Chapter Four: Found
The next day of school seemed to go on forever. One boring class after another boring class. Never ending. As the final bell rang out through my classroom, I ran the fastest I’ve ever run before. I ran straight to my house, completely forgetting swim practice. Not caring of the consequences. Just wanting to find out if it was the JC I had been searching for. Unfortunately, it was.

************************************************
As I opened my front door, completely out of breath, my face went completely pale. There in front of me, was JC. JC Chasez. I moved closer to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. Burying my face into his neck. I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

“JC. I’ve missed you. I’m such an idiot for not giving you my number.”
“Tina. I’ve got to talk to you.”
“Follow.” I said as I pried my arms away from JC and took his hands in mine. I led him to my room. Opening the door I had to let go of his hands. When we were safely in my room, I turned to him.
“JC, I-”
“Tina. I was thinking about what you said. If God wants us to be together, He’ll let me find you. I think he does want us to be together. Why else would I have been able to get to you. I know we haven’t really known each other, but I feel as though I know you better then I know myself. You’re my destiny.” JC said pulling me closer to him, while holding my hands.
“JC. I’ve felt the same way. For 3 straight weeks I’ve only been thinking of how to find you. Wondering if I had made a mistake by not giving my number to you. 3 weeks of not knowing. Knowing nothing. I remembered when I first looked at you. And I mean really looked at you. I found my soul in your eyes. It scared me. I mean, giving myself away with one look. One look. That’s all it took.”
“Tina, I know you probably won’t want to tell me this, but why did you wanna jump?”
“Well, my grandpa was very sick, he only has a few months to live. My parents aren’t there for me. I was just fed up. It’s hard to explain. You just have to know what I’m talking about.” I said, looking out the window. A few raindrops splatter on the window pane. A few more followed. Then it started raining. It wasn’t only raining outside. It was also raining in here. JC and I were both crying.

************************************************
The next morning, I woke up with a giant smile on my face. I put a hand to my lips and closed my eyes. Relishing the events of last night (No, Tina and JC didn’t have sex). Visions played through my mind. After we both finished crying, I looked at him.
“Tina, I have to tell you something. I’m 20.” JC said, turning his back to me.
“I know. It’s ok. In my mind, age doesn’t matter. Besides, older men are so sexy.” I whispered in his ear. He spun around and looked at me with this angelic smile.
“I- Thanks.” JC said, blushing. I knew he wanted to say something else, but I didn’t know what it was. I saw it in his eyes. My hand lightly tousled his hair. I smiled as he returned my actions on my hair. Suddenly he stopped. I looked at him, removing my hand from his hair. He put his smooth hand on my cheek and he stroked my cheek as he pulled me closer to his lips. He quickly licked his lips. We kissed and if heaven can be on earth at the same time, then it was happening. My eyes fluttered open, again, as my alarm clock went off again. I smiled as I looked to my side and noticed a note.
The note simply read:

Chapter Five: The Next Day
The next day seemed to go by quicker as I thought about seeing JC. I grew fidgety as the last period arose. I could barely sit still when the bell rang. I quickly grabbed by stuff and ran out of the classroom. Breathing a sigh of relief, I ran to my house, quickly. Making a metal note to thank Ms. Sharon (my swim coach) for canceling swim practice for the rest of the week- due to weather conditions. ‘This is kind of like a repeat of a show’ I thought as I turned the corner that would led me to my humble home. As my destination drew closer I began to walk, catching my breath. I straighten my jeans and shirt, along with my hair. As my house was a few feet away I saw a tall boy with curly dark blonde hair.

“Hi!” I said to the boy when we were at speaking distance.

“Hi. You must be Tina? I’m Justin.” Justin said as he held out his hand. I shook it as looked over his shoulder, seeing JC for the first time that day. I began smiling immediately.

“Ya. I’m Tina. Nice to meet you. Well, I’ll be going to my room, to do homework. See you!” I said as I began walking to my room, motioning for JC to come to my room. As my feet pounded on the wooden steps, which led to my room, I heard JC follow close behind me. As he closed my door behind us I hugged him, inhaling his scent. I never wanted to let go of him.

“Tina. I have to- no I want to tell you something.” JC whispered in my ear.

“Go on.” I whispered back and I lightly kissed his neck.

“I love you. You complete me. I know that sounds corny. But it’s true. You’re my destiny.” JC said as he lifted his head so he could look at me. He removed his hands from my back and cupped my face in his hands. “I love you.” He repeated, staring deep into my eyes.

“I complete you. JC, that’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. I love you. With my entire mind, body, and soul.” I said as my face drew closer and closer to his. He nuzzled my nose affectionately with his nose. I could feel my heart pounding as his lips delicately pressed against mine. The sensations of our kisses were making us become one. Our kisses became more and more passionate, but never once lustful. We weren’t kissing each other just to do it, we were kissing each other because we had to. It was like a necessity. It was how you need breath to live. Well, instead of breath, I needed his kisses. Not just those wonderful kisses, him. I needed JC to go on. At that point in time, I couldn’t afford to lose him.

************************************************

The next day was Saturday. I expected to, sadly, have to wait to see JC till Monday. He, on the other hand, had other plans. I woke up early that morning, at 12 o’clock to be exact. I went downstairs to find my mother eating toast and reading the paper.

“Tina! I’m so glad that you decided to grace me with your presence. Well, when you were sleeping a boy called. His name was- hmm... What was it again?” my mother said.

“His name was??” I asked.

“Oh! It was JC. Yep it was JC! He told me to tell you he’ll be over at 1 o’clock for some school assignment.”

“Ok. I should get dressed, so-”

“Go on honey. I’m leaving in a few for a business luncheon and I’ll be gone till 6. You think you can manage?”

“I think I can manage.” I said with a smile. If only my mom could understand why I was smiling. As I went into my room, picking out some clothes, I thought to myself. Why are my parents never together? It hit me like a ton of bricks. They didn’t love each other. They haven’t experienced that feeling that makes you forget everything. Makes you not care about anything. Makes you feel so compassionate about another person that it hurts. It hurts to love someone. It hurts. And I know that pain. I know it.

Chapter Six: Relishing

When JC arrived that day I got that tingly feeling. I’ve never felt that feeling before. I’m glad to have felt it with him though. He hasn’t felt that way before. I don’t know that for a fact, but I could see it in his eyes. A look of not being sure. Not knowing what will happen next. I think he liked that feeling. As he sat down, next to me, on the floor in my room I felt a calmness go through my body. A stillness, a feeling I liked- a lot. He slowly placed an arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him.

“Talk to me.” he whispered in my ear.

“About what?” I asked, with a perplexed look on my face.

“Anything, everything.” JC said. These few words shocked me. No one ever in my life cared so much about me talking. I began talking. About the most stupid things, to the most important things. And JC listened. He really listened. He even put in his two cents. This was how I wanted it to be. I wanted a person who would listen to me and only me. JC nourished that emotion. Then JC asked me one really important question.

“Tina, how do you feel about me?”

“I like you, a lot.” I said looked down at my hands, blushing slightly for not telling the whole truth.

“No. I mean, how do you FEEL about me?” JC asked, putting a strong arm around my shoulders.

“Well, as you told me, you complete me. Without you, I don’t know where I would be. Probably not alive. You give me this, this feeling. A feeling of being wanted, a feeling of love. Something I have never felt before. Even though I’ve never felt this feeling, I’m glad to have felt it with you. And I think I’ll only feel this love and compassion for no one else. I don’t want to feel this towards anyone else.” I said as I leaned my head onto his shoulder, burying my face so I can’t be seen.

“Tina, that’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. I don’t know what to say.” JC said.

“Don’t say anything at all. Just listen.” I said, I knew what I should do next. I went over to my CD collection and took out my beloved Fiona Apple CD. It just came out a few month ago and I haven’ been able to stop listening to it. She seemed to pour out the emotions that I’m feeling in her beautiful songs. I placed the CD in my stereo and pressed play. I fast- forwarded it to my favorite song, “Never Is A Promise.” The lyrics flowed through the air like a beautiful, yet horrible scent. I closed my eyes and let the song sink in. It was all too much. My past was coming back. Tears welded up in my eyes. I let them fall.

“JC. I have to tell you something.” I began, it was too much for me to handle. Tears rolled down my cheeks and splattered on my royal blue carpet. I opened my eyes and looked down to the carpet, not able to look at JC as I spoke these awful things of my life. I took a death breath and spoke. “Mary and Phil, my parents, aren’t my real parents. I’m adopted. They adopted me when I was 12.” I quickly looked at JC and noticed him taking deep breaths, trying to prepare himself for what was coming. If he only knew what was coming. “My step- father, my real dad ditched my mom when she was pregnant, raped me. Constantly for 5 years. By the fifth year, I don’t think it was even rape.” A few more tears fell on my carpet, only a few more to add with the hundreds already there. “My mom was 18 when she got pregnant. My dad was 30. He was her high school English teacher. He was also married. When she told him, he left right away. No “Are you sure?” or even a goodbye. He just left. 9 months later, I popped out. 5 years went by. I don’t remember a single thing, expect one. My mom. She was wonderful and beautiful. She was the best, even though she was very young.” I began to daydream. Thinking of what was and what was reality. “She had long light red hair and crystal blue eyes. I have a picture of her by my bed.” I pointed to the picture and JC looked at MY mom.

“Wow. She was beautiful. Just like you.” JC said, making my blush.

“Well, when I turned 6, my mom met Mike, my step- dad. They dated for one year before they got married. I was 7 when they said their vows. Everything was perfect. I had a family, finally. Then my mom was in a car accident with Mike. A drunk driver hit them on their way to dinner, it was for their 2 year wedding anniversity. My mom died and Mike survived. It all went down hill from there. Mike was now my legal guardian. He started drinking, a lot. He- um- got abusive.” I began crying once again, images playing through my mind. “One night, I was 8 then, he came home really plastered and, and, and raped me. When I was 12, my math teacher saw my bruises after one of his beatings. Well, I told him everything and he reported it to the police. Then I was put up for adopted and Mary and Phil adopted me. The first year was horrible. I had to move here from New York, where I lived all my life till now, get new friends, and form a new family. That’s the real reason that I wanted to die.” I said, breaking down with another set of cries. Cries that couldn’t be helped. The only help could be answered if you experienced that. And in my mind, no one has ever experienced what I experienced. I had to be brave though. For Zac’s sake. How could he handle this? Why did I even tell him. Why, because I trusted him. I needed someone, anyone, who could know.

“Does anyone else know?” JC asked.

“No. Not even Mary and Phil. They were told that my parents died. In the beginning they were great. We went on picnics, we went to the movies, etc... When I was 13 I had a wonderful life. Then Mary got a job with Phil, she was a housewife before. Everything changed. I saw them once a week, if I was lucky. The only way I could go to bed that year was by crying. When I was 14 I went to high school. I made a lot of friends, hid my feelings, told no one about my past. I had 5 boyfriends during these past 3 years. My last, Alex, was horrible. He was perfect in the beginning. After 3 months, he thought we should have sex. I said no and that was the end of our relationship. For some reason, I always had to have a boyfriend. For one month I didn’t have one. Strangely, it was what I needed. A, break. From kisses, make- outs, arguments, everything that went with a relationship. I was free. Then, I broke. Literally. And I meet you. I think that was the best thing that has happened in my 16 years of life. And I don’t want it to end.” I said, sighing as I looked at Zac. He had a look of confusion, love, and fear mixed together. And I loved him for that. A week went by, and as I remembered that day, the day that all of our emotions were exhaled (mine more then his), it still brought tears to my eyes. I knew that when JC left, part of me would follow.

Chapter 7: The Downfall

As the months went by, new troubles arose. My swim coach was terribly furious with me. She even was considering putting me on probation because of me missing 9 practices and screwing up four of my beats. My grades, surprisingly, stayed the same. And even improved a small bit. I was happier then I had been in the past 4 years of living here. “I was a social butterfly” as one of my friends put it. I was satisfied with life. But with all good things, bad things come to. One of them was the swimming stuff. The other thing was me. I had mood swings once I got home. I was so happy to see JC, but once he left, my other half was gone. I lost my appetite at times when he couldn’t visit and threw up even at times. My parents were concerned. Then, came the bomb. It all started when I asked JC when they were leaving.

“Why would you ask when we are leaving? You wanna get rid of me?!” JC asked, red with anger.

“I’m asked just to ask. Why would you think I would want to get rid of you?” I asked ready to cry, realizing the fact that JC will leave soon- sooner than I wanted him to.

“How should I know why you would want to get rid of me???” JC said standing up from his spot on my bed. The bed shook as he slumped back down on the bed.

“Why are you yelling at me?” I cried grabbing his shoulders, turning him to look at me. His eyes were red rimmed and it looked like he was crying. A part of my heart sank.

“I have to tell you something.” JC said with a straight face. ‘He’s going to break up with me’ was my first thought. Unfortunately, I was right.

“We’re leaving in March.” JC said. The realization dawned on me. It was January.

“JC. Shit.” was all I could make out. I slid of my bed and leaned against my bed.

“I think it’s best if we break up. But remain friends. I think we should break up because of the fact that I’ll be touring and doing a lot of appearances and concerts. Long distance relationships don’t usually work. I wish they did.” I could hear the sorrow in JC’s voice.

“Please leave.” I whispered.

“What?”

“Get out.” I hissed. As JC slithered to the door, I could feel his eyes gaze at me. Longingly. Wanting me to stop him. I didn’t. He turned and left me. Forever.

Chapter 8: Goodbye

********** AUTHOR’S NOTE ********** The following song (part of it) in this chapter was written by a friend of mine, so do not use it in anyway. I REPEAT, DO NOT TAKE IT!!!!!!!!

January came and went, followed by February. And as soon as February came, it too went. My grades were slipping. I had dropped out of swim. Well, the truth is that I was kicked out. The one thing that kept me alive was this song that I was writing. It was something JC told me a while back. He told me not to jump. To hold on and be strong. To talk to him, even when he didn’t understand. Cause he wanted to understand. One night I stayed up till 1 writing and finishing the song. It was finally done. I was so proud. But I had no one to share it with. My favorite part was this:

The only comfort

was the pain we had to share

************************

As the days slowly went by JC’s departure neared. On his last day, I received a letter. From JC.

************************

The day after he left, I sat on that roof that we meet and wept. Not for me, but for him. I knew I won’t see him again. I wanted to jump. Hell ya. But I didn’t and couldn’t. I promised him I wouldn’t. I promised. But never is a promise.

*******This is from JC’s point of view*******

As I ran through the LAX airport, all I could think about was Tina. I hadn’t received a letter from her, but I knew in my heart that she had forgiven me. At least I hoped she did. As Ike “put the metal to the petal” he drove me to Tina’s house. As we pulled into her driveway, I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I knew she wasn’t here with us. As I knocked on the door, tears welded up in my eyes as I saw the flowers that were addressed to Tina’s parents. “We’re so sorry” “For the lost of a loved one”, etc..... were what the cards all read. I gulped, hard. Tina’s mom opened the door, red eyed. I knew she had been crying.

“Hello JC.” She said, as friendly as she could.

“Hi. May I see Tina?” I asked, not knowing how the answer would effect me.

“I’m sorry, she’s not here anymore.”

“Oh, when will she be back?” I asked, thinking she meant Tina had gone out for the evening.

“Never. Tina passed away JC. Come in. She left something for you.” Tina’s mom said as lovingly as she could. I could tell it was painful for her. It was painful for me too. She led me to Tina’s room, and the reality of what was happening hit me. Tina wasn’t in there. Tina’s mom picked up an envelope and placed it in my hands.

“I’ll leave you alone.” She quietly said as she closed Tina’s door. I looked around before I sat down on Tina’s bed. As I opened the white envelope, I looked down at the carpet and noticed a large red blood stain. I knew how she passed on. As I took out the letter another paper fell out. Don’t Jump was in bold on the top. I placed it next to me and began to read the letter.

Dear JC,

*******************

“Tina was loved. Sadly she never knew how much she was loved and how much she’s beginning missed. Tina was never really happy. But for the short but beautiful time that I knew her, she was happy. Truly and utterly happy. I’d hope to think that I was the cause of her happiness. But I’m half right. It was me, and my love for her. I loved her with all my heart and I still do. She left me with a note. I would like to read it,” I started to read it and as I finished Tina’s mother was crying into the arms of Tina’s dad. I cleared my throat, which was thick with emotion. “I would like to sing a song that she wrote for me. It’s entitled Don’t Jump.” I continued my speech with her song that I will cherish for the rest of my life. As I finished the last Don’t Jump of the song, I laid down a dozen red roses on her coffin (which was 10 seconds from beginning lowered). I watched her coffin lowered 6 feet under and tears began to pour out. I felt my dad’s arms go around me, hugging me. I shook them off and stood closer to her grave. As I watched the grave- diggers (?) pour dirt on the coffin, I took out the paper that held her song. I dropped the paper and watched it flutter and hit the center of the coffin. This was my way to say goodbye. The song belonged with her.

“Goodbye Tina. I love you.” I whispered and let the wind carry my message to her.