If you are co-dependent, ask someone else to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid or delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell which number to press.

If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you are angry or suffer from stress, press the pound key.