María was a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 children. Then her husband dies.She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies.A while later, she dies.
At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, "At least they are finally together!" A guy sitting in the front row says: "Excuse me father, but do you mean her and her FIRST husband, or her and her SECOND husband?"
The priest says: "I mean her legs!!!"
During a heated discussion over finance the husband said: "Well, if you'd learn to cook and were willing to clean this place, we could fire the maid." The wife, fuming, shot back: "Oh, ¿yeah? Well, if you'd learn how to make love,
we could fire the chauffeur and the gardener."
Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves,
a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship.
As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate,
'Bring me my red shirt!'
The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt,
which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party.
Although some casualties occurred among the crew,
the pirates were repelled.
Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties.
The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever bellowed,
'Bring me my red shirt!'
And once again the battle was on.
However, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred.
Weary from the battles,
the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences
when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked,
'Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?'
The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted,
'If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus,
you men will continue to fight unafraid.'
The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.
As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships,
10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way.
The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command.
The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed,
'Bring me my brown pants!
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and if there good or any better than these I'll add them :)
Email: albjose@hotmail.com
