There has always been a tension in the Castle. Some of it had to do with the Dominance/submission lifestyle, which was more pronounced during this period of time then ever before. It was said that it conflicted with the Vampyre life. When I was first Sired, I do not think it was not a widely known fact that I was a submissive. Milord Satan knew, of course, but I do not know about the rest of the Castle. The truth behind D/s being the cause of the tension is not known. I believe it was a combination of many things, but I’m sure it was a part of it. Whatever the cause, the creation of Sub Haven for Submissives was a vocal part of the reasoning used by the Council for leaving the Castle. Apparently, true or not, the purpose of the Haven was not widely known. Yet members of the Council were shown the new addition to the Castle by Milord himself.

It seems that the issue of D/s within the Castle became critical when other “submissives” came into the Castle. With this, they brought their beliefs and ways with them, and there were those not in the lifestyle who objected more and more to their behavior in the public rooms of the Castle. A decision was made to “shuffle” the focus of D/s into it’s own place, hence the creation of Sub Haven. This was to be a part of Milord Satan’s Lands, but under the control of a Master, who would have a Council seat to represent Sub Haven and bring forth any issues.

This seemed to be a good concept. From what I can tell, it was not the objection that Sub Haven existed, but that there were some miscommunications about it’s purpose and it’s connection to the Castle. Whether or not it was PURPOSELY misunderstood, (if one or two opinions colored the issue) is not known. But the conflict arose that the existence of Sub Haven was not acceptable to the Council.

The miscommunication of the issue brought other points to the foreground. Those being other miscommunications that the decisions were based on. For example, it was rumored that certain sites would be removed, or changed, but were not. Another miscommunication was that the Rules and Laws of the Castle would be posted for all to see. This was done - yet they were policed with a vengeance and any slight was jumped upon. Newcomers to the Castle were intimidated, and “regulars” were upset by the force and aggressiveness of the “policing”.

Another point of tension has existed since I was Sired as Milord Satan’s true childe. Alas, there was a pocket of jealousy towards any relationship with Milord Satan. Of a relationship, of deeds asked and done, of attention shown. I’m sure it will be denied, but I can only speak from my view. And aye, jealousy was there. In truth, I only sought that which I was - true childe.

Sharp barbs were thrown - from both side. Sometimes they were subtle, more times then not they were blatantly obvious. Some hit their mark, others bounced off. To keep the peace that Milord wished in His Castle, I absented myself more and more from the Castle, trying to not provoke the unavoidable confrontation. Events occurred that may or may not have effected the whole picture.

The tension rose to an unbearable degree, at least on this end, with no outlet. The feeling of losing my Home was overwhelming. I admit, I made a mistake and blamed Milord for not seeing what was upsetting me, yet I didn’t tell him either. I hurt Him with my actions (my apologies, Milord) and later we were able to work through the matter. Hindsight being 20/20, I should have considered the source instead of listening to gossip and rumor. I should have gone to Him instead of running away. *smile* Another lesson learned.

The eruption was just waiting for a spark. I knew it would happen eventually, and all things do come to pass even when you try to avoid them. One event lead to another. And then the Council set up a meeting for all to attend to address it all.

The one voice to which I am not especially fond was the most boisterous when I attended the “meeting” that was to decide the path they would follow. In accordance with common courtesy and a desire to explain what I thought was going on, I requested permission to bring forth my opinion into the midst. The reason I was told that this meeting was being held was to bring forth ALL opinions to better decide which path they would follow, but also to explain to the rest of the Family so they might chose for themselves which path they wished to follow. It was said over and over, that any who chose to follow a different path would be able to do so with no hard feelings held against them.

I was granted my chance to speak. When I first tried to, I was constantly interrupted. I chose to wait out the chatter. When I was again allowed to speak, no sooner had I said one sentence, that I received 3 IMs from three of the leading members of the Council: “You are not welcomed here, nor will you be in the new Lands.” “You do not know of what you speak. So sit down and shut up.” “You will always be with HIM so why bother pretending that you care about anything other than yourself.”

I will not lie and say that these did not hurt. They did... fiercely. But what hurt more was that I was cut off from that moment on, not allowed to even speak to them, not allowed to have an equal opportunity to give my view. I was told many times: “You are his true childe. Go and be with Him. You are not welcome here.” A grain of sand battling the tides of the sea. Might I add that Milord told me I was nuts, but I had to at least try. *grin*

Now consider this: All were offered a choice of following the Council, or staying in the Castle. I ask you, what choice was I granted? What path was there left to me?? The options were not many. Stay with the Castle or wander alone as a rogue, for it was clear I would not be welcomed in the new Lands.

True childe. Aye, I am that. For Eternity. And damn proud of it. I am who I am: true childe, Vampyre, submissive. I do not feel that any of these are a lessening of who I am, but rather an extension. It is a strength, not a weakness. A Gift, not a curse. Accepted or not, I am who I am.

I have never regretted my decision to stay in the Castle. My only regret is that the decision caused so many of whom I considered Family and Friends to depart from any communication. Persona non grata. Outrasized because I tried to speak my mind and give an opinion that was not something that they wanted to hear. Trusted by none who had left, with the exception of two, and a new beginning in the Castle.

Even with events and times changing, the reception has been frigid in the new Lands, even within flames of Hell. I can only have faith that Times may change again.

This is just one side of the story, and definitely not the full version, as I was not privy to all of the issues that were involved. I can only bring forth that which is known to me.