"Amanda. Let's go." I slowly opened my eyes, having difficulty from the dried up tears holding my eye lashes together.
"Huh?" I rubbed my eyes and stood up, having a cramp in my neck. I realized I fell asleep and I looked out toward the front door to see no sun out. "What time is it!?! I have homework, I've got school tomorrow!"
"Calm down. It's eight thirty, it's not that late. You're not going to school tomorrow anyways so don't worry about it just yet." I was about to argue with him, but he was right. There was no way I was going to school when my mother needs me.
I stood up, grabbed my purse, and turned around.
"Jakob! Where were you earlier?" I was so suprised to see my brother, even though I shouldn't have been.
"I was at work. They wouldn't let me leave for another hour after dad came by." He rolled his eyes.
"But it was a family emergency!"
"I know. I should have just walked out." He shook his head and looked downward at his hands like he was guilty of something.
"Why didn't you?" I asked timidly. I waited for an answer, but I never got one. I had so many unanswered questions, questions I knew I would never figure out. Questions I knew that would pop up more and more as time passed me by.
"Hey, I need to use the bathroom you guys. You can pull around front, I promise I won't be long."
"Alright, just hurry up." I walked toward the bathroom and went around the corner. I paused and looked back at my family and saw them walking out the front door. Good. I went back the other way, away from the bathroom, away from everyone, but toward my mother.
"279 B, 279 B, 279 B." I muttered under my breath. "276 B, 277, 278, and 279 B. Aha." I looked around me and saw a nurse nearby busily working. I didn't bother with her. I walked casually toward the door and turned the handle. "Shoot!" I said a little too loud. The door was locked. I looked up from the door knob and peeped through the window just above the handle to see my mother.
I gasped. Something went through me. A feeling of deja vu as I saw the tubes that were strung in and out of my mother like the movie stars on tv. I didn't know they actually looked like that in real life. Something made me shake inside as I felt the emotions of wanting to be with her. To hold her, to hug her, to tell her I loved her, even if she couldn't hear me. It wasn't love, or sadness, or even anger. It was the feeling that this had happened before.
That's when I remembered it. The dream that had happened last night. A dream that I had forgotten as soon as I woke up. The dream of my mother in the hospital, with tubes streaming inside of her, her lying as if she were paralyzed in a hospital bed. The dream that I thought nothing of.
A tear streamed down my cheek and I wiped it away. I couldn't believe it. I quickly turned away from my mother's room and began walking to my dad and brother. Slowly at first and then breaking out into a jog, not stopping until I was safely in the backseat of my dad's black truck.
"All set?" he asked.
"Yeah." I panted a little and he had a look of confusion wipe over his face.
"What's wrong? Why are you out of breath?"
"Uh, there was this uh, a uh, creepy guy that I thought was trying to follow me. You know how it is nowadays. Can't even be safe in a hospital anymore."
"Yeah, I know what you mean."
We drove home with oldies playing lightly through the speakers. I knew my father wanted time to think, but he didn't want to have a silent drive home that would be uncomfortable for all of us.
The headlights shined brightly across the Carter's house as we turned the corner directly across the street from them.
Nick. That's who I needed to talk to. Nick was a fun guy, but also very sensitive. I knew he would be the one I needed to talk to about my mother. He's seen me cry plenty of times, I wouldn't be afraid to show it now.
As soon as I got home, I went upstairs to the privacy of my room and used my cordless phone to call Nick.
"Hello?" I heard one of his sisters ask.
"Is Nick there?"
"Yeah, hold on." I waited patiently until he finally got on the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey Nick."
"Hey giiiiiiirl! Wuz up wuz up wuz up?" I had to laugh.
"What did you eat today?!"
"A nice big fat bowl of sugar."
"I can tell." I laughed.
"I called you earlier but no one answered. And I saw you weren't at school. Oh yeah, one of your friends gave me your bookbag that you left in class. How did you manage to leave your bookbag without noticing?"
"I had to go home early. I thought they just called me down to the office for something I did."
"Oh, what was it for?"
"My father was there. He told me," I took a deep breath and tried to control my wavering voice, "he told me my mother had been in a car accident."
"Oh my gosh! Is she alright? Are you alright?"
"No, she's in a coma. I haven't even gotten to see her. I fell asleep in the waiting room so I know I won't be able to go to sleep tonight anyways. I'll probably be up until tomorrow afternoon." I rubbed my face and fell flat on my pillow.
"I am so sorry. I don't know wh-"
"Can you come over?" I said cutting him off. I didn't mean to be rude, I just needed someone.
"I don't know. I have to ask my mom, but I'm sure if I tell her the situation she'll be happy to let me. I'll be right back." I tapped my fingers repeatedly on my bed post to control my sadness, as I often did when I was upset until he came back. "She said it was alright as long as I was home before eleven."
"I don't think I'll need you that long." I laughed slightly. "I'll wait for you." I layed the phone back on the base and stood up to go to my bathroom.
"I look like crap," I said as I played with my tangled hair. I compiled my hair into a ponytail on top of my head and washed my face. I didn't expect Nick to come over as quickly as he did, but I couldn't complain.
I hurried down the stairs and opened the door to let him in.
"That was quick." I smiled as I saw he was wearing the same outfit he had on at school, tan colored pants and a baby blue shirt. He looked picture perfect, with a couple strands of wet hair hanging low in his eye. I pulled at it and laughed. "It's so cute."
"Yeah." I made Nicky blush, it never failed.
"Do you mind if we sit outside on my porch?"
"No not at all. It's nice and warm outside." I led the way up the stairs and out the sliding glass door to the nice quiet area with white furniture that I loved to escape to when I wanted to be alone. This time I wanted to be alone, just alone with Nick.
"It hurts Nick," I blurted out. I didn't wait to start talking about it. I couldn't. I had been holding everything in. I didn't want to talk about this with my brother or my father. And I didn't have time to talk to Courtney or anyone else about it. Just Nick. I continued on.
"It feels so...strange. As if this is a movie or something. Bad things like this don't happen to people in real life, at least that's what I thought anyways. I don't want to lose my mother. Not now, not ever."
"What exactly happened?"
"You know, I don't even know. I think my father does but is holding it all in. And I can't stand it. I CAN'T STAND IT NICK! GOSH!" I leaned back all the way to lay down for a second to calm down. I bounced directly back up into a standing position. "It was a freaking eighteen wheeler. Do you know how long those things are? And do you know how many accidents happen with them? A lot! And one today with my mother and only the Lord knows who else." I walked around as I talked watching Nick watch me. "And to think I knew about it. To think I knew this was going to happen and it did and I did not do anything to prevent it. Or to even tell anyone!" I grabbed the screen and placed my forehead against it. The coolness of it soothed me until Nick stood up and turned my head towards him.
"What do you mean you knew about it before it happened?"
"I had another one of those dreams Nick. Those dreams I never told you about. The ones that come true and I can't remember it until it happens! Gosh!" I punched the screen. "I have dreams about things the night before they happen and I can't remember them until something makes me remind myself. It's all my fault."
"It's not your fault! How are you to control what happens?" I shrugged my shoulders. "How many of these dreams have you had and how often?"
"I've had three. They happen once month I guess. I don't know. It depends I guess. It depends on what's going to happen the next day!"
"Amanda, you'll be alright. I can promise you that."
"How? HOW! And that's me, not my mother."
"I can't promise you your mom's going to be alright. I'm not gonna lie to you but I can't."
"Well then how do you know I'll be alright!?! Please tell me!" I walked away and sat down on the floor again.
"Because," he kneeled down to me, "because you have me." my chin quivered and I put my head in my hands and I began crying harder than I ever have before. Nick scooted closer to me and let me squeeze his neck as tight as I wanted to. Nick and I both knew thats what it was going to be like for the rest of the night.
