W-KARP
WKRP in Cincinnati is about a radio station and the people who work at it.
Johnny Fever (Plato) is the super-cool Dj. Jennifer (Bombalurina) is the
sectretary who likes to date older men and then accept the millions of gifts
they shower upon her. Les Nessman (Mistoffelees) is a slightly dorky news
reporter. Bailey (Demeter) is a friendly editor or something. Randy Travis
(Alonzo) is the programmer or something (it's not real clear). Venus Flytrap
(Munkustrap) is the nighttime Dj. Mr Carlson (Old Deuteronomy) is the
station
manager - bit of a strange one. Steel makes a one-time appearance in this
eppy. If anyone wants, I'll convert some of the other eppies too.
WKRP in Cincinnati/CATS
Karp Cats
Jennifer: Bombalurina
Les: Mistoffelees
Steel: Rum Tum Tugger
Bailey: Demeter
Randy: Alonzo
Johnny Fever: Plato
Venus Flytrap: Munkustrap
Mr Carlson: Old Deuteronomy
(Setting: Recording room. Plato sits at desk, Mistoffelees is behind him and
obviously angry about something, Bombalurina is adjusting the calendar.)
Mistoffelees: Fine! (stomps out)
Bombalurina: Oh, now look what you did! (steps outside, begins to shut door)
Plato: Why is everyone so angry today?!
Bombalurina: (steps back in) Because I've fallen in love - or atleast
infatuated - for once in my life and the guy's dirt poor! He's young and
hasn't a dime - and after all those wealthy old Toms I've dated! (storms out
again)
(Scene change to Old Deuteronomy's office. He an Alonzo sit behind a desk,
talking about finances.)
Alonzo: Okay, let's imagine this company is a train.
Old Deuteronomy: Okay. (starts shaking up and down in his chair making
'choo-choo' noises)
Alonzo: The train is at the station. It's all ready to go, but there's no
fuel.
Old Deuteronomy: Oh. (stops shaking)
Alonzo: Now, the 'fuel' is money. That's all we need. See, if we had the
money - you can start boucing again if you want---
Old Deuteronomy: Okay. (does so)
Alonzo: Now, all we do---
Mistoffelees: (suddenly shoves open the door and walks in) I need more pay!
Old Deuteronomy: What?
Mistoffelees: I have been a devoted newsman to this station for years! Did I
go to the New York Times? Nooooo. When Chicago wanted me to do an undercover
story? Nooooo. Did I---
Alonzo: Uhm, Misto? Could you come back later? We're kind of busy.
Mistoffelees: Sure. (walks out)
Alonzo: Okay. Now, we're on the train, remember?
Old Deuteronomy: Right. (begins bouncing)
(Scene change to the lobby, where Bombalurina and Demeter sit behind a desk.
Bombalurina is painting Demeter's nails and gushing about her new boyfriend.
Plato is doing various things in the background.)
Bombalurina: He's got this beautiful fur....
Demeter: Ohhh...
Plato: (looks over, interested)
Bombalurina: And the most gorgeous dark eyes....
Demeter: Oohhh....
Plato: (struts a little)
Bombalurina: And the cutest - well, I can't say it.
Demeter: Oh, please!
Plato: (is VERY interested)
Bombalurina: The...the cutest little rear end!
Demeter: Oohhh!
Plato: (looks puzzled and touches his bottom as he walks out)
Bombalurina: He's the maintenance Tom at my apartment building. He came up
to
fix my refridgerator - and, well.... (smiles) He's coming by my house this
evening - all of my cabinet doors somehow stuck shut. His name's...Rum Tum
Tugger.
Demeter: Rum Tum Tugger? Ooohhhh myyy.... (swoons as she walks out)
(Scene change to Bombalurina's apartment. Bombalurina is dressed in slinky
clothes, setting out drinks. The doorbell rings.)
Doorbell: (plays a tune I can't name)
Bombalurina: (opens door)
Rum Tum Tugger: I was told all you cabinets got stuck shut. (grins knowingly)
Bombalurina: (shuts door and kisses Rum Tum Tugger) You're beautiful!
Rum Tum Tugger: So are you!
Bombalurina: And you've got such a cute butt!
Rum Tum Tugger: Yours is cuter!
(they move in front of mirror)
Both: We're gorgeous!
Doorbell: (plays that tune again)
Bombalurina: (sighs and gets the door)
Mistoffelees: Bomba? Bomba, I want you to talk to Old Deuteronomy for me.
Oh,
who's your friend? I hope I'm not intterupting anything....
Bombalurina: Um...no! (takes Mistoffelees' hat and gloves, folding gloves
neatly inside hat) This is---
Rum Tum Tugger: Rum Tum Tugger.
Mistoffelees: Oh. That's a very nice name.
Rum Tum Tugger: Thanks. I like to think a name says a lot about the kind of
person you are. Uh, what was your name again?
Mistoffelees: Mistoffelees.
Rum Tum Tugger: (snorts)
Mistoffelees: Well, anyway, Bombalurina - can you talk to Old Deuteronomy
for
me?
Bombalurina: Yes - would you like a drink?
Mistoffelees: Yes, alright. Now, just don't tell him I asked you to, okay?
Bombalurina: Sure. (hands him a drink) Why do you want me to talk to him?
Mistoffelees: Well, you've got the highest-paying job there---
Rum Tum Tugger: Really?
Mistoffelees: Oh, sure! Bomba makes loads of money.
Rum Tum Tugger: But honey, I thought you said you were just the receptionist.
Mistoffelees: At WKRP, that's the highest-paying job.
Rum Tum Tugger: Really....
Mistoffelees: Well, I've got to be going. (gulps down drink)
Bombalurina: Um, Misto?
Mistoffelees: Yes?
Bombalurina: That's a Catnip martini.
Mistoffelees: (sways a little) Newsmen do drink, you know! (shoves hat on
his
head, gloves still inside it before leaving in a huff)
Rum Tum Tugger: We're alone.
Bombalurina: Finally. (kisses him)
Doorbell: (plays tune)
Bombalurina: (sighs and opens door to reveal Mistoffelees)
Mistoffelees: (starts running to the bathroom) It's on it's way back up!
(Scene change to Mistoffelees' 'office' - a little corner with a desk and
phone and all, but an imaginary door. Mistoffelees sits at his desk, looking
nervous.)
Munkustrap: (enters, wearing a wrapped hat like people of the Middle East
do)
Hey Misto. Like the hat? (grins)
Mistoffelees: Yes, very nice Munku. Could you do me a favour?
Munkustrap: Sure man, what is it? (opens and closes imaginary door as he
comes into Mistoffelees' office)
Mistoffelees: Could you talk to Old Deuteronomy for me? I need more pay, and
he won't listen.
Munkustrap: No prob, but why do you think he'll listen to me?
Mistoffelees: Because you're.... Argh! This doesn't work! (sighs) Munkustrap
isn't black, he isn't a deserter form the army, his name isn't Venus
Flytrap.... (shakes head and cuts to another scene)
(Scene change to the lobby. Demeter sits behind the desk, Bombalurina's
place. Plato is strutting around, looking more groomed than usual.)
Demeter: Can I help you, Plato?
Plato: Well, uh, sure. Where'd Bomba go?
Demeter: She went for lunch. I'm just sitting in for her.
Plato: Oh. (pauses) Hey, did she tell you anything else about...you know,
him?
Demeter: You mean, the love of Bombalurina's life?
Plato: (nods)
Demeter: No.... Oh Plato, you don't think it's you, do you?
Plato: Well.... It isn't?
Demeter: (shakes head) I'm sorry.
Plato: (looks crestfallen) Wait, then who is it?
Alonzo: (walks in) Demeter, when will Bombalurina be back?
Demeter: She just went for lunch, should be back any minute now.
Alonzo: Oh, okay. (turns to leave)
Plato: (grabs Alonzo's tail) It's him! It's Alonzo isn't it?
Alonzo: Huh?
Demeter: (laughs) No Plato, it's not him.
Plato: (lets go of Alonzo's tail)
Alonzo: (hurries out)
Plato: It's got to be someone around here.... (wanders off)
Bombalurina: (runs in) Dem, cover for me one more minute, I need to talk to
Old Deuteronomy.
Demeter: Oh, alright.
(Scene change to the indside of Old Deuteronomy's office - the only REAL
office in the place. Old Deuteronomy sits behind his desk, playing with some
pencils.)
Bombalurina: Old Deuteronomy, I need to talk to you.
Old Deuteronomy: Really? Alright, Bombalurina, what is it?
Bombalurina: I need some help. Rum Tum Tugger and I broke up.
Old Deuteronomy: Why?
Bombalurina: He suddenly had a problem with his car. Said it would cost TWO
HUNDRED DOLLARS. ((Note: This is in the seventies. Two hundred dollars was
more then. That's what parents keep griping about.)) He said I should just
give him the money, since I had it!
Old Deuteronomy: So he's a gold digger, like you.
Bombalurina: I know! It's horrible! I'm no better than he is! (starts
sobbing
on Old Deuteronomy's shoulder)
Old Deuteronomy: (smiles) Yes you are, you're MUCH better than he.
Bombalurina: Oh, thank you...you're like a father to everyone at the station.
Plato: (steps in)
Bombalurina: I love you! (hugs Old Deuteronomy)
Plato: (curses) I knew it was someone!
Bombalurina: (walks out, smiling and feeling better)
Plato: Uhm, Old D.?
Old Deuteronomy: Yes Plato?
Plato: Could you...turn around for me?
(Scene change to Mistoffelees' office. Alonzo opens imaginary door, walks
in,
and leans against the wall.)
Alonzo: I was thinking what you said about needing a raise, Misto.
Mistoffelees: Really?
Alonzo: Yes. And I've decided that if you shut up about it I'll give you ten
extra dollars a week.
Mistoffelees: Okay! Thank you!
Alonzo: (grins) Out of my own pocket money. (sighs)
Old Deuteronomy: (comes in by way of the still-open imaginary door)
Mistoffelees, you're going to get that raise you wanted.
Mistoffelees: I am?
Old Deuteronomy: Yes. Ten extra dollars a week.
Mistoffelees: Oh, this is great! Ten dollars from you, ten dollars from
Alonzo, that's twenty dollars! (jogs off, happy)
Old Deuteronomy: I have to go see if Mother has the four thousand we wanted
for the station. (follows Mistoffelees)
Alonzo: (stares after him) I have to get out of here. (leaves the office,
shutting the imaginary door behind him) I have to.The end
A new character is being introduced here - well, not new to the business, or
show, or anything, but he didn't have any part in the last episode. It's
Herb/Pouncival. His job is about the same as Andy/Alonzo's, but lower class.
(Bombalurina sits behind her desk in the lobby. Pouncival is lounging in a
chair boredly.)
Bombalurina: What are you doing?
Pouncival: Sitting.
Bombalurina: Will you leave?
Pouncival: No.
Mistoffelees: (walks in, looking depressed)
Bombalurina: Good morning Misto. Feeling any better?
Mistofelees: No. And don't say good morning. It's a lousy morning.
Pouncival: Mistoffelees, take my card.
Mistoffelees: Life insurance...oh no. (runs away)
(Opening theme rolls.)
(Hallway. Munkustrap and Plato are talking.)
Plato: So you didn't find Charlie?
Munkustrap: Nope. Turns out the guy's name was Wally.
Plato: Huh? Who's Wally?
Munkustrap: That was the guy who didn't know who Charlie was.
Mistoffelees: (runs through) Look out, Poucnival's selling insurance.
Plato and Munkustrap: (eyes widen as the duck into the studio)
(Scene change to the office room. Various desks are about. Mistoffelees is
hurriedly unpacking his carrying case.)
Pouncival: (runs in) Misto--
Mistoffelees: Oh no. Please, Herb, no.... (backs away)
Pouncival: Come on. Did you know.... (rattles off a bunch of facts about his
insurances)
Mistoffelees: Really? Well....
(Scene change to the studio. Munkustrap is leaning against the wall, Plato is
sitting at the desk. they are talking again.)
Plato: Jeez, Pouncival just has to learn....
Munkustrap: Yeah, He's going to get into trouble....
Alonzo: (steps in) What're you guys doing? Decided to live in this room?
Munkustrap: Pouncival's on an insurance rampage.
Alonzo: (jumps) (slams door shut) Phew, I'm glad I don't have to bother with
him!
Munkustrap: Uh, Alonzo?
Alonzo: Yeah?
Munkustrap: I thought you were in charge here.
Alonzo: Oh, right. I'll go talk to him. (runs off)
Plato: You know, if this was a horror movie he'd be the next to go.
(Scene change to the offices. Mistoffelees is sitting behind Pouncival's desk
signing papers, Pouncival is looking over his shoulder, Mistoffelees has
obviously been conned into buying the insurance.)
Pouncival: And there you go!
Mistoffelees: (smiles) I'm...protected!
Alonzo: (walks in) Pouncival, let's talk insurance.
Pouncival: Look, business is growing! (shoves Mistoffelees away and pushes
Alonzo into the chair Mistoffelees was using)
Alonzo: Herb, you can't sell insurance here.
Pouncival: (frowns) Get out of my seat.
Mistoffelees: But...but I just bought all this!
Alonzo: Mistoffelees, what did you buy?
Mistoffelees: Auto insurance...house insurance, life insurance...scooter
insurance....
Alonzo: (rolls eyes)
Mistoffelees: I need protection!
Alonzo: Misto--
Mistoffelees: I am a professional! I broadcast to a hundred people a day! I
am..a newsman!
Alonzo: This - this is insanity. (stalks out)
(Scene change to Old Deuteronomy's office. Old Deuteronomy is looking over
some papers.)
Alonzo: Old Deuteronomy? I need your help. See, I told Pouncival not to do
something that he was doing but he kept doing it even after I told him not to
and he won't stop doing it now so how do you get him to stop?
Old Deuteronomy: What's Herb doing now?
Alonzo: He's selling carppy insurance.
Old Deuteronomy: You mean none of these are any good?
(Scene change to a little later in the day. Alonzo, Deueteronomy and
Pouncival are in Old Deuteronomy's office, arguing. The camera is actually
showing Bombalurina filing her nails as she listens to them. Mistoffelees
suddenly runs though, wearing a slicker and a scooter helmet.)
Bombalurina: Misto! What happened?
Mistoffelees: Bad - bad - very bad! (runs into Old Deueteronomy's office,
Bombalurina and the camera following)
Alonzo: What happened?
Mistoffelees: I had an accident!
((*pause while author laughs herself dizzy at what that sounds like*))
Mistoffelees: Ahem! My scooter went off the road, not *that* kind of accident!
Bombalurina: Oh, are you okay?
Pouncival: (buries face in paws) You didn't send out the papers, did you?
Mistoffelees: First thing.
Pouncival: No! No! (sobs for the fact that he now has to pay Mistoffelees'
insurance)
Mistoffelees: I fell off the scooter on the street - I was not hurt, but the
scooter flew into this yard - it circled around a few times, destroying
things before jumping in the window and hitting two Cats having tea.
Bombalurina: Oh no!
Mistoffelees: (nods)
Bombalurina: Are they...they....
Alonzo: What she means to say is...is....
Pouncival: Were they...wasted?
Mistoffelees: (shakes head) But they're in the hospital. I need to get back
there - I just wanted to tell you I'm leaving.
Old Deuteronomy: Leaving?!
Mistoffelees: Yes. I have injured two people! I cannot live with myself!
Bombalurina: Mistoffelees, you can't leave!
Mistoffelees: (steps out the door and looks back in as he says this) I never
told you this Bombalurina, but you will never ever ever ever ever ever ever
ever ever ever ever...
Alonzo: (sighs)
Bombalurina: (waits)
Mistoffelees: ever ever ever EVER know how much I liked you.
Bombalurina: Mistoffelees, I liked you two! Please stay!
Mistoffelees: You don't understand. They were just having tea!
Alonzo: (sighs) You were insured, right?
Pouncival: Righttt.... (sobs)
Alonzo: So use your money and try to make it up to them. Go see them at the
hospital.
Mistoffelees: (nods) Okay.... (walks out)
Pouncival: I'm coming. (follows)
(Scene change to a hospital room. A brown Queen and a brown-and-yellow Tom
have various limbs in hanging supports and otherwise bandaged heavily.
Mistoffelees walks in, speedily followed by a nervous Pouncival.)
Queen: (with an EXTREME British accent) Look! It's the awful Cat who wrecked
our living room with his bloody scooter!
Tom: So it is! What do you want?
Mistoffelees: (timidly) I - I wanted to say I'm sorry.
Tom: Sorry? Sorry doesn't get out porch back, does it?
Mistoffelees: Well.... I know, but, I , uhm, I wanted to, er, that is---
Pouncival: How much you want?
Queen: What do you mean?
Mistoffelees: I feel horrible! I'm willing to do anything!
Tom and Queen: Anything?
Mistoffelees: Yes! I'll - I'll quit my job and live on the streets in shame
for the rest of my life, never forgiving myself for this!
Queen: It's not enough.
Mistoffelees: But - I - there's nothing else I can do!
Tom: We were having TEA!
Mistoffelees: That's it, I have to quit my job.
Pouncival: Fine. Then I don't lose mine for having to pay this huge insurance
bill.
Queen: Insurance?
Pouncival: Ohhh...nooo....
Mistoffelees: Yes! I was insured for my scooter, and it's been totalled.
Tom: How much insurance?
Mistoffelees: Oh, loads! Hey---
Pouncival: Noooo!
Mistoffelees: Could I give you that? You could do all the things you always
wanted to!
Queen: Oh, yes!
Tom: I think we have reached an agreement!
Pouncival: Nooo!
(Scene change to the room with everyone's desks except Old Deuteronomy's,
Bombalurina's and Alonzo's. Pouncival is on the phone to the insurance
company he works for.)
Pouncival: And so I'm really thinking this could all work out for the better,
you know? (pauses) H-hello?
Alonzo: (walks in) Something wrong, Pouncival?
Pouncival: (stands up) I'm never selling insurance again. (walks out)
Alonzo: Yes!
