"When we first met, stole my heart away, your love was incredible, wonderful, then you began to change. You used to make me feel special, now all you do is make me cry. Gave you my everything baby, but all you gave me was lies." I sang into the hair brush in front of my vanity mirror. I swung around in my chair and pointed it in Courtney's face.
"I, I, try to be the one for baby, you, you, never was enough in what I do, do, and that's why I'm leaving 'cuse it's all about you and not about me. I, I, try to be the one for baby, you, you, never was enough in what I do, do, and that's why I'm leaving 'cuse it's all about you, and not about me." I smiled and hopped up from my chair and jumped on my bed full of energy. I grabbed Courtney's hand and we danced together with the bed feeling as if it were to collapse any second.
"When we get in a fight, I'm always the first to apologize. Even if it was you who did wrong, I never do enough to please you, that's why I can't go on. No matter what I do for you, it's never any good for you, you always gotta complain that's why I gotta say, I can't stay. I, I..." I sang joyfully. "You know Nick can sing?" I blurted out while continuing to dance to the Tracie Spencer tune.
"Really? That's cool. I have failed to meet a guy our age who can really sing good, ya know?"
"Yeah Courtney, you're right. But Nick can. He's gonna be famous." I wiped a bead of sweat from my forehead and held my hairbrush up to my glossy lips. "Anything you want I'll do, I never understand how you, Can treat me bad and be so cruel, you're begging me to come back to you, Had faith in you and gave all my love, But what I had was not enough, You turned around and broke my trust, Got the nerve to ask me what about us." We finished the song for the thousandth time since it had been on repeat on my stereo and finally sat down out of breath.
"You know guys actually act like that."
"What? Never paying attention to us?"
"Yeah, don't you hate that Amanda?"
"I guess. I've never had a boyfriend that's done that before, but I've had my crushes do that. Believe me child, if you only knew how true that was!" I rolled my eyes at the thought of it.
"What, is Nick ignoring you or something?"
"Well, not really. He doesn't ignore me, that's not it. We have fun constantly together, but just as friends. That's it. And when we kissed the night after the dance, he seemed to enjoy it enough! I mean, I did! No regrets there. But then he apologized for it. Apologized! Guys don't know anything. The only thing they know is the right way to lead a girl on."
"Just kiss him again, and then apologize for it. Let him know how it made you feel." Courtney laughed and I threw a pillow in her face.
"No, I am the better person, so I'll just get over him. Except, sometimes, when I see him, he just makes me remember everything." I sighed and grabbed a stuffed animal of mine and squeezed it's stomach against mine.
"Everything..." her voice trailed off leaving me room to respond.
"Yeah, everything." I answered quickly. "Everything about why I don't want to take a break from guys like I had vowed from in past. Everything, as in, how I always questioned love and how it worked. And now...now I know. It just works in this big functioning circle you sometimes enter into, and in the center, is this, guy. And he may have green eyes, or blue, and he may have brown hair, or blonde. Or he may even have a deep voice...or not." I smirked. "But no matter who it is, you become infatuated with him, and soon you think you're in love, and you think there's no way he can hang out with you so much and not feel anything." I closed my eyes. "Love is so difficult, and I want to follow my heart all of the time, but sometimes it will lead me to a place where it won't end in happiness. But that's not even the difficult part. The difficult part is when you follow your heart, and go into this amazing world of chances, danger to the heart, and basically the unknown. And once you enter it, you can never return. Because by then, you would have this guys image marked permanently on your heart with black ink, or white. And that's why it's difficult. That's what everything is, the everything Nick makes me remember, or just reminds me of. And I'm afraid to go through it all, but, I think I have." I looked to my side into Courtney's eyes.
"So you think...you think you're in love with Nick?" I shrugged.
"Maybe. But whatever it is, it's not just a crush. Because I've entered this, circle, and I can't get out. His image is already marked permanently on my heart, with white ink."
"Wow, that was deep man." Courtney started snickering and then laughing so hard she was snorting.
"What? What?" I grabbed the pillow I hadn't yet thrown in her face and smacked it overtop of her head. She finally calmed down to where she could carry on a conversation.
"That was really, really deep, but hey now, this is Nick were talking about. I just never thought you would think of him this way. Especially since he hated you so much. And I think you hated him. By the sound of it, you didn't hate him." I saw Courtney raise her eyebrows as to question me if she was right or not.
"Nah, I never hated him. He just hated me and I couldn't give in to it. I was such a smart alec."
"Oh believe me Amanda, I know."
"Shut-up." I rolled my eyes and stood up from my bed. "But that was then, and this is now. And right now, I'm just concentrating on getting over this guy who doesn't love me like I do him. He just gives me a chill through my spine when I see him. It sucks." I smoothed back my hair as I talked trying to think of all the complications I was going through. "But you know what Courtney? I don't really care if we ever go out, all I want is for us to be at least friends. I can talk to him like no other guy I know. And when I found out she was dying, I called him. Above everyone I called him."
"Hold up, you didn't tell me first? I thought I was the one to calm you down? Now we better get this straight!"
"I picked up the phone and just let my fingers dial, and his number is what they knew. I don't know why I called, I guess I just wanted to hear him comfort me like he did that one night. And now that I think about it, out of everyone I could have turned to, I turned to him, because he was the one person in the world I wanted to talk to."
"Child, are you insane?"
"And when I heard his voice for the first time that day, I finally decided if there was anyone who would understand, it was him. He never failed to make me happy when I was sad."
"HELLO?" she said in a clueless tone. I laughed with the tear still lingering in my eye which would not spill over. "I don't want to hear this right now. Nope, nope." She clamped her mouth and eyes shut.
"I'm sorry. That's just how he makes me feel. No matter if I'm with him or just talking to him over the phone, it never fails."
"I know, I'm just kidding with you. I understand. I'm the ONLY person who understands this thing with you and Nick."
"You're right, you are. And you know what's really cute? When he smiles, this little d-"
"Nope, I don't want to hear this! Nope! I don't want to hear it!" I started laughing at how well Courtney could tease a person.
"He gets this little dimple in his cheek, well it's actually just when he half smiles, you know, smirks?" I said shouting above the noise she was making.
"I don't want to hear it! But you know what I wanna hear? This!" Courntey turned up the Tracie Spencer tune and jumped around while singing. I added in my dancing techniques and we had a blast until nightfall.
