Why

Why do you continuously do this to me?
What is it about me that's so unworthy?
Do I not wash your clothes, fill your belly, pacify your primitive 'needs'?
What is it about me that makes you want to see me bleed?
I have born you children, I have relinquished my youth, sacrificed my body, sacrificed my spirit
But you dont care to hear it
Many bouts of depression have I found myself struggling through
Not only because of you but mostly because of you
Why wont you admit what you are,
The drinking , the drugging, the promiscuity have gone too far
I just cant let you do this too me anymore
But everyone laughs, I've said it before
Then you come to me and you cry and weep and confess your faults
But you dont really mean it, you say it's all my fault
and it is...

I shouldnt take you back,
I cut you too much slack
I let my heart make my decisions and regret it in the end
But what will be the end

I fear should you not end my life I will do it myself
Im always ill, never in good health
I go over in my mind a million times
The truth the lies
My sadness my cries
I ponder death almost fondly except an important truth
That I know not a human being who would love my children as I do
Yet I feel like a hipocrite to proclaim to love them so
They see him return, they see him go. I know they know
They see the sorrow

© Persephone Fjura 7/99