"Bye sweetie." I felt Nick's lips press against my cheek and I stirred a bit.
"Huh? Where are you going?" I grabbed his wrist and glanced at his watch. "It's five o'clock in the morning! What freak gets up this early?"
"This freak." He chuckled. "Now look, I'll be back later. Lou booked us a tv appearance and a press conference today. I'll be back around three to take you out."
"Promise?" I grumbled half asleep already.
"Yeah, I promise." Nick kissed me and tried to pull away, but I held him in place.
"Amanda..." he tried to say. "Hey, hey!" He laughed and finally got me off of him. "I can't be late, this is important. Bye."
"Bye." I flipped back over on my other side and went directly back to sleep.
When I woke up it was around eleven and I was still tired. I hadn't meant to sleep so long but jet lag had weighed me down.
As soon as I got out of bed I headed for the telephone and let my fingers dial my home number. I was smiling, ready to tell my Dad and Jakob I missed them, when I heard the answering machine turn on.
"Hey, guys." I felt memories flash through my head. "I miss you and I'm having a good time. I was just calling because I-"
"Amanda?" I heard a voice ring out suddenly.
"Jakob!"
"Hold on, let me turn the answering machine off." I awaited patiently for him to return. "Okay, sorry about that. I was asleep and Dad's at work."
"Oh."
"So go back to what you were saying on the answering machine. You just called because..."
"Because I miss you guys. I wanted to tell you that although I'm glad to be finally out of the house, I wish you were here."
"Oh, how touching." We laughed. "No, but I miss you too. And..."
"And...? And what?"
"And I'm extremely sorry about the chaos that we experienced a month or so ago. I know the results aren't completely gone and I know that I never apologized. So I'm saying it all now, I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too Jakob. I really am..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Amanda?"
"Nick!?" I jumped up from the couch and rushed over to the man entering the hotel room. "I'm so glad you're home!" He grunted as I hugged him.
"Careful, I brought you something." He pulled out a single red rose. "I would have gotten you a dozen, but this is easier to take home and save. I know how much you keep things."
"You're right. Thanks for thinking of me." I kissed him and took the gift to place it on the bedside table.
"The show we taped is supposed to come on in a few minutes."
"Really? That's quick!"
"Yeah, it's a 'live' taping. These Canadian people rip everyone off. Ah well, it's not like we have a lot of fans now anyway." Nick went over and turned the tv channel to the appropriate one. "There." He flopped down on the couch beside me and I quickly curled up next to him.
"You seem so tired."
"I am. Are you hungry? Wait, here it is!" I grinned and let out a squeal of excitement. The tv blared with an introduction to the guys and a Canadian music station. I was astonished that my Nick was actually on tv!
I saw Kevin, Brian, Howie, and A.J. sitting in chairs across the stage looking out at the audience and at the young male host.
"So tell me guys, how'd you get started?" he asked.
"Well Nick, A.J. and I auditioned for similar parts and kept running into each other. We began singing together and realized that we sounded pretty good. Then we met Kev, and he asked his cousin Brian if he wanted to join our group. And he did, so, here we are," Howie said simply.
"Wow, seems like fate to me. Now on the juicy stuff. Girls you've gotta admit it, these guys are pretty good-looking. Don't you think?" The host paused to let the crowd scream in response. "Well, I guess that's a yes! So tell me." He leaned in forward towards them. "Which of you have girlfriends?"
"Girlfriends? What's that?" The guys laughed at Brian's remark.
"What my cousin's trying to say is that we don't have time for girlfriends."
"Awww, so Nick, that goes for you too? No one special in your life?"
"Nope." Nick smiled.
"So if one of your fans were to sweep you off your feet you'd be happy to date her?"
"Why not?" He shrugged his shoulders and continued smiling.
I discontinued paying attention to the television and tried to make my heart stop hurting.
"Why did you lie?" I turned to him. "I thought I was your significant other."
"You are!"
"Then why did you lie!" I asked persistently.
"Because we have to. If we don't, we could never gain any fans. Our manager says it's for the best."
"For the best? Well maybe he doesn't know what he's talking about."
"My manager knows what he's doing. He's been in this business longer than you have been alive."
"Well your manager doesn't know crap!" I shouted.
"Amanda why are you being so hostile? It's just show business, chill out. You don't need to over react," he said calmly, but looking at the tv instead of me. It seemed as if he was holding something back.
"Well I guess I went past the limit huh?"
"Pretty much."
"Then I guess you don't care how I feel about this? I mean, all these people are going to be throwing themselves at you and I don't even get a say in it?"
"No."
"Well then I guess you don't care about me period." With my last words I went into the bedroom and laid down. I could feel my body trying to fall asleep when Nick walked in after me.
"I'm sorry," he whispered as he curled up next to me.
"So am I," I said with sharpness in my voice.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. I mean since you don't care and all..."
"Don't care!?" he shouted. "If I didn't care would I still be with you? Would I have let you come all the way here for an entire week? Gosh, you are so sensitive and take everything the wrong way!"
"You know what, maybe you're right. But you're so insensitive that we can't even get along," I whispered.
Silence filled the room, but finally he spoke again.
"Maybe I should have taken you up on your offer."
"What offer?"
"That night when it was pouring and you snuck me in. You suggested that we were better off as friends. And right now those words are all I can think of."
"Maybe we should just see other people, close this part of our lives down and move on," I suggested.
"Something in my heart tells me it isn't right, but yet my head tells me to do it. I honestly don't know which to do," he whispered.
"I dunno Nick. Let's just slow this down and see how the rest of this week goes. And if by the end of the week we can't stand each other, then we go back to being friends. And if the rest is fine, we stay together. Deal?" I said. I wanted to turn around to him and tell him that this wasn't over. That everything was my fault and we didn't have to separate. But I couldn't look at him right now. Tears were trying to escape as well as my heart. I knew that this had to be done to prove us, so I stayed put. "Deal?" I asked again.
"Deal." He let out a sigh and I quickly turned over to let it be cut short by a kiss. "That was the last thing I expected you to do."
"I can't live without you Nick, just let this go okay. I really need you in my life."
"I need you too." He kissed me again but it was cut off by the telephone ringing. I looked at him and turned back around.
"Hello?" I heard him ask. "Uh huh...okay that's fine. I'll see ya in a few."
I listened to his side of the conversation knowing very well where he had to go before he even said a word.
"I gotta go Amanda. There was a reschedule of a photo shoot and it was moved to this evening. Will you be okay?"
"Yup. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine." I stayed put and felt his eyes watch me. He finally sighed and got up, realizing my stubborn behavior wouldn't budge.
"See ya," he called out and slammed the door shut.
I laid in bed for awhile, trying to fall asleep but my thoughts only prevented me from doing so. Eventually tears were quickly falling down my face and sobs were escaping my lips. I couldn't do this anymore. I was so sad and confused, but I still knew what I had to do. It would just take a bigger me to do it. And I had to become that person, I had to.
