The Mighty Ducks' Love Line #9

We're baaack. *sob*

If you blocked that number out over our break (I know I did) it's 555-DIVE

• NOSE DIVE- Who the hell hired that stupid announcer?! Hello Dive fans, I'M BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER!
• GRIN - Considering that you were never that good in the first place, that's not suprising.
• NOSE DIVE - Oh shut up! What the hell do you want, Grin?!
• GRIN - Just came by to offer you a drink congratulating you on starting a wonderful second season.
• NOSE DIVE - True, true. Thank you, Grin. Say, what is this stuff? It's pretty good...I- whoa...why's the world spinning? I feel kinda funnnnnnyyy...
• GRIN - Sweet dreams, Cutie pie.
• AMBER - Grin, have you seen my horse tranquilizers? I can't find them anywhere.
• GRIN - Nose Dive knows where they are. I'll ask him when he wakes up.
• AMBER - Oh, Okay, thanks.
• GRIN - And now that Nose Dive's taking a nap, I can promise all you viewers that this WILL be a wonderful start to the second season! WELCOME BACK TO GRIN'S LOVE LINE! As you know, while our manager Phil was being admitted to Happy Acres Sanitarium we had to shut down for a while. But now that's he's back, the love line's up and running once again! First caller?
• CALLER #1- Hey Grin, I just wanted to ask...how do you always manage to trick Nose Dive into giving YOU the love line.
• GRIN - I find inspiration in my crystals. Next season we're going to kill him right at the start so stay tuned. Next?
• CALLER #2 - Hey Grin, I got this problem.
• GRIN - Thank you for stating the obvious. And your problem is...?
• CALLER #2 - I just slept with my best friend's mother.
• GRIN - I see, of course. Now you're having a moral dilemma...whether or not to engage in such an unethical relationship.
• CALLER #2 - Not really...the problem is that if I wanted to see her I'd have to give up football practice. What should I do?
• GRIN - I envy today's youth...never troubled by morals. The answer to your question is simple. Which do you like more, sex or football?
• CALLER #2 - Wow, that really puts things into perspective...thanks Grin, I'll go break up with her right now!
• GRIN - I think I've just discovered youth's OTHER flaw...
• MALLORY - A man not wanting sex...isn't that one of the seven signs that the world is coming to an end?
• GRIN - Hello Mallory. Having another fight with Wild Wing?
• MALLORY - What makes you say that?
• GRIN - The baseball bat you're holding.

Just when you thought it was safe to use the phone...

• MALLORY - Can't a girl hold a baseball bat without having a fight with her boyfriend?
• GRIN - Not you.
• MALLORY - I found a stack of Playboy magazines under his bed. That son of a bitch refused to admit they were his!
• GRIN - That's because they weren't. They're mine.
• MALLORY - Oops. I'd better go get Wing a bag of ice...
• GRIN - Aren't you glad that they don't run the love line? In order to run a love line sucessfully, you need to be smooth, cool, confident...and most importantly, a master of LOVE.
• TANYA - Grin you son of a bitch! Is it true that you have Playboys?!
• GRIN - Who, me? No way, Sweetheart. I was just trying to get Wild Wing off the hook. Why would I ever keep Playboys when I have a beautiful duck like you around?
• TANYA - Oh, Grinny, you're so cute! I'm sorry I accused you like that. I should've known better.
• GRIN - That's okay, Babe, I know you didn't mean to.
• TANYA - Well, I'll see you in my room later so I can make it up to you officially, okay Grinny? Bye bye!
• GRIN - See? What'd I tell you...wrapped around my little finger.
• TANYA - I HEARD THAT, YOU ASSHOLE!
• GRIN - Uh, just kidding Sweetie!! Oh shit...
• DUKE - Nice job, Grin. You're a real master, alright.
• GRIN - Very funny. If you're so good then why don't YOU host the love line?
• DUKE - First of all, I never said I was good, I just said that YOU weren't, and second, I'm not stupid.
• GRIN - That's debatable.
• DUKE - Oh really? Which one of us is armed, Smartass?
• GRIN - I'm armed. I've got my puckblaster with me...hey, where the hell is it?!
• DUKE - I rest my case.
• GRIN - Alright Duke, give it back.
• DUKE - Don't gimmie that look, it's a reflex, I swear! I've been pickpocketing since I was seven...force of habit!
• GRIN - I'll bet. While you're here, let's get to another caller...I've wasted enough time with you amateurs.

Just keep repeating to yourself...it's only a radio show...only a radio show...

• CALLER #3 - Hey there Grin, nice to have you back. I listen to this show everyday.
• DUKE - You poor guy.
• GRIN - Shut up, Duke! Now watch and learn...What's your problem?
• CALLER #3 - Well, it's kind of embarassing...
• DUKE - That's my cue to leave.
• GRIN - Don't you dare. Go on, caller.
• CALLER #3 - Okay. Have you ever played with dolls?
• GRIN - Are you sure this is really a question about love?
• CALLER #3 - Yeah...my girlfriend sorta caught me...with my little sister's Barbie dolls...and she dumped me.
• DUKE - What? Why would she dump you for playing with Barbie dolls?
• CALLER #3 - Well, I wasn't exactly 'playing' with them
• DUKE - You're joking. Grin, tell me he's joking.
• GRIN - Uh...well...this is a bit complicated...I'll get back to you.
• DUKE - Oh yeah. You're a master alright.
• GRIN - That doesn't count!
• WILD WING - Sorry Grin, I'm with Duke.
• GRIN - So now you're all turning against me. Traitors!
• WILD WING - I call 'em like I see 'em, Grin.
• GRIN - Alright then...why don't you take a look at the alternative? Nose Dive.
• DUKE - I'd like to withdraw that last remark.
• WILD WING - I second the motion.
• GRIN - That's what I thought.
• DUKE - Speaking of Nose Dive, looks like he's coming around...we'd better get outta here. See ya!
• NOSE DIVE - Huh? Where'd evrybody go? Grin? GRIN YOU SON OF A BITCH! DAMMIT! Well, there goes another love line...Goodnight everybody, and remember, as the seasons change, one thing remains the same...LOVE BITES!!!