The Mighty Duck's Love Line #6

Will this insanity never cease?!

In case you're crazy enough to try and call in, that number's 555-DIVE

• NOSE DIVE - That's right, in case you didn't catch it, that number's 555-DIVE as in NOSE DIVE! As in NOT GRIN! I'd like to see him try and get past me this time. There's no way I'm mo@#&*ving...hey what's go%*%#&@ing on?! I - %&*@$#&)
• GRIN - Ah, much better. You see, you don't have to get PAST Nose Dive when you have a techno girlfriend that can reroute the phone lines from him. Ah, It's good to be back! First caller?
• CALLER #1 - Yeah, that'd be me. I was just wondering, is that whole Dragaunus date thing still going on?
• GRIN - No, we had to cancel him because of his lousy ratings. So sorry.
• CALLER #1 - Damn! I KNEW I should've called sooner...oh well, thanks anyway. By the way, I love your show.
• GRIN - And who says humans have no taste? Next victim?
• CALLER #2 - Hey there. I've been lookin for a girl forever now, I was hoping you could help me.
• GRIN - Well, this isn't exactly a dating service, but I'll do my best. What kind of woman are you looking for?
• CALLER #2 - Well, She's gotta be pretty, she should cook, dance, do whatever I tell her to with no backtalk, and have sex with me whenever I want.
• GRIN - Ah, yes, the perfect woman. Well, I believe I have the answer.
• CALLER #2 - Really?
• GRIN - Yes. There is no such woman in existance. I suggest you buy yourself an inflatable date. Caller, you're on the air.
• CALLER #3 - Hi Grin, my name's Jeff, and I've been having trouble with my girlfriend.
• GRIN - I don't suppose you could be a little more specific?
• CALLER #3 - Well, She keeps saying she wants more space, and then comes up to me later in the day in tears because I haven't been paying enough attention to her. I've withdrawn my allowance for the next two months for her and she insists that if I really cared about her, I'd spend more on her. She's driving me crazy! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!
• GRIN - Now, now Jeff, calm down. We guys have to take a lot of BS from our women, but always remember to keep faith because our patience and tolerance is always rewarded.
• CALLER #3 - How?
• GRIN - sex.
• MALLORY - Spoken like a true man.
• GRIN - Why hello Mallory, what are you doing here?
• MALLORY - Putting an end to this chauvenistic free-for-all. I'm here to speak on behalf of the women. You're damn lucky Tanya's at 'Letric Land!
• GRIN - Well, there go the ratings.
• MALLORY - Aren't you happy, Grin? I thought you loved having a co-host.
• GRIN - Not when I'm on a role. I was just about to make a break through in men's rights!

• MALLORY - You mean by enslaving the female race?
• GRIN - Yeah, that too.
• MALLORY - Grin, I've got half a mind t-
• GRIN - Yes, I realize that.
• MALORY - You're gonna be realizing my fist if you don't shut up!
• GRIN - Shutting up.
• MALLORY - That's better. Next caller?
• CALLER #4 - Hey Mal, I'm Jon
• MALLORY - Hi Jon, what's up?
• CALLER #4 - I was just wondering, is that your real hair color?
• MALLORY - Next caller. Grin, one word out of you and your gonna be laughing through your ASS!
• GRIN - Hey, I didn't say a word *heh, heh, heh*
• MALLORY - Stupid male.
• GRIN - Hey males are not stupid! We happen to be highly intelligent and honorable.
• MALLORY - Honorable...my ass. Oh yeah, name one male that we both know that's honorable.
• GRIN - Duke.
• MALLORY - He doesn't count, he's a theif, that automatically makes him dishonorable.
• GRIN - The hell it does, but all right then, Wild Wing.
• MALLORY - Don't get me started.
• GRIN - I'm not even gonna try for Nose Dive.
• MALLORY - Good desicion...and don't try yourself, either!
• GRIN - Yeah, well women aren't exactly the most honorable creatures alive either.
• MALLORY - Oh really? What makes you say that...besides a death wish...
• GRIN - You should know, you're constantly toying with Wild Wing AND flirting with just about every other guy you meet that's got a nice ass. More over, two weeks ago, Mara just admitted to the gigantic plot for female dominance of the entire universe. How do you explain that?

• MALLORY - That's not dishonorable, that's ambition.
• GRIN - Fine then. Women aren't dishonorable, they're just crabby bitches!
• MALLORY - Prove it!
• GRIN - Three letters: PMS!
• MALLORY - You can't blame that on us. If the men around us weren't such annoying bastards we'd all be in a much better mood!
• GRIN - Yeah, sure. Alright, enough arguing. On to the next caller.
• CALLER #5 - Hey Grin? My name's Tiffany. I just wanted to tell you to get your head out of your ass. ALL women are better than men. GIRL POWER!
• MALLORY - That was funny...Grin? What are you doing?
• GRIN - Tracing the line.
• MALLORY - Grin! Cut that out. Next caller?
• CALLER #6 - Hi, Grin? My name's uh, Mr. X.
• GRIN - Hello,
• CALLER #6 - Yeah my girlfriend Mal- uh, I mean, Ms. M is a flirtatious bimbo that can't keep her hands off of other men...some of 'em aren't even her species! I was wondering...can you think of anyway for me to keep her in line?
• GRIN - Well, you can super glue her to you, if you think you can withstand the torture.
• MALLORY - WILD WING?! Is that you?!
• CALLER #6 - Uh, no, Mal Mal, you've got the wrong guy...I, uh...uh oh! BYE!
• MALLORY -WILD WING, WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU YOU'RE GONNA DIE YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!
• GRIN - Now THAT was funny!
• MALLORY - Laugh it up, lard ball!
• GRIN - I'm no lard ball!
• MALLORY - Oh yeah? Then why do you weigh 250 pounds?!
• GRIN - It's called muscle, you trigger happy air head!
• MALLORY - Why you son of a bi#&%!@ch! Uh oh, we're lo*@&#$ing our connection! Good bye everybody, GIRLS RULE!
• NOSE DIVE - That bastard...as soon as I get the connection back I'm gonna shove his - Why hello everybody! Welcome back! Hello, good bye, it's time to go. So until next time, don't forget: Love bites.