The Beer Prayer.

Our lager, which art in barrels, hallowed by thy drink. Thy will be drunk, I will be drunk, at home, as it is in the pub. Give us this day our foamy head, and forgive our spillage, as we forgive those who spill against us and lead us not to incarceration, but deliver us from hangovers. For thine is the beer, the bitter, and the lager, forever and ever.

After the October Fest, in Windhoek, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Lion Lager sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Lion." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Hansa says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Hansa." The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Black Label says, "I'd like the only beer made with real barley , give me a Black Label." He gets it.
The guy from Windhoek Lager sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Windhoek?" and the Windhoek president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."

While most companies refrain from allowing consumption of alcohol on the premises, there are some arguments for changing that policy.

Reasons for allowing drinking at work include:
1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress.
3. It leads to more honest communications.
4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
8. It encourages carpooling.
9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
11. It makes fellow employees look better.
12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
15. Suddenly, farting during a meeting isn't so embarrassing.
16. No one will remember your strip act at the Christmas Party

LEVEL 1

It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have work the next day and one of your friends buys another round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends. Here at level one you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly, why as long as I get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I'm cool.".

LEVEL 2:

It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again, but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers) I'm cool.".

LEVEL 3:

One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing FOR artificial turf. And now you're thinking, "Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!" At level three, you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you buy a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you like his face. You get drinking fantasies. (like,"Hey fellas, if we bought our own bar, we could live together forever. We could do it. Tommy, you could cook.") But at level three, that devil is a little bit bigger....and he's buying. And you're thinking "Oh, come on, come on now. As long as I get three hours sleep...and a complete change of blood (snaps fingers), I'm cool.".

LEVEL 4:

It's two in the morning. And the devil is bartending. For last call, you ordered a bottle of rum and a Coke. You ARE artificial turf! This time on your way to the bathroom, you punch the stranger at the end of the bar. Just because you don't like his face! And now you're thinking, "Our busboy is the best looking man I've ever seen." You and your friends decide to leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of you knows an....after hours bar. And here, at level four, you actually think to yourself, "Well....as long as I'm only going to get a few hours sleep anyway, I may as well....STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!!! Yeah! That'd be good for me. I don't mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work for me. And besides, as long as I get 31 hours sleep tomorrow ..................I'm cool."

LEVEL 5:

Five in the morning. After unsuccessfully trying to get your money back at the tattoo parlor ("But I don't even know anybody named Ruby!!!"), you and your friends wind up across the state line in a bar with guys who have been in prison as recently as...that morning. It's the kind of place where even the devil is going, "Uh, I gotta turn in. I gotta be in Hell- at nine. I've got that brunch with Hitler, I can't miss that." At this point, you're all drinking some kind of thick blue liquor, like something from a Klingon wedding. A waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and you think to yourself, "Someday I'm gonna marry that girl!!" One of your friends stands up and screams, "WE'RE DRIVIN' TO VEGAS!!!!!"- and passes out. You crawl outside for air , and then you hit the worst part of level five - the sun. You weren't expecting that were you? You never do. You walk out of a bar in daylight, and you see people on their way to work, or jogging. And they look at you-and they know. And they say..."Who's Ruby?" Let's be honest, if you're 19 and you stay up all night, it's like a victory like you've beat the night, but if you're over 30, then that sun is like God's flashlight. We all say the same prayer then, "I swear, I will never do this again (how long?) as long as I live!" And some of us have that little addition, "and this time, I mean it!"

1.  It's an incentive to show up. 
2.  It reduces stress. 
3.  It leads to more honest communications. 
4.  It reduces complaints about low pay. 
5.  It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 
6.  Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
7.  It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 
8.  It encourages carpooling.
9.  Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
10.  It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
11.  It makes fellow employees look better.
12.  It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
13.  Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
14.  Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
15.  Suddenly, burping during a meeting isn't so embarrassing.
16.  Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
17.  It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
18.  Everyone agrees the work is better after they've had a couple of drinks.
19.  Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
20.  Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked.
21.  It promotes foreign relations with the former Soviet Union.
22.  The janitor's closet will finally have a use.
23.  Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
24.  Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross". 
25.  Babbling and mumbling incoherently will be common language.