All I Am
by Starhawk

"Before you leave." Dimitria's voice stopped them before they could teleport out of the Power Chamber. "Saryn, Cassie, Andros... and Ashley, for this concerns you as well."

"Yes, Ambassador?" Saryn sounded mildly impatient when the interdimensional being paused, and she couldn't blame him. Andros had taken his time about joining them, and it was his megazord they were supposed to be getting off the ground. Now Dimitria seemed intent on delaying them as well.

"Several days ago," she began carefully, "you all experienced something--very unusual."

Cassie tried not to roll her eyes. *Thanks for letting us know,* she thought wryly. *We hadn't figured that out. What would we do without people like you?* Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Saryn give her an amused glance.

"While your defense of this planet has nonetheless been exemplary," Dimitria continued, "it is clear to me that you are still somewhat disturbed by this incident."

Cassie frowned slightly. This time she made no attempt to hide the questioning look she gave Saryn, and he shrugged overtly. *Didn't bother me,* his expression seemed to say, and she could only agree.

"This glimpse of an alternate reality was outside of your own timestream," Dimitria reminded them, as though they might not have deduced that on their own. "Thus I feel obligated to offer you the chance to forget that it ever occurred. You have your own lives to live, and you have the right to do it without interference from--"

"No." Saryn didn't wait for Dimitria to finish, and she could feel him tensing at her side. "We keep our memories, Dimitria. This is not a matter for discussion."

She squeezed his hand warningly, not missing the lack of the honorific when he addressed the ambassador this time. Dimitria wouldn't dare go into any of their minds without permission; he knew that.

"I respect your reluctance," Dimitria said calmly. "And I will, of course, honor your wishes. However, what I suggest is merely an acceleration of the process that will occur naturally with time. You would remember that something had happened. It would only be the details that were lost more quickly than is usual, as though you were looking back at this incident from some years in the future."

Saryn's fingers were tight on hers, but his voice was more controlled when he spoke again. "My answer stands," he told her. "All I have are my memories, Ambassador. They're all I am."

Dimitria's eyes slid to her, and she shook her head. "I don't want to forget," she said firmly. "If anything, I want to know more."

"It is a curiosity you will have to live with for as long as you remember," Dimitria warned her.

"I know that," she said. She couldn't tell if she was picking up on Saryn's irritability or feeling her own, but the ambassador suddenly seemed far too smug for her own good. "That's what makes me *me*. I'm not going to shove it under the rug just because it's uncomfortable sometimes."

"Very well." Dimitria's attention shifted, and Cassie took the opportunity to glance over her shoulder.

The rest of the team had flanked them in preparation for teleporting, and Timmin was right behind her. She returned the smile he flashed in her direction, but the faraway look in Lyris' eyes distracted her. Saryn was impassive enough that it was hard to tell what he was thinking about, but when Lyris was sensing it showed in his expression. And there was only one other empath in the vicinity...

"And you, Andros?" Dimitria was asking as she looked back at Saryn. To her surprise, his gaze was steady on hers. When she looked at Lyris again he was watching the Kerovan leader curiously, as though he had nothing better to do than wonder how Andros felt about his part of the "vision".

"No."

That was all Andros said, and Dimitria seemed surprised. "You wish to remember?"

Andros nodded once. "I do."

Dimitria studied him for a moment. "May I ask why?" she asked at last.

It was an unnecessarily personal question, but Andros only shrugged. "If you want to."

Cassie bit her lip to keep from giggling. *That was a good answer,* she thought, watching for Dimitria's reaction. The ambassador didn't look at all amused, which only made it that much more funny. In fact, she said nothing, clearly expecting Andros to back down and offer an explanation without making her repeat the question.

He didn't.

Finally, her usual veil of serenity wearing a little thinner than usual, she inquired, "Why?"

Andros looked her square in the eye. "Because."

Dimitria didn't deign to answer that, and Cassie grinned at Andros' obstinance. When he wasn't busy being smitten with Ashley, he was actually rather strong-willed. *Not like anyone else I know,* she thought, unbidden. Saryn's hand tightened on hers, and she smiled to herself.

"I didn't see anything," Ashley said, before Dimitria could say something to her. "I don't know why you mentioned me. You should be asking TJ."

"I will," Dimitria informed her. "However, you deserve the same consideration. Whether you saw anything or not, you have a good deal of knowledge pertaining to this other dimension, much of which affects you personally. Do you wish to retain it?"

Ashley was the first one to hesitate. Her gaze slid away from Dimitria, down to the floor, across the burned out control panels, and finally, reluctantly, came to rest on Andros. He looked steadily back at her, not moving.

"The decision is yours alone," Dimitria reminded her.

She didn't look away from Andros. "I think," Ashley said slowly, "that Saryn was right."

Cassie blinked. That wasn't exactly what she had expected the other girl to say.

"All I am is what I know. And--what I feel," Ashley added more quietly. "If I can't trust that... well, then, forgetting isn't going to change anything, is it." She didn't take her eyes off of Andros.

Dimitria inclined her head. "As you wish." She didn't seem particularly upset that her offer of "help" had been refused, though Cassie doubted she'd get any different response from TJ. TJ Carter seemed positively enthused by the recent turn of events.

***

"How did you know where I was?"

Carlos paused outside one of the secondary cockpits in the Aquitian megazord. TJ's voice emanated from the inside, where he was apparently talking to himself. He must have gotten separated from whomever he was working with. Before Carlos could poke his head in and make sure everything was all right, though, a reply to TJ's question made him freeze.

"That is not important," Dimitria's voice replied, sounding more distant than usual over the Aquitian comm system. "I wish to make you the same offer I have just made to the others who were given a glimpse of the alternate reality."

"The vision," TJ said, though whether he was correcting her or just clarifying for himself, it was hard to tell.

"The vision," Dimitria agreed. "If you wish to forget what you saw, it is within my ability to make sure the details fade from your mind."

There was a brief pause, and Carlos wished he could see TJ's expression.

"Why on Earth would I want to forget?" TJ asked at last. He sounded as though he thought Dimitria might have completely lost her mind. "This is one of the coolest things that's ever happened to me!"

Carlos couldn't quite stifle a laugh, and he heard movement from inside.

"Is someone there?" TJ's voice asked.

"Yeah," Carlos admitted, stepping through the doorway. "I heard you talking and I thought you might have gotten lost. Sorry for listening in."

TJ shrugged. "Fine by me. Billy sent me to get this--" He held up a pyramidal device gingerly, as though it might do something unexpected at any moment. "Whatever it is. I was on my way out when Dimitria here appeared on that screen thing."

Carlos nodded to her in acknowledgement, and she considered him for a moment. "Carlos..."

"Don't even ask," he said firmly. "I don't have anything I want to forget."

There was the faintest hint of a smile in her voice when she replied. "I understand."

"Hey, Dimitria," he said, as a thought occurred to him. "What did the others say, when you asked them?"

"They reacted with varying degrees of vehemence," she replied thoughtfully. "But ultimately they all came to the same conclusion that you did."

"Thought so." As an afterthought, he added, "Thanks though, Dimitria."

She nodded once. "You're welcome."

The screen darkened once more, and he looked over at TJ. "So how are you holding up?"

TJ offered a lopsided grin. "I'm going to need some sleep, eventually," he admitted. "But I think I have enough adrenaline to last me, oh... a couple more days, at least."

Carlos laughed. "That sounds about right," he agreed. "Hey, you haven't seen Aura, have you?"

TJ gave him a pained look. "Which one is she, again?"

"The Red Ranger."

TJ shook his head. "Sorry. The Yellow Ranger's upstairs with Billy--"

"Cestria," Carlos murmured.

"Yeah." TJ looked at him oddly. "How do you do that, anyway? I'm just lucky everyone wears color-coded shirts. At least that way I can say a color and someone else fills in the name for me. But you and Laura... how do you remember everyone?"

"Hold out your hand," Carlos told him, pulling his communicator off. He wasn't really sure why he was doing this, except that there was just something about TJ that he liked. He fastened his communicator around TJ's wrist and put his key into the boy's other hand. "Put them together."

TJ stared at the morpher in his hand, and then at Carlos. "Are you crazy?"

"Probably. Put them together."

Awkwardly, TJ did as he was told. He fumbled with the key a little, but eventually it clicked into place and a bright emerald glow filled the cockpit. It was disconcerting to see the Green Ranger looking back at him, and Carlos had to grin. "Now that's wild."

"That's one word for it." TJ looked down at his hands, as though he couldn't quite believe what had just happened. "Wow."

"Aura," Carlos said. "Cestria. Billy. Delphinius and Cetaci. Andros, Kerone, Rill, Leigh, Kaeth. Saryn, Kris, Lyris, Timmin, Jenna. And Cassie, and Zhane, Matt, Laura, Ashley, and Justin."

TJ just looked at him.

"Repeat them back to me," Carlos said.

"Yeah, right."

His lips quirked. "I'm serious."

TJ sighed. "Aura, Cestria, Billy, Delphinius, Cetaci, Andros, Kerone--" He broke off. "Whoa!"

"Keep going," Carlos told him, grinning outright.

"Rill, Leigh, Kaeth, Saryn, Kris, Lyris, Timmin, Jenna, Cassie, Zhane, Matt, Laura, Ashley, Justin." TJ shook his head incredulously. "That's insane! The Power does that?"

Carlos nodded. "It enhances physical and cognitive abilities even when we're not morphed. That's why we have to wear our colors all the time--I'm sure you've heard of color withdrawal."

"Yeah..." TJ tilted his head. "Once or twice. Sounded like a drug addiction, to be honest."

Carlos shrugged, amused that someone had finally said it aloud. "It is. I mean, it doesn't hurt you, and you don't have to keep upping the dosage, but yeah, we're pretty much addicted to the Power." He paused suddenly, then added, "Don't quote me on that, though, okay?"

TJ laughed. "I won't. So--" He glanced down. "How do I get out of this?"

"You've seen us on TV." Carlos folded his arms. "Try it yourself."

TJ looked up at him again. "You're not serious."

"Completely," Carlos said, making no attempt to hide his amusement.

With a sigh, TJ crossed his arms over his chest. The Power made the movement more graceful than it probably felt as he flung them out to the side, uttering the words "Power down" somewhat uncertainly. The Ranger uniform vanished.

"Wow," he repeated, staring at his hands again. "That's the craziest thing I've ever seen! Hey--" He gave Carlos a worried look. "Where's your key?"

Carlos reached into his pocket and pulled it out, holding it up so TJ could see it. "It wasn't used to you, so it came back to me when you demorphed."

TJ eyed him skeptically. "It wasn't used to me?"

Carlos sighed. "The Power's a little bit temperamental. Sometimes you can pass it off, sometimes you can't. If it hadn't liked you, you wouldn't have been able to morph at all."

TJ didn't look any less skeptical. "Really."

"Really. I could give my morpher to anyone, but not everyone could use it like you just did. It's kind of picky. And like I said, it gets moody sometimes. The Turbo powers have a history of not liking water..." He caught sight of TJ's expression and shrugged, smiling a little. "Maybe you'll just have to trust me."

"I'm not even sure whether to believe you or not," TJ admitted, handing him back his communicator. "But I guess that's part of the mystique of the Power Rangers."

"Or something," Carlos muttered under his breath. Catching TJ's eye again, he added, "I'm not sure 'mystique' is the word I would have chosen."

TJ shrugged. "You know what I mean. I suppose I'd better get this--whatever--to Billy."

"Right." Carlos fastened his communicator around his wrist, stepping out of the way so TJ could step around him. "Good luck."

"Thanks. And Carlos--" TJ hesitated in the doorway. "Thanks for the chance to be a Power Ranger, man."

Carlos grinned. "No problem."

TJ headed out of the cockpit. Almost immediately an exclamation reached Carlos' ears, and he turned. TJ had one hand on the ladder outside the cockpit, but he was gazing to one side. "Carlos was looking for you," he said, glancing over his shoulder.

He felt his heart starting to pound, and he tried to ignore it. He knew who had to be standing there, just out of his sight, and he could only wonder how long she'd been there. "Hey, Aura," he said, leaning back against the console with a casualness he didn't feel.

TJ looked from one to the other as she stepped into the doorway, folding her arms and staring back at Carlos. "Right," TJ said, to no one in particular. "Well, I'll see you later."

Neither of them said anything until he was gone. Aura just stood there, regarding him with that inscrutable Aquitian stare, and he wondered what she was seeing. He had thought everything would be easier once they were out of the grid, but somehow it only seemed more confusing.

"You got your key back," she said at last.

He glanced down automatically. "Yeah," he said awkwardly, stuffing it back into his pocket. "I guess I did. Thanks."

"I did not do anything," she pointed out. "It must have returned to you on its own, as you told TJ it could."

He raised an eyebrow. "How much of that did you hear?"

"Not knowing how long you spoke," she said calmly, "I can not say with any accuracy what percentage of your interaction I overheard."

"Right," he said, a little suspiciously. "Well--I still have your bandana. Here."

He held it out to her, and she looked at it as though she had never seen it before. "Is that mine?"

"You gave it to me," he replied, puzzled. "In the grid."

She made no move to take it back. "Did I?"

He sighed. "Never mind. Is there... is there something I can do for you?"

"What did you have in mind?"

"It's just an expression." Was it possible she was being this difficult on purpose? "I was just wondering if you were here for a particular reason."

"This is my zord," she pointed out. "And TJ said you were looking for me."

Damn. She had him there. "Yeah, well... maybe I just wanted to see how you were. I'd better get back to work. Sorry to disturb you."

"Carlos..." The uncertainty in her voice was the first sign of emotion he'd heard from her since she arrived, and it made him hesitate. She sighed a little, searching his expression with a gaze that was anything but inscrutable. "I am not what you expected, outside of the grid."

He shrugged helplessly. "To be honest... I didn't know what to expect." He didn't know what else to say, so he didn't try.

"I did not, either." The struggle was clear in her eyes, and he couldn't seem to look away. "You said--you told Dimitria that there was nothing you wished to forget."

A wry smile tugged at his lips. "You must have been right behind me."

She swallowed visibly. "I was... nearby, when Canthris told me you were here."

"Canthris?" he repeated, surprised by the strange name.

She lifted a hand and gestured idly, her eyes still on his. "My zord."

"Oh." He managed to tear his gaze away long enough to give the cockpit a token glance. "Hi, Canthris."

To his surprise, Aura was smiling slightly when he looked back at her. "She greets you. She does not greet everyone."

He supposed it was foolish to be happy about that, but he found himself smiling back. "I'm honored. You have a good pilot, Canthris."

He was looking at Aura when he said it, and her gaze flickered subtly the moment after he spoke. She glanced down, and he had to ask, "What? Did she say something?"

Aura shook her head quickly, meeting his gaze only for a moment before she looked away again. "Nothing of importance."

"Oh, come on." His smile widened when she shook her head again. "You're embarrassed, aren't you."

"She's just teasing me," she muttered.

"Save us," Carlos said with a grin. "A zord that teases its pilot. That must be a nightmare. And I thought Desert Thunder was bad with the auto-steering thing."

"If yours doesn't talk back, you should consider yourself lucky," Aura informed him.

Then the slightest hint of a smirk crossed her face, and he felt compelled to ask, "What did she say?"

"She didn't like that," she answered distractedly. "She says..." Aura paused, and her tone was miffed as she continued, "She says the degree of zord input is indirectly proportional to the skill of the pilot."

It took him a minute to work that one out. "The more the zord speaks, the less skilled the pilot is?" He raised an eyebrow at the front of the cockpit. "So you're saying you're a bad influence on your pilot, Canthris?"

Aura actually giggled, and the sound made him feel warm inside. "She says--"

"Is there any way I can hear her too?" he interrupted.

Aura paused, then shook her head slowly. "She says she has already tried to speak to you. You do not hear her."

"No psi-sense?" he guessed, remembering her earlier words. "Like Billy?"

She held out her hand hesitantly. "If you wish... some Aquitians are touch telepaths. I might be able to make you hear her."

He raised an eyebrow, trying not to remember how many times he had thought about the way she looked in the past few minutes. "You wouldn't know what I was thinking--would you?"

She shook her head, and he shrugged. "Okay." He reached out to take her hand, not without trepidation, but curious enough to ignore it.

His sudden movement seemed to startle her, and she drew back just as his fingers touched hers. "Not--" She stopped herself, then reached out again, taking his wrist gently.

He gave her an odd look. "No holding hands? Is that too undignified?"

"It's not..." She didn't take her eyes off of his wrist. "That is how we--Billy compares it to kissing."

She wouldn't meet his gaze, but neither did she pull away when he twisted his wrist free and drew his hand back a little, letting his palm rest against hers. "Like this?" he asked quietly. "This is like kissing?"

She nodded once.

"Show me," he whispered, taking her hand in his and turning it over.

She lifted her hand out of his, and for a moment he thought she was going to step back. But after a moment of hesitation, she touched his fingertips with two of hers, stroking his skin gently from the tips of his fingers downward. She didn't touch his palm right away, but when she did, his eyes widened.

He stared down at their hands, startled to feel his skin tingling. Her fingers pushed a little harder against his palm as she made small circles through the valley of his hand, and he found himself pressing his hand closer to hers. "Damn," he breathed, fingers trembling slightly. He thought he saw her smile, but he couldn't be sure.

Without a second thought, he reached out and tapped her chin with his free hand. She finally looked up, not letting go of his hand, and he leaned down to kiss her gently. Her mouth was warm and yielding when he kissed her again, reveling in a feeling that the grid had made almost familiar.

He kept his kisses soft, remembering the way her fingers had just brushed his at first, but he didn't let up, either. She tilted her head toward him, not seeming surprised when his tongue touched her lips. He moved a little closer, still very aware of her fingers intertwined with his--

And was completely unprepared when a strange voice remarked, *Undignified, indeed.* He started, recognizing the amusement in the voice only after he had pulled away from Aura. He glanced quickly around the cockpit, but there was no one there.

Aura sighed irritably. "Isn't there a subroutine you should be running somewhere, Canthris?"

Hand still in hers, he heard the answer clearly. *I'm currently running twenty-three separate subroutines, twenty-one of which are unrelated to you. Observing you is occupying only nine percent of my processing capability.*

"Do you know how much capability I wish it was occupying?" Aura inquired.

*I think I can guess, yes,* Canthris replied.

"Zero," Aura told her anyway. "Now go away."

There was a pause, and as the silence started to stretch out, Carlos wondered if the zord's computer had complied. Finally, he ventured, "That was Canthris?"

"That was Canthris," Aura agreed with a sigh. "However, if we talk about her, she will only feel obliged to rejoin the conversation, and... I was hoping to ask you something."

That got his attention. "What's that?"

"What you told Dimitria earlier," she said, looking down at their joined hands. "About you not having anything you wanted to forget. Did you--did you mean that?"

He remembered the way she had looked in the morphin grid, with the sunlight dancing on her bare skin and hair. He remembered her wild kiss on top of the caves, so different from the way she barely responded to his kiss now. He remembered that moment of recognition in the Power Chamber, afterwards, and he remembered her giggling when he had teased Canthris just now in her defense. He remembered the way her fingers evoked something in him that he had thought came only from a kiss...

And he remembered Ashley. He saw again that moment in the zord bay with her and Andros, his certainty that they had been about to kiss, and his anger that it could be so easy for them when he was struggling just to *know* what he was feeling, let alone understand it. He remembered shouting at her, venting his own frustration and guilt at not being completely loyal in the most hurtful way he could imagine. He had some serious apologizing to do there.

Yet still, he couldn't even conceive of trying to forget the last few days. He had learned so much... and if he had things to make amends for, well, then that would be hard to do if he didn't remember them, wouldn't it?

"Yes," he said with conviction. "I meant it. I never want to forget *any* of this."

She smiled a little, a charming look in her eyes as she regarded him. "Carlos?"

He tilted his head, imitating her. "Yes?"

Her smile widened, but she still sounded a little uncertain as she continued, "You remember what I said in the morphin grid, about the attraction vanishing when we left?"

"Yeah," he said, more seriously. If she was going to tell him that it had--

"I'm not certain it has," she admitted, her gaze steady on his.

He smiled in relief, squeezing her hand. "Hey, Aura," he said conversationally. "When you get tired of fixing zords later, if you don't have plans... do you want to go see some of Angel Grove with me?"

She looked decidedly pleased. "I think I would like that," she told him.

***

"I'm glad you came with us," Andros' voice said quietly.

She didn't look up from the control panel in front of her. "They didn't need me back in the Power Chamber."

"Yes, they did," he contradicted. "There's as much work to do there as there is here."

"Maybe," she admitted. She was still staring at the panel, but she wasn't really seeing it. She felt him take a few tentative steps closer, trying to look over her shoulder without spooking her with his nearness. *Since when am I the shy one?* she thought, vaguely amused.

"Definitely," he said firmly. "And you have more technical experience with those systems than with these."

"Are you saying I should have stayed?" she asked, trying not to let her smile show.

"No," he said quickly. "I'm just... glad you came."

"You said that already," she reminded him.

He sighed. "Yeah, I guess I did."

There was a pause, and she heard him turn to go. "Andros..."

"Yeah?"

She lifted her head, turning away from the console at last. "I didn't stay because I wouldn't be any use to anyone like this."

He frowned a little. "Like what?"

This time she couldn't repress her smile. "Like, me being so distracted by you that I can't concentrate on anything at all."

He shifted uncomfortably. "Sorry," he offered at last, clearly not sure what to make of that.

She took a step closer to him, tilting her head to meet his perpetually downcast gaze. "Andros," she said quietly, her heart beating faster than she wanted to admit, "if I asked you to kiss me, right now... what would you say?"

His wide-eyed gaze was unexpected as it was adorable, but luckily for her peace of mind he didn't waste any time answering. He lifted one hand to caress her face, and then, before she even registered his movement, he slid his hand around behind her neck and pressed his mouth to hers.

She closed her eyes, letting herself get lost in the kiss. The sigh in her throat turned into a soft moan as his other arm went around her waist and pulled her close, and she leaned into him eagerly. She twined her arms around his neck, feeling his embrace tighten as their kiss deepened.

Someone made it about two steps onto the Bridge before coming to an abrupt halt, and over the pounding in her ears she heard Timmin exclaim, "Whoa! Wrong moment; sorry."

Laughter bubbled up in her, and she couldn't keep from giggling as Andros rested his forehead against hers. "Perfect timing," he whispered, his breath coming in short gasps. "Should have closed the doors."

Timmin was long gone, but the comment only made her giggle harder. "What, so we could roll around on the consoles? Is that even allowed?"

"It's my ship," he growled, nipping her ear playfully. "We can do anything we want."

She squirmed at the tickling sensation, kissing him hard on the mouth before dissolving into giggles again. "Oh... Andros, imagine if we had been and Saryn had walked in instead of Timmin..."

Even he chuckled at that, and she let her chin rest on his shoulder as she hugged him tighter. He seemed as unwilling to let go as she, and after a moment she heard him whisper, "I love you, Ashley."

She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling tears that refused to fall welling up behind her eyelids. "I--I love you too."

She clung to him a moment longer, irrationally afraid that whatever miracle had brought him here might whisk him away just as quickly if she let go. Finally he spoke again, as quietly as before. "I wanted to tell you something, you know."

"What?" she murmured, not ready to pull away yet.

"That your memories can't be all you are," he answered immediately. "Before, you said your memories were what made you who you are. But it can't just be that. If it was, I wouldn't have fallen in love with you twice."

"Twice?" she repeated, not moving. "Here... and in the other dimension?"

She could feel him nod. "Yeah."

"But it wasn't just my memories," she said after a moment. "I said it was my memories and my feelings--and my feelings were the same."

"You're saying..." His breath caught, and she heard him try to clear his throat. "You're saying that I make you who you are, you know."

She swallowed hard. "Yeah," she agreed, smiling to herself. "I know."