*all times eastern unless otherwise noted*

Friday, July 2, 2004 - 11:50pm (central time)

Yo! Yo! ;) *LOL*
Haven't written in here in a while and figured I should. 8 days til my birthday! ;) yay! I'll be 20 :) I can't believe it....I don't feel like I should be 20, time is passing so fast now. Anyways. Here lately I've been working my butt off. I work nearly everyday at Wendy's, and then also on Monday and Wednesday nights I have a class at the local community college. So in other words....I'm definately not having a lazy summer. Travis seems to have taken my place on that. He stays up all night and then sleeps ALL day. I can't believe Mom and Dad let him. Of course Mom feels horrible right now. She had surgery Wednesday....so she's still getting over that. And yes, she's fine.
I've actually been working more on my writings than any art here lately. I'm trying to get a new Kristia story up. This one jumps ahead to where she is now living in d'Alene Manor. It's A LOT more up to date than the other ones.
I'm upset right now over something, and it's significant because it deals with Sara and all her friends/family. Sara's boyfriend thinks I'm a snob. The guy has never even met me, he's just seen me drive by in my car. Sara says that at times I can say or act snobbish. And then I ask Sara's sister and her husband....and they say that the last time I was over at their house I acted snobbish. I think that's bullshit. I'm trying to better myself by going to college, wearing nicer clothes, driving a nice car, and all that. That doesn't make me think I'm better than anyone else. I've never thought I was better than anyone else. I grew up with not a lot of money. But my parents have worked hard and now we are a MIDDLE income family. All because BOTH of my parents work 12 hour shifts at both their jobs. My poor Mom works so much she's about to kill herself. But do people know this? Do they bother to find this out before they judge me? NOPE! They automatically look at our cars, the boat, the swimming pool, and think...."those snobs, they think they're so great cause they have money." NO, we don't. My family knows and firmly believes in hard work.
So am I going to apologize because occasionally I might frown upon someone who is poor as dirt BECAUSE they don't work and are lazy? Hell no. I've worked for what I have. I bought my car...nowadays I buy most of my clothes, and any other money I have I've earned. My parents help me out with big stuff like college and books, but I WORK. I have never thought of myself as being better than Sara or her family. And it really hurts me that she thinks that. She doesn't want me to meet her boyfriend, cause I'm afraid I'd tell him a thing or two.
And that's my rant for the day ;)
Krista Michelle

Saturday, May 22, 2004 - 12:15am (central time)

Run Away! Run Away!
wow.....tonight has reinforced my belief that I have no desire whatsoever to have children. I was volunteered by my mother to babysit a coworker's 2 year old daughter. Since this woman works with my Mom, that means the little girl is with me from 7pm - 7am. Now I know you're thinking, "well, most of that she'll be sleeping....so what's the big deal?" ......the simple problem of GETTING her to sleep! That and the fact that she's at that inquisitive stage where she has to go around and check EVERYTHING out. Now don't get me wrong, she was a doll and very well behaved, but once she finally fell asleep (and I could write for hours on what a pain that was) and I managed to slip out of bed....I felt like running away. I just wanted to run so far away. I don't like having to take complete care of another person like that. I like having the freedom to decide, hey, I think I'll go walk outside and look at the night sky real quick. NOT HAPPENIN with a 2 year old. Of course, it might be different if it was my own child...I could have been more forceful on getting her to go to bed, I had to be nice with this little one.
I don't even know if I can put my feelings into words. What's even worse is that I'm really good with kids, they love me. But the entire time I'm playing and being all silly/sweet to them all I can think about is when I'll be able to run away and either be by myself or with people my own age. More likely the latter. I have a tendency to not mind being alone. I've spent many years of my life being somewhat of a loner. And although now I am more friendly and love to be in groups, I still have no problem going out and doing things on my own...or just staying home and bumming around instead of going out.
I wish I didn't have all the strains that the world puts on you. I wish I didn't have to work because I need money, or I didn't have to take so much school at one time. I would love to have time to paint and write. I miss painting...it can be so fulfilling, a bit frustrating as with all art, but well worth it ;)
So will Mom ever get grandchildren out of me? I don't know. Unless my attitude changes sometime in the next 10 years, I don't see it happening. I just don't want it. I wish I could give birth, and then someone else raise the child until they were about 14 :) I need a good Nanny....like back in the days of nobility when women never really raised their children ;) The only thing I see to loose in not having children is not having the chance to pass on a piece of myself....but then again, I do that when I create my art and when I accomplish things. *shrugs* but nothing passes on like blood. I am always proud of my heritage and my ancestors.....so it would be horrible to be the end of my line (yeah yeah...I know we have Travis...but that's different;).
all right, time to either go to bed (although the little one has decided to fall asleep across the entire top of my queen size bed), or stay up and eventually pass out here in the den....don't know.
As Always...With All My Love,
Krista Michelle

Sunday, May 16, 2004 - 12:03am (central time)

Hey Peeps ;)
Went and saw "Van Helsing" the day it came out (May 7th) with Charity....it was awesome! ;) (that was also the day I came home for the summer)
Well, I'm back home for the summer. It's always a pain getting all my stuff to fit into this little room. Plus the fact that I seem to have so much STUFF doesn't help. I swear I've thrown away 3 garbage bags already, and haven't made a dent. I almost had a heart attack when I came back home and saw that MY CAR IS SMOKING! I borrowed Dad's Jeep Liberty for the last two weeks of school so that I could bring all my stuff home, and left my Dad my car in it's place. When I come home, I find out that the stealth is smoking out the tail pipe! I'm like, "Great! Just great!" *sighs* I planned on taking it in to get a tune-up anyways, so I guess they can fix that while they're at it.
Which brings me to my next problem, I have to get a job here in Paducah (so that I can get a loan to pay for car repairs and summer classes). It sounded easy, until I actually got down here and realized how much of a pain in the butt it can be to get the job you want. I really don't want to work at another fast food place....or a waitressing job. I've been doing that stuff for the past 4 years and I'm sick of it. I've looked into a few things, and if worse comes to worse, I'll look around at the local Wendy's or maybe back at the old Bingo Hall.....yuck.
*gasps* man, I've been having chest pains for the past couple of weeks. I've had them all my life, and they seem to be when I become really physically active. gah....they're not fun. but we haven't found any cause for them....so...*shrugs* who knows?
I'm trying not to think about how I'm going to earn enough money in the fall to pay for my apartment. I really don't know. I will work somewhere, though....whether it's a medical job, or something else. I've just gotta make a decent amount. At least next year I'll get my KEES money. That's a thousand dollars a semester. That'll definately help.
I'm gonna start selling on eBay tomorrow. I set up my seller's account tonight and will take pictures with my digital camera tomorrow. So...if anybody collects Barbie's or wants a book or two....go buy my stuff on eBay! :) Help a poor college student out! ;) *L*
Ciao!
Krista Michelle

Monday, April 12, 2004 - 2:20pm

Hey Y'all :)
Well yesterday was Easter, and it was actually a lot of fun. I'm sure Charity and I gained 5 pounds each....me probably more than her cause I had a big piece of birthday cake ontop of all the stuff from Easter Dinner ;) All my family members seemed to really love Charity. Expecially Jessie. I think Charity and Jessie have a lot in common as far as their personalities are concerned. There were TONS of pictures taken by everyone, so I'm sure that eventually I'll have pictures to add :) I got a big old Easter Basket...yeah buddy:) plenty of chocolate for the next few days.
As much fun as yesterday was, today is pretty darn gloomy. It's all rainy and cold outside. I went to my class at 8am this mornin, and then came back here and climbed back into my warm comfy bed until 1pm :)
what else to add? Oh. I've been drawing again here lately. It's something productive, that I can do in my spare time instead of sleeping ;) Infact, I'm upset right now cause I left my sketchbook in my car....and I bought new pencils, pens and erasers last night. So it's like giving a crack addict some crack, and then no pipe to smoke it with :) *L* (and just so you know I'm not a druggie, I was saying that to Charity yesterday....except I didn't know exactly what you used to smoke crack, so I said "it's like giving a crack addict some crack and then no bong to smoke it with." She found that hilarious. Oh well....so I'm not real up to date on my drug paraphenalia (sp?)....I'm pretty sure that's a good thing overall :) On that ditzy Krista note, I'll say goodbye ;)
Love ya! ;P
Krista Michelle

Friday, April 9, 2004 - 12:00am

Sup? ;)
wow! the ad for the new Van Helsing movie was just on tv....I am so psyched about seeing that! :) It looks awesome ;) May 7th, BABY! ;)
I was just sitting here thinking about marching band. The Pegasus Parade and the Kentucky Derby are coming up in a couple of weeks or so. I'm excited about the Derby, it's really a lot of fun. Now the Pegasus Parade, that's another story. It's absolute hell on earth. Last year I almost collapsed from a combination of back pain and heat exhaustion. It almost made me not want to do marching band again this year. But all the awesome things I get to do totally outweight one bad experience.
Band has been so awesome. It's brought me so many opportunities and great experiences, nothing in my life can compare to what it's done for me. I've been in band now since 6th grade. As of next school year, I'll have been in band for 10 years. A decade of my life. Considering I'll be 20 this summer....that means 1/2 my life has been band. So band is as much a part of my life as big lips and an imaginative mind. I can't imagine NOT being in band. When I get to thinking about that it makes me really sad. I know that at the most I only have 2 - 3 more years of band left. Then theres no more.....I'll miss it so much. I love being in that big football stadium and knowing that I'm not just some spectator. I'm a part of it all. I'm part of the inside group of people that make that stadium come alive. I look around, at all the screaming fans decked out in red and black, and it is just an incredible feeling. Yeah it can be hot and tiring....and I've had heat exhaustion more than once, but I can't imagine going to a football game and only watching it. I want to be a part of it!
In high school band I got to go to places like Virginia Beach and Gatlinburg. But the biggest part about high school band was the friends I made. Sara and I became friends through band, and two years after high school we're still buds. High School band also gave me school spirit. I was proud to go to school where I did, because I was involved. Now college band....it has given me so many incredible experiences. I've performed on national television SEVERAL times, I've performed at two NFL games (including one in the RCA dome in Indianapolis...which was soooo cool inside!), I've met and been to the house of the president of the university, I've also been up into his box at the stadium and performed. I've performed and eaten in the prestigious Brown's Club inside the stadium. And let's not forget...one of the things I'm most proud of, the Kentucky Derby. Not only did I perform several times through-out the day at a place where celebrities such as Janet Jackson and Kid Rock & Pamela Anderson were. But during the actual derby race I was standing next to the winner's circle right next to the track. I was right next to them as they crowned Funny Cide the winner of Derby 2003. People pay thousands of dollars for prestigious seats at the Derby, but I was right next to the winner's circle and I didn't pay a dang thing! ;) *L*
Wow, I need to wrap this up. I guess I could talk about band all day long. I wonder if I could help my old high school drumline when I'm out of college...at least then I could still be involved in band stuff. It's a thought ;)
Adios Amigos! ;P
Krista Michelle

Wednesday, April 7, 2004 - 2:00pm

Yo Yo Yo! :)
sittin here letting my toenail polish dry ;) Yeah, I should be at work right now....but this mornin my teeth were hurtin so bad I don't know that I could have went to work, so I called off. But before you (whoever you are;) go thinkin that I'm lazy, here me out. I have accomplished SOOOO much the past few days. I've almost got everything for the summer and next semester taken care of. Well, all that I can at the moment anyways. I'm registered for all but two of my classes (I went and got permission to be in those today, so by tonight I should be registered in them). I've got (I believe) everything I need to send to PCC to get admitted so I can take a summer class or two. I've set up an advising appointment for next Tuesday. PLUS I've been working my butt off at work, an average of 29 hrs a week. So yeah, I called off today....but I'm sure it's not a big deal, they usually have too many people during the day anyways.
Oh! and I have to go by Jessie's tonight and sign something so that I can get my tax money back. That has also been done, Brian did em for me. SEE!!!! I'm so productive here lately!!!!! WOW! ;P Those of you that know me, know that that is REALLY unusual :)
I started drawing again too, mostly during my incredibly boring Med. Ethics class....but I've missed it. Plus it's been mentioned to me that I haven't added any new art to my site in forever, which is true....but hey! my ass has been busy! ;) I've only got one more semester until I can apply to upper division nursing! *does a dance* yeah baby! ;P that's not too bad....the lower division is suppose to take 2 years (theres no way...) and I'm going to have done it in 2 1/2 ;P not too bad ;)
This semester has really tested me in everything. In my physical endurance (when I got so sick), emotionally (Aunt Teresa dieing), and academically (my grades were pretty shaky for a while.) But....it looks like it's gonna be all right ;) I'll get through this....like one of my favorite songs says:
"All of the happiness you seek and all of the joy for which you pray, it's closer than you think, it's just a hundred tears away."
*smiles and looks outside*
and I think I'll leave you with another song quote I love:
"It's a great day to be alive, I know the sun's still shinin' when I close my eyes. Theres some hard times in the neighborhood, but why can't every day be just this good?"
Love Always,
Krista Michelle

Sunday, April 4, 2004 - 11:00am

Mornin! :)
Wow! I slept 13 HOURS last night! Gah, I guess I must have needed some sleep! Of course, for those of you who know me, you know I love my sleep anyways ;) I've been working practically every day....and my butt is tired.
Plus right now is kinda crunch time as far as school stuff goes. I'm trying to get everything together for next semester at U of L....plus everything in order to take a summer class or two at the community college back home. All this while trying to maintain good grades in the classes I'm taking now. See? That's why I need sleep! :) *L* I hate all the red tape associated with school stuff. Nothing is ever easy at U of L. I can't even get ahold of my advisor to get myself advised! Grrrr.......
Well, I gotta get ready for work....so I'll write more in here some other time ;) Bye!:)
Krista Michelle

Monday, March 22, 2004 - 9:00pm

Howdy! :)
All right. Today the topic is religion. I know...and a hush comes over the crowd. If there is ever something that I would list as the most contriversal topic in the world it would be religion. That is a subject that people will DIE to support what they believe. Why is this on my mind? Well, we talked for over an hour today in my Med Ethics class about the movie "The Passion of the Christ".
I figured out long ago that unless you and another person share REALLY similar views, you can't discuss religion without somebody getting hurt or offended. Like Sara and I can discuss religion all day long and not have a problem....cause even though she's a Baptist and I'm technically a nondenominational Protestant....our views are pretty much identical. What was my point? I've totally lost track. Oh yeah, I normally don't discuss religion. I just don't bring it up. Yeah, according to Christian views this is actually bad....cause I'm suppose to witness to people, but I've known for a long time that I'm not meant to be a witness for God. I'm way too shy for that sort of thing. Plus, I have a general desire to be liked...not be popular, but just for people to think, "Oh, she's a nice girl." when I'm mentioned. And as I've said....sometimes being too straightforward or agressive about religion can make people none too happy with you. Though I can't ever see me being an aggressive person.
since I dropped out of youth group when I was 17 I've kinda drifted away from acting as a Christian should. I think about this a lot, and it really bothers me. Mainly because I know the happiest I was in my life was when I was involved in church. I had all those people who loved and supported me, plus just being closer to God made me happier and feel more secure. Since I got saved God is just a part of me, and he always will be. And right now I'm sure He's not happy with how I've grown away from Him. I can't really see me getting back to what I was around the 13 - 17 year old range until I get finished with college. For one, I really love my church and feel very safe and secure there....and obviously I'm a bit far away from it right now ;) Secondly, I always work on Sundays up here.
That's about all I can think of right now. I know I had better points to make, but I'm so losing my train of thought ;)
Bye!:)
Krista Michelle

Saturday, March 20, 2004 - 12:50am (central time)

yeah! the beginning of late night entries! This is more my style :)
went over to visit with Kyllan tonight. I haven't seen that girl in over 2 years. She seems to finally be doing really good. Her new hubby seems really nice, their apartment is nice, and she's 5 months pregnant with a little girl :) man, all my friends are havin babies! ;) *L*
Kyllan had like, 5 fish tanks in her apartment. Which I thought was SOOOO awesome. I miss my big awesome 20 gallon fish tank. Ever since I went off to college it's been sitting in my room, empty (though clean and waiting for me to fill it back up w/ water and fish). I'm thinking of starting it back up this summer....but if I do it comes back down to the fact that then I'd have to take it with me when I move into an apartment this fall. THAT doesn't sound like fun. Though having the fish up there would. hmmmmm.....don't know what I'll do. *grins* and this is yet another example of how I love animals :) I even went to Petsmart today with Goliath and was looking at all the cute things to put in your fish tank. OOOOH! They have this big circular thing of Roman style columns, that even has a nozzle so you can hook up the air pump to it....oh, I want it so bad. And it's only like $18. I'm so gonna get it....cause I don't like the decorative stuff I have for my tank now. *blinks* yeah, and I realize you guys couldn't care less about this stuff so I'll shut up about fish tank decorations :P
besides getting my hair cut/colored and washing/waxing my car....I haven't accomplished anything this spring break. Last spring break I completely redid my room here. Hmm....but then again, I have had a much more trying school year this past year. *sighs* my work called. Long story short I am possibly going to be working a lot of hours next week since all the high school kids are going on spring break. Man, I already told them I can't be working a ton of hours......I can't do my school stuff when I'm working an average of 39 hours a week! GAH! I hate that job now.....ever since we've gotten the new management it's been horrible. Oh well, good pay and only a month or so left.....just gotta grin and bear it :)
All right, BYE! :)
Krista Michelle

Thursday, March 18, 2004 - 10:30pm (central time)

Ouch! ;)
Man, my wrist hurts! I spent most of today washing, then hand-waxing my car. I guess I used my right hand a bit too much doing it, cause my wrist is KILLIN ME! Now, what was going to be the theme of this entry today? oh, I remember....I was thinking about one of the reasons that I had put off getting my hair colored.
I put off getting my hair colored partly because of the fact that every little generic teenage girl seems to have blonde highlights in her hair nowadays. I despise that. I don't want to be generic. I don't want to be some person who lives to be "trendy" and what other people think I should be. There's a scene in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" where the main guy character says to another guy as he's looking at a photo "she looks just like everyone else. They all look the same." I don't want to be that. I want to be unique. Now true, I do want to have friends and fit in....but I can still be myself and do that. I just have to be a nice person. Girls nowadays get blonde highlights put in their hair, a cutsie little butterfly tattoo on their lower back, and wear hip huggers to show it off. Yes, I put blonde highlights in my hair, but my hair is originally blonde. I have a tattoo, but not only is it somewhere unusual (on the side of my left hip), but it is something that has MEANING to me. And I wear hip huggers, but that's because they fit me good....and hey, they just look good :) *L* So in conclusion, I don't want to be another carbon copy college-age girl just like everyone else. I want to be special, I feel special. I just have this feeling that I'm different from all those girls. *shrugs* who knows....
all right, now I'm having to type with one hand cause my right wrist hurts too bad. see ya later peeps! AND BE UNIQUE! :)
Krista Michelle

Tuesday, March 16, 2004 - 9:00pm (central time)

yo, yo, yo! :)
Well I am VERY happy with how my hair came out. It looks really good. The highlights are very subtle, but together they make my hair seem much more blonde. YAY! and it was only $30 for the color and a trim! That's a REALLY good deal.
Dad went with Sara and I to get my hair done. We went out to eat at a pizza buffet later, the three of us had a lot of fun. Dad and Sara get along real well, thank goodness she can take his constant teasing :) Then Sara and I went and saw The Passion of the Christ. It was REALLY good. Both Sara and I were really happy with how it was exactly as the Bible says it was. It was both beautiful and saddening. Not to mention it made me cringe thru most of the movie. It was violent, but hey, not anything compared to some of the senseless gorey horror films I've seen.
Sara and I have spent pretty much the entire day today together. We had lots of fun. I really miss her when I'm up in Lville. She's my buuuuuddy! *huge hugz to Sara and Ashton* ;P All right, time for me to get off here and watch Whose Line is it Anyways? and then some Adult Swim. I love WITCH HUNTER ROBIN! ;P
bye y'all! :)
Krista Michelle

Monday, March 15, 2004 - 7:30pm (central time)

Hey guys :) well, spring break has been pretty laid back so far. Haven't done anything extraordinary. Mainly been getting A LOT of sleep and reading a bunch. Tomorrow I go to get my hair trimmed and highlighted. I'm a bit nervous.....I hope this chick doesn't screw it up. I found someone that is suppose to be really really good, without being outrageously expensive. I truthfully don't have the money to be spending it on something like this, but I think it'll help my self-esteem. Plus I miss being obviously blonde. Well, my intellect shows my blonde-ness quite well, but I want my hair to show it again ;)
Spent a good deal of last night with Sara and Ashton. Man I love that little guy. He is soooo adoreable, and laughs really easy. Mom is gonna watch Ashton tomorrow night so Sara and I can go see Passion of the Christ. Oh, and Sara is also going with me to get my hair done.
Mom has been stuffing me full of food since I came home. I need to watch out. I get so depressed when my weight goes up. Though it never fluctuates more than 5 to 10 pounds either up or down....it still makes a big difference to me. My self-esteem has always been horrible, in middle school I used to think (and i'm being DEAD serious) that when people looked at me they got physically sick to their stomache. I don't think that anymore, but I also don't think I'm pretty in the least. I look at other people and wish I looked like them, not totally, just certain things. I wish I had her clear skin, or her really thick long hair, or her skinny little waist. And of course now I have these damn braces on, which doesn't help. Everybody wonders why I don't date, but it's really due to the fact that no guys ever seem interested in me. Not enough to make a move, at least. And I do want to date now, I want someone to want me.
well, maybe after summer starts and my hair is blonde, my skin is darker, I'm wearing shorts, and I've lost weight (and I will once I start all my summer fun), maybe then someone will be interested in me. Someone besides all the old perverted men who seem to be attracted to me like a magnet. *L*
Bye!
Krista Michelle

Thursday, March 04, 2004 - 10:05 p.m.

All right. These girls in this dorm are really pissin me off. That Jennifer chick has stood out in the hall today for HOURS bitching about anything and everything to ANYONE who would listen. Or sometimes just to herself! She aggrivates me soooo much. She wants everybody else to act "adult" and "show respect", when she doesn't display any of these qualities. She's so extremely childish. She doesn't realize that there are people with different views and personalities than her....and....*gasp*.....these might not all be wrong! gah.......she gives me a headache just thinking of what a self-obsessed person she is.
I'm trying to look on the bright side of everything. The last few weeks were absolute hell to me. First I was so sick that I wanted nothing else but to crawl into a little ball and cease to exist. Then I became behind in my school work.....which put enormous stress on me, considering I could lose my scholarship if I don't maintain a 3.0 GPA. THEN, my Aunt Teresa begins to deteriorate more and more, and eventually passes away last Friday.
I can hardly believe how I stayed so together during that horrible weekend. Yes, I cried at the funeral, and yes....I became depressed. But overall I stayed very strong. I took care of my brother, who didn't handle the death very well. I dressed myself up each day...for the wake, for church, for the funeral. For some reason I handle death very well. It's almost like my heart closes off and my head takes over, until I have time to sit alone and deal with my emotions. I think Charity would have been amazed to see me. I worry that she thinks I am a weak person, and I truly haven't given her any sign to the contrary. I just don't like for people to think I'm some frail flower.
wow.....this has been a really depressing entry. Let's add something upbeat, shall we? Today it felt really good outside in the afternoon, even though it was cloudy. So I grabbed up a pretty much empty bag of chips and a package of crackers. I found a nice spot in the Quad and sat and fed the squirrels :) One of the albino squirrels decided that it really liked me and hung around below my dangling feet. I even managed to hand-feed it a cracker, which thrilled me. I love animals, it if wasn't for all the years of school required, I would have been a veterinarian.
I work this weekend, though not a ton. So it shouldn't be bad. I plan on taking it easy. I need to lower my anxiety level before I blow up :)
Adios,
Krista Michelle

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