June 6, 1999...We have most of the home study papers ready to go to another social worker. I feel good about this, but ready for something more to come up:( Money is not in abundance for us right now, and all I can do is pray that God is walking WITH us this time & we will breeze through this process & move on to getting a baby:)

July 2, 1999.Our home visit took place

July 15, 1999...Completed home study sent to adoption attorney :)

July 19, 1999...We received a call & there are 3 families ahead of us on the "list"

Aug. 20, 1999...I called & there are now *2* families ahead of us on the "list"!!!!

Oct. 20, 1999...We are now #1 on the "list"!!!! The *next* baby girl is *ours* :)

Jan. 11, 2000...We are still waiting... no baby yet:(

May 17, 2000...Still no call, no word... no baby:(

June 22, 2000...Sending in the updated home study- a whole year... no baby:(

July 28, 2000...Received a call that our profile (& one other) is going to a bmom the first of next week. God willing~ maybe we'll have our baby soon? They said it would be a bit before we know anything. I'm trying VERY hard not to get to excited, but it's so hard NOT too! My feet have actually barely hit the floor since the phone call:)

Aug.17, 2000...Called to check on above situation... Mom decided to parent

Sept.15, 2000...WE GOT A CALL!!!! If ALL goes as planned... Kianna Marie Hope will arrive somewhere around Nov. 9, 2000!!!! Talked to pbmom for over an hour! She is very sweet! & very *together*. I cannot wait to hear more! WoW! I can hardly believe it could be happening!!!

Sept. 26, 2000...Mom changed her mind... this was NOT our baby Kianna :(

Oct. 5, 2000...I called the office to check- they said "We're working on something now... honey, you are my MISSION!"

(A little HOPE renewed)

Nov. 29, 2000...We had a call at 6:05 P.M. from JT asking if we are interested in a baby girl born TONIGHT! 5 lbs. 11.6 oz. VERY healthy & we are to be ready to fly to Tampa TOMORROW!

Nov. 30, 2000...Mom has not signed yet- wants to talk with us first. Will talk with her at 6:00 a.m.

Dec. 1, 2000...Sat by the phone from 5:00 a.m. & finally spoke with "C" around 1:00 p.m. She sounds like a wonderful mom. She *loves* her baby & does NOT want to place her- but she has "fallen into hard times" & may not be able to parent. I feel very bad for her & share her pain:( I asked "Do you think you are going to place your baby?" & her answer was: "Do I THINK so, YES, do I WANT to place my baby- NO" They have decided to put the baby in foster care for one week to give "C" more time so as she does NOT make a hasty decision that she will greatly regret later

Dec. 6, 2000...I called to check the status of the above situation- baby's mom is struggling terribly & they have given her one more week to help her get through this. As far as I know, baby is still in foster care. "C" thought she'd be able to make a decision by 12/7.

Dec. 7, 2000...I feel this mom is not going to be able to place her child. She is struggling so hard. I feel terrible for what she is going through:( I now, have to figure out a way to "pick up" & move forward... gain some HOPE back & plunge into the holidays. I know this has been hard on my kids as well. Every day as they come through the door they each say: "Did she call yet?"

At this point, we'd be VERY surprised if we got this little one & just hope she can go home to her forever family SOON (moms or ours- just *home*)

Dec. 8, 2000...We received confirmation today... my intuition was right- the baby's mom has decided to parent. It is not all bad... I know she was really battling this decision & she did what she felt was *right*. I do not feel upset with her... just sad that this wasn't our baby. Some people say "Third times a charm"... we have had 2 failed placements in the past few months... maybe the next little one is OURS? Time will tell.

Jan. 3, 2001...7:30 a.m. Sue called to let me know the mom they have "held" for us is having a GIRL! She was mailing our profile to her!

Jan. 4, 2001...Sue called to get info. so that we would be allowed in to see the baby when it's time:) Sounds hopeful!! Mom is incarcerated & they have to have this paper work done ahead of time... baby is due 2/11/01 but they usually induce the moms a week early at this facility. I am SO hopeful! This would mean around 2/4 we *might* have a baby! :) I am terrified to HOPE... but am leaving it all in God's hands.

Jan. 12, 2001...Talked with Sue today. They have not heard from "T" yet, but said that is not unusual as in that facility she may not get her mail for a week or so. She seems pretty confident this might work out for us? "T" has a little boy also (I think he's with his father?) and she said both her children are *beautiful*:) At this point, she is hoping to hear from "T" over the weekend.

Jan. 19, 2001...I called & spoke with Sue today- she received our updated photo's. She also said this baby's mother wants a family with no children to adopt her baby:( We are heart broken. This was such a *sure* thing... they told us "She can't change her mind- she HAS to place this baby." This is the third time we have been so close & still no baby. Our kiddo's are sad, WE are sad:(

Jan. 22, 2001...We rewrote our "Dear Birthmother" letter over the weekend. I had spoken briefly of our loss (telling about all our children- Taylor is still our child) and we decided that maybe we shouldn't bring this up at all. It is a very personal thing & if they were to ask- we can tell her then. Maybe they fear we are trying to "replace" a child? This new letter turned out well & it has given me hope again.

Jan. 31, 2001...I called JT office today to see if they received our letter & if anything was going on. Sue said nothing was happening but they are trying very hard to find a baby for us... it's been so long we have waited:(

LATER: Got home from a run to the store & found a message on the machine from Lisa. They have a situation they think may work out for us. I called & we talked about it (baby is due around April 25). We want a baby... ANY baby. But there is 3 months until this little one is due & we are so scared to be matched & off the list of shown profiles... & then have this one fall through as she delivers.

.Feb. 1, 2001... We decided to wait one month to be "matched" with this situation. This way, if any others come up between now & March 1- we have a chance to be chosen.

Feb. 9, 2001...We celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary... up to our chins in tax stuff but we took time out for US :)

Feb. 12, 2001... I emailed our attorney this a.m. to see how things are going. She suggested we not wait, but go with this new situation- they are anxious to get a family involved. They are mailing the request for "D's" medical records today.

LATER: Kurt called this evening & after we spoke about this situation... he seems to think we should go forward & hope for the best. I am SO SCARED to chance this 10 weeks & have a family member decide to adopt the baby at the last minute... but I don't see any other situations coming sooner.

Feb. 27, 2001... We had an email this morning letting us know that "D" has moved closer to Tampa and is staying with a very nice couple. The medical records have been sent to us & I am very anxious to receive them. Maybe this is our baby? She should be in the office sometime next week & they hope to get us together on the phone then.

"D" told someone in her family that they have chosen a "wonderful family" for her baby........ oh how I hope & pray this is our Kianna!

March 2, 2001...Got a call that everything is going well, things look very good for us & they are trying to get "D" into a good Dr. She is transferring & they are having a problem finding one that will take her due to her age. I get to call her on Tuesday:)

March 6, 2001... I called at 6:00 a.m. sharp but they were running a bit late so had to call back. I called again at 6:25 & "D" answered the phone! I can't tell you how sweet this young girl is! We talked till 7 when I had to take the kids to school. I didn't want to have to go, but I had too:( We talked about a lot of things & she let me know that she was happy & comfortable with us adopting her little girl! She pointed out that she is very young & is not ready for a baby at this time. She told me how well she is eating with lots of fruit & veggies to ensure this baby be kept healthy... I literally fell in love with "D"... she is just very genuine & very sweet. I told her the way she is caring for herself & the baby is better than some 30 year old woman do & for that she should be very proud!

Later, I emailed & asked when we would be hearing if we are officially "matched".

March 7, 2001... I received this note today from the office:

!!!!! WE ARE MATCHED !!!!!

April 10, 2001... Today is a bittersweet day. While I'm happy with the recent/upcoming events, I'm missing Taylor as well. Today is his 4th birthday... tomorrow marks 4 years since he went to heaven:(

I spoke with "D" today for quite some time. I really love her already. She is the sweetest little gal & her mom must be so proud of her. She wants to be a family practitioner or Veterinarian one day & with her determination... I think she will!

"D" went to the Dr. this a.m. & weighed in at 132#, was not dilated as of yet, but they say if she has not had the baby on her own by 4/26 they will induce her on 4/27.

Today "D" asked if we chose a name yet & I asked her how she likes "Kianna"... she didn't *jump* for it, but said it wasn't bad:) She asked about naming her middle name "Sheridan" & I told her we had thought "Kianna Marie Hope" but after getting to know HER a bit, were thinking about "Kianna Danielle Hope"... she really liked that:) I want her to be a part of the baby as after all... this child is her child too:)

April 13, 2001...I called "D"s mother today & we talked for two hours! I got along very well with her & just really liked her! I am VERY anxious to meet them both:)

April 17, 2001..."D" had her appointment today. She is dilated 1cm & doing very well. If she hasn't gone in sooner- she will go in at 6:30 A.M. on April 26 & they will induce labor. She said they have a new ultrasound picture & it's a *great* picture of her face:) She got one for me too:)

April 21, 2001...Today is my birthday... what a birthday gift this is!!! My reservations are made! I will get on the jet at 3:00 p.m. on Wed. 4/25. Arrive in Tampa at 10:00 a.m. Thursday. I am UP & down with emotions. My heart aches for "D", I'm scared, excited & just plain UP & down.

I will be picked up at the airport & taken straight to the hospital where "D" is being admitted at 6:30 that morning to be induced. I am scared for her. I am happy for her. And also scared & happy for US. She is the bravest young woman I have ever known & what person would not be proud to share this child with her?

My return ticket is set for 5/5... leaving Tampa on 5/4. I will fill everyone in as I get home! Please pray for "D", her baby & family. Please pray for ALL of us.

April 22, 2001..."D" has a bad back ache today & has taken 2 Tylenol & soaked in a hot tub... labor?

Decided I best start packing. As Timmy says "It's only 3 more dark times" till I'm suppose to leave:)

April 23,2001...Today I got things taken care of here in town. Bills, paper work, cashiers check for attorney etc.

I sure hope this goes well. I'm nervous, worried- the whole 9 yards! My friend Judy called today & I nearly fell apart on the phone! 48 hours from now & I'll be on the jet headed for Dallas... I cannot believe it all!

April 25, 2001...Couldn't sleep last night- I am SO emotional! (You would think I was having this baby!:) Left on afternoon jet (we only have TWO Alaska Airlines flights here- one south & one north:) To Seattle, on to Dallas & then Tampa.

April 26, 2001...Arrived in Tampa at 10:12 a.m. without a hitch! A wonderful lady (Rosa Lee) picked me up & as we got to her car she handed me a framed picture of "D" & more ultrasound pics! ("D" is so tiny & cute!) This is the first picture I have seen of her. Rosa Lee drove straight to labor & delivery where "D" was just being induced. (We met her mother on the way up to the room) I was introduced to SO many people! "D" was in her bed, a little uneasy & shy but just a trooper!

Things seemed to progress FAST! I was SO tired from the trip (NO sleep for too many days!) & SO emotional! Jet lag, so many new faces & the swelling from the HEAT had already hit... but all that mattered was the moment!

As labor progressed, a decision had to be made as to who was going to stay in the room for delivery. Only 3 were allowed & there were FOUR of us. I wanted more than anything in the world, to be in that room as the baby came ("D"s mother would be there) and the two wonderful ladies who had cared for her through her pregnancy. D said I could stay, but the Dr. said we had to make the decision as there could only be 3. Rosa Lee chose to step out so that I could be there as our precious baby entered the world! Bless her heart!!!!

At 10:30 p.m. D was getting so tired & had tried so terribly hard to deliver the baby- it was just NOT coming! The Dr. said he was giving her 15 more minutes & if the baby wasn't here in that time, they were headed for the OR for a c-section. Baby was posterior & this calls for a tough delivery... the Dr. used the vacuum suction on the baby's head & would pull SO HARD it scared me to watch! Then *POP* it would pop off her little head & he'd start again! At 10:44 p.m. (1 minute before his deadline!) Kianna Danielle Hope entered the world! She weighed 6 pounds 12 ounces, was 19.5 inches long with 8/9APGARS!!! WOW! What an experience! There was so much worry & fear in that room but also SO MUCH PRAYER!

The Dr. offered to let me cut the baby's cord. I let "D"s mother do it first (she had said that she'd like too) and then I cut it also. It was an amazing experience! Truly GOD GIVEN!. I'll never forget the feeling (after almost 4 years of waiting) when Kianna was finally placed in my arms!

As the Dr. finished with "D", she looked up at me with those beautiful BIG brown eyes and said "How do you like your new daughter?" I nearly fell apart!!! Oh Lord, how do you express those feelings? It was like a dream... it had all been so perfect & so wonderful... it surely was a dream! I didn't want too go that night, but we left the hospital at 1:00 a.m. Rosa Lee took me to the home I was to stay. I hadn't met those who offered their home to me & was a little nervous but just exhausted! The couple were just as wonderful as everyone else I'd met that day... just wonderful!

April 27, 2001...Woke about 8:00 a.m. & headed for the hospital with Rosa Lee! "D" had the baby with her since we left last night. As we entered the room, she seemed to be in deep thought just gazing at the baby. Big tears were rolling down her cheeks as she said to me: "Everyone says she looks just like me. So I guess it don't matter who the daddy is, cause she looks just like me". She was very sad & emotional. My heart was breaking & I cried along with her. I gave D a hand made (yellow- her favorite color) afghan I'd made her & explained it had 80 hearts on it. 40 for every week she carried Kianna for herself & 40 for every week she carried her for us.

At noon D signed the TPR & she sobbed her heart out. This took me back to the day I had to say "good-bye" to my son. AS I watched D with Kianna I saw (& felt) myself that day 4 years earlier. I felt her loss and it broke my heart.

Later this day, the family D had stayed with brought pizza & drinks to the hospital room. Quite a few friends she had made came along with her great aunt & uncle. We had a little celebration for D. It was very nice & seemed to make her feel special & so loved. She is such a sweet little gal.

April 28, 2001...D was released at 6:00 p.m. tonight but hospital policy will not let Kianna go until she is 48 hours old. It was hard for both she & I to walk out of that place while Kianna had to stay. We made a few calls & a woman from the attorney's office met Rosa Lee & myself at the hospital at 10:45 p.m. & we took Kianna HOME!

April 29, 2001...Spent the morning bonding with the baby- we had a beautiful dedication for her today at D's church & a reception at the home she stayed during her pregnancy. During the dedication, Kianna decided to fill her diaper! It was all D & I could do to keep from laughing as she was making so much noise! As we held her up there, the pastor was praying & the mess was getting worse & worse!

D cuddled with her afghan much of the time we were visiting with her:)

D's mother & her friend were to head back to their home several hours away in the morning.

May 1, 2001...We've had to jump from one formula to another as Kianna seems to be having so much pain in her tummy.

D asked me if I'd like to go to the crisis center & attend a counseling meeting with her- she wanted her friends to see the baby before we leave for Alaska. The lady I was staying with (God bless her!) took us, waited WAY longer than she should have & then took us back to her home for the night.

We said "good-bye" out on the lawn of the crisis center. D seemed to be doing very well & we promised to keep in touch. There were no tears or long good-byes- just simple hugs & "I love you's". I felt happy, relieved & sad at the same time.

May 2, 2001...Kianna to see a pediatrician today for conjunctivitis in her right eye. Removed clip from cord. She weighs 6 lbs 12 oz today.

May 3, 2001...My cousin Doug's daughter Peggy came & got us! We went to her mothers home for spaghetti dinner & just to visit! I hadn't seen her mother for over 20 years & it was great! Peggy's little boy (Kobie) had the chicken pox so was not able to see him:(

Back to Dr. 6 lbs. 13 ozs!

May 4, 2001...Changed reservations- no ICPC papers:(

May 5, 2001...Kianna & I walked to a little store down the road- about a mile away. Kianna's first real ride in her stroller! Life here is so different than Alaska! The air is warm, the trees/plants are so "tropical". It is just beautiful! It was TOO warm by the time we got back!

May 6, 2001...To Georgettes again for barbeque ribs. Met my cousins other daughter Tina! Also Georgettes brother "George" & SAW MY FIRST REAL ALLIGATOR!!!!!!

May 7, 2001... Sandy (the lady I was staying with) took us to a mall to do some shopping. We had some nice conversation- she is a very nice lady. Comforting... like moms are (HOW I miss my mom right now!) I got everyone a little something from Florida.

Got back to their house & found the message... WE CAN GO HOME TOMORROW!!!! I wanted to hug Larry when he read it to me (maybe I did?)! They are WONDERFUL people & have been SO kind to me, but I am SO anxious to see my kids! I want SO bad to share this precious baby with the other kiddo's & Kurt! I miss them so much.

May 8, 2001...Left for Tampa airport at 6:30 a.m. Larry & Sandy took us all the way to the gate & made sure we were all set to board the plane before leaving. Then had to go to work yet! They are something else! I was ecstatic to be leaving & going HOME, yet I was sad to know I'd not see these wonderful people again:( They shared one of the most emotional spiritual moments of my life... my baby's birth. Without a doubt, I was NOT EVER walking alone with this trip!

Arrived in Chicago to meet cousin Kim & the twins- what an AWESOME trip this has been!!!!

To Seattle at 2:15. Had a VERY hard time finding the shuttles to the hotel. No skycaps- no help at all! I had a BIG cart with all our bags, 2 cases of fruit AND the baby in her stroller... but we MADE IT!

The day in Seattle was spent calling home, relaxing & taking pictures of Kianna! It feels more like she is MY BABY! We snuggled together in the bed, I held her & held her. She is truly amazing! I thought about walking to the little restaurant down the street from the hotel & decided NO WAY! I'm ordering ROOM SERVICE!!!!! And we did:) I cannot remember feeling this WONDERFUL in so very long!

May 9, 2001...To the airport at 6:30- ahead of schedule! Decided I'd not get off the plane in Wrangell as I hadn't had time to let Judy know I was coming through that day. All those who wanted off the jet to stretch their legs, got off & they closed the door. I stayed in my seat patiently waiting to go... one more stop (20 MINUTES!) & I'm HOME! The door opened and airport personnel came straight to me "There's a lady in the airport who REALLY wants to see your new baby!" They let me off (against rules!) & there was Judy!!!! It was SO good to see her! We hugged & I just CRIED!

Home at 11:30 a.m.!!!Friends & family met us with balloons & HAPPINESS! It's SO GOOD TO BE HOME!

May 11, 2001...(Happy birthday Daddy!) In to introduce Kianna to her new Dr.! Eyes look GREAT!

May 13, 2001...Kurt & Rob *finally* in from the boat to meet Kianna! WHAT AN EXCITING DAY!!!

May 17, 2001...To the health nurse for check-up. 7 lbs. 6 ozs! 20" long!

June 13, 2001...We had a HUGE shower!!!! It was a BLAST!

June 22, 2001... 9 lbs. 12 ozs. 21 5/8 inches long!

September 4, 2001...WE ARE FINAL!!!!!! KIANNA IS FOREVER *OURS*!!!!! We had a picnic (in the rain!) to celebrate!