the woods where the from runners soon came across the FT (Back runners were already heading back to the start when the front runners found the FT … suspicious?).

Then we were off again, this time round the playground and then out of the park and onto the road where there was a mischievous check. This was found and the trail, with two more checks, found itself in the centre of Malahide and LOUIS, again, misbehaving with the horn. Fantastic to have a sight of the estuary on a day like this … looked magnificent. The check and the CB5 gave the front runners (STTI, SMIRNOFF etc.) a good look about before catching up with the others for a tour around the marina.

Heading back from the marina, beside the railway tracks the pack caught up with SHIT STIRRER who seemed to have been guided by the hand of God since he avoided all the section along the strand! Then, under the railway bridge and a check at the main road. It was 6M WON MAN who found the trail over the wall and back into the park …. but, not so fast, what was this? A BEER CHECK!!! The hash was well and truly five star now … the beer check was actually better provided for than the circle!

After that, it was hard to get momentum up but the hash was not over. The trail was cunningly laid through the woods with clever bits of trail going behind flowerbeds so that the flour would not be easily seen. Soon after the last check, the path turned a corner out of the woods and the castle came into sight. Soon after the ON IN was sighted and the pack were soon back on the grassy knoll.

There was some debate about where the circle should be (since the park superintendent was very much in evidence) but, in the end, the hash discretely held the circle on the helipad. Down downs a plenty for the hares … and excellent run .. returnees …(no visitors this week) … and the usual suspects. Off, afterwards, to the posh hotel for drinks …

Run No.762: Tuesday, 2 April 2002: Blackrock DART Station: SMIRNOFF : RUN 3 IN THE SMIRNOFF TRILOGY!!!

This run could hardly be described as "dull" as it was the first weeknight run with the clocks forward. Instead of gathering in the dark, we had the luxury of daylight as we huddled in LOUIS' car – RHYTHM METHOD on the phone in the back and LOUIS on the phone to STTI who had managed to miss the train to Blackrock and would we be late … would we wait???

We did. The hash started off late with a very small turn-out. SMIRNOFF, SHIT STIRRER, MORE CARGO, 6 M WON MAN, POLLY, LOUIS and RHYTHM METHOD. However, it was a great run to celebrate the first of the long evenings. The run started with a hideous FT and much peeing in the bushes. Then the run headed south along the front and then up to the dual carriageway through the churchyard. Here there was a check which has 6 M WON MAN a long way ahead but it was a CB 8 so we all regrouped and then headed through the housing area and down to Seapoint Station and along the sea shore.

There was a clever checkback over a railway bridge (now that's why they were put there) and then a clever CB to catch the FRBs who ran past the next footbridge when the trail actually went over. Another tricky check had the pack going through expensive housing and round the back of Monkstown Church and off towards Deans Grange along Monkstown Avenue. A number of hashers were caught discussing house prices whilst the hare was busy shepherding the pack along.

Here the FRB's ran an FT and ended up in Stradbrook without following the trail … but nevertheless, now on trail. The run home was quite easy (but never dull) with no alternative but to head back into Blackrock where there was an ON IN.

It was a great run which appeared to be very long as we took in so many areas – almost everywhere between Blackrock and Dun Laoghaire, The circle was held round a Superquinn Trolley and down downs awarded to RHYTHM METHOD (who did not get rid of his Christmas Tree until late March), to 6 M WON MAN.(who left his hat in San Francisco), SHIT STIRRER (who became a nominated driver) and to the leaky hashers who were caught watering the trail. Great sandwiches again … SMIRNOFF actually started "take away catering" by providing SLAVE DRIVER with a butterless bun which RHYTHM METHOD took back home – SLAVE DRIVER was busy on a conference call (Get a life, Slave Driver!!).

Run No.761: Sunday, 24 March 2002: Sweeney's, Kilmacanogue, Co. Wicklow: SMIRNOFF and SHIT STIRRER:

This was a difficult run for the hares as the venue had already been chosen by the hare, Tim, who now found himself in a technical rehearsal for the Jazz Mikado in Bray! The hares had already been down the road to the Glen of the Downs but found that there was no longer any car park there (tears!!). The run therefore started from Sweeneys but a little late as the pack was waiting for WEDGIE and JOY RIDER.

As soon as WEDGIE and JOY RIDER arrived (along with the wedgelets), the pack took off … at a mad pace up a little lane which seemed to offer a lot of prospects. SIX MILLION WON MAN was ahead with WEDGIE, LOUIS and POLLY trying to keep up … but this was an FT. Then, a lot of energy was spent trying to catch up with the walkers who had avoided the FT and were now headed up the road towards Roundwood.

Yes .. it had to be Rocky Valley Drive but the hares had cunningly found a trail leading up the back of the farm an onto the open hillside. What a wonderful view .. the hares thought so to and had marked a "hash view" … On an up with SIX MILLION WON MAN leading the way leaving SMIRNOFF, WEDGIE and POLLY to jostle for a place behind his fleeting legs. Another couple of checks and we were round the side of the hill and onto a road.

SMIRNOFF was pleased the LOUIS and SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN took the long FT down the other side of Rocky Valley Drive … whilst the rest of the pack were hurrying down to the dual carriageway. We stopped at Tim's house where we said "hello" to his wife (now within a couple of months of becoming a mother) and came upon DOG ON and Cora who had short cut back up the trail.

A great run. The day was finished of by playing on the neo-stone-age bridge (would it bounce, swing or fall down?), enjoying the circle and having a pint and some craic in the pub. Good to see Bernie-the-bus in good form ….

Run No.760: Tuesday, 19 March 2002: Pearse DART Station, Dublin 2: SMIRNOFF:

Nice to see a visitor, LITTLE PRICK from Indianapolis HHH (The Indecent Hash) who, like all visitors, arrived in good time. Not like the old lags such as WEDGIE, JOY RIDER and LOUIS who turned up promptly 35 minutes late just as we were waiting for SHIT STIRRER and SMIRNOFF to sort out who had the chalk etc. Good to see MORE CARGO too – back from Honduras where she had been diving. Then we were off with a great touch of speed down towards Merrion Square. A very fast sprint by the MILLION WON MAN got the pack to a point where they lost the trail and had to search everywhere .. so much for the great speed. Eventually , we found the FT and had to start again from the station.

This time the pack had better luck as we headed down Pearse Street and on to College Green – not before SLAVE DRIVER tried to get run over by an ambulance leaving the Pearse Street Fire Station at speed – lights and all!!! (By the way, RHYTM METHOD could not come hashing as he was throwing out his Christmas Tree – Down Down here if ever there was a down down!!

The trail went on into Temple Bar but not before LITTLE PRICK had succeeded in running directly into a (good looking female) cyclist and a (not so sure he was good looking) guy and knocking him to the ground whilst a bystander said "they are the Hash House Harriers – drinkers with a running problem". To fair on LITTLE PRICK the bystander was not o innocent as he tried to psyche him out – and failed! A fter that, it was a mad dash to get out of Temple Bar before more people got hurt …. we almost had one person arrested … WEDGIE started swinging off the newly restored Half-penny Bridge from the light fittings but in full view of a Garda who pointed out that this was not the way to behave.

After that, the run was dull (no offence SMIRNOFF). We run down Henry Street, across O'Connell Street, had a CB6 outside Store Street Garda Station (SLAVE DRIVER says that it was a CB3 but, as you know, the hare is always right. There was a worrying moment as the trail appeared to be headed for the East Link Bridge (a la LOUIS COPELAND) but there was an FT and the good trail went along the other quays and to the Box in the Docks. Then under the lowest bridge in the land … into Mount Street, round the back of Scruffy Murphys for a CB5 … then round to Merrion Square, Holles Street and a wonderful ON IN.

There was then a discussion about where to have the circle … eventually the people who had the sandwiches and the eskie won and the circle was held under the railway bridge where parking cars tried several attempts to wipe out WEDGIE as he held the pack in his usual magic and forced them to down down beers and even sing songs!. ON ON to Kennedys … almost like the old days?

Run No.759: Sunday, 10 March 2002: Ticknock Woods, Dublin Mountains: POLLY:

The new road made it difficult to find the run since the signs had been taken down and not re-erected. It was also hard to know who would turn up …. LOUIS was away playing golf, SMIRNOFF and SHIT STIRRER were down at Ballycotton (along with STITCH). WEDGIE and JOY RIDER were otherwise engaged. At 3 pm, there were two cars at the starting check … STTI, RICK and HUGHIE BLAGHH in one and POLLY, FURRY and MISS PIGGY in the other (the latter two being Horrors rather than Hashers). We discussed where anyone else might be … and then it began to hail the size of peas and we delayed the start while waiting for the storm to abate. When waiting, we noted some hardy (stupid?) soul in yellow T-shirt shirt, shorts and runners make his way across the car park and into the woods. We later found out that this was PSYCHO (ex. Port Moresby HHH).

When the storm cleared, the hash started and it was decided, that because of the small number, the hail and the cold, the hare might have to help occasionally to ensure that the hash did not get stranded on the mountain all night. The run started through the woods and the pack caught up with PSYCHO in the woods – he had checked out tow FT's which left us with the one remaining trail!

The trail soon took the pack into the open where the skies were now blue and clear and only the mud and running water down the path reminded us of the previous storm. As the trail skirted the bottom of Three Rock Mountain, it was becoming inevitable that the trail would go up the mountain to the radio masts. The trail took a route through the woods but was soon nearing the crest of the hill when RICK looked round and observed that the view, which had been phenomenal, was diminishing fast and that it looked as though a black cloud was coming at us very fast.

The words were no sooner out of his mouth as the cloud arrived and hail was pelted at the pack as we crossed the very exposed ridge. Nobody checked out the top check as the pack were keen to descend into the tree line. Thunder echoed across the hill top as FURRY recounted how she had heard of people struck by lightning even though they were standing near a very tall radio mast!

PSYCHO was miles ahead (spurred on by the fact that he was wearing the least clothing) but the rest of the pack were not far behind as the pack arrived back at the cars … umbrellas up, down-downs held, swing low sung (with umbrellas up) and then back into the cars and a quick drive to the Three Rock Pub where there was pleasant resuscitation for everyone.

P.S. I hear that those who went to Ballycotton did not escape – high winds, sleet, hail storms etc. What a weekend of weather!!!

Run No.758: Friday, 8 March 2002: Martello Tower, Sandymount Strand, Sandymount: POLLY:

The Birthday Run (16 years) was a live hare run and POLLY took off as soon as STTI and RICK arrived at about 7.20 pm. POLLY dodged round the Martello Tower, thinking that STTI and Rick would be watching … they did not see POLLY coming out the far side and going up St. John's Road which later delayed the start as everyone thought that the trail was heading along the strand.

POLLY was busy laying trail at speed thinking that the pack were hard on his heels (no horns as LOUIS was playing golf … no, not in the dark but during the weekend). Somewhere near the Herbert Hotel, POLLY relaxed as a few difficult checks must surely have slowed the pack. True. WEDGIE was having difficulty with the check outside his shopping centre which went through the underground car park and up the travellator and out the front doors.

The pack arrived back at the start at about 9 pm with DOG ON saying that runs on week-nights should not be so long! There was a feeling that we should all get back to POLLY's house and have the down downs there. SMIRNOFF had been waiting in the car since 8.15 with the splendid chocolate cake. POLLY's curry had been cooking during the run and now needed to be eaten!

Soon, all thoughts of down downs were forgotten and the evening finished with a showing of the Tasmania Interhash 2000 video.

Run No.757: Monday, 4 March 2002: Sacs Hotel, Donnybrook: DOG-ON:

As usual, the street was deserted until 7.29 pm when HASH PIE and BAG SNATCHER emerged from LOUIS's car and a number of other hashers spewed out of the lounge bar of the hotel. The athletic ones (no names) jumped the wall and those who showed a touch of decorum went the long route.

There was a brief hare talk during which the hare gave us valuable information … such as where the trail was not going to be … and we were off at great speed into out first FT. Heading back to the start, there were cries heard down a side street and we appeared to be on train until we got to a CB down a back alley (found by RICK O'SHEA) but ahead of us we could see the shadows of the DC visitors at the end of the alley and we managed to get back on trail with minimum inconvenience.

RHYTHM METHOD said he did check the Beechwood Road but POLLY was so sure that it was that way that he would never have caught up with the pack again had not there been another tricky check before the Esso Station with a massive CB5 round the corner in Eglinton Road. The pack was reunited with the odd recrimination heard ("I though you said you checked as far as the Esso Station!") and we were once again in Donnybrook where the trail spun off back to Eglinton Road and the quaint bridge over the Dodder and onto Beaver Row.

A cluster of checks had SLAVE DRIVER headed up towards Montrose before being called back and spun round the intersection back into Donnybrook and round the Bective grounds. Now headed for Herbert Park (an name synonymous with the hare) there were few options as the park gates were closed. However, DOG ON had the pack weaving up and down the houses using every back alley and laneway in the place. Even a few checks put in to help the confusion.

A look at the watch at the ON IN showed that this was a short run but no complaints were hear. Good to see a new runner Brian Tashkent who was taking a few moments from his PhD Thesis at TCD as well as returnees from the DC Hash, BAG SNATCHER and HASH PIE. Down downs to the usual miserable b*stards … and on in for a drink after singing in the drizzle .… SWING LOW!

Run No.756: Sunday, 24 February 2002: Guinness Brewery, St. James' Gate, Dublin: SLAVE DRIVER and RHYTHM METHOD:

The day was not the best. After a glimpse of spring, the day was both wet and windy. As the open top tourist busses slowed at the gate of the brewery in reverence (those riding on the upper decks got a salute with the hash horn). We waited until just after 3 pm when LOUIS COPELAND and WEDGIE were still absent. Just as we were about to leave, WEDGIE arrived and dashed down a one-way street the wrong way to park.

After a brief talk from the hare about "three blobs and you're on", we were off but five blobs later we were looking for flour and feeling fairly silly as we wandered about with the tourists who were headed for the Guinness Hop Store. Back at the start, SLAVE DRIVER was ready with her excuses as we headed off at speed to try to catch the rest of the pack who were headed for Kilmainham leaving WEDGIE checking up near St. James' Hospital!

The hare was spooked by the security at the Royal Hospital and, after we had found the cleverly hidden " CB5", we headed back and round to Heuston Station to another check at the Aisling Hotel. After finding the trail on towards the Phoenix Park, there were checks fast and furious as the hares took advantage of every junction and the pack's uncertainty about whether the trail was going to head back to town or to the zoo.

We were soon outside the zoo at another check but Megan found the on marks and we headed for the cricket ground and then down to the woods at the far side. There was some discussion about where the trail was going here … a party headed off on trail along the ridge whilst RHYTHM METHOD wandered down to the marks on the road below … we ended up, united, at the old magazine. At the next check, we were out of the park and then on to the forgotten War Memorial and then back to Kilmainham Goal.

There were some who thought that the hare would now be keen to get home and a few found themselves off trail along Old Kilmainham Road. However, the main pack was headed along the South Circular Road and back through the hospital and in to St. James's again. Just as the circle was gathering, the fog horn of LOUIS COPELAND was heard coming up the road. Poor LOUIS had arrived at 2.45 but remembered that there was no beer so went home to get it. For the last hour. he had been trying to follow the trail form check to check on his own.

The circle was held outside the Guinness Gates and there were down downs for all the visitors (who were very welcome – Barbara had been running with exotic hashes in the tropics), virgins (fit after a diet of hill walking) and other miscreants.

Run No.755: Monday, 18 February 2002: Clontarf DART Station: LOUIS COPELAND:

Another of POLLY's blunders .. the DART station is called Clontarf not Fairview (but I still think it's in Fairview but snobs will be snobs). The ESB van was there first and RICK O'SHEA and STTI were inside eating chocolate and reading Harry Potter. CAR THIEF and SLAVE DRIVER arrived along with WEDGIE, HUGHIE BLAGHHH and a visitor from Madrid who will be with us for a while.

The weather was "parky" which means that there was a sharp cold wind that kept the pack moving at all times (unless you were running in an overcoat). The address at the start was kept to a minimum but it was nice to see the return of HI HO SILVER who turned out to have been a co-hare. If we'd have known this, we would have been prepared for a marathon run. LOUIS still says that the run was not long but the sight of Beaumont hospital took the pack by surprise.

The run started by heading up a dark laneway which came out on Howth Road. Somehow we then crossed over to the Malahide Road and then went up to Beaumont through the small estates. Some clever trail laying here with the hare seeming to know every back alley and side street in the neighbourhood. After passing Beaumont, the trail then dodged round some more estates until it came to the top of Grace Park Road where it headed off through a laneway into more estates and down to Croydon Gardens. At this point, we met up with three young lads who wanted to keep up with the pack … and they did giving the front runners a good run for their money.

The running was fast and furious at the end of the trail and the pack was very spaced out at the end. When CAR THIEF arrived, he was anxious about the sights of a breakdown truck in the station car park … for a moment we thought that there was clamping and towing in operation but were relieved to see a BMW in distress – not ours.

A good circle was held with each of the nippers swearing to being over 18. Down downs were given to the hares and the usual suspects. RHYTHM METHOD was not seen at the run and was in contact with SLAVE DRIVER throughout over the mobile phone. SLAVE DRIVER then went and followed CAR THIEF to the pub thinking that CAR THIEF knew where he was going … wrong. General comments were noted about the health of the pack. Many members were seen to be looking weak and thin …. it's so long since we enjoyed SMIRNOFF's sandwiches.

Run No.754: Sunday, 10 February 2002: Howth: Paddy Mac Tour Weekend:

Awaiting weekend report from visitors!!!

Run No.753: Monday, 4 February 2002: The Brian Boru, Phibsboro: POLLY: "THE ROUTE CANAL" RUN:

This run separated the sheep from the goats, the "northsiders" from the "southsiders" and the boys from the girls. The turnout was poor because of the torrential rain which was falling just as people were thinking of leaving work and heading off to the hash. Even the hare was wondering if it was a good idea to lay marks which would be washed away and was thinking it was a night to lay a live run (and even get caught by the pack in order to huddle together to get warm!).

SMIRNOFF and SHIT STIRRER had cried off on account of dentistry and influenza (no sandwiches despite RICK O'SHEA going shopping for the sliced pan before the run). CAR THIEF did arrive but showed a certain reluctance to get out of the car. WEDGIE arrived without a shirt (obviously banks with AIB). LOUIS COPELAND was last to assemble. What of the women? STTI, JOY RIDER and MORE CARGO decided that they would stay in the pub and make sure that the best seats were reserved for the pack when they came back – the whimps!

The run started with the hare being brow-beaten into telling the pack where the trail went … not a night to stand around waiting at the starting check. Then the pack headed down between the canal and the railway tracks, crossed the lock gate outside Mountjoy Prison, then more tow path before a CB and over a wall into the back of the Mater Hospital. Checks never stopped the pack as the trail led round the Mater and onto Dorset Street. A short run along this busy thoroughfare and then up to a check at Blessington Street.

WEDGIE had a good instinct that we'd head for Guinness' Reservoir but the gates were closed and the trail led round the outside and into Phibsboro. More checks and many back alleys later, the trail emerged into Cabra at the church and then on along the abandoned railway through the park to the canal (again). The pack was careful not to upset the nesting swans before bombing down the wet towpath, past the "ON IN" and back to Cross-guns Bridge.

There was a brief discussion about the merits of disturbing the fairer sex for the Down-Downs but, in the end, the five runners had a quick circle with Swing Low and then went to join the ladies for a jar or two. Sandwiches were sorely missed … as were the hashers who stayed at home nice and warm by their radiators!

Run No.752: Sunday, 27 January 2002: Australian Embassy, Wilton Place, Dublin 2: STTI and RICK O’SHEA:

As evidenced by STTI’s eyes, Australia Day was actually the day before ... or should I say, the night before when STTI was celebrating Australia Day at the Ambassador’s Residence before crowning the night with a pew pints with the hill walkers. A number of hashers assembled outside the steps of the Embassy ... DOG ON, SMIRNOFF, SHIT STIRRER, WEDGIE, LOUIS COPELAND and Marjorie (of hill walking fame). We explained the marking which featured something which looked like a shaver socket sign but was an impression of a kangaroo’s feet and tail marks ... this was a check!

Then we were off in all directions which was quite brave for such a small bunch. SHIT STIRRER took Marjorie under his wing and showed her a classic FT. POLLY thought he had found the trail and hung about waiting for someone to join him ... then, when WEDGIE and SMIKRNOFF arrived, they crossed the canal to find another FT round the corner. The real trail went off along the canal the other way and the pack was soon following.

The trail went along the canal until Rathmines bridge where there was a tricky old check which caught everyone off balance. We were so dispersed that a very nice elderly man waved the tail-enders on their way and told us where the other had, by now, disappeared to. Disappeared to ... another check where we caught up with them.

Now the trail went down the back of Wexford Street, past the DIT and into the back of the castle where there was a very tricky trail along the small path which made up the centre-piece of the ornamental garden. Dizzy with following the Celtic design, the pack continued through the courtyard to another check at the gates. ON ON was found through the market and lanes between Grafton Street and South Great George’s Street. The hare was obviously dizzy as the trail seemed to do in half a mile what a crow could do in a few flaps of its wings.

Another check found us on St. Stephen’s Green where a film crew or the park ranger had closed the gate and we had to plod round the outside to the check behind the gates at the far side. Now, with the scent of beer in our nostrils, the way home was all too easy to find ... round pat the department of the Marine and then through Fitzwilliam Square and back to the Hookers Corner (sorry ... Australian Embassy).

Down downs were held in a corner out of the wind and the hare had thoughtfully provided some tinnies of Fosters. The hashers in Aussie hats (without corks) (SMIRNOFF and SHIT STIRRER) were given down downs for being stylish ... and others suffered the same fate including Marjorie who just missed being named "I Can’t Believe it’s not Butter" by the restraint of those who wanted to see her back running with us the next week! ON ON was enjoyed round the corner ...

Run No.751: Monday, 21 January 2002: Sandymount Green, Dublin 4: SMIRNOFF:

STITCH paced round the Green looking for the starting check but DOG ON had seen an arrow and had narrowed it down to the area around Spar. MORE CARGO had parked outside O'REILLY'S which was good preparation for the evening. HEWI BLAGH had walked from the centre of town. JOY RIDER and WEDGIE, LOUIS COPELAND and CAR THIEF, STTI and RICK O'SHEA were soon on the site with SHIT STIRRER and SMIRNOFF. We were ready to go – even TITANIC DICKHEAD was there!

The trail started enthusiastically with a long run down to the DART Station where there was an FT. All the way back to the start. Next we headed for the beach after exploring another FT DOWN Newgrove avenue. The hare was surprised to find that the tide had washed away the marks from the beach but the short stretch between marks was quickly traversed (without getting wet) and the pack, led by CAR THIEF, went most of the way out to the nature park after finding the trail from the check half-way along the foreshore. However, it was an FT so the pack then headed off along the Liffey in the direction of the Toll Plaza. Another check caught out the front runners where WEDGIE mistook a splash of paint for the trail marks.

Then there was another very mischievous check in Ringsend; the front runners went across the toll bridge and off to the Point before finding the FT. For a moment they thought it was another LOUIS COPELAND style run. Then the front runners found the trail back along the Liffey and caught up with some of the short cutters. Not for long, this Ballycotton hare had decided to cross the DART line and head down Shelbourne Road and through Ballsbridge before going back along the Dodder and then along the DART line back into Sandymount.

The circle was held beside the Green where down downs were given to the hare, to STITCH for her legs, to LOUIS for getting over his bronchitis, to CAR THIEF for finding a dead body (half undressed) in the morning and to sundry other misfits. SMIRNOFF did excellent sandwiches – a big thank you before heading off to the pub.

Run No.750: Sunday, 13 January 2002: Beggars Bush, Haddington Road, D4: STTI and RICK O'SHEA:.

It was a beautiful spring afternoon in winter – wonderful weather for January. RICK O'SHEA, STTI and TITANIC DICKHEAD were having a beer on the bench outside the pub when I arrive. Too good to be true.

The hash started on time after the other reprobates had arrived …. WEDGIE, JOY RIDER, SHIT STIRRER, SMIRNOFF, SLAVE DRIVER, RHYTHEM METHOD and TWO FINGERS. There was then an accusation at the webmaster - the website had said that the last run was on Sunday at Killiney instead of Monday at Killiney. TWO FINGERS and HEAD THE BALL were upset – what did the website say?

The hash started and within no time, POLLY was on his own. The rest were chasing an FT from the start and had failed to see the "FT" which was written on a billboard. POLLY, meanwhile, was blowing his horn so hard that the residents of neighbouring houses were coming out to see what the problem was and children were being called inside for safety. This allowed the check to be explored an the on on was found, as the rest of the hash arrived, on towards Lansdowne DART Station (but not before another check was found which had RHYTHEM METHOD at an FT and everyone all over the place.

Across the railway line there was another check and the trail then came round and joined up with the short cutters and others outside the RDS. Here there was the "Young Scientist of the Year" Exhibition … but nothing stopped the hash, as it fled by the entrance and through the crowds of school children who had thought they had just seen the boundaries of science … but the hash went beyond that.

Next, the hash went round the outside of Herbert Park after a check outside Roly's Bistro. Then round the mews and other small streets to end up outside the ATM by Waterloo Road where there was a check … and a good trail onwards down St. Mary's Road, crossing to Haddington Road and back home.

A beautiful run. 100% for the weather. The trail was the right length. Checks were mischievous, the marking clear and good. A good run. The circle was situated on the grass that the dogs in the area refer to as their "conveniences" – care was taken. SLAVE DRIVER was very vocal. TITANIC DICKHEAD was starting to beat his last total of runs – 85 for 2001 – 84 to go in 2002. SHIT STIRRER had to be extricated from the pub for the circle – and the beer never left his had even though the gesticulations during Swing Low were quite frantic – what a performance.

Run No.749: 7 February 2002: Killiney DART Station: SHIT STIRRER:

The change in the hash schedule played havoc with traffic – this hash was originally scheduled for a Sunday but on a Monday, battling with commuter traffic, it was difficult to get to Killiney. Some came by train (which was the obvious mode of transport ) but even then it did not guarantee that one arrived on time – did it, WEDGIE! The ESB made it there first but without a working torch (isn't it always the same story – the cobblers children are never shod). MORE CARGO turned up next with JOY RIDER and SMIRNOFF hard on her heels.

The night was warmish and damp. Great for a run at this time of the year. After a bit of time hanging around, there was a brief hare talk and we were off – up the hill and on upwards. Now we understood SHIT STIRRER's tales of sea level (OK, DOG ON, not sure whether this was Malin Head or Dun Laoghaire). As we got further up the track, the pace slowed and hashers rubber-necked at the fine mansions on either side. SLIFF said that he lived nearby – but I imagine that his house was slightly less magnificent.

At the road, there were a few blobs and then an "FT" – a long long FT at that. We all went down the hill where WEDGIE had not yet arrived … and now we set off again (on the way spotting WEDGIE on the train coming into the station). SMIRNOFF flashed past with some comment about slow speed but we immediately ran into a CB3. POLLY and TIM went off onto the beach with RICK O'SHEA but SMIRNOFF had already found the on trail (you guessed it )…. up the hill. We then took off in pursuit.

On the way up the hill we overtook the walkers (STTI and MORE CARGO) but did not catch up with SMIRNOFF until we got to the Druid's Chair. There was a mischievous check after which we headed up the hill to the summit (on the way having a hash view over the station and Bray). Then down the hill to a magnificent check which had the pack check three false trails before finding the obvious (yes, you can say that now) trail back down onto the Vico Road and, soon after, the ON IN …. and then another ON IN …. and then yet another ON IN.

The circle was held back at the cars and then the pack went off to Dalkey for the ON ON. Great buns from SMIRNOFF. Good singing from STTI and SPLIFF. Great chattering from MORE CARGO, STTI and JOY RIDER. POLLY and TIM got down downs for looking too alike. SHIT STIRRER got a down down for a good run with plenty of deviousness as usual. The Grand Old Duke of York Run – I think!

Run No.748: 31^st December 2001: Run on the Bank Run: Central Bank, Dame Street: POLLY:

The last run of 2001 and the last day before the Euro introduction. The run had been advertised on the Internet but a quick phone round established that the rest of the Dublin HHH had decided to take a holiday. However, POLLY was down there with batons of sheetrock to run a circuit of ATM machines in a live run.

The only thing to arrive on time was the balloon man with hundreds of blue Euro balloons – after giving a few out the men struggled into the Central Bank doorway. Then the hashers turned up …. some could not find parking places to the start was delayed and there was general consent that the run should be short – not a typical POLLY marathon. The run was therefore abbreviated and was turned into an A-B run (since the majority of the runners had parked their car around George's Quay).

The hare was hotly pursued by the pack who ignored his plea for a ten minute head start – they were so close on the hare's heels that chalk marks seemed superfluous! The run took in the Temple Bar ATM, the Westmoreland Street ATM and then ran up to the Westland Row ATM. Here the pack met a car that was meeting emission standards by being propelled by humans … but slowly. Immediately, the pack went into humanitarian and engineering overdrive and agreed to try to repair the car in situ and push it to Navan.

Both attempts failed. The solenoid was beyond repair by the method which SHIT STIRRER selected (i.e. hitting it hard with a metal "crook-lock") and rocking the car back and forth. Navan seemed a long way off by the time we were half way down Pearse Street so it was agreed that we'd head for the "worm hole" at the Garda Station instead and try the inter-galactic approach. We left the family in their 90 reg Fiesta outside the Garda Station and then resumed the run.

At this point we headed for the IFSC ATM and then went back to the Tara Street Station ATM before deciding that we were near Mulligans and that a pint of the black stuff would go down well. A small circle was held round SMIRNOFF's car (while the keys were located and the boot opened) and then, warm clothes on, we headed straight into the bar without so much as a "Jingle Bells" or a "Swing Low". Mulligans was like the inside of a pint of Guinness and they accepted Pounds/Punts – what more could a hasher want to finish 2001.

The select group of Dublin Hashers met at the Harbourmaster for a slightly unusual start time, and by 14:30 the first Hare CARTHIEF (possibly CARTEEF) explained that he had used Cape Town H3 markings for checks, a chalk message for any latecomers and we were off. Down onto the floating platform in Georges Dock and up the other side. Over Talbot Bridge and along Moss Street to a check. Was it left to Pierse or right to Tara station? The FRBs ever watchful of the time, reckoned that there was not enough time for Pierse and found trail along Townsend Street. Down Luke Street and ON Into the station. Much discussion with the ticket office as to what constitutes a family - 2 adults and 4 children (No, mental age did not count, only physical).

Onto the North bound platform, except for TITANIC DICK HEAD who thought that he could cross from the South to the Northbound platform (via the railtrack?). The train stayed on the tracks all the way to Howth, where CARTHIEF (CARTEEF) set off as a live Hare. The pack set off except for Louis Copeland who said he that would follow having set marks for any latecomers (in fact he was setting the second part of the trail. towards West Pier and swung past the yacht club. A check on the harbour road, had the FRB's checking the steps up between shops, but the ON ON was called along the promenade until the corner of Abbey road. Up Abbey road, 2 checks to slow the pack down and then the trail came down Church street and back to the station. STTI thought that that was the end of the trail, but no such luck. SPLIFF was amazed that LOUIS COPELAND had lied. The second Hare Louis Copeland had set the trail along the beach and with no obvious exits we finished up at a FT at what seemed about halfway along the beach to Sutton.

Back along the beach to a wall, up jumped RICK O SHEA and SPLIFF, leaving LOUIS COPELAND, CARTHIEF and TITANIC DICK HEAD to assist STTI up and over the wall. On up past the boarded up Howth Beach Hotel, over another wall and the railway line. On into the Deer Park Golf Club and onto the beer stop. A welcome break and beer, followed by a trot down to the pub under the station for a quick pint before boarding the train for Clontarf.

A trail set from the back of the pack (a new experience for the Dublin Hash and maybe world hashing) to LOUIS COPELAND's abode, where the Creely household (what do you call a man with three daughters and one bathroom? A dirty old man (actually they have two according to the daughters)) had made salmon sandwiches, mince pies and cream, mulled wine, washed down with pate rolls and tea for the weak.

A muted ceremony in the by now cold garden, still had LOUIS COPELAND in shorts. STTI and RICK O'SHEA showed disrespect by wearing their hats in the circle, the Hares got their usual comeuppance, TITANIC DICK HEAD as a returnee/visitor, and various other down downs were awarded. Back inside, the train timetable revealed that not too much time was left, so a quick glass of mulled wine and a concerted run to the station, where RICK O'SHEA reckoned that running after mulled wine and mince pies was not to be recommended. Luckily no ill effects on the train except that TITANIC DICK HEAD tried to chat up a chinese lady to no effect.

A good outing ON ON Carthief

A damp dark evening with the threat of rain in the air. The pack gathering inside Scruffy's and were slow to gather outside. Part of the reason was to wait for the hashers who were expected but who had not arrived … WEDGIE and LOUIS COPELAND.

However, after much foot stamping, the pack took off their outer garments and headed off from the starting check. A select bunch went as far as Merrion Square where they spread out to look for the trail – CAR THIEF went there, RHYTHM METHOD went another. PUSS SUCKER (Puget Sound) went here and STTI went another. No flour was found anywhere but the absence of the hare made the front runners nervous. And were was JOY RIDER and MORE CARGO!

Back at the starting check, the hare was getting worried … where were the FRBs? The delay in finding the real trail allowed two late comers to join the hash … a Mr. and Mrs. Defreytus from Port of Spain HHH. Soon everyone was running down the canal and out towards Beggars Bush … up Haddington Road and then into Baggot Street with some wonderful hash markings which showed that the hare had lost her way and gone into a full circle … ending up by laying arrows pointing against the direction of the trail!

Waterloo Road and then back into town via Lapdance Street, Hatch Street and St. Stephen's Green, Fitzwilliam Square and Merrion Square. Back at the end, there was a circle behind the pub out of the wind with down downs to visitors, the usual suspects and accidental victims. There was a wonderful picnic of bread and pate which we all enjoyed – thanks SMIRNOFF for the run and the food.

Many thanks to HOT LIPS, HOT WIRE, NUTCRACKER, STITCH, TROLLEY DOLLY Trossachs HHH), ONE LEFT ONE (Long Beach HHH), WEDGIE, JOY RIDER, Adam, PENGUIN (aka Eileen), Emmet, Anna, Jade, Maeve, SLEAZY LADY and anyone I have not mentioned including the Lucozade Lads.

The day was cloudy but fairly warm and dry. Ideal for the marathon. The tables were set up at 8.30 and the bottles of water opened, the cases of lucozade lifted onto the tables and opened ready for distribution. My apologies to NUTCRACKER and WEDGIE that I did not have the exact position of the water station – okay, it was mile 12.5 and it was 100 yards from Harcourt Street … however, my directions are only as good as I was told.

Then the first two wheelchairs, the first runner and then the runners came in bunches. Great to see a few familiar faces from the run on Sunday .. a few good cried of ON ON were answered and the hash horn was blowing encouragement whenever there was a gap in the pack.

The most thanks (and the goodies) go to those who helped clean up … it did not take long this year as we worked well. Thanks for helping us get over £100 for club funds. Lets do it again next year!

The sky was blue and the weather was perfect to enjoy an autumnal hash through the city. A group of DC hashers (wearing Red Dress T-shirts) were waiting outside the Shelbourne Hotel in the sun. There were also hashers from Boston, Long Beach and Southern Comfort Hash in Atlanta. As usual, Dublin hashers were shy to turn up early (or even "on tine" if such an expression is known in hash circles). STITCH was next to appear and then WEDGIE and JOY RIDER. The rest … well, STTI and RICK O'SHEA were in Donegal, SMIRNOFF and SHIT STIRRER were in Nantes, France on a Booze Cruise and ….

The best place to be was, of course, in St. Stephen's Green. We gathered about to hear the hare talk and then the hash was off to learn, first hand, what an FT looked like. They were back in minutes and headed up to Leeson Street and then for a tour of the city …. the hash went to Fitzwilliam Square, the canal by Wilton Place, the pepper canister church, Merrion Square, Trinity College, O'Connell Street Bridge, the GPO, Henry Street, "Hags with the Bags", Temple Bar, Powerscourt Townhouse, Grafton Street and back through the park.

After the comments raised about flour at the last run, this hash was laid in chalk / plasterboard the whole way and without a murmur of comment about anthrax. Nobody got lost (we think) but the trail was full of opportunity to head home. Great to see the Farrell contingent – SCOOP, TROLLEY DOLLEY, SLEAZY LADY and one child (who insisted on keeping up with the marathon candidates!

There was a great circle in which the visitors introduced themselves and various snitches were entertained. As usual, there was no hash cash for the run but POLLY insisted in trying to flog T-shirts – the new design is out!

Two visitors from New York HHH arrived on time at 7pm (that's KL and DUNNY) but the rest of the pack were dribbling in at about 7.29 … with SMIRNOFF and SHIT STIRRER later than everyone else. Nobody seemed to have arrived by car so there was much interest in POLLY who had motored in. After an excursion to dump clothes and bags, STTI explained how the trail was laid and we were off (with LOUIS COPELAND already sure that he knew where the trail went.

However, despite this being the clearest flour of the night, the trail went round the back of the FXB and to a clearly marked FT. There was then a good look for flour in every direction … we went a long way looking for it but, in the end the hare had to start pointing in the right direction … it was a while, even with her divine intervention, that flour was found. It seemed that the evening was one of much street cleaning since much flour (2.5 kg says STTI) was actually missing.

The trail then took a very meandering route round to Merrion Square, Scruffy Murphys, O'Dwyers, Holles Street Hospital. The hare had done a lot of research and made for every laneway, arched entrance and tunnel that could be found. At times it felt that the trail was being laid by a rabbit (but that's not surprising as rabbit = hare?).

Eventually the trail had us at Westmoreland Row where another check fooled everyone. SMIRNOFF seemed to be always up an FT and LOUIS COPELAND was too busy being chatted up by a lady of the night to notice much flour anyway. DOG ON was back with us and mostly on trail … being as dogged as his name would suggest. The trail then went down to the Campshires (which RICK O'SHEA tried to convince me was a real word and not a yuppie name for trees beside a riverbank. Not in my dictionary …. campshire … my spell checker says that it should be Hampshire).

Then the trail went through "Anthrax Territory" where STTI had been confronted by a middle -aged lady and told not to spread "Anthrax" about for the good d Ireland! Hen there was a gap in the trail round Trinity and the trail only picked up at the corner of Ulster Bank and up into Suffolk Street. KL and DUNNY had already been lured by the bright lights of Grafton Street. The rest of us went round the small streets and alleys and then came to an "I ON" which we took to be an "ON IN".

Back at the start, we gathered round a letter box for the down downs and fantastic sandwiches from SMIRNOFF.

RUN 739: SUNDAY, 14 OCTOBER 2001: CHAPELIZOD VILLAGE: CAR THIEF:

CAR THIEF was sitting in his car when I arrived – "We've got visitors!". Soon I was introduced to HEAD NURSE and DPW from Baltimore Annapolis H3 who had stayed in Dublin an extra day to come hashing with us (we were suitably flattered). Then we had another visitor – HAIRY POPPINS. What were our bunch doing???

Great to see the OGM back again (OGM = Original Grand Master). He says that the Crookhaven Annal Hash is going well with over 25 people on the run - even regular holiday makers!. OGM is also in gainful employment which is good but I hear that our other escapee, SOFYB, is still not hashing in Cork: what a pity for Cork . OGM tells us that, on the first hash in Phoenix Park, they found a skull and bones and decorated the base of the Wellington Monument ... they were in the papers dring the week as "An unidentified group were involved in satanic activities at the Wellington Monument"!

Eventually the Dublin Hash arrived – WEDGIE and JOY RIDER with their posse. MARY POPPINS in a fancy cardigan. LOUIS COPELAND and STITCH turned up late after the hash had started but the hare had laid a cunning FT at the start and we were all headed back to the start when they were locking up their car. Good to see MORE CARGO after her harrowing trip to the Cook Islands – en route she was mistaken for a supporter of Bin Ladin by a drunken American!

Having done the FT, the hash then wend into the park … and out of the park because there was an FT which took us round Chalelizod Road and in at the next park gate. There was then an FT which was checked thoroughly before we found the trail going over onto the deer park. There were a couple of confusing checks in the open country but the pack was always kept together. Then, the trail took to the trees and through the old drain to a check.

At this point, there was a very clever trail which doubled back a little whilst all the experienced hounds were all over the place searching for the trail. Then, despite cries of "go back to the check", many of the hash then tried to get back through the briars. HAIRY POPPINS was well and truly confused by the brambles … fell a few times and then collapsed into the thicket. LOUIS COPELAND had better luck but was still wondering why he never took the hare's advise.

While this was going on, the pack were on an FT so the pack were all together again as trail went down to the duck pond. Was it STTI who found this trail? We were on up towards the OSI Offices when there was another check and the trail went back, out the park gates and down the hill to the village square.

There was a damp circle with WEDGIE presiding. The visitors were introduced and MARY and HAIRY POPPINS were formally introduced to each other. Actually, HAIRY POPPINS' mother is MARY POPPINS (but not Japanese!). Then off to the Villager for a few drinks. A very enjoyable hash with much originality and cunning in the trail. Thanks CAR THIEF.

RUN 737: MONDAY, 8 OCTOBER 2001: THE GRAVE DIGGERS, GLASNEVIN: STITCH:

There was a small gathering under the trees at the far end of the square. HEWI BLAH was in the bar having a Guinness when it was time to start so, in true Scots tradition, it was swiftly downed before the run started. STITCH had us headed on our way and we were soon at a CB4 after which we got rather lost although we were only a few yards from the start. A wide search found and arrow which said "on across" but this was (as we were later told), nothing to do with the hash!

Eventually we found the trail but this was good luck for SLAVE DRIVER and RYTHEM METHOD who had been trying to find a way into the Gravediggers but had repeatedly missed the turning! A little excursion into the B+B district took us round to the Botanic Garden and up Washerwoman's Hill. There was a CB something outside the Met Office and this had RICK O'SHEA looking all over the place. The trail continued to the Boy Scout Hut where there was a check that took us all some time to find. The roads were checked once, twice – an FT found and, eventually we were on back towards Griffith Avenue via the Rise (and a tricky little check near the entrance).

The trail then headed back through the houses and round the park on the Tolka. HEWI had now let the Guinness get the better of him and he was keeping STITCH company. The rest of the pack was quite close together with STTI and WEDGIE taking the lead at one time as the front runners went the wrong way looking for trouble. There was a keen runner from Budapest HHH who we tried to lose but was not slow to get back to the Gravediggers. SMIRNOFF was in good form and the sandwiches were excellent as usual – a choice of Tuna or Chicken! LOUIS COPELAND was actually with the hash this week as he had been in Egypt for a couple of weeks before – the rumours circulated in the Hash Trash that he was with the pack last week were. of course, unfounded.

RUN 736: SUNDAY, 30 SEPTEMBER 2001: CLONTARF DART STATION: SLAVE DRIVER AND RYTHEM METHOD:

SLAVE DRIVER and RYTHEM METHOD arrived with their Tupperware© container of flour to lay the starting check and were surprised to see a huge family contingent of Farrells – TROLLEY DOLLY, SCOOP and SLEAZY LADY and their families. How were they going to get round the hash with the push chairs and grannys?

The hash, however, started with LOUIS COPELAND and POLLY going completely the wrong way into Fairview Park. Thankfully they still have some friends who were quick enough to shout out "ON ON" and get them back on trail (even though the people waiting at the bus stop appeared surprised to see runners "oscillating" while they were waiting (reminds me of a good song!). Then the trail went up a little laneway onto the Howth Road – a very tricky check that CAR THIEF couldn't unravel … then onto the check with "four blobs and an FT" and then down a little pathway between the houses and through a maze of little roads to the Rugby Club.

Then it was ON ON through the Irish Wheelchair Association with TROLLEY DOLLY so far ahead that it was ages before WEDGIE and LOUIS caught up. Then we went on to St. Anne's Park where there was a beer check whilst the local lads threw fireworks at the pack (the generosity of the hares was well appreciated by all – STTI put a beer into her pouch which later found its way into the down downs (after it had been well shaken)).

Then the pack took off – charged at the lads – then went snaking through the suburbs with checks here and there and the leaders of the pack being continually thrown off their stride by tricky views of the sea!

All got back safely to the circle where there was lively session of down downs for the visitors, their relatives, the old hands and the young-uns. All went off to the Yacht afterwards for a beer or two. A very clever hash that showed that the hares' brains were engaged as well as their feet. TROLLEY DOLLY who had once lived in the area was surprised by the hares' knowledge of the terrain and how well they used it. A great run.

The Schoolhouse did not have a sign but anyone seeing there was a neon sign for Beck's Beer in a schoolhouse might have been suspicious ... a liberal education is one thing but beer on tap is an education to crave! Most of the hash found the start including BIG BORE and Dave who had risked their lives flying from the USA. LOUIS COPELAND was absent (which is why I have no clue where the next run will be from) ... LOUIS was expected until the last moment as he was educated in the schoolhouse and we felt sure that he'd be keen to have a drink in his alma mater.

SMIRNOFF gave the order and the has was off. At the first FT, SLAVE DRIVER was heard to shout "Stop that, it hurts" where upon I asked what happened ... "That *** just hit me in the head with a rock!" ... well perhaps we now know what the consequences of shutting the schoolhouse and turning it into a pub were. Then we were off ... but some knew that the trail that went into the houses opposite went into a close with no way out ... STTI was therefore a bit ahead with SMIRNOFF shouting out "wait!".

The pack then caught up and headed off towards the South Circular Road ... but the hare had not counted on the local sweeping up and cleaning up a "CB6" so the pack ran though and had to be called back.

Then we had a deserved check on the SCR before going off to the canal at high speed. Then back along the canal and then round the back of the houses, across the SCR, then into Cork Street, through the flats, The Coombe, and then up to the Schoolhouse.

The run can be called "healthy" but some thought it long. However, we all got back to the pub and then searched for some place to have the down downs. WEDGIE favoured a spot beneath somebody's living room window. SHIT STIRRER said we should have it in a gateway. RYTHEM METHOD suggested having it in the pub carpark. So we ended up having it in the car park in order to get away from the gurriers. However, all the songs were sung soto voce ... even then we had the owner of the pub come ant tell us to stop.

However, it was a great run and the sandwiches were ethereal. Dave was a great sport for a virgin with virginal shoes ... as he squelched his way to the wedding in Galway, I’m sure he'll remember his down down!

At 10.00 the solitary figure of DOG-ON was propping up the level crossing barrier at Lansdowne. Where was everyone ... the secret was, of course, that everyone was counting on the hash leaving promptly 30 minutes late. By 10.30, there was much activity ... BERNIE THE BUS has arrived, WEDGIE and JOY RIDER were unloading refreshments and their kids were having a battle with Emmet over the seats (resulting in Emmet's fall, head first, over the seat back ... well done!). STTI was examining the slab of beer for the opening. SMIRNOFF and SHIT STIRRER were already sitting like the king and queen at the back of the bus ... a good few feet above the rest of us mortals. STITCH was getting ready for a snooze. RICK O'SHEA was urging STTI to hurry up. A visitor, WANKY DOODLE from San Francisco, was politely amused by the chaos which LOUIS COPELAND was trying to explain to him. MORE CARGO was getting ready to catch everyone for their share of hash cash.

The bus started and the Mystery Bus Tour 2001 was away. The first tinnies of the day started popping although I heard a few murmurs of dissent - "it's too early for a beer" ... there was mention on the N2 and the N3 but the bus was soon headed down the N11 without a bit of worry ... past Bray, past Roundwood .. we were going to Glendalough. BERNIE thought so as she passed the turn-off and had to make a turn back and up the hill in a grinding low gear. There were calls of look at the gnomes but we just ended-up making some of the local residents wonder what was so interesting in their garden.

The bus stopped at the beginning of a track into the woods and the hash got out of the bus. We all went off (with SHIT STIRRER's encouragement) and ran an FT but were soon back at the start to find that the bus had gone! No alternative but to hash! The trail through the wood was exhilarating in the bright sunshine. Nice trails through forest, along tracks and, eventually, into open mountainside. There was a good loop which allowed the fast buggers (WANKY DOODLE and a few others) to speed ahead but we were all together as we descended to the bus past lots of walkers with backpacks, ski poles and all the unnecessary clutter of a professional hillwalker.

A hash circle at the base of the trail and then back on the bus to be taken South over the Military Road for lunch at a lonely pub. Great soup, small sandwiches but very welcome pints. Then it was off again over another hill for a hash which was really a short run with two huge false trails which appeared to have been put in just to tire the front runners and make the short trail appear a lot longer. There were magnificent blackberries so some (STITCH and others) never left the first check. Others were seen with their hands in the bushes .. when checking or finding themselves ahead of the pack. The trail gave everyone a chance to get their feet wet as it crossed the river twice .. there were a few who managed to keep dry but that only gave the ones with wet feet more time to consume blackberries.

Back at the bus, there was another circle and then the barbecues came out and the hash started eating. As usual, the hash seemed to cater for twice its number so there was plenty of goodies for the visitor and for anyone who felt hungry. SMIRNOFF, as usual, made a great summer pudding which nobody could resist.

Then it was back on the bus for the journey home .. no piss stops so we were obviously a very contained group. We all managed to get back to Lansdowne by 7.45. A great day. Thanks to all who organised the event ... and the weather which was dry all day ... and even wonderfully sunny before noon.

The 40 Foot was all abuzz when the hashers assembled for the run. There were people swimming in the harbour and, of course, over the hill at the 40 foot. The hare had decided that the run would start from the 40 Foot ... not at the place we usually start from (now covered with white and yellow lines as part of the extending challenge to Dublin motorists).

There were a number of visitors who were shown the mean circle that the hare told us was the starting check. After the horn had sounded (and a lot of swimmers decided that we were crazy ... who were they to call someone crazy?), the pack went off at speed along the foreshore with STTI telling me that she had walked from Dub Laoghaire and the trail went all the way there. It was therefore no surprise when I missed the turn left and we so busy trying to catch the "gazelles" at the front of the pack that everyone except WEDGIE missed the FT sign on the pavement.

So FT all the way back to the bathers (who thought they had seen the last of this insane bunch). Now the trail was found going the other way ... the fast runners soon regrouping at the front. It's a long time since we had a run going this fast. Never have I seen FT's being taken on at such speed ... I have to admit that I was headed up one trail (in an improbable direction) on a goose chase to a FT with CAR THIEF and LOUIS COPELAND.

It was a long trail going along the back of Gasthule along the railway line for much of the way (but not without the teaser checks that SHIT STIRRER showed that he was so good at) but, as the trail neared Dun Laoghaire, it was harder to keep the pack together as bodies tended to head seawards. STTI was seen sneaking off with JOY RIDER while SHIT STIRRER was shepherding the pack round the back of Dun Laoghaire.

The trail was long (or was it just that I ran all the FTs) and SHIT STIRRER was enjoying himself. When the pack arrived back at the cars, three hashers had been swimming in the harbour. People straggled in ... some congratulated themselves on their avoidance of FTs. SMIRNOFF was asked about SHIT STIRRER's state of mind when he had laid the run ... it was the most tricky of the year ... no chance of an FT was missed and, if the pack looked as though they might not run an FT, SHIT STIRRER was quick to get the everyone thinking that the FT was the real trail (many a hasher, such as visitors, JIZM and COMES IN JEANS from Florida, were tricked by SHIT STIRRER's twisted sense of humour!).

The circle was held in the dark at the edge of the harbour with the pack quiet from exhaustion! There were some visitors from Winchester Worthy HHH such as DELIA and another from an African Hash. The pack adjourned to the pub where we could have sold all the T-shirts we never had ... and SHIT STIRRER went back to his house to empty his cupboard.

RUN 732: SUNDAY, 2 SEPTEMBER 2001: DONNELLEY'S HOLLOW, THE CURRAGH: MUFF DIVER:

Those who had been on the last Mystery Bus Tour recognised the venue. MUFF DIVER was sitting on his bike having a sandwich when STTI's mobile phone rang and she and RICK O'SHEA were woken from their slumbers in their car. POLLY had arrived earlier and the wait began to see who else would show up! LOUIS COPELAND arrived soon after but concern was raised that there was no beer. The beer was with SMIRNOFF but where was she? A phone call to her house told us that she must have the mobile phone switched off. We all waited until 3.30 but with no SMIRNOFF the pack headed off on the trail.

The trail, in toilet paper, started from a check at the crossroads and led through the fir trees, round a golf course and to a check beside a group of buildings. LOUIS COPELAND missed the check entirely and ran on into the trail beside the assault course where he promptly lost it by following a trail of plastic bag debris. This caused the "pack" (two hounds and the hare) to catch up and the trail was then re-discovered and it looped back towards the golf course where there was a check.

From here the trail looped back to the Kilcullen Road with a chance to get wet crossing a waterlogged ditch. Across the road and into the hilly area on the far side ... a check beside the horse track and then on round the hollows and over the hills. The hare actually was sweeping up the trail as we went ... in one case, even before the pack had reached the trail!

Then back to the Kilcullen Road and a loop round the back of the GAA pitch and round beside the golf course and back to the Hollow. On the way in, SHIT STIRRER materialised from the hills and complained that the flour was hard to follow ... having explained that 90% of the trail was laid in toilet paper (now removed by the hare) ... SHIT STIRRER realised why he and SMIRNOFF had had problems.

The circle was held beside the road with many astounded looks from passing motorists as the "friar" held forth and punished wayward members of the flock for their sins. POLLY was meant to pick up a Trinity Hasher from Rathmines bridge at 1.45 ... but nobody turned up; POLLY was appropriately down downed for leaving the visitor behind. The pack then went off to The Hideout in Kilcullen where Donnelley's arm was said to be preserved but, when we arrived at the pub, the publican told us that there was no arm any longer ... where did it go?

RUN 730: MONDAY, 27 AUGUST 2001: THE SWISS COTTAGE, SANTRY: POLLY:

The hash moved to the side of the road as 7.30 approached. The hare had started the hare talk when a taxi drove up to disgorge four hashers from South Hams HHH ... don't ask me their names but I remember one was called METAL MICKEY and another was called JULIE ANDREWS and was there a TYRED BUNNY? The scribe has no excuse not to know the name of the last member ... but maybe that's because the lycra was so tight that it caused a loss of concentration?

Anyhow, the hare talk was repeated and the hash started out along to the intersection by the Stadium where there was a check which had all the fast people (SMIRNOFF, SHIT HOUSE etc.) out along the road to Ballymun ... but this was a false trail. SHIT STIRRER was at the back and, having just raised himself from the dead, benefitted from finding the trail into the fields ... what fields? We had not been there for a few years and now the place was being demolished for housing ... the trail therefore went over fields, into a building site, into a bit of forest, into a building site and into a ploughed field and back into the building site!

There was plenty of opportunity for getting a large length of rebar through your private parts and the hare needs to be complimented on the risks that he placed the pack in. There was then a water hazard where nobody drowned (did anyone see STTI carefully creeping through the trees along the road?). There was a regroup at Santry Road and then LOUIS COPELAND led the pack on under the M50 where there was a CB 13. There was also a dangerous coil of wire, broken glass and other dangers ... again, full marks for following DHHH's safety policy "If you get hurt, it's your own fault".

The trail then went through the bushes where someone correctly surmised that the hare went head-over-arse with the bag of flour. Then it was fairly straight home with SLAVE DRIVER somewhere in front ... the pack was back at 8.30 which made it a short hash (did I hear complaints?)

WEDGIE then "did" the circle which was well received by the visitors ... RICK O’SHEA turned up late with an excuse or two. MUFF DIVER turned up on his bike to tell us where the run was going to be on the Curragh ... that's if he could tell people where Donnelley's Hollow was! SMIRNOFF got the Egon Ronay Hash Catering award with great sambos ... and SHIT STIRRER voted the Guinness in the Swiss Cottage the worst he's tasted since Benghazi.

RUN 729: SUNDAY, 19 AUGUST 2001: HOWTH DART STATION: SLEAZY LADY:

Whilst SHIT STIRER was on the DART, SMIRNOFF was cycling out to Howth as part of her Dublin Marathon training plan. MORE CARGO was finishing work at AA (regretting the fact that she had only got to bed a few hours before her shift started that morning)! SLEAZY LADY and her sister, Eileen, was laying trail up at Howth Summit.

At 3 PM, the disparate group had got together at a colourful ‘check’ outside Beshoff’s. CAR THIEF was on time (thanking a high coefficient of friction which was delaying the "big pull" and allowing him the weekend off). A visitor, SHIT HOUSE, was outstandingly co-ordinated in Athens HHH away team outfit and ready to go.

We waited, as usual for the next train from town, and then we were off up the hill by the police station where we quickly found a new hash sign, a "B" in a circle, a check-back. Then we were back on the trail and headed up the hill with the odd check to halt the pack so that we could get our breath back. Eventually we came to a "HV" where we took in the view and got a rest from climbing ... but not for long. The trail then went off onto the road and, by the back of Wingate Road, up the track to the summit.

Sadly, on the summit was a local attempt to increase the height of the hill by dumping rubbish which was not attractive. There was also a good view of Eileen and SHIR STIRRER walking on the track below ... the pack was soon after them. Now we headed down and, just when everyone had got speed up, the trail took a left turn and over the hill beside the police station again.

There was a circle beside MORE CARGO.s car where, after waking her up, there were down downs for the hares, visitor and sundry offenders. The best down down was for LOUIS COPELAND who had arrived late - saying that he thought the hash started at 3.30 PM. SHIT STIRRER was in good form as the Hash Enforcer ... beware anyone who gets out of line. There was entertainment provided by the owner of car 89D31762 reversed out of the laneway bashing into a well kept car on the way ... without a hint of regret, the offender made away. However, the owner of the damaged car came back and found a group of happy witnesses with odd clothes and beers in their hands.

RUN 722: MONDAY, 18 JUNE 2001: THE HILL, RANELAGH: WEDGIE:

There was a great turn-out for this run ... SWEETLIPS from Cairns Trinity and Jim who was the guest of SLAVE DRIVER were more than welcome. HOT LIPS, HOT WIRE (who proved that the bike is mightier than the car ... in Dublin Traffic), TWO FINGERS and NIGHTMARE ... it was a great reunion!

After waiting about in the hope that more people might arrive (the theory being that if 2 people arrive by 7.25, and 10 people by 7.30 then 156 people arrive if you wait until 10 p.m .... an example from Leaving Cert!), the hash started out in great style with WEDGIE grinning from ear to ear as each of the three false trails were diligently checked out. The walkers were heading on the right trail by the time the runners came back from the last of the FTs. The trail then wound its way enjoyably through the nether regions of Ranelagh towards Rathmines. There was a great turn-out of gurriers and other assorted kids on the run .. particularly in this section .

Now there is a hotly debated check which had POLLY and LOUIS COPELAND running to another check and even checking it out before being called back by WEDGIE ... we had not counted enough white blobs ... this is hotly disputed.

Now we went further and further away from Ranelagh ... almost to Darty before WEDGIE had to admit that the run was getting a bit long and had to offer help admitting that there were two long FTs and a long "on in" .. it was a long enough "on in" but the scribe's ankle had given up on him and he short-cutted back to the circle.

SMIRNOFF was there having claimed to have been at the front all along. SLAVE DRIVER took a short cut and admitted asking for directions. Sue was found on her mobile phone ... CAR THIEF said there was no problem ... and SHIT STIRRER gave everyone a rendition of "Put your sweetlips a little closer to the phone" .... we all wished it was warmer as SWEETLIPS showed what she would have been wearing in Cairns ... MARY POPPINS appeared ... flushed but not with exercise, I think! NIGHTMARE was back at the end at the right time .. impeccable timing for one who cruises the inner circuit of the hash.

RUN 721: SUNDAY: 10 JUNE 2001: SMYTH'S, DONABATE: HI HO SILVER:

It was a crackerjack of a day. The sun was shining and the ice creams were parading out of the village shop opposite Smyth's Pub ... which LOUIS COPELAND had called Quinn's and was now sitting on the wall nervously trying to flag down hashers who might be tempted to carry on into Donabate looking for a Quinn's Pub.

However, the main impediment to the timely start of the run was the game at Croke Park and the junction on the Belfast Road which was backed-up with cars trying to find gaps in the opposing traffic.

Eventually, with a good posse of runners, the hash started about 30 minutes late (that's 30 + 30 minutes late!). There was a milling of walkers as they hesitated to follow CAR THIEF, SMIRNOFF, DOG-ON and SHIT STIRER as they went off onto the distance to an FT that must have been a good half mile from the pub! Wicked. When we got back to the pub, there were helpful arrows pointing the pack the right way and HO HO's pleasantly smiling face and pointing finger (that smile must have had something to do with the FT, I think!).

Now we ran through a housing estate and onto the Portrane road where there was an FT and then an arrow pointing into the mental home! CAR THIEF was miles ahead so it was with some relief that we quickly came upon a check with a devious FT across a muddy stream ... this allowed the pack to catch up and we were soon headed deep into the mental home grounds to another check and then off through barbed wire and woods and swamp and cleared field and check! Back onto the Portrane Road and with a clever twist around and old churchyard (with check which a good number of people short cutted) and onto the beach (briefly) before crossing up to the water tower via the estate and the field.

The trail dived into the mental home again before coming out onto the seaside path from which there was a mischievous CB which had DOG-ON moaning ... the hash was feeling long by this stage! Back onto the path beside the strand and up to the Waterside Pub and back towards Donabate ... but were we going to be treated to the lap of honour ... under the railway lines and back? We thought so until we came across the CB 12 ... this allowed the rest of the pack to catch up though those who ran the mile back to the pub (passing the FT which started the run) were back about 10 minutes before everyone else.

There was a quick down down in the car park of the pub before moving to HI HO's summer retreat for the BBQ. A good run ... hot ... long ... a change!

RUN 720: TUESDAY: 5 JUNE 2001: KEILLY'S, DONNYBROOK: SMIRNOFF: After a brief talk about being laid in flour (do we really want to know about the hare's sex life?), the run started with everyone going in every direction but the right one. CAR THIEF disappeared one way and LOUIS COPELAND another ... but the hare was moving stealthily towards Herbert Park just as RICK O'SHEA saw the flour from the far side of the street.

The trail went into Herbert Park with a check at the far end ... and an FT going along the Dodder. Then we went round the duck pond ... nobody swimming across it and short cutting the trail ... some complaints about the hash horn stopping the football game on the nearby pitch ... but we were soon on our way to another check at the main gate, From here there was a trail which might as well have been an FT since the trail went up to the far corner inside the park and then came back along the laneway ... to the check outside the American Embassy.

This check took a bit of time to crack since we thought it might head towards Jury's .... but it didn't (FT) or towards Waterloo Road ... but it didn't (FT) ... and eventually we looked down Shelbourne Road and found the trail ... could this be the beginning of a long run? As the trail headed towards Mount Street Bridge, we knew it wasn't going to be a short trail but could it just be a medium size