Apology

by Angelesque

"I'm sorry," she said. If she had only known, she wouldn't be sorry. Not for me. Not for my sorrow. I deserved it.

I had killed her, Victoria. My best friend. I keep telling myself that I had a right. She was trying to kill me. It doesn't make much difference, now. Now, I don't know who I am. I never really did. But I know even less now.

Mistoffelees tells me that he knows what it feels like, to kill someone whom you didn't want to kill. But he doesn't know half of what I feel. Who can? Macavity? He must.

Why am I still reviewing this? She was there, I was there. She attacked. I slashed to defend myself. Victoria screamed as she went down. I had taken her life. I was a murderer now. Macavity told me that it was all right. I ran.

Why? Why? Now I'm here. Maybe no-one will know me. But she will. She will stop at nothing for revenge. Why did I do it? I'm still trying to find the answer to that. My hands are stained with blood. I shall never be able to wash it off me.

I'm lost now. A lost tom. A lone silver wolf, howling at the moon. I'll never know the Jellicles again. And even as I write this, my hand is shaking and I feel weak. Not a good spot for a leader. But I can never be. "Good bye," I say to you Jellicles. Tell the kittens that I can never return. I've gone on. Forever.

Love, Munkustrap