The Mighty Ducks' Love Line #3

Welcome back for the third installment of this, uh, intresting show!

As if you cared, that number's STILL 555-DIVE!

• NOSE DIVE - Hello, there all you duck worshippers out there! This is your host, Nose Dive, and THIS time Grin's not tricking me into leaving! First caller!
• Caller #1 - Hi Dive, it's Amber. I was wondering if you'd like to go to a movie with me.
• NOSE DIVE - Yeah, right. Look, I know this is just Grin trying to play a trick on me so why don't you go to hell?
• CALLER #1 - WHAT?! Nose Dive, what are you trying to say?
• NOSE DIVE - I'm trying to say that I wouldn't care if you took my BROTHER out to the movies and tried to screw with him!
• CALLER #1 - All right, have it YOUR way!
• NOSE DIVE - HA! I sure told him off! Well, look who it is, Amber Van Drake, come to be my host!.
• AMBER - Well, look who it is, the son of a bitch that just told me to go to hell!
• NOSE DIVE - Amber, what are you talking about...and where are you going?!
• AMBER - I'm gonna go ask your brother would like to go to the movies with me. It WAS your suggestion, y'know.
• NOSE DIVE - Wait a minute...you mean that was YOU on the phone?!
• AMBER - Of course it was me! Who the hell did you think it was?!
• NOSE DIVE - Oopsie...Uh, Amber sweetie, I'm really sorry...here, tell you what? Why don't I take you to the movies right now?
• AMBER - Really? You meant it?
• NOSE DIVE - Of course I do, Babe! Let's go. Uh, sorry folks, looks like the show's ending early today. Here, I'm gonna go get ready, okay, Sweetie?
• AMBER - Sure Honey, just a minute... Grin, you owe me ten bucks for this. Coming Dive!
• GRIN - I love this job. Welcome friends, to GRIN'S Love Line! Have we got a caller?
• CALLER #2 - Hello? Is this the Mighty Ducks' Love Line?
• GRIN - Yes, it is. I'm sorry, do I know you? You sound very familiar...
• CALLER #2 - NO! Uh, you don't know me, you must be thinking of someone else...
• GRIN - My mistake. So, what's your problem?
• CALLER #2 - Well, you see, I have this obsession...
• GRIN - Oh? With who?
• CALLER #2 - Doughnuts. I love them...I just can't help myself.

• GRIN - Wait a minute, is this Captain Klegghorn?!
• CALLER #2 - NO!! I'm, uh, George! My name is George...Who's Klegghorn?
• GRIN - That's it, I'm hanging up.
• CALLER #2 - No! Wait! Alright, you got me, I'm Klegghorn.
• GRIN - Have you gone completely nuts?! This is a LOVE line.
• CALLER #2 - Yeah, I know that, I'm in love! AND YOU GOTTA HELP ME! The officer's physical is in two weeks, and if I don't make regulation weight I'll be suspended for a month without pay! PLEASE!
• GRIN - I don't believe I'm saying this, but alright, I'll do my best.
• CALLER #2 - Oh, THANK YOU!
• GRIN - Shut up and listen. Your problem is that you haven't gotten in touch with your inner doughnut, so your trying to compensate for it by consuming them.
• CALLER #2 - Wow, that's deep.
• GRIN - Do you want help or not?! Do you have a bear claw?
• CALLER #2 - Of course, they're my favorite...
• GRIN - Good, now pick it up and talk to it.
• CALLER #2 - WHAT?! Talk to a doughnut?
• GRIN - Would you rather have this conversation with the Chief of Police?
• CALLER #2 - ALRIGHT! Hello, Mr. Bear Claw, how are you?
• GRIN - Now tell him that you promise you won't eat him, and you're sorry for eating so many of his friends.
• CALLER #2 - But - oh, fine. Don;t worry Mr. Bear Claw, I promise I won't eat you, even though you're chocolate...and you've got cream filling...with sprinkles... and I haven't eaten a doughnut all morning...
• GRIN - NO KLEGGHORN! USE WILL POWER!
• CALLER #2 - I - I CAN'T! *muhahahaha!* I LOVE THEM!! DIE DOUGHNUT!!!
• GRIN - Love hurts. Oh well, did my best. Looks like Klegghorn's gonna be off our backs for a while, though.
• CALLER #2 - As soon as I'm off suspension I'm gonna get you, DUCK!
• WILD WING - Hey Grin, I just heard the entire thing...were you really serious about that whole "talk to the doughnut" thing?
• GRIN - Are you kidding? That was all bull shit! And now that Wild Wing's here to host with me, do we have another caller?

• CALLER #3 - Yeah, how are you two doin'?
• WILD WING - Phil? Is that you?
• CALLER #3 - Nah, boobies, you got the wrong guy, it isn't me!
• GRIN - I see. What do you want Phil?
• CALLER #3 - Well, you see, my team of hockey playing ducks destroyed my true love, and I wanna know what to do.
• WILD WING - Phil, we've already been through this, SHE WAS A ROBOT!
• CALLER #3 - Yeah, but she was MY robot! I want her back...
• GRIN - Fine. We'll ask Tanya to build you a new one.
• CALLER #3 - But it isn't the same...
• WILD WING - You mean because this one won't be trying to kill us?
• CALLER #3 - That wasn't her fault! She was just misguided...
• GRIN - Phil, I think you're in denial. You must let go of the past and embark on your new journey in life.
• CALLER #3 - Well, there is my other true love...
• WILD WING - And that would be...?
• CALLER #3 - money.
• WILD WING - Unbelievable. You know, from now on I think we should specify when we say "love".
• CALLER #3 - I can't help myself...it's so green...
• GRIN - Alright, listen carefully, do you have a dollar bill?
• TANYA - GUYS! I came to warn you.
• WILD WING - Lemme guess, Nose Dive's coming down the hall way.
• TANYA - No, HE'S AT THE DOOR!
• CALLER #3 - But what about my problem?!
• GRIN - Sorry Phil, looks like it's gonna have to wait until next time. In the meantime, I suggest you meditate on the matter.
• NOSE DIVE - A HA! YOU'RE MINE!! It's no use running...I'LL GET YOU YET!! Oh, hi folks. Well once again, I'm outta time, so good fight, good night, and if you already didn't know, love bites.