DUBLIN HHH

eTRASH 2004

RUN 880: Monday 5^th July 2004: RHYTHM METHOD US Embassy

Red dress designers from all over Ireland were celebrating this day in the belief that their time had finally arrived. Why else would so many normally respectable individuals be seen outside of the US Embassy had this not become the outfit of choice? Respectable?!?! Come on, this is the Hash! Let’s start over….

RICK O’SHEA was barely clad an extremely short maroon number while Tom was nervously removing his track suit to reveal a rather tight, mid-thigh fetching red dress. Mal was sporting what appeared to be a nice silk dress, POLLY was wearing his long green wig (retrieved from a dumpster on an earlier hash) to round out his frilly red & black polka-dot frock, and LOUIS COPELAND was wearing a flowered print skirt that he had pinched from his own mother! True, MORE CARGO, TWINKLE TOES and STITCH did look respectable, but this was cancelled out by the massive hairy arms, legs and chests of their cohorts.

It was quite a large group for a Monday with HASH HUGS and even WOODWORM and NEFERTITTI in attendance. When BUSH DOCTOR arrived, RYTHMN METHOD, in his standard red & white linen frock, gave the hare talk and the gang were off on their way down a very long FT. This gave MORE CARGO and the other walkers time to discuss the various “lunch boxes” that could be seen through the evening’s hash attire. She was very impressed with GANDALF and Mike Lowe was wondering if he should’ve ventured for something a bit more risqué that his red sarong.

After the FT, the group headed up towards Landsdowne Road where some guy in a ridiculous red dress was shouting that he was on - wait, it was WEDGIE! The heavens decided to open up at this point and pour all over the group even though the day had been quite nice earlier - typical for a SLAVEDRIVER run… Shelter was eventually found and the group decided that a rendition of Father Abraham might subdue the rain gods. It did, and the pack were once again headed on the trail towards Fenian street. The reprieve from rain was short lived, however, and the group poured into the Pearse Street DART station to wait it out.

In moment of utter genius or incredible maddness, WEDGIE convinced the DART attendant to allow all of us to train it to Tara Street for free! An opportunity not to be missed, the pack ambled up the steps and performed yet another rendition of Father Abraham to ease the boredom of an 8 minute wait. As if the shock of 12 people pouring onto a DART train in red dresses wasn’t enough, the pack decided this was the perfect opportunity to sing some of our beloved hash songs.

At Tara Street, the pack disembarked and headed back to the trail, over the O’Connoll Street Bridge, back over the Half-penny Bridge and into Temple Bar to a throng of hoots & whistles. The rain was still lashing and the pack were wishing that their outfits included matching red jackets at this point. WEDGIE was on his way to earning a new name of “Mr. Transportation” as he started talking to bus drivers about letting us aboard for free. Unfortunately we would’ve ended up in Still Organ, so it was decided to press on and get back as quickly as possible. After making their way to Stephen’s Green, it was ON-ON down Leeson Street and finally to the ON-IN off Pembrook Street.

The circle commenced with several awards for our fabulously dressed male hashers. It was decided to award a first-place tie for the lunch box award to GANDALF and Tom. SLAVEDRIVER lived up to her name and pushed the pack through some speedy down-downs so they could get to Miller’s Pizza Kitchen to thaw-out and enjoy some grub.

On OUT

RUN 879: Sunday, 27^th June 2004: Malahide Marina: BLONDIE BOUNCE, HASH HUGS, UNDER-AGE SEX MACHINE:

I am writing this hash trash with an arm that is extremely sore from the twisting it received from the scribe to write this as she could not be present on the run.

Never before in the history of the Dublin Hash had so many e-mails been sent by a hare prior to a run and never before had so many people been persuaded to co-hare on a run - could BLONDIE BOUNCE’s now legendary sense of direction (NOT!!) have had something to do with this??

The weather on the morning of the run left a lot to be desired and this may have contributed to the poor turnout but the more likely reason was the many hashers who thought their day would be better spent, paying to watch horses run, rather than running themselves.

It could also have been due to the fact that many of those who ran last Monday were afraid to show their faces which are now being circulated on crime-line following our excursion - apparently illegally (SHOCK!, HORROR!) - across the Ranelagh Luas line.

Anyway, by 3.40 (Yes, we started even more promptly - 1 hour 10mins late - than normal) there were 3 Hares,2 runners and 3 walkers raring to go. The fourth hare - GANDOLF (not to mention names!) was noticeably absent due to overindulgence in alcohol. Since when has that been a reason not to set a hash, I ask myself?

The run commenced at the Malahide Marina, a pleasant oasis on the North side of the city and proceeded along the coast road, affording beautiful views of the estuary to the two of us who were running, only to culminate in a CB 7. It was at this early stage that we discovered that three Hares can count no better than one and after only 5 blobs of flour we were back on the trail.

On on through residential Malahide and into Malahide Demesne (a challenge in pronunciation for the American UNDER-AGE SEX MACHINE). Once in the Demesne, we were quickly into the woods were we came across what may have been a previous Down-Down site. It was near here that RICK O’SHEA took a little trip of his own. There were numerous checks both in and out of the woods and the trail provided us with a wonderful view of Malahide Castle but unfortunately only the exterior.

After further forays into the woodlands, RICK O’SHEA ceased running and joined the talkers (sorry, the walkers) leaving BUSH DOCTOR to blaze the trail alone. On around the playing fields and out the park gates, past some strange thatched building and the DART station (staying away from the railway lines (see LUAS incident above) and back into the village and ON IN to the Marina.

Imagine BUSH DOCTOR’s shock at the site that greeted her as she arrived puffing and panting at the Down-Down location………………Sitting on the grass, already drinking beer! was one of the HARES (BLONDIE BOUNCE) together with the as yet, un-hash-named Mike Louw of South African fame, along with MORE CARGO !!! These three amigos initially claimed to have walked extremely quickly and completed the trail. They then changed their story and claimed that

MORE CARGO had a leg injury and couldn’t walk and that the other two had remained behind to keep her company.

Some beer was salvaged from these three drunkards (worthy hashers, indeed) and the Down-Downs proceeded. The circle was unique in that it didn’t stretch to a circle but became a square when the RA got the three hares into the centre and the four remaining hashers couldn’t join hands. Our virgin hasher, a Bill Clinton double, was nearly prematurely christened Kill Bill but a more embarrassing name came up (so to speak) which he will be dubbed, should he ever return to the hash.

In honour of France’s defeat by Greece (see your nearest football fan for details) a Greek dance was performed in earnest, in front of Malahide’s most exclusive apartments. We had a sneak preview of Hash Haberdashery for Paddywacks and after much debate and indecision a Bar-B-Q on Costa del Malahide was abandoned in favour of one in HASH HUG’s back garden. HASH HUG may well live to regret this generous invitation to her home as MORE CARGO succeeded in alienating all of HASH HUG’s neighbours by relating stories of boobs, ancient goolies and Japanese Hara (no, I don’t know either!!).

The craic was mighty as we ended the evening with a late version of Sweet Chariot because the RA had carelessly neglected to organise one in the circle earlier!!! AND the Song Master never made the run - another victim of the demon drink or did he just get really lucky??

Sunday: 30 May 2004: RUN 875:RYTHMN METHOD :Crone Wood:

At 2:55 the hare and his assistants were the lone hashers in the car park when LOUIS COPELAND pulled into the car park at mach 10! SIX MILLION WON MAN ambled out while GANDALF did a “presto-chango” in the back seat. The Dog-mobile was sighted shortly there-after chock-full of hashing specimens including STTI, TWINKLE TOES, ROCKET SOCKET (from Frankfurt), and visiting FLOUR POWER from Denmark. There was much cheek-kissing going on all around - what a sappy start to the hash!

After a brief hare-talk, the pack were off following an enthusiastic SIX MILLION WON MAN (he had finally finished his exams). Contrary to her normal FRB format, BUSH DOCTOR was hanging back to inspect if the hare was following SIX’s lead into the woods. Sure enough, it was a FT and the pack was ambling back up the hill, out of the woods, and on-on following Mike Lowe’s shouts that he was “on”.

This was quite the lazy hash! Everyone was walking, talking, and waiting for the hare and his assistants to lead the way. A finer knitting circle had never before been seen! Finally, SLAVEDRIVER managed to get the group to trot a bit up the hill, and they found themselves at a lovely hash view over-looking Powerscourt Waterfall. POLLY would’ve been proud since this is one of the pre-requisites for the Paddywack’s weekend run (sans beer, unfortunately).

The skies were threatening all afternoon but the group was still dry. Still it was a relief to find that the run was short and we were back for down-downs in no time. DOG-ON, being our most veteran hasher, lead the circle and ensured that there were plenty of incriminating remarks for most on the run. There were plenty of softie down-downs because the pack had run out of beer…. Or so we thought! Amazingly, a fresh pack of beer was produced from the Dog-mobile only after our fine rendition of “swing-low” was completed! No bother - a beer without harassment is as good as any!

The debate of whether or not a BBQ had been promised was now hotly debated. STTI even called RICK O’SHEA to get an opinion straight from the not-so-proverbial horse’s mouth…. LOUIS COPELAND and RYTHMN METHOD had already lit their BBQs and SIX even wowed the most domestic of us with his colourful plate of condiments. Unfortunately the sight couldn’t sway DOG-ON and his gang nor BUSH DOCTOR and Mike Lowe to risk the possible onslaught of rain and stay for paltry BBQ fixings - they were off to the pub (where else).

The heavens did open up and GANDALF made a mockery of the torrent with his proclamation of “bring it on”! Which it did. Sausages and burgers were floating - not a single umbrella was to be had. Visitor Flora wondered why she had bothered to fly all the way from Austria to endure such drudgery - surely she could’ve enjoyed the same on any miserable day at home!

Severely water-logged, the remaining pack dutifully ate their grub (standing up with puddles all around) and practically swam home instead of slopping into the pub. Of course the journey home was made under clear skies.

RUN 872: SLAVE DRIVER School House Pub

When SLAVEDRIVER showed up at 7:25 at the Old Schoolhouse Pub with flour in hand for the “pick-up” run, she was clearly shocked. Was that a check she was looking at and were those chalk arrows a trail? Indeed they were! POLLY, who was worried that this might be “envelope run number 2”, decided to lay a “live hare” run.

Unfortunately, this stroke of luck didn’t spare the pack from still being subjected to a “pick up run”. SLAVEDRIVER had decided that everyone would “pick up” another hasher for the run. Out came the scissors and twine and each hasher was informed that they were to tie themselves to another hasher.

While the pack was slow on the up-take, they eventually acquiesced. WEDGIE paired up with RICK O’SHEA, GANDALF with Mal, LOUIS COPELAND paired up with SPIDERMAN, CANUCK with Tommy, and FATHER joined in with TWINKLE TOES and Cormac to form a three-some! VERY hashy!

They were all finally ready to go… except now where was Ludovic? The Frenchman had untied himself from his partner and was chatting up a female passer-by! He returned to the pack with her phone number and a giddy smile… this earned him his hash name - KINKY KERMIT!!!!!

The two-somes took off and it was quite a sight! RICK O’SHEA and WEDGIE were discussing whether or not to head to The George, BUSH DOCTOR was in full swing chatting with first time visitor Cathal, and LOUIS COPELAND was being drug around like a rag doll behind SPIDERMAN. They were on-on down the canal, over the bridge and back down the other side. There was quite a bit of consternation about crossing the street as “couples” as both parties had to agree when to go. BUSH DOCTOR almost killed Cathal but fortunately stepped back in time.

The pack weren’t getting anywhere except back to where they started and were now once again at the pub. They headed towards Baggot street and spotted FATHER who had left the three-some, was now paired with MORE CARGO and was leading her around like the Andrex puppy.

The pack crossed the street to St. Mary’s church and ran a big loop - 20 minutes at this point and still no further than ¼ mile from the pub! A lot of complaining was also going on - KINKY KERMIT’s twine was too short, Andrew wanted to slow down (apparently had been hiking in Spain for 2 weeks at 20 miles / day), and GANDALF & Mal were having a “domestic”. After continuing on towards Lansdowne Park Rd, the hare was found! POLLY emerged from behind a tree with a surprised look on his face - why was everyone tied together? This was LOUIS COPELAND’s lucky break - literally. He cut loose and paired POLLY with SPIDERMAN.

It was on from there to St. Anne’s park and a virtual beer stop - a Guinness bottle drawn in chalk at the park gazebo, but alas, no bottle opener! Alas also, no Canuck and Tommy! Perhaps they had nipped in for a real Guinness.

At the Herbert Park Hotel the pack was forced to divide themselves between a short run or a long run version… quite a bit of quibbling over this among our “couples” and what had started out as a “Pick up run” had turned into the “bondage run”. The group continued on-on past the Landsdowne DART station. Suddenly POLLY cried out “there’s a loose woman in front of me!” Sure enough, KINKY KERMIT and his partner had un-tied and there was indeed a “loose woman”. (someone needs to remind the scribe to write down names).

Finally the couples found the ON-IN and headed back to the pub where they were reunited with CANUCK and Tommy and found MORE CARGO already dipping into the beer. STITCH joined the group and a well-dressed BLONDIE BOUNCE made an appearance. Down-downs flowed and the pack adjourned to the pub for additional thirst-quenchers.

RUN 871: SOFYB KCR, Kimmage

True, the scribe was not at this run, but what with all the “lashings” she’s been getting about not doing hash trash, I figure what the heck - does one really need to be on a run to write about it???

NOTE: This will be the first “Do it yourself” Hash Trash….

In true form the day was cold which can be said about most of SOFYB’s runs (or at least the last one he set from KCR). There’s a 50-50 chance he was actually wearing running gear - SOFYB’s typical running gear is hiking boots, a pair of corduroy’s, a plaid shirt, and loads of excuses about why he isn’t wearing running gear. He’s obviously not one of Nike’s favourite customers!

Here’s where you come in…. simply insert the appropriate word as you read through the rest of the Hash Trash. I hope you enjoy your very own personalised hash trash experience!

The run started with a __________ (adjective) hare talk from SFOYB. ___________ and _______ (hasher’s names) had been waiting for quite a long time in the cold, but where was ___________ (hasher’s name)? They had definitely said they’d be there. The pack finally decided “sod _______” (hasher’s name) and let’s go.

The trail was mostly flat with some interesting twists & turns through a couple of the neighbouring parks. _________ (hasher’s name) was in the lead with ________ (hasher’s name) close on their heels - those FRBs! Serves them for finding that really long ________ (hash term e.g. FT or other word that comes to your imagination) before eventually working their way back to the rest of the pack.

In true SFOYB form, several _________ (hash term e.g. FT or other word that comes to your imagination) were laid which prompted one weary hasher to exclaim “SFOYB, ___________” (it’s all up to you)!

After weaving through many of the __________ (adjective) areas around Kimmage, the pack found the ON-IN and headed for the down-downs. The run could only be described as __________ (adjective). A ________ (adjective) rendition of Swing-Low was given, and ___________, __________ and _______ (hasher’s names) headed into the pub along with the rest of the pack.

RUN 870: RYTHMN METHOD HARBOUR MASTER, IFS

Where was the flour? Where were the checks? All there was to be seen was RYTHMN METHOD standing outside the Harbour Master Pub holding several envelopes… Finally the cheques we all deserved for putting up with this *!^)* hare! On closer inspection, we realised that the envelopes weren’t brown at all… so much for thoughts that our beer money was being handed to us.

The envelopes actually included the names of pubs to which we were to run - as if any of us would know where a pub is let alone 9 of them! The pack was divided into 2 groups - the fast runners and the not so fast runners (presenting difficulties early on for those who like to be in the “fast runners knitting circle”). DOG-ON fearlessly nominated himself as the leader of the “less fast” crowd and handed envelopes to JOY RIDER, MISS PIGGY, a visitor named SEXY FANNY and perhaps FATHER & BLONDIE BOUNCE (sorry, the scribe can’t remember if FATHER & BLONDIE were in this group or not, but she does remember that DOG-ON stole her parking space). Each envelope had a number on it and the envelopes were to be opened in sequence. Envelopes could only be opened once the entire group had reached the pub named in the previous envelope. (Yes, it was confusing to us at first too)

Meanwhile the other set of sealed envelopes had been doled out to the “fast” crowd and POLLY was already off running toward the Liffey with LOIUS COPELAND, BUSH DOCTOR, WEDGIE and SPIDERMAN in hot pursuit. MORE-ON and his wife were visiting from England & were running in their jersey’s from the previous day’s Rugby match. The first pub for the runners was the Ferryman. Once all assembled outside, GANDALF opened the second envelope directing us to the Ocean pub. Unfortunately, GANDALF didn’t know where this was, but with some harassing from the pack he managed to get the group there.

The run went around to Scruffy Murphy’s, Larry Murphy’s, and O’ Donohough’s where we started seeing notes naming the next pub left by the not-so-fast runners. The pack went on to Neary’s, the George, the Blood Bank (a plug for the Rotary Club’s Blood drive efforts) and then back to the IFSC. The other team was not to be seen at all - those guys were really running and so we picked up the pace in an effort to catch those FRBs. We may have actually been close until SPIDERMAN decided to build in his own false trail on the last leg of the hash. Fortunately for SLAVE DRIVER and BUSH DOCTOR, they were pre-warned and spared the additional pain!

It was back to the circle for typical down-downs “hash style” - next to a huge rubbish bin, of course. The down downs flowed easily until the rubbish collectors emptied the bin causing quite a stink, or was that just the scent of DOG-ON (who you may recall stole my parking space!). J

To wrap up, RICK O’SHEA accurately named this the “arm-chair” hash - a hash you can easily set from the comfort of your own arm-chair! How Apropos!

Tuesday, 24 February 2004: DOG ON's HOUSE Many thanks to DOG ON and Cora for hosting the now annual Pancake Night. Pancakes flowed from the stove as MORE CARGO demonstrated the French way to spice up pancke mix. There was a fantastic spread of food which gave everyone good ideas of what they might be giving up for Lent. Almost all the regular hashers were able to make it.

Run 861: Sunday, 22 February 2004: The Black Lion, Clondalkin: 6 MILLION WON MAN: Here was yet another run without a scribe!!! It was a beautiful day and Cane had been in the pub enjoying the grub so it was very hard for him to get himself off his seat and out into the really cold day. At 3.10, there were only about five runners …. can I remember who they were … Cane, SPIDERMAN, POLLY, DOG ON and 6 MWM.

The run started off with a couple of FTs and then we found the trail which headed for the park. This time, the brave hare actually went into the park …. as we were reminded of the last time we hashed here where the trail went tantalisingly near the park but then kept to the asphalt. So we were off into the park and there were checks galore and even CBs. The run was exceptionally scenic and inventive and the trail went into territory that the hash had never seen before.

The wetlands area of the park was the nearest we got to shaggy and the hare did his best to get someone to fall into the muddy ditch but to no avail - all we did is frighten the fowl. Then the trail went through a field of rusting cars before heading for a housing estate and across a fence. More checks but we found our way through the housing estates and eventually arrived in open countryside beside the canal. This was the end of the trail but it was a very scenic ruin-in along the canal, over the locks and eventually back to the pub and the down downs in the parking area.

There was a downdown for everyone before we had a group singsong of the olde hymn.

Run 860: Monday, 16^th February 2004: The Swan, Aungier Street, Dublin 2: STTI: The scribe, being short in pen and weak in legs, did not appoint anyone to write the hash trash for this excellent run which I can hardly remember because (1) I was walking and (2) it seems like ages ago.

My first recollection was the difficulty in parking. Having checked with SWINGER, I hear that he arrived very early and then double parked for 20 minutes until somebody vacated a space for him. Good thinking. I adopted the alternative approach and buzzed around the area looking for spaces, finding that most of the streets were one way, doing three point turns in busy traffic, noting that there were plenty of yellow lines and waving at the group of hashers every time I passed them by!

Eventually, I arrived at the hash just as STTI was explaining the markings. As I was crippled by a back problem, I watched the pack disappear into the distance … on a FT. And then another …. and suddenly, the street was quiet with only RICK O’SHEA around. Where had they all buggered off to? TWINKLETOES and Andrew were around as we found then a little bit further on looking at a check as though they might make it speak. The trail, was cleverly laid so that you couldn’t blunder about without looking at marks … but soon we felt better as the trail went back on itself and headed for Grafton Street.

At a fast walk, I was just able to keep the back runners in sight …. until we came to a famous CB8 in Baggot street which had the tail enders bunched up again and looking for the trail. Of course, it had to go down Lad Lane …. but RICK O’SHEA chickened out about 100 yards up the lane and we went looking elsewhere. Of course, we were back at Lad Lane a few minutes later and we found flour about 150 yards up the laneway …could it have been that the smokers standing around between classes had been standing on the trail?

Anyhow, we were on again and feeling like it should be time to head back …. but we doggedly kept to the trail until we could smell beer … or was it WEDGIE who had come out in search of a lost Englishman (see, they really care about us!)., When WEDGIE saw POLLY, he was not impressed …. THAT Englishman? He wouldn’t have bothered!

The circle was held on a piece of pavement that must have been only 3 feet wide so that I have no idea why it qualified a s a circle. Nobody on the hash knows much about geometry, that’s for sure. There were good downdowns though the RA was mumbling to himself every now and again as he played with the rosary beads under his cape … what he had no rosary beads … I swear he was playing with something!

Run 859: Sunday, 8^th February 2004: Blue Light, Stepaside: POLLY: The weather was certainly better this time round than the previous Blue Light  run.  For starters, we could see each other as opposed to the shadowy figures seen in the fog the last time.  Unfortunately, this didn't prevent several hashers from getting lost on the way to the pub.  Had they only looked up the hill, they most certainly could've used the blinding beacon from TWINKLE TOE's new shoes to guide them.

While there was sunshine peeking through the clouds, it was still very brisk.  No bother however to 6 MILLION WON MAN and his friend (and hash virgin) "Big Rich" who disrobed to Barbados-type hash gear - shorts & T-shirts.  FATHER decided he could hang with the programme and followed suit.  However, the term "Three wise men" didn't come to mind as within the first 10 minutes of the run  6MWM was complaining that he was cold.

Tag the dog was complaining too.  When was this motley crew actually going to start the run?  He circled around the assembled pack and barked the hare talk while POLLY translated.  Soon all were off en masse up a steep hill and smack-dab into all kinds of gooey mud and the small trickle of a renegade waterfall which were remnants from the previous day's down-pour.  TWINKLE TOES was aghast at the prospect of what this run meant for her new shoes and turned back.

The usual FRBs were quickly stumped in what looked like a granite quarry when DOG ON gave the "on-on" from a ridge above.  RHYTHM METHOD managed to drag himself out of a near mud-slide and join the group as BEAVIS and "Big Rich" took the lead.  There was much huffing and puffing up some steep climbs and then into the thick of the woods. Ludovic, our visiting hash virgin from France did a good job keeping up the entire time even though he was in trousers and not running gear.  He must know SOFYB!   A strategically placed check managed to bring everyone together at the forest where a group of boisterous (and unattended) scouts were yelling something about Iraqi's being in the woods. It was such a shame that they didn't have any beer.....

After making our way through the forest and not spotting Sadam or any other Iraqi, we came out onto a path but BEAVIS knew our hare wouldn't make the mistake of bypassing shiggy and gorse.  He was ON-ON to the left through the gorse.  Beautiful views were to be had in this section of the run and 6MWM managed to ruin them by taking a picture of them that included "Big Rich" and RHYTHM METHOD.  After a nice lengthy traipse through the gorse, we came to a difficult check at the edge of the forest which sent everyone "six ways from Sunday".  Someone suggested that we should follow the dog, after all, he was on the trail previously and was probably following the scent.  Unfortunately, we were led astray and were clambering up some steep inclines that lead absolutely no where near the trail! There surely has never been such an olfactory-inferior pooch (or clever "plant" by a hare)! 

Finally FATHER & DOG ON noticed flour on a steep decline and the pack descended with SLAVEDRIVER and a returning hasher (sorry - the scribe didn't write down her name) bringing up the rear.   At the end of this hill the group was surprised to hear STTI - she had joined the run late after being chauffeured by LOUIS COPELAND who is quickly becoming known for being on the runs but not hashing with any of us!

Fortunately, MORE CARGO had arrived with the hash beer and the circle assembled.  Everyone kept denying that they were the RA or the BRA, so DOG ON, our longest hasher, stepped in.  About half way through,  FATHER announced that it was his birthday!!!  A melodic rendition of "Hashy Birthday" was performed - FATHER is 6 dozen years old!  The pack was delighted to have an excuse for additional tibbles in the pub and headed (of course) ON-IN.

Run 858: Monday, 2^nd February 2004: Fagan's Pub , Drumcondra : STITCH: It was the 2nd run of what could be dubbed the "Drumcondra Double Bill" since the hash had 2 consecutive runs from Drumcondra.  The antics started well before the hash with SLAVEDRIVER collecting STTI and borrowing a pair of running shoes and socks, and MORE CARGO peering into WEDGIE's car as he changed into his hash gear.  Quite a few hashers turned out including FATHER, SWINGER, and a friend of HOT LIPS.

The hare gave the standard hare talk and promised what sounded like a very civil hash - "2 blobs and you're on so that you don't have to fun miles before finding a FT".  She should've advised the group to strap rockets onto their shoes as this was a fast trail.  The initial "check it out" command was given and WEDGIE was over the bridge and across Drumcondra Rd before most hashers had a chance to turn around.  SPIDERMAN, POLLY, and BUSH DOCTOR were quick on his heels along with a virgin hasher, Cain, who proved that he was more than "able" to keep up with the FRBs.  The trail went down into Fairview and due to few checks, the pack was quickly strung out (one could argue that the pack is usually that way anyway).  An occasional horn blast from LOUIS COPELAND reminded all that he wasn't far behind until he separated from the group and seemed to run his own hash.

The trail took some interesting turns and brought the run to some places that hadn't been visited for quite some time - up Richmond Rd and past Crowe Park.  A particularly challenging check at the North Circular Rd. had the FRBs befuddled for awhile, but they persevered and were eventually ON again and passing Mount Joy.  It was commented that Mount Joy must've been named by hashers - imagine, a prison named "Mount Joy"!  After passing said prison without being captured, the group ran through some estates, over the railway bridge, and ON IN.

Upon arriving at the home check, the FRBs were surprised to see that they were not  the first ones back.  Several hashers were already waiting including Bernie (BLONDIE BOUNCE / MSB), STTI, Mal, FATHER, and  DOG ON.  STITCH thankfully averted what could've been a severe tragedy - she realised that the hash beer was in her car (parked at home).  She returned to her domicile and rectified the situation in almost no time.  JOY RIDER and MORE CARGO slinked out of the pub and looked surprised to see most of the hash back already.  Obviously their plans to be the first ones at the check foiled the opportunity to tell stories of running and taking short cuts.

In the circle, WEDGIE donned the robe and assumed his former role of RA, SLAVEDRIVER neglected her waitress duties, and POLLY was conspicuously missing his green hair.  Complaints of the length of time in the circle caused the fastest rendition of "swing low" in history.

Back in the pub, the pack were joined by HOT LIPS and Andrew who, due to his propensity to turn up after the run, may earn himself the name of "late comer".  However, he does give credence to our motto: "drinkers with a running habit"!

RUN 857: SUNDAY, 25^th JANUARY 2004:  The Goose Tavern, Drumcondra: SLAVE DRIVER: Nobody seemed to remember hashing from this pub before … mainly because nobody seemed to know where it was …. there were calls from several people before the run who were on their way and lost …. 6 M WON MAN was lost on Griffith Avenue and BUSH DOCTOR was lost in a taxi (after a very late night) somewhere in Marino!

The pub had shut their car park (which was bad timing) but there was room around the pub which was good. Two new boots arrived and were welcomed with the usual explanations of what the hash marks look like. Very soon, with the arrival of 6 M WON MAN, we were off and headed across Grace Park Avenue and into the back of the old people’s home. This was an exciting trail as this was new ground for the hash …. and we imagined that we might be coming out on the airport road ….. however, what was that? An FT? Of course.

The new comers might now be wondering about the hash ….. all that way and then back to the pub? There was another FT checked out but the main trail went round the block and then back to Griffith Avenue where it turned into St. Mary’s College. There was no way out of here (so many thought) but the trail tested reality as it skirted round the edge of the huge grounds and to the gate leading to the GAA club …. we could have climbed over the gate but the hare had decided to be nice to the hash and there was an FT (if ever an FT was nice … I don’t know!).

Now we headed back to Griffith Avenue where a trail was being laid as we watched …. SLAVE DRIVER was adding the finishing touches with her plastic container of flour. We all tore down Griffith Avenue until we came to the Malahide Road where there was another FT by the bus shelter. The front runners waited in the shelter until a few more suckers had arrive and then it was back to the college entrance and checking again.

It was now 30 minutes since the run started and we had travelled 400 yards … not bad for long FTs! Now the trail went into Marino where SLAVE DRIVER and RHYTHM METHOD, once again, indulged in clever checks using the many roundabouts and radial roads. This was a case, in Yogi Berra’s words, of “Déjà vu all over again”.

Having escaped from the unending circular trails and checks we were on a familiar road again and started to head back to the pub. The hares could not resist a clever circular trail round a housing estate (SLAVE DRIVER was keen to be at the front of the group that was headed round the estate!).

Back outside the pub, we gathered for the circle in the pub car park where snitches and down downs flowed.

RUN 856: MONDAY, 19^th JANUARY 2004:  Keilly’s, Donnybrook : ANDREW: This evening, the run started from a windy alley between Keilly’s Pub and a Party Shop. It was dry but the cool wind had encouraged the early birds to settle inside the pub. Eventually, they were encouraged out into the open when the barman began to get worried that we were using his premises as a bus shelter.

Outside, while waiting for people to drop their bags in WEDGIE’s car, the contents of a rubbish bin attracted POLLY’s attention - the waste bin of the Party Shop! It seemed that they were throwing out some of their old stock so, within a few minutes, the hash was transformed into party mode with green hair, orange hair, a wizard’s hat and a bat hat. So the hash started looking more and more like a Stag Night gathering as we went our way round the back lanes of Donnybrook.

The trail tonight was very interestingly laid with different marks from normal … two blobs close together meant FT …. this took some getting used to! The trail at the start was laid with quite a lot of deviousness which meant that, if you neglected the double dots of flour, you could easily find yourself on the next bit of trail … a huge short cut!

WEDGIE was not content with the “bat hat” and acquired a “For Sale” sign which was placed in the front garden of some unsuspecting householder. WEDGIE, as usual, did not select a house where the lights were off but put it in the hedge of a house where we could see the occupants watching “Eastenders”. The hash ran quite fast to avoid the, seemingly, inevitable consequences but obviously “Eastenders” was very gripping that evening!

The trail then went through Herbert Park and there was a check outside the US Embassy. I think I detected a little alarm at the Embassy as the weird group of oddly dressed runners arrived…. was Bin Ladin cunningly disguised as a hasher?

They did not have time to find out as the trail went down the road towards Jury’s Hotel and then across the level crossing at Lansdowne. This was going to be a long run. There was confusion outside Marion College as the trail seemed to go towards Irishtown … but calls from DOG ON and RICK O’SHEA brought everyone back onto the trail. The trail then went into Sandymount and almost went to the seafront.

BEAVIS was out in front at this stage and could not be stopped as he, and his fast running friend (both of these hashers had run to the run!!!), crashed through the check and headed for Sydney Parade where the trail picked up and went back to the Donnybrook side of the tracks and headed (mercifully by the quickest route) to the Pub!

There was more foraging in the bin at which point it was determined that the bin had been exhausted … but yellow hair was found and a couple of other hats and headbands!!! The circle was held as far out of the wind as possible and there were many snitches and down downs. Good to see that Sharon was named …. BUSH DOCTOR. This seems to be a name that will stick! A very long run but those who were able for it were very appreciative!

RUN 855: SUNDAY, 11^th JANUARY 2004:  O'Shea's Pub in Clonskeagh : POLLY. In what had to be one of the coldest days of the year, the pack straggled into the car park of O'Shea's only to find not the hare, but the hare's children informing us that the hare was still busy setting the trail.  Obviously child labour laws are not enforced in POLLY's household. 

Much complaining was going on as it was 3:05 and several hashers were still enroute.  What?  Hashers on a time table?  What's the world coming to....   After the arrival of LOUIS COPELAND and WEDGIE, the group gave themselves their own hare talk and it was ON ON!  The start of the trail had several individuals confused.  SPIDERMAN & SMIRNOFF were "on" on one side of the river while 6 MILLION WON MAN was "on" on the other.  Finally the pack converged back together and were off towards Bird Ave with STITCH leading several hash virgins along the trail.

One particularly intricate intersection of the trail sent several hashers were off in different directions with WEDGIE being on and 6 MILLION WON MAN on as well. It was decided that 6 must be on the trail after the 3rd blob of flour.  Then - nothing!  The FRBs milled around up front and retraced their steps before coming face to face with STITCH who reminded them that, as stated by POLLY's offspring Eamon and Anne, it was 4 blobs and then you're on.... sneaky hare!  The hash virgins, who were walking, were delighted by this system of the FRBs doing the leg work and then coming back to the point where they were.  An almost biblical remark was made of "the first being last and the last being first"... 

The trail then wound through an estate and into the UCD grounds.  While running along, SLAVEDRIVER was approached by an anonymous runner who turned out to be TRAIN, a former Nigerian hasher.  He was promptly informed of the website listing future runs and promised to look us up.  He went on his own way after the trail abruptly came to a large gate that had to be climbed.  Easy for the likes of the POLLY and RHYTHM  METHOD, but a major hurdle for the more vertically challenged like Bernie and Sharon (who did a stellar job of overcoming the hurdle).  SMIRNOFF made the leap over with the assistance of the shoulders of WEDGIE and RHYTHM METHOD.

The pack waned after this point - STITCH was well back at the cark park and on the phone, Anne & Eamon had returned as well, and SLAVEDRIVER and the hash virgins had decided that short cutting is an art and returned early as well.

Afterward a circle session rife with varied hash music,  it was off to MORE CARGO's house for a Christmas / New Year's Party.  Excellent munchies were enjoyed by all including JOY RIDER's Chilli Con Carne (or was that RICK O'SHEA's culinary master piece?) and MORE CARGO's signature pheasant stew.  The pheasant was kindly provided by MORE CARGO's better half, Callum prompting the discussion of a potential hash name for him....  the name PHEASANT PLUCKER was quickly translated into PLEASANT PHUCKER!  Hmmm, could another naming ceremony be in the works?   

RUN 854: 5 JANUARY 2004: MULLIGANS, POOLBEG STREET: PICK-UP HASH - Hares: SLAVE DRIVER - RHYTHM METHOD, RICK O’SHEA: The nature of what a pick-up hash should consist of was discussed in Mulligan over a pint of Guinness. The version which was run last year was before Christmas and there was no great worry about indulging. This time it was decided that rather than being from pub to pub, the run would be a “catch the hare” run where the hare is given 3 minutes start and then the pack is set out to find the hare. The idea being that the hare is caught and that the person catching the hare is then given a 3 minute head start and the run begins all over again.

POLLY was quite prepared to be the first but SLAVE DRIVER grabbed the flour from his hands and headed up out of the pub leaving RICK O’SHEA to down the last half of his pint in 3 minutes (so far things were not going according to plan). When outside the pub, it dawned on us that SLAVE DRIVER is far too fast to be the first out of the pub and, as we followed the trail from the check set a few yards from the pub, we realised that we’d have to run like the wind and be lucky to catch her.

The trail led down to the quays and then across O’Connell Bridge. The hare was using a lot of checks and although we looked along the Liffey, we could not see her sprinting in the darkness. We got to the Halfpenny Bridge where some Garda were gathered awaiting the start of Ireland’s Presidency of the European Union; they gave us directions on how to catch the hare which we followed. The hare must be near … we were running hard. RHYTHM METHOD was way ahead with the pack close behind. WEDGIE was stumped by the check on Capel Street and then we heard a cry .. the hare had been caught by RHYTHM METHOD at the foot of Parliament Street.

The next round started by we only gave the hare 2 minutes (we’re learning) and we were off behind the civic buildings and almost mistook a lady out walking for RHYTHM METHOD … could have been nasty if we’d jumped her from behind in a friendly manner! Then we went past Burdocks and to the corner of St. Patrick’s … then the hare turned towards civilisation and we were soon crossing Great St. Georges street and the hare was caught outside Break for the Border!!!

The hare was caught by RICK O’SHEA so we let him have 90 seconds and were off at speed into ST. Stephen’s Green and then, at the check at the top of Dawson Street, the pack split up to catch RICK one way or another. POLLY ignored the shouts from WEDGIE since he thought that he’d meet the hare in NASSAU Street but the hare had other plans and went towards Grafton Street ….. POLLY never caught up with RICK until he was back outside Mulligans. However, POLLY was carrying the back-up 2kg of flour on his back and the hares ran out of flour and waited for POLLY ….. so the run came to an end. Just as well because the speed of the run was horrific …. never has the Dublin Hash run so fast (but WEDGIE reminds us of the time that Paul O’Brien was being chased by the hash with razor and shaving foam ….. but that was in a car while Paul O’Brien was on foot with the flour!)

There was a reuniting with JOY RIDER and MORE CARGO who were walking about near Mulligans … and then STITCH turned up to wish us well in the New Year. Andrew arrived and complained that he’d tried to follow the trail but had got as far as Temple Bar … that was good! There were downdowns on the pavement and a very brief Swing Low (for SLAVE DRIVER) and then it was back to the snug in Mulligans for a couple of pints and a sorting out of hash cash.