DUBLIN HHH

eTRASH

RUN 853: 28 DECEMBER 2003: FAIRVIEW DART STATION: LOUIS COPEAND: This was a very select gathering, just after Christmas. TWINKLETOES and her friend from Beirut / Texas, Anna Maria were in the car park first but, very soon after, SHIT STIRER and SMIRNOFF. By the time we were ready to leave, the pack had swelled to include 6M WON MAN and GAY LICK ….. and, of course, the hare. The hare explained that the trail might be slow in places and recommended that those in shorts and T-shirts, put on warmer clothing … all except 6M WON MAN covered their knees!

The trail started with a good run round and about Clontarf. The trail headed inland towards the Howth Road using the track that comes out by the railway bridge. Then the trail headed back into the hinterland of Clontarf, headed Northwards and then back to the strand by the Yacht. The trail then began another intestinal circuit inland before emerging on the strand again where there was a check which gave everyone the chance to see whether the hare was headed for Bull Island or back to town.

The next part of the trail used none of the clever back alleys as it was a sprint along the foreshore to a HV (or hash view) …. not sure what we were meant to be looking at but the office blocks across the Tolka estuary did look smart in the late afternoon sun …. but no maiden on the rocks or Mount Fuji looming in the distance!

The trail then cut round the bay until there was a check at a big sign saying “No entry”. No entry is a big come-on for the hash and the true trail had to be on the far side of the sign … which it was. The next check was at the business park gateway but those who knew the estate realised that there was no other route in or out so searched for the trail on the road outside where four was found and the group of walkers located.

No we were on the way home so, with a short CB3 towards East Wall, the trail went through Fairview Park, another minor FT and then round the houses to LOUIS pad where Eva invited the hash into the kitchen for mulled wine, stole cake, Christmas cakes, scones and cream …. and beer. What a welcome end to the hash year!!! Down downs to everyone … TWINKLETOES even did hers in mulled wine.

Have a Happy New Year Hashers - remember, on 1 January 2004, there were 200 days to Paddywacks IV!!!! Please register early to get a place.

RUN 845: IRISH NASH HASH, CUTTER’S WHARF, STRANMILLIS, BELFAST: DR. PURPLE HELMET and LOST DEPOSIT: This hash had been much promoted and a front-line group (VIRGIN, STTI, RICK’OSHEA, SPIDERMAN, CORMACK) had headed up on Saturday to make sure that they had time to get a handle on the Belfast scene. By all accounts (and you wont read it here) they did well. The Belfast Hash gave everyone a great reception with goodie bags for all.

The hash itself was on Sunday at 1400h (nominal). What a great day it was - splendid sunshine and, when the sun was shining, warm. The hash started in the car park beside Cutters Wharf (which was closed for refurbishment). There were brief introductions and three bottles of beer did their rounds … the hash was cleverly laid with R/W splits for the runners and walkers. After a photocall (see next page), the hash headed off beside the Lagan River with a series of checks dodging the trail from the bank to the nearby road and back. Then the trail seemed set to keep to the riverside and we got into open country.

Then there was the split by a stile (KEEN KNICKERS made sure nobody missed it) and the runners’ trail went on round beside the Lagan. The trail then went through some dodgy muck at the edge of a field and then took to the high ground with an undulating trail back to the place where the trails came together and we were soon at Stranmillis Road again and, opposite No.413 we went over the wall to the beer check.

The beer check was very welcome and we were keen to have a bottle of Harp as we watched people trying to get over the wall. The last to the wall were TWINKLE TOES and VIRGIN who got over the wall with help and bruises.

The trail then went on through a campus with very little difference between the walkers and runners’ trails … and a very short journey to the next beer check where there were “games”. KEEN KNICKERS managed the games and the first was the Tantalus Game where the “gentlemen” had grapes suspended from the necks and dangling with the jewels ready to have the grapes nibbled at by dusky maidens. Volunteers were not hard to find and, by a short head (no pun intended) Dublin and champion nibblers, STTI and SLAVE DRIVER, won.

The next game was to get the cherry from the cream tortilla …. I am not sure who won this but I do remember seeing one of the Dublin hashers (from Drogheda!!!) with cream all over his face and no sign of a cherry … I doubt whether that was a winning tactic as we had been told not to break the tortilla!

The final game was the licking of the banana … here we had a champion, GAY LICK, who performed with finesse as she cleaned the banana in a very professional manner (she must have been practicing on bananas beforehand).

As a consequence of having a margin of success in our favour, Dublin HHH were awarded with the gold toilet seat. POLLY, who came up for this award didn’t go away with just the toilet seat … there was a special award for the hasher with everything …. except a fleecy posing pouch …. yes, POLLY posed briefly with “baaaa….. baaaaa…. baaaaa” going on and on (the battery will not last until next year).

We the went down the hill to the edge of the Chancellor’s Lake where we had a tug of war … two goes, much shouting about cheating, but the end result was a draw 1-1. The selection for the teams was interesting …. we were told to make our tongues into a tortilla (without cream) …. apparently a way of separating 50% of the population.

After that, the hash headed off with the runners headed for the undergrowth and the barbed wire round the Chancellor’s Pad. The trail was difficult with the broken bridge and the terrible undergrowth of the wilderness at the far end of the lake. Here, after emerging at a Victorian pile, the trail went cold. We were “that close” to the Cutters Wharf but we had run out of flour. Eventually, we went down the bank and past the Belfast Festival ghoul wood and then back to Cutters Wharf where there was more beer and the hash circle.

RICK O’SHEA did a very good job in the circle with a great down down for DR. PURPLE HELMET who had parked his car in an invalid space. Good down down to the new runners from Drogheda. Some tales of the night before and that olde English town of “Much Groping on the Bed”. Hash Cash was collected and we went off for a great meal (and to warm up) at an Italian Restaurant in front of the University.

CLOSING REMARKS:

1. THREE CHEERS FOR BELFAST HHH. Well done.
2. Thank you SPIDERMAN for giving RHYTHM METHOD and his passengers a coronary by spooking us at the traffic lights in Dundalk.
3. My apologies to the dear people who live in 17 Wellington Place who were harangued by a man called “Polly” at 1100h. My apologies to TWINKLE TOES who was waiting at 17 Warrington Place at 1100h - that’s what happens when you try to communicate on a poor telephone connection or after a few drinks at the Marine’s Ball

MARATHON WATER STATION, Fortfield Road, Mile 15: Thanks to HOT LIPS and HOT WIRE who came out to support the marathon water station. What a beautiful day - but it never made the cleaning up any easier. STILETTO SLUT had requested a beer to be available at the water station - there was a special beer waiting and an empty bottle after he’d passed (He survived as I heard that he had been seen on Friday night).

RUN 844: “MARATHON RUN” ST. STEPHEN’S GREEN, DUBLIN 2: POLLY: The sun was out and the trail was laid. POLLY’s car was parked in pole position with three cases of beer ready for thirsty marathon would-bes. At 1100h, we had a small group which comprised TWINKLE TOES and STILLETTO SLUT (Chicago HHH) - where were the rest of the visitors? Excuses had been received for the Dublin Hashers who were all off doing exciting things in warmer places. We cracked open a couple of beers and waited …. 6M WON MAN and GAY LICK turned up next and at 1130h we decided that this was it.

The trail started off by heading round Ely Place and down to Merrion Row where there was a check. TWINKLE TOES (walking), GAY LICK and STILETTO went off to see the Government Buildings while 6M WON Man went off to see Fitzwilliam Square ….. and then ON was called and we then ran past the picture sellers at the edge of Merrion Square.

The next check took the pack (almost losing STILETTO) down the back of Holles Street Hospital and across Pearse Street and to a CB at Windmill Lane. Here we had a photocall for STILETTO beneath the Rock and Roll Stroll trail sign announcing U2’s activities - STILETTO turned out to be a life-long U2 fan. Then we had a posing session beside the famine statues - very friendly with a group of retirees. Next we went round the IFSC and into Connolly Station where there was a check through the station. The sound of the horn blasting through the station concourse made some travellers nervous … but we were soon gone and along Talbot Street and headed for the top end of O’Connell Street.

After that (having passed the other maternity hospital - the Rotunda), the trail went through the back of the Irish Life Centre and to the base of the half-penny bridge. Here 6M WON MAN took the obvious trail and went across the bridge …. but, with a bit of prompting, GAY LICK found the trail along the boardwalk and across the Millennium Bridge and into the back of Temple Bar. There was much hanging around the Olympia Theatre ….. but eventually, the pack went through into Dublin Castle and round the back to St. Patrick’s Cathedral. CB back to St. Stephen’s Green and then ON IN through the park.

There was a brief “circle” (pentagram?) and then on on with music in O’Donohue’s where there were pints and T-shirts. Chicago won 4-0 on the T-shirt front!

RUN 842: HANDELS PUB, ST. JAMES’ STREET: SPIDERMAN: The scribe has not been very diligent here because this hash trash should have been issued last week but the scribe was enjoying himself at a wedding in Clonmel so was unable to bring the hash trash to the next run.

However, never let it be said that SPIDERMAN’s run was not worth writing up! It was a very enjoyable run which started in the wet …. no, it wasn’t raining but it was a run which started with a lot of hashers holding a pint in their hands. Then came the farewells to all the locals who, after a few more pints might just have come running with us, and the meeting on the pavement outside to discuss the weather and the hares and the trail and … why the hell haven’t we left yet!

In the impatience to get away, the trail which was visible from the pub was quickly found and, within seconds, the fastest of the runners were heading down to the bottom of the hill with the slow ones following behind and a hysterical SPIDERMAN following behind the slow runners …. Did you not fee the FT you F**kers!!!

So back to the top of the hill and the trail was then found but, as we rounded the corner and headed to the Guinness Hopstore, we found the road (and even the trail) blocked by a film crew. After checking with the Garda, we ere allowed through with horn blaring and a shout of “Sound Check” as we disappeared out of the limelight and past the puzzled technicians, gaffers, first grip, best men, (wigs by Charlene), wardrobe assistants and hangers on.

After that flying start, we took our breath at the next check ands sent SLAVE DRIVER off into knacker-land on her own …. she didn’t return. However, this was because she was ON and she was soon accompanied by the pack as we took a tour of the estates at the back of the brewery where kids are put onto the street in the hope that they become pregnant and get a flat from the corporation and leave home. We had lots of help from the kids and their older sisters and brothers before finding a massive CB and returning to the brighter lights of peripheral housing areas and … all the time following SPIDERMAN’s rather snail like trail.

At their stage the hash split at a check and it looked like one part of the hash might get back 30 minutes before the other. STTI and RICK O’SHEA had used their judgement (OK - they short cut) and ended up at Heuston Station where there was a check …. there was nobody in sight (there was even a question about whether the pack was in front of us … it was eerily quiet). So we searched … and we searched until the pack arrived and SPIDERMAN made grunting noises in the direction of the trail and we were off again, doing a rather long circuit around Arbour Hill jail.

After that it was fairly easy to see what was going to happen. The hare fought the logic of the trail to the last few yards by forcing the pack to CB in Smithfield (from where the could smell the pints of Guinness from Handel’s across the river). However, the game was up and the pack, with the smell of the brewery in their nostrils was not turning back … across the river … up the hill and there was Handel’s.

POLLY with Seoul HHH - no hash trash

RUN 839: SUNDAY: 21^st SEPTEMBER 2003: KILLAKEE, HELLFIRE CLUB: POLLY: It was a beautiful afternoon but about 5 degrees cooler than the Mystery Bus Tour the weekend before - Autumn’s here folks! The trail began in the absence of the hare who was “otherwise detained” before the run and was now scrambling about with a bag of flour hoping to keep out of the way of the pack who might easily have caught sight of his colourful attire through the fir trees!

The pack was back in full strength with STTI and RICK O’SHEA back from Morocco. SLAVE DRIVER and RHYTM METHOD clear of funerals. WEDGIE (and WIDGET - how’s that for a hash name for the young’un) back to claim “The Robe”. 6 M WON MAN back from San Francisco which he said got “boring” after two months!

When the scribe (quickly changing hat from being the hare) caught up with the pack, they were scampering through the field round the Hellfire Club (or Hellfire Comfort Station as SLAVE DRIVER thought it was) looking like the Von Trapp Family fleeing Nazi stormtroopers. There was the odd whistle and shout but LOUIS seemed to have been parted from his horn so it was much quieter than usual.

The trail then headed downhill and it seemed that Tallaght was getting awfully close. A convenient CB6 caught the front runners and reversed the running order for a while as the trail continued through the forest. SLAVE DRIVER seemed convinced that the run would continue on towards Tallaght but this was an FT and the pack continued through the forest before coming out onto the hilltop again with views over the Dublin Mountain -that’s if you were not looking for flour at the FT.

The trail then skirted the scrub before plunging through the trees down the hillside onto a farm track. There was barbed wire at the bottom and there were various approaches to getting through it …. RHYTHM METHOD went over the top like a gazelle. LOUIS went through the middle between strands whilst SLAVE DRIVER slid under the bottom strand - all got over safely but with differing degrees of elegance.

The run in was almost level and went through beautiful countryside (almost like “the scalp”) and it was no surprise that STTI and RICK O’SHEA lingered at the end of the pack and almost missed the circle!!

Down Downs were held in the carpark with the Garda circling looking for bin protesters or some other miscreants. 6 M WON MAN had to christen his new shoes in the traditional manner and to the chant of “Verouca! Verouca!”.

RUN 838: SUNDAY: 14^th SEPTEMBER 2003: THE MYSTRY BUS TRIP TO MULLINGAR: SPIDERMAN and BERNIE THE BUS: The “Big Day” had arrived and the weather was going to be fantastic but where were the regular hashers? The roll call read as follows (from front of bus to rear) BERNIE THE BUS, SPIDERMAN, MORE CARGO, LOUIS COPELAND, STITCH, Malachy, FURRY, TWINKLETOES and POLLY (9 - including the bus driver!). The bus was a 16 seater so we could happily have fitted in a few more before we had to throw out some beer!

The good news was that we had plenty of beer (5 cases) and room for cool boxes, BBQs and baskets of food. As usual, the hash started lethargically with a vain wait for missing bodies. At one time LOUIS looked as though he was begging for the next DART to run him over as he stood on the tracks at the level crossing. One more DART …. Nobody came … so we were off. It would have been interesting to have headed in the direction of Croke Park where the Cork and Kilkenny supporters were already gathering but the bus was soon headed down the quays in the direction of …. Mullingar.

A lot of effort was expended in trying to tell the hares where we were going. STITCH tried a couple of times to introduce the destination casually into conversation but failed on every attempt. However, SPIDERMAN did tell us that there were to be three runs …. This sounded like the Baghdad Re-union Run of 1994. But then the bus stopped and we were kicked pout at the Crumlin Fire Station. Everyone obediently disembarked and we were just taking our bearings and looking for the starting check when the bus zoomed off up Crumlin Road and we were left marooned on a traffic island. The search for flour started in earnest (particularly as both the hares had headed off) … and then the bus came back … there was no run!

Back on the bus, the tops popped off the beers and we waited to see where run no. 2 was going to be located. The bus headed West and we were soon in the Tallaght area …. And then headed up past Bohenabreena towards Brittas …. The bus stopped again. We got out and were pleased to see the hare with us even after the bus had driven off in a cloud of dust.

Trail 2 started down a track and we soon came across a check which had us looking in the small pine trees until we found an FT and the walkers hailed us with “ON ON” as they found the trail straight on down the track. Malachy was caught out by the next check as the trail failed to take the scenic route. Next, LOUIS went checking deep into the woods where the homeless people seem to be bivouacking and we lost him for a while as the trail went up hill (without a lot of marks).

The FRBs were soon at the tail end when they missed an “X” in the bank and made a false trail about five times as long as it needed to be! SPIDERMAN then complained that the FRBs missed a bit of shaggy and then most of a trail … but we were nearly at the end of the trail and soon caught up with the walkers and saw the bus in the distance. A good trail - not long or too testing - but the FRBs came in with the walkers so it was just right.

At the bus there was a photocall and a few beers - TWINKLETOES gave SPIDERMAN a hug as a fellow smoker and then we were back on the bus again and headed for Blessington where BERNIE gave us a last call to shop for the picnic. Malachy had no food but everyone else had excess so the bus sped onwards. Over the Ballymore Eustace bridge and past the Hollywood sign …. But we turned into the foothills of the Wicklow mountains very shortly and were soon at a wood that none of us knew.

Run no. 3. By this time, the walkers had decided that they would not go on a “run” - particularly as they had heard that it was A to A. The runners set off with gusto up a lovely trail which ended round the corner at an “X” … we then came down and met the walkers coming up. There were only two tracks so we were soon up the second and were “ON” quickly. At the top of the hill there was a burnt-out car and the check had POLLY quickly down the far side and at the false trail sign. We then wandered off the other track and met the walkers coming towards us as well as a mysterious “CB15” which was just off the side of the track in the woods. SPIDERMAN said something nobody could understand as the reason for this being there but we just heard the words “ignore it” - we did.

For the runners there were many checks as the path dived off the track and into the woods at intervals. The trail was nicely laid and kept the pack (three people!!!) awake and interested. At the last check in the woods, the hare vanished to make a wonderful stone “ON IN” sign which we found when we discovered that the true trail was back the towards the cars. SPIDERMAN gave a good imitation of a hare as he was seen sprinting over a hill as fast as lightning.

Back at the cars, the girls were enjoying seeing men get into their leathers as the local scrambling club had come to ride in the woods. The site was declared unfit for a picnic and we headed off towards Blessington Reservoir to find a better place. This was not as easy as it seemed as most of the lakeside parking spots had bars which stopped the bus getting down the access road. Instead, we found a quiet spot beside the GAA ground and not more than 50 yards from the lake - perfect.

Three BBQs were quickly lit and there was soon the sizzling of burgers, sausages, ribs, potatoes, mushrooms, rashers and bananas. Even apples in tin foil. We had a feast. Poor STITCH spent her time trying to dodge the sun which, unhappily for her (and happily for the rest), was difficult to do. We remembered the MBT of 2002 … and the BBQ in the rain. What a difference a year makes!

Soon we were headed back - a great day. Thanks to BERNIE and SPIDERMAN for their hard work as well as MORE CARGO for arranging the beer and the bus. Rumour has it that we have no more hash cash ….. so subs may go up in the near future!

RUN 830: Monday: 21^st JULY 2003: The Barge, Grand Canal. STTI and Higgins: it must have been a hot, well warm, and steamy evening as GAYLICK, RICK O’SHEA, STTI, HIGGINS and CORMAC were found sipping pints on the grand canal lock. VIRGIN arrived very thirsty after her bus ride (owning up the car is smashed up) 5 minutes before the ON ON and claimed if not enough time to buy a pint, then the hare should share hers.

The pavement art of the international symbols that were used were displayed - (after all what do you expect from an Aussie and Belge) were explained by STTI and corrected by HIGGINS for our many virgins. Late comers, WEDGIE and JOY RIDER, who lived within a short walk, were obviously seeking out the trail on route - what other excuse could they have. The ON ON was called 15 minutes late and the pack the first false trail along the canal bank to the west, followed by another FT to the east under the new LUAS bridge. STITCH proudly showed off her new found Australian wealth with the building bearing her name (Glennon house). BEAVIS and his virgins called ON ON to the true trail west along the other side of the canal bank which quickly led to a side lane CB7. at this point the FRBs (RICK O’SHEA) showed that they must have pulled of their shoes as they counted back more than 7 and headed back up along the canal. This threw the pack into confusion as the hares and virgins were now leading away.

The trail crossed Ranelagh Rd, (note WEDGIE that the hares were careful not to have marks here so you couldn’t spot the trail on the way to the hash) . the next check was broken by WEDGIE taking us through Dartmouth Sq, under the sprinklers, up the stairs and across the canal to another check. Here the lads were on the lookout for the local talent around Fitzwilliam Sq, but were unlucky this time.

It seemed we had a few walkers (SPIDERMAN, CENTREFOLD and Sinead) who always were around the check as it was broken. Centrefold was seen running once when she was afraid of being recognised. Cormac, normally a walker, put up a gallant effort and ran fuelled by the earlier pint.

The trail led to a CB 5 down Quinns lane and if only they had known that a few more steps would have taken them to the real trail heading down Leeson St to a check at the South entrance of Stephens Green. False trails were found outside the park and the true trail going through the kiddies playground led the pack over the bridge and up a hill where groping couples were scattered in all directions. This again was an FT, and the pack headed back around the duck pond, where STTI had been confronted by 3 park wardens a few hours before, but was left off as one of them had a fondness for Brisbane girls.

The next check was broken as the pack zig zaged up the LUAS Harcourt St bombsite. Detectives were not needed to break the check outside their headquarters and the ON IN was called to get the whole pack home within 4 minutes of each other. That is, with the exception of LUOIS COPELAND, who’s horn had not been heard since the first FT. He straggled in during the circle with no other excuse other than he walked (maybe lost at Fitzwilliam sq).

Of course STITCH, VIRGIN and MORE CARGO were already back already with drinks in hand. Down downs were held on the canal bank under the curious gaze of the bar staff. HIGGINS produced the famous rubber chicken dressed complete with necklace, nail polish, lace skirt and eyelashes. BEAVIS was down downed on his knees and had his beer delivered to him from the lipsticked beak of the chicken. He refused to drink the froth, but surely it was rinsed in canal water.

Brenda was finally given her hash name of CENTREFOLD as she is a contributor to the Irish press. Virgin hashers, Cormac, Sinead, Gil, Colin and (?) were forced to own up who made them come. STTI and BEAVIS were down downed for too much cuming. JOYRIDER for trying to get a short cut from STITCH, HIGGINS for Marathon hashing 20 runs in 12 countries in 4 weeks, SPIDERMAN and SWINGER for being from the north and not having hashed in Belfast and HIGGINS being the next hare up there, GAYLICK as translator as she is to work there soon, SLAVEDRIVER for being one, Gil for living in Kuala Lumpur and never hashing there, VIRGIN for not knowing where her Wake was to be held.

Despite all the down downs, we still had room for a very large ON ON, al fresco, at the Barge.

RUN 828: MONDAY, 7^th JULY 2003: THE US EMBASSY: BALLSBRIDGE: SLAVE DRIVER: Let it be said that until now, there were things in life that you could be absolutely sure of: death, taxes, and rain if Slavedriver is setting the trail.  Not so anymore as it was a fine, even glorious evening with a touch of warmth & sunshine for this hash.  Being the Red Dress Run, we were graced with the attendance of those hashers who have been MIA for some time - Stitch, back from her travels, Head the Ball and Guzzler s.

The Hash were all decked out in their Sunday best dresses with the award going to Shit Stirrer for a lovely, calf-length red number with a fine blue sheen to it (jacket and all).  What an elegant combination with Smirnoff's short bright red sarong!  Not to be outdone, we had Wedgie's standard polka-dot dress paired with Joy Rider's not so ordinary bright red boa!  GRRRRR!!! And of course, the award for the shortest tog had to be Louis Copeland who received numerous honks from admiring drivers as he made his way around town. There were quite a few visitors as well: "Willy" and his wife from Washington DC were along with 2 local hash virgins in tow, and another hasher from Toronto was there all decked out in a bright red number.   It was dually noted that 2 of our most stylish hashers were missing from the pack - Polly and Rick O'Shea, who's red dress may even be shorter than Louis Copeland's.

Construction around the US Embassy constricted the pack to a small space as they waited for the hare talk and while Lipstick, true to her name, put on a bright red lip colour to match her gear.  The group were informed that, but for a call from Rhythm Method while she was setting the trail, Slavedriver would've extended the run by about another 2 miles.  Grateful that they were only running one  run and not Slavedriver's sometimes two-in-one runs, the pack took off on Wedgie's lead in the  direction of an FT in Herbert Park and then a long FT on Clyde road.   Finally on track at the Berkley Court Hotel (except for Shit Stirrer and the hasher from Toronto doing a long, lonely FT), the pack wound past the DART, down along the Dodder and back towards town where there was a mid-point beer stop - proof to the hash virgins that we are indeed a drinking club with a running problem!

What a sight at the pub - Wedgie and Smirnoff being chatted up by a couple of guys at the bar and several gazes in the direction of Louis Copeland and Shit Stirrer.  Where were Stitch and Lipstick?  They had been sent ahead of the gang, but there was no sight of them.... Quite content to be sipping away at outside tables, it looked like the pack had lost their will to run until Slavedriver pronounced that the "sipping" was over and it was on-on. Standing up and realizing that they needed to get the kinks out, the group re-warmed with an enthusiastic "Father Abraham" and then it was off past the Maternity Hospital.  The group needed to be prodded a bit - Joy Rider and Twinkle Toes took a  short cut and Shit Stirrer was lamenting about the difficulty of running in a skirt.  

Back at the check, the pack were greeted by Stitch, Lipstick, and More Cargo who was looking a bit wiser but definitely not any older.  American cookies made by Slavedriver were handed out as Joy Rider acted as hash waitress. Rhythm Method was complaining about the mistake he had made only a year ago by proposing to Slavedriver in the hash circle at same spot... he's lucky he only got a cookie shoved in his mouth for that comment. The down-downs were in full  force when who sauntered up but More Cargo's husband, Calum. It seems that More Cargo had celebrated her 49th + 365 days only the day before and what fun the hash had with her in the circle!

More Cargo was presented with a beautiful basket of flowers with a candle made by Smirnoff (Calum was instructed that there was to be romance that evening), a cake, and an ironing board cover that would make any woman not mind ironing a few items!  Ooh la la!!!  There was much "noshing" in the  circle what with all the cookies, cake, and Smirnoff's excellent buns!  Our visitors were impressed with the gourmet sandwiches and awarded  Smirnoff with a Washington DC t-shirt for her efforts.   Then it was off to Mary Mac's for a tibble.

RUN 826: MONDAY: 23^rd JUNE 2003: THE ROYAL OAK, FINGLAS ROAD, GLASNEVIN, DUBLIN 9: POLLY: It was a pleasant evening for a run, clouds but dry and warm. A select group waited outside the pub … VIRGIN had actually passed the pub three times before she saw the sign on the side wall. There was a rumour that LOUIS was on his way but we were not sure how long we’d have top wait. As LOUIS’s car came into the car park, the pack took off leaving LOUIS to gather himself together in record time.

However, no need to bother as the hash was busy running a loop trail with a CB17 almost where the trail left the road. STTI was back from checking out another FT too. Then up the hill and to the new Esso station where, although, in SLAVE DRIVER’s words, people were dying to get into the cemetery, the trail went off into the Dublin Industrial Estate. There was a flavour of LOUIS COPELAND’s run a few weeks earlier and, as we passed thee Tennant’s depot (and I remember STTI thinking that they should be approached as a sponsor for the Paddywacks next year), the intruder alarm went on and two hooded youths headed away in our direction.

The hash passed by without concern but, at the next check beside the canal, there were a group of youths boosting a keg of beer over a fence and it would appear that these youth would not be needing sponsorship for their next drink (assuming that they could bleed the keg). There was quite a wait to find the check here as SPIDERMAN went one way and WEDGIE went the other. A few stood on point and looked busy. Eventually, it dawned on the pack that the hare might have trespassed over the railway tracks and a trail was soon found through two holes in the fence.

This created a small problem for SHIT STIRRER as he could get through the fence where two uprights had been removed but was unable to get through the fence where only one of the rails had been removed. The beer went over the fence but would SHIT STIRRER. As the pack, with SLAVE DRIVER near the front and RHYTHM METHOD doing gallant things for ladies who needed help down a wall, SHIT STIRRER found a way round the fence and was in hot pursuit.

The trail went through a pack in Cabra (with SLAVE DRIVER missing the blobs over the barbed wire fence!) and then back through the innards of Cabra where the bunting and the gurriers were out in force. STTI was asked whether she was in the “Special Olympics” - if so, they said, she’d better hurry up”. In an alarming moment, SPIDERMAN hid behind a wall and jumped out …. Meanwhile, LOUIS COPELAND, who had run through an FT, gave up on the trail and headed beck to the check …. Only 50 yards from where the trail re-appeared. That’s hashing.

From then on, it was plain sailing as the trail came back to Broombridge railway station and the famous plaque to the Quaternion Equation - i² = j² = k² = ijk = -1; one wonders what Mr.. Hamilton would have come up with had he been hashing beside the Royal Canal rather than just walking - in 1843.

The final ON IN was beside the Tolka with a variety of pace - running, walking or just amazed that we were within 100 yards of the start! The circle was held under the pub CCTV and crimes were honoured in the traditional fashion. SMIRNOFF produced great sandwiches again … we all went down on bended knee to offer her our thanks …. Under WEDGIE’s watchful gaze!

RUN 824: MONDAY: 9^th JUNE 2003: THE GRAVE DIGGERS, GLASNEVIN: LOUIS COPELAND: It was a damp evening with 6M WON MAN holding a pint in his hand before the run on order to thoroughly soak his insides. SOFYB actually turned up looking as if he would run (it helps to have runners on your feet anyway!). The rain fell softly as the hare explained that the flour might be washed away but, more importantly, that the beer was still in Clontarf (in the hare’s house!). LOUIS told us to run fast to ensure that the trail had not been washed away and headed back to get the beer.

The run was wet and the flour was melting into the ground but the pack found it and were soon headed into Phibsboro. At the canal, it could have gone either way but the trail went West and, although it fooled a few by crossing the canal, we were soon running along the canal and watching the cygnets and making odd sorties off the path and into the meadow margins. A group stayed on the tow path to watch the front runners waste their energies in the long grass. 6 M WON MAN and GAY LICK were well ahead of the pack when they found the CB on towards Broombridge …. Hard to disguise the fact that it was a CB but GAY LICK pretended she had hurt herself as an excuse for not belting down the path!

The next port of call was the Dublin Industrial Estate where the pack spilled out over all the little roads. Hard to predict where the trail would go but, given the weather, a calculation that the hare would not be planning a marathon run suggested that it might be the shortest way home! It was.

It was here that LOUIS COPELAND came out to meet the pack and check that we were all together - we were which was a miracle! STTI managed to keep up with us by walking all the way (which makes me laugh when I get e-mails from visitors asking if we are an “athletic group”).

We arrived back at pub and had the usual exhibition of LIPSTICK trying to get out of a straight-jacket …. STTI and JOY RIDER decided to short cut through the cemetery which was not a good idea … WEDGIE was seen heading back out to see where they had got to (and to keep warm) …. Giving the car keys to STTI was not a bright move as the rest of the pack had to wait for the beer until LOUIS COPELAND had his keys back! Great to see SMIRNOFF back in the pack again (and not just because of the great sandwiches).

RUN 823: TUESDAY: 3^rd JUNE 2003: THE PUNCH BOWL, BOOTERSTOWN: VIRGIN and STTI: Even before the hash started, there was confusion - the hare (VIRGIN) phoned up to say that she had hurt her leg after falling off a bus and that she wasn’t going to be able to get round the hash - a panic call to STTI who, it appears had hurt her neck so would be able to get round the hash but was not able to do the “Green Cross Code” - would STTI end up as roadkill? - would STTI dare to cross any roads?

There was a gathering in the car park by the DART station with various exposures of naked bits as hashers groped in their bags for hash clothes and discarded any sense of decorum as well as their business attire. The gang (for there was a good number) then ended up in the pub until the lad serving the drinks asked for our order …. At this point, it being after the hash start time already, the pack gathered on the pavement with cars whizzing past to get anyone taking a step backwards off the pavement. We then had to wait for LOUIS who had arrived late and, together with SPIDERMAN, were changing slowly as their attention was distracted by the sight of ROAD RUNNER getting into her lycra. The group outside the pub had to use their imagination!

Eventually, the hare talk and the run which began with, it appeared, no FT as the pack was straight up the hill towards Mount Merrion. However, for all of those who had got off the grid at a furious rate (e.g. STTI, SLAVE DRIVER and THE MARQUIS DE SHAG), there was a massive CB through a housing estate which would have done justice to Jason and his ball of twine - no Minotaur at the end so I was told.

From here, the runners went up the hill, blew through the check and immediately were called back by the hash “Fair Play” squad led by none other than WEDGIE who was jumping about at the check crying - “Come Back”. The renegades came back to find themselves running a circle round a tennis court and watching large rugby types get changed …. Just what we like! At this point there was some chaos as the hash disintegrated …. Some, who thought themselves front runners found themselves being told by JOY RIDER to “slow down and let the pack catch up” ….. but soon found themselves following nobody. Others appeared to have found a way out of the school tennis court and were now headed on a short cut.

Those that were a head were pleased to see that VIRGIN had taken the hint to provide a drink stop at her flat where she brought out iced shot glasses and a liquorice flavoured 36% proof Finnish paint stripper ---- nice! After that, the position in the hash did not matter and the alcohol added to the joy of the new trails that the hare had found through St. Helen’s Wood - eventually catching up with those who had missed the drink stop. SOFYB was at the head of the pack by the speed check as Garda Patrol car “YO” squatted out of sight behind the overpass. However,, the sight of the hash on the overpass succeeded in slowing traffic and defeating the penalty point system once again!

From here, it was a run for home through the housing estate and, helped by a Malaysian student, the pack were kept on flour until the main road where thee Punchbowl was in sight. The circle was very good humoured with LOUIS demonstrating oral socks. Good to see Canuk and Brenda back after the hash had failed to shock them with its depravity. SOFYB had the trendiest running footwear as, once again, this highly paid project manager had failed to predict the need for runners on the hash - makes one think that he’s leaving them behind on purpose? MORE CARGO turned up in the pub … just when everyone thought that she might have gone to Honduras again. There was a lament at the lack of sandwiches but a few supplemented their diet with food in the pub afterwards. MARQUIS was heading off to Moscow for the 21^st anniversary hash … we wish them well.

RUN 822: MONDAY: 26^th MAY 2003: SCRUFFY MURHY’S, POWERSCOURT, DUBLIN 2: WEDGIE: It was just beginning to rain in a lazy fashion when WEDGIE arrived and marked the starting check. Already there were a few runners hiding in cars and VIRGIN was lost somewhere down Mount Street. VIRGIN then arrived and had a tearful reunion with the MARRQUIS DE SHAG (ex. Moscow) at which point it turned out that VIRGIN was not her first hash name. (Don’t ask me to repeat it because it was so augmented that the only bit I can remember is the .. 18” bit!). There was a hare-talk at which it was established that some hashers have such impoverished wardrobes that there were two pairs of identical twins (at least from the waist up!).

Then we were off … and WEDGIE had done an excellent job of false trails … they went this way, SLAVE DRIVER went that way …. The MARQUIS DE SHAG even found the on in … LOUIS thought he had found it - but no …. And then the hare, satisfied with the puny efforts of the pack pointed SHIT STIRRER in the right direction. We were on!!!

As we arrived near the Pepper Canister Church we met a check and were soon headed for Baggot Street and then, after another check near Lad Lane, we headed into Merrion Square (almost) before being sent down past the Dail and the National Gallery and round the back of the school of dentistry into Trinity College.

Here the hare had done a very good job but he spent a lot of time ensuring that we didn’t miss an inch of the circuitous route that he had planned around every quad in the place. We could only come out by the Central Bank and we did … and, predictable, there was a check here.. We headed for the river but, at the check at O’Connell Bridge, POLLY went Northside whilst SLAVE DRIVER went along the South quays and was soon on trail but ran into POLLY again when checking at the Half-penny Bridge.

THE MARQIUS found this trail and we were launched back into Temple Bar and a quaint and devious trail that had us running through Meeting House Square and then up past the Stags Head where we suddenly found ourselves “off trail” …. The rain appeared to have washed all the trail away. Finding the trail again - with much encouragement from the hare - we then went up Grafton Street and round the back of the houses to get to the Harcourt Street corner where, again, WEDGIE was exhorting the pack to “hurry up” as though he was a marines drill sergeant (we asked ourselves why WEDGIER was not called SLAVE DRIVER?).

From here is was easy to find a way home except that SHIT STIRRER found the trail and then called “False Alarm” …. But then found another blob. We knew where the ON IN was so we just had to join the dots and get there …. Up Leeson Street … with LOUIS looking very much the worst for wear (his answer to Chinese medicine is the hash cure for the common cold). Down along the canal and then … “Bingo”! we were back home again..

The circle was held in the middle of the street and we had about a 50% success rate at convincing cars that the road was closed. There were the down downs - usual suspects and three virgins - Canuk, Forget-me-not and Brenda. Excellent sandwiches - chicken and mango with curry mayonnaise (several people were asking for the recipe). Excellent.

RUN 821: SUNDAY: 18^th MAY 2003: PAPAL CROSS, PHOENIX PARK: SLAVE DRIVER and RHYTHM METHOD: The day was showery but that never stopped that Dublin Hash House Harriers as they prepared for an “outing” in their red dresses. From various directions, hashers arrived wearing various red rags …. SHIT STIRRER has removed the scullery curtains to use as a sarong, 6M WON MAN was complaining about GAY LICK’s clothes washing skills as his Korean kimono still showed the stains of previous adventures .. I think that was flour all over the front. GAY LICK looked as fresh as a daisy …. But twice as appealing. MORE CARGO and STTI were dressed to the eights (this would be without jewellery! The others had their family jewels well covered too!!). SLAVE DRIVER also looked ready for the ball but was busy with RHYTHM METHOD in organising the registration tent.

Had we all got numbers? What kind of a hash was this??? It was, of course, the Rotary “Hare and Tortoise Run” and that’s why the hash was at the earlier time of 2 pm. Two visitors, SMELL MY FINGER and HOPS HER BARLEY had not realised that it was a red dress run but had come from Tampa, Florida …. So had come the furthest … and were involved in a search for hidden objects using a GPS reference! Geo-caching LOUIS COPELAND looked very dangerous in a dress which just covered his buttocks … his black undergarments were very evident as the wind whipped round the hem-line!

Were we off … running????? No … first we did “Father Abraham” under the baton of WEDGIE who exhorted the girls and ladies to jump higher and be more enthusiastic about thee “Ooooh” and the “Ahhhh”. Then the pack took off on the circuit round the corner of the park (3 miles) with some running, some walking and some short-cutting. SLAVE DRIVER deserves a big “boo” for outstanding running … she won the fastest woman category. The rest of us came in at various times and then started the brief hash which was about two checks long … but did not stop the hare having the sadism to lay an FT up a hill. After another hill (up and down), we came to the three blobs which showed that we were near the beer. There then followed a brief pause for refreshments.

After this, the pack all headed off to the park Visitor Centre (one of the last places not yet to be calked an “interpretation centre”). Here we mixed with the Rotary Members and supporters and had a wine or a beer and some very tasty nibbles. There was no circle and there was no hash cash …. But donations to the Rotary Fundraiser should be made. The hash did not win the best dressed team event (that went to some Hawaiian posers who did not look half as good as the Hash!!! …. But then Turkey won the Eurovision Song Contest so there’s no accounting for taste these days!). The Hash did get an acknowledgement in the form of a very good bottle of wine …. I can’t remember what that was for …. Team event?

And then we went home to hash again another day!

Run 820: Monday, 12^th May 2003: The Legal Eagle, Four Courts, DUBLIN 7: LIPSTICK: There was a good group inside the pub as the start time drew near. The scribe was the only person who took the hare’s advice and parked in Smithfield … a good 5 minutes walk from the pub. There were introductions inside the pub … SPIDERMAN (Zagreb), PISS SUCKER (Taiwan) and the MARQUIS DE SHAG . The hare was not around but was soon seen coming down the street with a bag of flour. There was a brief hare talk before the hare pointed in the direction of the trail …. she forgot to mention that it was a False Trail so we were soon back at the start after astonishing a few tourists with the horns as they strolled along the side of the Liffey Quays.

There was a good search for flour before it was found at the back of the Four Courts. SPIDERMAN was checking halfway up the hill towards Christchurch before he was called back. As usual, the visitors were soon at the front and almost had to be restrained! The hash meandered around Smithfield, passing the scribe’s car after about 10 minutes. There were many checks which were found without too much difficulty and the trail was well marked.

The only place where the hash had problems was outside the Aisling Hotel where WEDGIE got to an FT before we had found a check. The MARQUIS DE SHAG was inclined to follow the hare … not a bad idea … so we found the trail and, led by SLAVE DRIVER, were soon at Heuston Station where ideas of running through the station took over from following the flour which SWINGER found round the outside of the station.

The trail went up round Kilmainham House which was no surprise unless you had expected to end up in Kildare for the night. STTI popped out of nowhere in a gallant bit of short cutting and ended up leading PISS SUCKER astray and off trail. A bevy of beauties appeared at a top window to urge on the hash …. WEDGIE tried to turn them into the Guards on grounds of harassment. The trail went past the gates of St. James’ Hospital and then straight through to Christchurch with a check or two to keep the front runners moderately under control.

The ON IN was found as the trail turned to come down under the Christchurch arch and there was no restraining the pack as they saw the pub and the esky full of beer.

The circle was held beside the Four Courts as visitors admired the bullet holes in the building. There was a healthy turn-out and a lively circle and down downs were given to the usual suspects, the visitors and other miscreants.

Run 819: Tuesday, 6^th May 2003: The Laurels, Clondalkin Village: SWINGER and SOFYB: There was no sign of the check as the small number of hashers waited in the Laurels Car Park. WEDGIE, STTI, LOUIS COPELAND, MORE CARGO and POLLY were the only ones … and we paced around the Laurels looking for flour. Eventually, SWINGER was seen coming through the village …. he had set the trail (thoughtfully) from a car park about 150m from the official start. WEDGIE was quick to advise him on the markings that he should use to get from the pub to the car park where the start was. There was then a Hare Talk which turned into a hare inquisition. Try as we might, we could not find out which way the trail went. However, we did discover the SOFYB had cried off and had given SWINGER a lot of rather misleading information which was sold as “experience”.

The hash started with LOUIS and POLLY heading the wrong way so by the time we caught up with the walkers and runners, they had already lost the trail. The blobs of flour proved difficult to find but SWINGER says that SOFYB had told him to lay them 100m apart. One of the FTs was cleverly changed so that it looked like a pair of specs (0-0). However, the pack stayed together even though it meant that LOUIS had to go back to collect WEDGIE and vice versa.

Suddenly, a visitor came in from left field, PLAYGROUND PROWLER from Heidelberg. Having given STTI his back pack, he joined the rest of us for an exciting game of find the flour ….. the hash was so slow at times that we could hardly call ourselves a running club …. and so lost that we looked as though we were searching for lost possessions.

POLLY predicted that the hash would run through Corcaigh Park ….. and it almost did but SWINGER manager to steer us clear of any park or grass since SOFYB had told him that you could not see flour in the grass. Eventually, we got the hang of this so that when there was a check on a bridge between two huge parks, we knew that the trail would keep to the road rather than risk that green stuff.

The hash was not long and we arrived back at 8.30 even though we had started off a little late. PLAYGROUND PROWLER got to see a round tower but the hash was probably not the most interesting or easy to run. However, the blame goes to the technical advisor, SOFYB, who should not be so shy as to bum off when there’s a little hand holding to do!

There was a circle behind the shops and everyone got a sip of beer … or two. Hash music was sung as the rain was beginning to come down and we went into the pub to have a convivial natter.

STTI complained about the hash trash not noting her departure for Australia just after the run where POLLY did his head in …. what do you expect after concussion … however, the hash trash has duly been amended.

Run 817: Tuesday, 22^nd April 2003: Dropping Well, Milltown: POLLY: It was a bright evening for the run and the hare got back from laying the run at 7.25. As usual, the visitors turned up on time … SLAVO DAVE from Central Coast HHH, POND SCUM and WISHBONE from Lincoln Nebraska USA. VIRGIN was busy entertaining them and SLAVE DRIVER and RHTHM method were busy sorting out their clothing in the backs of their cars. We were ready … or were we …. where was LOUIS COPELAND? A quick call to his chauffeur told us that there was a chance to do a bit of hash haberdashery …. a great selection of gear from Nebraska and patches from Australia. SOFYB was busy shopping but then started harmonising with SALVBO DAVE who whipped out a … harpoon from his dirty red bandana (or something like that).

The mood was quickly changed by the arrival of Eva and LOUIS COPELAND. Down to business with a hare talk and then the small (but international) pack was off. Two false trails were found before the pack found the true trail and had a quick lesson in Dublin hash markings. The trail went past the golf course and out to the Russian Embassy where, with a small CB, the trail continued down to the river. At this point SALVO DAVE and VIRGIN decided to walk back …

However, the stalwarts went on (nearly losing RHTHM METHOD and POND SCUM who went up to the FT at the Mount Herbert Hotel). Then through the park and across to Landscape Road. Here there were checks and a devious trail through a housing estate to the “Long Short Split” - unheard of in the Dublin Hash before! The short trail went back to the pub and POND SCUM and SOFYB went off in that direction. The long trail went round the back to Dundrum and back to the pub via Dundrum Road.

A clever and inspired bit of cross country work brought POND SCUM and SOFYB back to the pack (which was only SLAVE DRIVER, POLLY, RHTHM METHOD and LOUIS COPELAND) and the six who made it all the way round came in in style …. and in about an hour.

Down downs were held behind the bottle bank which was very convenient as all the drinks were in bottles. Visitors were accorded the usual welcome and there was even snacks provided by SLAVE DRIVER who is keen to continue SMIRNOFF’s fine traditions. Many thanks.

Run 814: Monday, 14^th April 2003: Ashtons, Clonskeagh: JOY RIDER: As usual, the visitors arrived a long time before the Dublin hashers who time it perfectly, mostly, to arrive sometime between 7.25 and 7.31pm. Tonight there was the interest of parking before the run and the visitors had a very good demonstration from LOUIS COPELAND of how his car could not fit in the space beside SLAVE DRIVER’s and, given a good space and even with rear view camera, how to not to pass the driving test.

The hare was missing …. and we waited anxiously to determine whether we should start or not. WEDGIE arrived … and soon after, JOY RIDER who advised that there was one FT and a few CBs. We were off.

The run started with the discovery of the ON IN beside the Dodder but the trail was soon found down towards Sandford Road. A clever dog-leg through a hole in the wall had the front runners spinning off towards Ranelagh while the new front runners found a CB 6 and ended up behind the walkers …. so much for speed or diligence. The check outside Gonzaga College soon resulted in the pack heading into the Beechwood area and, in a first for the Dublin HHH, a trail down the new Luas line behind the village at Ranelagh.

SLAVE DRIVER was at the front as the trail pitched into Ranelagh but home boy, WEDGIE, was soon near the front as the trail headed for the Burlington Hotel. At this point, it was evident to DOG ON that the trail was either to go along through Donnybrook (boring!!!) or take the scenic route through Herbert Park (DOG ON’s usual stomping ground). Correct! The trail was soon at the gates of the park but … the gates were closed and the Park Ranger’s school bell was sounding round the corner to get the last people out of the park. What would the hash do?

WEDGIE found a way over the fence which we climbed with more success than the school girls opposite who had one of their number suspended from the railings by her sandal strap! We went through the park with cunning and in silence until we were through the rose garden when we emerged into the rugby pitches where some other illegals were kicking a ball around. Here there was a hole in the railings and the hash squeezed back into the path beside the Dodder and back up to Donnybrook.

Nearly home, there was more consultation with local experts as to how the trail might go … the hare took the most direct route and nobody was disappointed as the trail came to the Dodder and headed straight up to Ashton’s. The circle was held in the daffodils by the roadside. Guests from City Hash (BASTARD and Phil) and Helsinki (don’t say Tallinn, please)(DR. FELTGOOD) were honoured and members of the Dublin Hash were treated with normal contempt and disrespect. The visitors had it well organised with their supporters lurking in the daffodils with full pints of Guinness at the ready … just as well as we ran out of beer, closed the circle with the normal song and headed for the comfort of Astons.

Run 814: Sunday, 5^th April 2003: Howth DART Station: SLAVE DRIVER: The sun never came out on Sunday which was a pity as the great views from Howth Head were obscured by mists and cloud. We had three visitors - RUGGIE BURNS and EIDELWEIS from Munich and their friend Natasha from Dublin. This was good news as many of the Dublin HHH stalwarts could not turn up. On top of that, the DART services were suspended for the day so anyone who was intending to come to the hash by the DART was disappointed.

The hash waited for anyone who might have had to catch a bus at the last minute …. and this allowed the visitors to join that hash as they were running late. SMIRNOFF stayed in the car with her Sunday papers whilst the rest of us were briefed by SLAVE DRIVER before the horn sounded and we were on our way.

At first, the hash wandered about finding the false trails but soon 6 M WON MAN found the trail and we were off along the front and, after a check, were headed up to the top of the rock over the harbour for a hash view. The hash view was a CB6 and that confused the pack as the trail went backwards which meant that the front runners were non-plussed. From here the trail went along the front and up the road which heads out to the point. There was much puffing and huffing as the trail climbed the hill but, with another check round the corner, there was plenty of time for everyone to catch up …. even SHIT STIRRER!

Where to next? GAY LICK thought she knew and went miles ahead, found another check and single-handedly found some FTs before everyone caught up. 6 M WON MAN was obviously preparing for a trip to hilly San Francisco (where he is now!) as he was first up the hill and onto the path going up onto the cliffs. He have been miles ahead had it not been for the check which caught him unawares and up the wrong track! The tail along the cliffs was pleasant and well marked …. SLAVE DRIVER was on her mobile phone guiding RHYTHM METHOD to join the tail (RHYTHM METHOD was the original hare but had pleaded work and given the job to SLAVE DRIVER; he would not have done that before he got married!).

From the Summit at Howth, the trail went back down hill but with sufficient surprises to keep everyone on their toes. There was never an absence of checks which almost seemed to get more frequent as the trail neared the end … and there was always the hare on hand to stop the pack short-cutting their way back to the start …. we often heard the call of “Are you sure you’re on trail?” … roughly translated as “Where are you short-cutting b*starts going now?”

Eventually, the trail got back to the DART-less station but not before 6 M WON MAN had tried to take a ball from some local kids and POLLY had been called a “clow-en” but the same.

It was chilly at the end of the run and there was not a great deal of enthusiasm for standing out on the grass and drinking beer! Many different hash songs were sung but I am not sure that these impressed our virgin. Afterwards, the pack went to the Bloody Stream and had a few beers … and even a meal in some cases. Brilliant run … we’ll do it again in the summer I hope.

Run 813: Monday, 29^th March 2003: Rathmines Inn, Rathmines: DOG ON: When the scribe arrived at the pub, the hash looked as though they were just started into a serious drinking session but there was a stirring and a stretching of limbs as the time for the start drew near. The hare gave a brief talk about the absence of false trails and the pack stood round in amazement and disbelief!

Then the pack was off … and in the wrong direction of course … WEDGIE going off like a mad dog unleashed However, the trail towards Ranelagh was soon found and, after a cluster of checks, the trail went back to Rathmines round the back of the Swan shopping centre. Sadly, ROADRUNNER fell over a manhole and got a bad case of nipple burn as she fell onto the pavement … there were many offers to kiss it better!

From the Swan Centre, the trail went round the back streets to end up almost back where we were with a check at the bottom of Rathgar Road at the petrol station. From here the trail went on another tour through the maze of backstreets and eventually ended up in Harold’s Cross by the cinema where there was another check. It was a good guess to think that the trail would start to turn towards the canal … and it did but DOG ON had some clever tricks up his sleeve as the trail went down back alleys (again) and round the back of the green before reaching the canal.

As the trail neared its end (and Baghdad was in sight) the threat of house-to-house hashing was realised. The trail would only go about 5 yards before another check at an intersection; hashers spread out down the side streets until the call of “ON ON” rallied the pack and they moved onto the next intersection to repeat this slow and painstaking house to house checking. It was getting dark but ahead the bright lights of the massive (aerial bombardment of bunker busters, surface to air missiles and cruise missiles) greyhound track loomed up ahead. The pack kept to the shadows of the garages and back alleys until they broke out into Grosvenor Square. Here WEDGIE had a bright idea and led a (raiding party of the 1^st Irish Scouts) number of short-cutters to the trail which went out of the Square and into Leinster Road (I think the rest of the pack were headed round the square the other way).

From Leinster Road it was ON IN as (the remaining black uniformed Palace Guard scattered ahead of the invasion forces) the trail swept done Rathmines High Street and to the Rathmines Inn. We arrived back in good time and more or less together (casualties were light). MORE CARGO was back and waiting with refreshments and edited highlights of her wedding in Bora Bora. The hash wedding is scheduled for Bastille Day ….so you have time to get a nice frock.

The circle was conducted by WEDGIE at the side of the Spar shop. DOG-ON was complimented on his excellent run. SHIT STIRRER was trying to tell us that he missed the desert as he reported that he was still cold even when wearing an Arran jumper, a fleece and other layers below. No such complaints from others and even SOFYB was winging less than usual. VIRGIN was later found to be stuffing a dog’s head through a cardboard box and demonstrating that she’d knitted a special hat with holes for ears … is this the hash or “Crufts”?

Run 812: Sunday, 23^rd March 2003: St. Anne’s Park, Raheny: TRIPLE NIPPLE and BLACK WATCH (Columbus Cowtown HHH): Is this a first? Dublin HHH being laid by visitors? When LOUIS COPELAND declared that he was unable to lay this hash, the first volunteers were TRIPLE NIPPLE and BLACK WATCH and this was thought to be a brilliant idea (although, afterwards, I did get other hashers asking me whether they knew where the run was going to start, how reliable did I think they were etc.).

However, on the sunny afternoon that was the 23^rd, two figures came down through the trees with bags of flour and looked at their watches and wondered where the Dublin Hash was! 2.30 pm and not a soul in sight. However, the carpark was already full so the hares had ready-made entertainment as they anticipated the hashers arriving and finding no parking spaces. POLLY was soon on the scene and found a place on the grass by the wall - only problem, negotiating the 6” kerb. DOG ON managed to catch somebody leaving and got a proper space by the hare’s car. There was fierce debate about tactics …. could the hares move their car and strategically create another space by parking less well? Eventually, the hash managed to encourage other people to leave the park, or so it seemed, because everyone got a space - even 6 M WON Man and GAY LICK who arrived last and nearly clobbered a motorbike with some strategic reversing.

After a page of hieroglyphics in the car park, the hash was off … the first part of the run was through the woods and along the river. Excellent use of the terrain was made by the hares who had many checks, false trails etc. that kept the pack together. Eventually, the hash headed South through the Rose Garrden and into the suburbs where there was a good chance that the run might go anywhere towards Clontarf. A clever check had the pack spread in all directions as 6 M WON MAN, WEDGIE and others went checking round the backs of houses for the trail..

ON ON …. and the trail went back into the park and eventually came across a “?” sign which meant that beer was not too far away. SLAVE DRIVER was busy looking in the huge mound of empty cans in the woods but the beer was eventally found under a pile of wood and rubble by the old changing sheds. Having a beer check was a very nice touch on such a great afternoon and was very welcome.

Then on the trail again, across a pitch and round behind the toilets where there was a CB22 …. and we were back on rail again and headed in the right direction for home. It was just after a check in a line of trees that POLLY came off the rails and crashed into a concrete path … and that is where the scribe lost his memory and only dimly remembers getting back to the car, having 6 M WON MAN gaze into his eyes (that’s enough to cause trauma), and some other kind person provide water to clean the wounds.

Well done hares … a great hash, excellent weather, very enjoyable beer stop, almost killed POLLY …. what more could one want in an afternoon? For STTI, this was the beginning of a long journey as she set off immediately for the airport and the flight home to Oz; the bang on the head meant that POLLY forgot this but STTI complained bitterly that her departure went unremarked. The correction was subsequently made!!! A circle was held while those who were not happy with the normal down down song tried to introduce others …. one of my favourites has to be:

Run 811: Tuesday, 18^th March 2003: The Swan, Aungier Street, Dublin 1: RICK O’SHEA: The hash was, initially, divided into two factions … those that waited in the cold on the pavement outside (no doubt very eager to start the run and be on their way) and those that waited within The Swan nursing the remains of a pint. The scribe can say that, on this occasion, he was on the inside with a pint of the black stuff chatting to visitors FATHER F*CK ME (Gypsies, San Francisco) and TRIPLE NIPPLE and BLACK WATCH (Columbus HHH, Ohio). FATHER F*CK ME (earlier having referred to the GM as “indifferent” to his e-mail) produced hats out of a bag for everyone in the audience …. even (and possibly specially) for those outside; the hash now waits for the return of winter weather in order to sport their new headgear (other uses were suggested …. I’ll let your imagination catch up with ours!).

The run started when the laggards had come out of the pub and after RICK had made a few marks on the pavement for the benefit of the visitors. What RICK did not say was that Dublin HHH have many FTs from the start; this fact soon became self-evident as, 10 minutes after the first cry of “ON ON” the pack was still buzzing around the swan after having investigated a number of FTs and a few roads without any marks.

Soon we were on our way to discover the scenic areas of Dublin with a dose of back alleys before the bright lights of Grafton Street. The visitors had also detected that the Dublin HHH like checks …. we had not reached Nassau Street before there had been six or more …. most with FTs and CBs. At Nassau Street, the pack was re-directed beside Trinity College to Suffolk Street despite the temptation of a trip to the Liffey. Some fancy footwork outside the Tourist Office took the pack round the back of Andrews Lane and to the Stag’s Head where there was another temptation to head North to Temple Bar.

CAR THIEF was very evident at the head of the pack … but by the time that you read this, he will be back in the UK and headed for the Quorn HHH … his work in Dublin now being complete and a steady flow of Northside excrement going through his pie to the Southside. (NOTE: The pipe was too narrow to have a hash through it … we did ask!)

The wild bunch from Columbus were soon climbing the Lord Mayor’s garden wall at the end of Parliament Street … but the “ON ON” was again called in time … and we rushed off down the back end of Temple Bar that then off to the Liberties where we met JOY RIDER and SMIRNOFF who had been walking … and doing messages.

We were soon back at the pub … in about an hour. Right at the front were the visitors … FATHER was talking about the 8 mile runs of the San Francisco HHH …. he should have been running with us two weeks ago. Or even a week ago when CAR THIEF was the only Dublin HHH member to go to Cark for the Full Moon HHH trip to Cork. There is a report that the event was rather quiet since many Full Mooners had to travel back to Twickenham on Sunday … so CAR THIEF went off and kissed the Blarney Stone.

There was a circle round a lamp post where sandwiches (Thanks Sheila) were enjoyed; DOG ON arrived for the food since it was wife’s night off at the ranch. Down downs were granted in a mock Sharia court (Zakhat Hash taxes were later taken inside the pub). WEDGIE, after commanding the circle, later gave the hash a bad name by being caught stowing the bag of waste cans in the fireplace of the pub. Well, we were not kicked out …. and we have been back to O’Neills after the “singing incident”.

Run 810: Monday, 3^rd March 2003: Harry Byrne’s, Howth Road, Clontarf: SLAVE DRIVER: It was a good evening for a stroll through Clontarf. The weather was dry and there was a nip in the air. The venue was typical of Dublin … would you think they’d put the name of the pub on the front? … the side? anywhere? Of course not! Just as well that I had looked the pub up in the phone book to find out that it was No. 105 Howth Road.

The car park was deserted except for CAR THIEF who was getting the courage to change. Soon after SOFYB arrived as this the WEDGIE people carrier with DOG ON as hostage. Very soon there was quite a crowd … HI HO and LIPSTICK back again. The hare gave a hair talk …. yes, no spell check error, she thought that we’d heard all there was to hear about chalk and flour, arrows and checks. So with improved knowledge about L’Oreal hair colouring (yes, she does deserve it), we headed off up the street ….. and down the street.

There was much exploration of a cul-de-sac before there were shouts towards Fairview and the pack headed off under the railway bridge. For those with no knowledge of the area there was a blissful period when the hash seemed to be headed in a circle back to the coast … and Howth Road looked much like Malahide Road. Fear set in at a check which seemed to take the pack further off into the housing estates around Beaumont Hospital. Veterans of earlier runs will remember the twelve pub run which LOUIS CIOPELAND and HI HO SILVER laid a few years ago … a long run passing twelve pubs without a drop of Guinness at any! Could this be the second time round for this run?

Almost … as we found ourselves at the top of Grace Park Road … and at least headed down towards Griffith Avenue. A quick dart into Sion Hill which left a few bodies at the junction with Griffith Avenue … wondering whether to short cut or head back up the hill. I think LOUIS was seen shuffling along Griffith Av. Still, it made no difference as we were back on Griffith Av within minutes and headed for Marino with a pack of very energetic youths who felt that we were more interesting than RTE that night.

SLAVE DRIVER could have had mercy on the pack and got us back to the cars within an hour of setting off …. but … she decided to have a check-fest in Marino with checks, CB’s and FTs to beat the band. If the ides was to get us confused, it succeeded but it did waste a good deal of time going nowhere. Eventually we arrived out at Phibsborough Avenue where, like a fisherman with a fish on a hook, she played the pack with FTs and Checks until we were drained of our energy and still a long way from home.

There were complaints about the length, and a few people were certainly off trail …. the scribe was one as he had to baby-sit at 9 pm. Back at the car park, there was a crowd in the WEDGIE people carrier …but it would be 20 more minutes before the pack returned having followed a lot more trail which the scribe could only guess at.

What a run! Now we all know why they call her SLAVE DRIVER! And we’d do it all again for her ... right?

Run 809: Sunday 23^rd February 2003: The Hill, Ranelagh: WEDGIE: It was a pleasant day for a stroll in the city. Despite the area being peppered with expensive car parking spaces, the hash managed to find the ones that were free on Sunday. The bride and groom were early to arrive with bridal veil and bow tie. After a short while, there was a respectable turn-out with some walkers and a clutch of runners. There was a short briefing and then the pack was off.

A good job was made of checking many of the false trails which all seemed to lead to the gardens behind WEDGIE’s house. This was confusing to 6M WON MAN who looked like he’d go round in circles for ever but an FT was found and the runners returned to the start where the on trail had already been found. The pack was now headed for town and blew through a number of checks that were intended to slow the pack.

There was a clever bit of hash laying at the end of Harcourt Street but, eventually, the pack found their way into Iveagh Gardens where a CB 45 was found before the pack had time to run round the park to the CB 45. This resulted in some confusion. There was then a photo-call by the waterfall with antics by the bride and groom and CAR THIEF and LOUIS. The runners then went round the park with a faction deciding to go out towards the Concert Hall instead of round the park to the CB 45. WEDGIE was seen calling franticly to bring the lost sheep back to the fold.

Out of Harcourt Street and on to St. Stephen’s Green where there was a good opportunity to shake-up the tourists who were ambling round the park. From there the pack took in the end of Grafton Street, Break for the Border and South Great George’s Street. Another check and then up to the church where the heart of St. Valentine is said to reside. The bride and groom were sent in to have a “shufti” being closely followed by other curious hashers.

Then on up Wexford Street and round to Portobello through the small streets beside the canal. Eventually, we all got to the lock gates and thought that the trail should have gone up through Rathmines ….. wrong, the trail went along the canal and then straight up Ranelagh Road to the start.

After a brief review of the situation, the down downs were transferred to WEDGIE’s front yard where, under the Luas scaffolding, down downs were given to almost everyone before moving inside.

Here there was a moving marriage ceremony between SLAVE DRIVER and RHTHEM METHOD and the body of CAR THIEF (with candle precariously perched over the family jewels) was given a premature farewell. SHIT STIRRER, dressed for the impending conflict in the Gulf, acted as the bride’s father. A presentation was also made to DOG-ON and CORA. Excellent victuals were provided by the ladies with a star turn, as usual, by SMIRNOFF who provided desserts fit for a GM. There was then a session of karaoke……

Run 808: Monday 17^th February 2003: Kimmage Cross-roads, Kimmage: SOFYB: CAR THIEF and SLAVEDRIVER were all toasty in the KCR House pub wondering where everyone was when a call came through. Where in the *&%£"&* were they?  The rest of the hash were up the road in LOUIS COPELAND's car at the actual cross road itself. That is, everyone else except WEDGIE who arrived last  minute (well, actually after the last minute) and pulled a "LOUIS COPELAND" - changing into his hash gear in the car.

SOFYB informed the group that not only would they see the usual signs on the run, but also a "CJ" or two - an ancient hash marking that had been resurrected for the run.  He  also mentioned that the trail had been set when there was daylight...?????  There was a whiny debate about who was wearing their coat on the run, who  was wearing a hat, who had gloves, who was the coldest ,etc. before SOFYB said he'd heard enough and the group would actually have to get hashing.

It was not a fit night out for man nor beast nor hasher as the wind and cold air cut at the  pack's faces. Their senses dulled by the extreme weather conditions, many a hasher (RICK O'SHEA to be exact) called out "on-on" when there was no flour and SLAVEDRIVER, whose  glasses must be for show, headed back down a trail the pack had just run. Without the  corralling  efforts of the hare (and the fact that he was in his walking gear so was not running after group) the pack would've been lost.

The run was a very interesting one with a good combination of running on the road as well as on grass around football pitches and dark parks (true to SOFYB's comments about being set at a lighter time).  In fact, the run even looked like it was headed into "PAM-ville" , that's  Potential Ax Murderer-ville at one point during a Braille run through the park.  Fortunately, no monsters were lurking and the pack  found the ON-IN finally at the end of the park.  It was quite a long ON-IN with a couple of turns  which caused CAR THIEF to stop to ask directions not once, but twice!  That's what you get for being a FRB.

A quick circle was held in a dark corner of the garage car park as all were anxious to get to the pub and defrost. Down-downs were light - everyone mumbling about driving and mumbling about who had to do the Hash Music with the only female hasher, SLAVEDRIVER.  It was decided that she would spin around and pick "her man".  The best efforts of LOUIS COPELAND to hide couldn't spare him and he found himself in the middlle of the circle delivering a commendable performance.  Then the usual drinks at the pub, and hash cash given to someone.... SOFYB promised to actually wear running gear at the next hash. Now that's a breakthrough. 

Run 807: Sunday 9^th February 2003: Sutton DART Station: LOUIS COPELAND and CAR THIEF: It was a glorious sunny "Sunday" (albeit quite cold) for Run 807 set by tag-team hares Louis Copeland and Car Thief.  The welcome sunshine meant that what seemed like the entire city of Dublin were headed out to Howth and the pack were all late to the start.  We had a showing from just a handful of the usual suspects plus a couple of visitors - LIPSTICK II from the USA who had hashed in Dublin for the year that she lived here and a friend of SLAVEDRIVER's who was  trying to pass himself off as the KING OF SPAIN.  However, due to his whining about the cold and the hash in general, the KING OF SPAIN had earned him the name of "QUEENIE" before the hash had even left.  SIX MILLION ONE MAN and GAY LICK took a break from their studies to come out and enjoy the hash.

The hare talk was given - the normal instructions of being set in chalk and flour and then some additional talk about a "Rambo" split and a "Whimp" split and the group was off.  Comments from RHYTHM METHOD about seeing an FT upon arriving sent the pack off to an obvious marking that lead to what should've been an equally obvious CB 3 - that is if any of the pack had seen it.  For whatever reasons (blindness? hangovers?), the entire  group ran past the marking until JOY RIDER, bringing up the rear, pointed out the obvious to the oblivious FRBs and the group backtracked.  There were a couple more fits and starts before WEDGIE  finally shot down a dirt path at the back of the car park and the group was finally on on! 

A check at the DART tracks in addition to the DART itself, meant that the pack all had a breather before going on down a long stretch of road and then left onto the sand for some lovely beach running.  The weather being fabulous, there were kites and motorized airplanes to take the runners minds off the difficulty of sand running and the head splitting sound of RHYTHM METHOD attempting to blow LOUIS COPELAND's horn (OK - not THAT horn you pervs!!!)

The run continued on around several bends and alleyways when indeed the "Rambo" split was seen.  This lead everyone (except JOY RIDER who  decided to be sensible and go for a coffee) onto a long stretch of beach past the back of the Marine Hotel and down to the strand along the coast road. There was an impressive Hash View that included seating on two empty petrol containers and an opportunity to enjoy a clear site of the sea and the Wicklow mountains. 

After the strand, there were a few twists and turns, and we found ourselves at the ON-IN.  A very civil run indeed.  The hash circle saw a disproportionate number of  Lucozade  drinkers (perhaps staving off the previous day's indulgences) and then it was on to the Marine Hotel for a little tibble.  

Run 805: 26^th January 2003: The Hill, Ranelagh: MORE CARGO: As most of the Dublin HHH were out of town or had other pressing matters, it was questionable as to whether Run 805 would actually take place at all. Just when MORE CARGO thought she could excuse herself as Hash Hare for number 805 and have a bit of a lie-in (after having a dinner party the night before until 2:00 AM), CAR THIEF confirmed that he indeed was going to make the run. He was found standing in a lonely manner outside of The Hill Pub and was preparing himself to be the only FRB (in fact, the only runner at all) when SLAVE DRIVER and RHYTHM METHOD turned up. But where was the Hare?

After searching the pub and looking in her car, it was decided at 3:15 that the group would have to give themselves their own hare talk and leave a note. The trail was obviously set in chalk. There were mysterious arrows guiding the runners forward but these same rrows always pointed to about 1:00... could it be that they were to cross to the other side of the road? or was it that MORE CARGO's glasses were skewed? After weaving back and forth across streets, it was determined that it was definitely the latter. Along with the skewed arrows, there were other mysterious markings on the trail. One marking not to be found on the trail was that of a check. It was surmised that "check point" must not be part of the French vocabulary or that perhaps the multiple arrows on some of the corners were a new hash marking for the same.

The lack of checks left the FRB CAR THIEF constantly waiting for a not so driven SLAVE DRIVER and a definitely off-beat RHYTHM METHOD. Fortunately, the last mysterious marking had CAR THIEF so baffled that the others were able to catch up to him. He was found staring at the marking "HHH Leg Over" directly in front of the drive of a house. What could this mean? What were they to do? Were they to put a "leg over" into the front garden and find some hidden hash beer? Could this be the residence of MORE CARGO and they were to go in for fabulous French munchies such as pate and fine wine? (the pack were voting for this option) Should they ring the door bell? Or was this the French hashing term for "ON IN"? Confused and rather parched from the constant running due to lack of checks, the pack decided to continue on down the street where the 1:00 arrows appeared again leading them out of Dartry and finally to the "ON IN".

Upon arriving back at The Hill, it was discovered that the Hare was still missing. This could only mean that the pack had missed a "Beer Stop". The pack was definitely convinced that they should get into their cars and drive to the "HHH leg over" marking and present themselves for pate and wine when MORE CARGO pulled up in her car. She explained that the house with the mysterious marking belongs to an individual who had hashed years before and was given this as a name - wouldn't he have been surprised to see such a lovely group on his doorstep looking for beer?

This mystery solved, the pack assembled for the Hash Circle. The down-downs were superb, and the 4 realized that they must be the 4 wittiest hashers of the Dublin HHH. During the down-downs, the pack were almost blinded by large new jewel on MORE CARGO's left hand. She confessed that she was indeed officially engaged, and that the date of the wedding would be prior to her Birthday in July - her 50th Birthday!!!! The group was elated!!!! This could only mean one thing - a Hash Zimmerframe Wedding!!! What a year this will be! First RHYTHM METHOD's "Shot Gun" wedding on the 23rd of February, and then MORE CARGO's Zimmerframe Wedding at a date TBA.

CAR THIEF produced a digital camera and took the obligatory Hash Circle Engagement Photo (sans groom, but then, only one of the couple is required for a Hash Engagement or Wedding!)

As 4 Hashers cannot possibly do justice to the solemnity of "Swing Low", SLAVE DRIVER gave a very weak performance of the hula that she had learned in Hawaii. And then it was off to, where else, the Harbor Bar! On On!

Run 804: Monday 20^th January 2003: Tenters, off Clanbrazil Street / Blackpits: RICK O’SHEA: Another nice night for a run. The hashers gathered at the street corner looking shifty .. like longshoremen seeking casual work. The corner was very busy and POLLY was busy trying to elbow old ladies into the path of on-coming traffic. One of the cars that came past was LOUIS COPELAND being chauffeured by his wife - as if this wasn’t enough, the new car (with its rear view camera, revolving number plates and ejector seat) was showing only capability to drive one mile further on the present tank of petrol; nice one LOUIS!

There was the usual service of remembrance of hashers who might turn up but didn’t … the only person with a real excuse was SMIRNOFF who was still getting back to walking and STTI who was in Copenhagen (after a brief and expensive weekend in Dublin). There was a brief hare talk about “one blob of flour” and the hash set off to search for the trail. CAR THIEF found an FT …. And then WEDGIE found another … and then we were stumped for a while until we saw one lane that we hadn’t checked and off we went …. But this was too fast for some and we left WEDGIE and LOUIS COPELAND behind and by the time they could have got to the flats behind Wexford Street, somebody had shut the gate on the trail.

The trail, in chalk arrows, needed some care to follow correctly. Many a mark was missed and, therefore, many a turn was overshot. There were some very clever bits of trail laying such as the bit round the City Offices on Fishamble Street. Here we found the single blob of flour as the trail dodged round the steps leading to the rear entrance and then bolting across the grass and down onto the quays. We thought we might be headed across the Liffey but the trail from the check went up to Christchurch again and into the Liberties.

It was at this corner that we caught up with LOUIS and WEDGIE who were running the trail backwards. They continued on in their erroneous ways and the one following the arrows the right way had a very entertaining tour of the Liberties which took in “Our Lord of the Conservatory” and various other open spaces, quaint streets and back alleys. After crossing Cork Street, we knew we were headed for home … we all got confused by the FT from the starting check so there was a very effective re-group just before the end.

We had a circle in the street where CAR THIEF was heard to admire the quality of the brickwork on the flats we were standing beside. We were very grateful to RICK O’SHEA for providing sandwiches (pickle, cheese in various proportions) and there was a quick consumer poll on how these compared with the SMIRNOFF benchmark - verdict: insufficient mango, chopped apple and jest of lime!!!

Run 802: Sunday 12^th January 2003: THE EDEN, RATHFARNHAM: CAR THIEF: The yellow ESB van stood in the car park like a beacon to Hashers. Inside, RICK O’SHEA and CAR THIEF were getting a good fug going … and reeling through the list of hashers who would be unable to make it … LOUIS COPELAND, SMIRNOFF and WEDGIE (and I presume JOY RIDER) … and of course STTI who has now gone to Copenhagen where it’s too expensive to commute from.

When we got out into the open air and had the hare talk, the numbers had swelled somewhat with DOG ON, MORE CARGO, GAY LICK and SIX MILLION WON MAN making a shambles of a crowd. SIX MILLION and GAY LICK arrived late and were sorting themselves out for a while but had the entertainment of watching the rest of us check this way … that way …. Run through the car park …. Run into an estate … before CAR THIEF gave us a hint that it was over a wall …. ON ON

The trail was very well laid with lots of interest. The first part took in the delights of the estate behind the pub which was a nightmare of roads, paths, green patches and shrubbery. Locals came out to ask what we were doing .. it would have been hard to convince them that we were doing anything athletic.

Eventually, we arrived back at the main road and headed straight for the FT behind the wall. How come we always end up running CAR THIEF’s FTs? Having recovered from that we headed into Marlay Park b y the side entrance where there was a multitude of FTs and an eventual sprint across the lawns and up beside the duck ponds. After meandering through the leafy glen, the trail came to a signboard where there was a check. A quick look at the map showed GAY LICK featuring everywhere but no sign of the trail …. Which was not where we first went but round towards Balinteer.

A clever check had everyone scattered to the wind but the trail then left the park and went to the new crossroads where there was another check. Eventually, we were on back towards the Eden but CAR THIEF took us down a CB 15 first just to stop us in our tracks.

A small but very elite circle was held … and then we quickly retired to the fire in the Eden.

Run 802: Monday 6^th January 2003: DOLLYMOUNT INN: LOUIS COPELAND and HI HO SILVER: The car park was frosty as a quick wind lashed off the strand. A figure in a woolly hat and a jacket which fitted like lagging round a water heater was pacing the car park with purpose. He knocked on POLLY’s window “You can’t park here, your not a customer” came the instruction in a broad Cork accent. After thinking the figure was the car park security man, POLLY realised it was none other than SOFYB (Sean O’Flynn Yer Bollocks) …. First visit in five or more years.

The next figure seen moving in the cold was HI HO SILVER who was returning from laying the trail … on the run! A car was soon found containing MORE CARGO, JOY RIDER, WEDGIE and DOG ON …. Huddled up and looking cold. Soon the rest of the pack turned up and eventually got out of their cars and stamped their feet in the cold. POLLY had left his running shoes behind so was forced to run in steel tipped work boots … last used for hashing on 4^th September 1987!! And we were off …. We were mad.

After going on a false trail … at least it kept us warm, we returned to the start and headed off after the walkers who had been given intelligence (no, not that kind, they’re still hashers so only have half a mind). The run was cleverly laid using the territory well. The pack stayed reasonably well together as there were some very good back checks and FTs. The Christmas lights were still up and powered …. Some of the houses were splendid … there was one with three Santas on the garage and another covered in electric icicles and with two light-spiral spiral Christmas trees at the door. RICK O’SHEA felt that his pension was secure as he calculated the power used!

At some point, the walkers went back and cleverly made up sandwiches at a Spar for the runners - I understand that they bought all the ingredients and then made the girl at the shop convert them to sandwiches! They were great …. And good wishes go to our normal hash buns who has a slipped disc and is in the Mater Hospital …. And I bet wishing that she could have been out with us even on this cold night.

Eventually, as with all runs, the trail started heading back for home and it was only a question of when the trail would head for the windy shoreline and back to the pub. There was a famous CB8 (or was that CB3 or even CB∞) … and at that point CAR THIEF went one way and LOUIS went the other. WEDGIE got lost somewhere on trail and came back looking forlorn.

There was a great to do in the warm lobby of the pub …. Were we going to have down downs in the cold? Eventually, despite the sirens from the burglar alarms across the road, the pack went off the back yard and had a quick round of down downs. Great to see SOFYB back again … and HI HO SILVER. To everyone …. Have a great hashing New Year.