All human characters and events are entirely fictional.
The following is a story through the eyes of Tina Amici (pronounced "Ah-mee-chee") about the mysterious happenings during the preparation for the show "Cats" at her high school:
The school year had hardly begun when I saw the announcement on the bulletin board. The drama and music department would be joining forces for this year’s big annual show, December 15-20. The production? CATS!
I was absolutely ecstatic. It’s always been my favorite show, since I was a little kid. And now, for the first time, I had a shot at being in it. Singing and dancing are my life, so I started thinking about the parts I could shoot for. Jellylorum? Maybe. Jennyanydots? Nah. Grizabella? Hmm...
September 15: Auditions
The auditorium was packed that afternoon. This was not going to be easy. I recognized a bunch of my friend’s faces floating around and tried
to say Hi, but no one could hear me. I just barely managed to squeeze my way through to a seat close to the front. Our drama director, Mrs.
Nesbit, walked up to the podium and announced in her refined English accent:
"It’s great to see so much enthusiasm for this show. However, being a cast member requires a tremendous commitment. There will be rehearsals several times a week for two hours after school during the early months. During the home stretch, they will be every weekday for three hours. Those of you who cannot give that much time, I suggest you leave now."
That certainly thinned the place out a little! Almost half of the would-be performers made their way out. High school students can be SO naive. You’d think they would know how hard it is to be in a major production. Although, before Mrs. Nesbit continued, I didn’t realize just how major:
"I’m sure you all know that our drama department is one of the best in the country."
We cheered.
"Well, because of the ticket sales from our production of ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’ last year, we not only have money for this year, but we have attracted some...ah...well-to-do sponsors. As a result, we are going for the gold in ‘CATS.’ This won’t be some watered down ‘school version.’ We will have live music, a professional make-up artist, pyrotechnics, the works! You will have to shop for your own costumes. However, because of our sponsor’s generous investments, the drama department will pay up to a certain amount for each person."
I could not believe my ears. This was going to be a professional show! And the school would actually pay for some of the costume.
"The auditions will be highly selective, so give us your absolute best. Now, if you will all kindly form a line on the right side of the stage, we can begin."
The mass of students that were left started migrating over to the right aisles.
I was a nervous wreck. I mean, I’m a talented soprano, but certainly no Sarah Brightman. As I started walking over to the line, lost in my own world, I bumped into one of the few boys that were there in an empty aisle. He turned around, and I realized it was my cousin, Antonio Garibaldi. He lives a few blocks over from my family in Brooklyn. I remembered that we had seen CATS together when we were young, and he loved it every bit as much as I did. But I was surprised that he would be trying out for the show. He’s very shy and rarely speaks.
"Tony!" I greeted him. "What are you doing here?"
He crossed his arms and gave me an annoyed look. Okay, maybe that’s not important. I thought.
"Well, what part are you going for? We both know you can’t sing." I said aloud.
He grinned, another thing he rarely did. "Guess." he said. Without warning, he bent forward and did a backflip into the empty aisle. He landed on his feet perfectly, holding his arms up.
I laughed. "Tumblebrutus." I said. A mute acrobatic part was perfect for him.
September 20: Audition Results
Tony and I were the first ones to the bulletin board that day. I’m sure you know the feeling. Did I make the soccer team? Did I make first
chair in the band? etc.
As I read down the list, I stopped at "Griddlebone/Jellylorum." The line over read "Tina Amici."
"Yes!" I shouted. I almost hugged Tony, but he gave me a weird look that read "You’re too emotional."
He slid his finger down the actor side of the sheet and found his own name, next to "Tumblebrutus/Macavity." He cocked an eyebrow. "Huh?"
"I guess they needed someone they could knock around for the fight scene." I told him, giggling. "Besides, he doesn’t sing either."
October 18: Non-Dress Rehearsal
Everyone who was selected for the show had purchased the materials for their costumes (unitard, arm and leg warmers, wig, dance shoes, fur,
etc.). Thankfully, our very talented art department would handle the coloring of the unitard and wig. But this would take time, probably until
November.
The rehearsal was going smoothly so far. We were up to "The Jellicle Ball" dance number, and the choreography was superb. However, when it came time for Tony’s handspring entrance, something weird happened. As he came running out of scenery, he tripped and would have injured himself if Rosalind (Bombalurina) hadn’t caught him.
"Easy there." she said, helping him up, "You shouldn’t rush like that."
Tony dusted himself off. "Not my fault." he replied indignantly. Before Roz could respond, he went back to where he had come out and started feeling around for something invisible, about a foot off the ground. Then all of us heard a Twang!
Geoffrey, our Rum Tum Tugger, came over to inspect. "Hmm. Tripwire. I knew something was weird."
Mrs. Nesbit was over there in a flash. "Tripwire?! What’s going on here? Who would do such a thing?"
None of us could offer an answer. Unfortunately, we had a schedule to keep, so we continued our practice, without incident. Things went normally for some time after that, but somehow we knew this wouldn’t be the last prank.
November 15: Semi-Dress Rehearsal
For this session, we wore the dance shoes, unitard, tail and warm-ups, but no wig or make-up.
We were doing a run through the Prologue. As usual, everything went perfectly, until the trapeze part. Sarah, playing Etcetera, swung back and forth while we danced ten feet below. Then everyone heard the cable snap. Sarah screamed, but luckily Brian (Munkustrap) caught her.
"I don’t know if I can handle this." Sarah wailed when Brian had set her down. What’s next? A greased stage."
Unfortunately, all we could do was console her and try to think of a way to stop the pranks. The best conclusion we came up with was to lock the auditorium 24-hours a day unless the cast or orchestra was practicing.
As I left that day, I came across Alex Garbers in the hall. Alex was a known troublemaker and an incurable voyeur. He also wasn’t the most attractive kid in the school. Face you’d love to slap, if you know what I mean. He wasn’t the type to be found after school, unless he had detention. But seriously, two hours after?
He seemed spooked when he saw me. "Oh...um...uh, hi Tina." he stammered, hiding his bag behind him.
"Hello...Alex." I said, eyeing him curiously. "Say, what’s in the bag?" I could see some things poking out, a little role of green wire and something bright red.
"N-nothing." he stuttered. He seemed to be blushing slightly.
"OOO-kay." I said, walking around him, still watching his eyes. He turned as I passed, keeping his pack partially hidden behind him.
Che faccia brutta, I thought as I walked away. What an ugly face!
November 30: Full Dress Rehearsal
We were putting the finishing touches on "Growltiger’s Last Stand." The corset thingy on the Griddlebone costume fit kind of tight, but it
looked great. Opposite me, playing Growltiger/Gus, was my favorite old English teacher, Mr. Deitchman. He has an amazing voice. He and I
were just finishing "In Quella Tepida Notte!" (very high note) when the fire alarm sounded. Some of us swore quite vocally.
"Alright, you all know the drill. Come on, then." Mrs. Nesbit said.
"But is freezing outside!" I complained.
"Okay, go and get your coats, but be quick."
I was worried about getting the long, puffy white tail dirty, so I took it off and left it on the stage.
Outside, we all huddled together while Mrs. Nesbit took attendance. After a few minutes, another kid came around the corner of the building. We all knew that leather jacket and the blond hair. J.D. Ramis, captain of the football team, and Emperor of Creeps.
He took one look at our costumes and painted faces, and then burst out laughing.
"Oooo, look at all the kitties!" he sneered.
"Hey, come over here and say that, wuss!" Peter (Mistoffelees) challenged.
"What’re you gonna do? Claw my eyes out?" J.D. laughed ever harder.
"Nah. I was thinking of tying a nice knot in that neck of yours." Brian said, coming out of our huddle. He was a lot bigger than J.D., although the Munkustrap costume made him look less intimidating. However, it must have been enough. J.D. shut up immediately when he saw him, and hurried away.
Fifteen minutes passed.
"I don’t hear any sirens. Must’ve been a hoax." Mrs. Nesbit muttered. "Bloody kids."
She tried to open the door, but it was locked. She tried her key. Still it wouldn’t budge. She was starting to turn red with anger.
Tony, irritated himself, tapped her on the shoulder and pointed to a window above.
"Oh, come off it. You can’t reach that." she told him.
"He can if I give him a lift." said Geoff.
Geoff locked his fingers together and Tony put his foot in them.
"One, two, three!"
Tony shot up and caught the window sill. He hauled himself up and disappeared inside.
A few minutes later, he had opened the door. He indicated the chair that had held it shut.
Back on stage, everything was where it should have been, except the Griddlebone tail. It was hanging from the rafters.
That ate it! Now I was really mad!
"If I ever catch who’s doing this, I swear, I’ll hang his carcass with that tail!" I shrieked.
However, things were quiet for a long while after that.
December 10: Opening Night!
It was three hours before the big moment and none of the audience had arrived yet. We decided to quickly run through some of the trickier
dance numbers, starting with "Mr. Mistoffelees." That way we could test the pyrotechnics at the same time.
Peter (Mistoffelees) started his solo dance. He pointed at the first smoke charge and the engineer flipped the switch. Poof! Peter twirled around and pointed at the second charge. Only this time there was a deafening Bang! Needless to say, everyone stopped dead, including the orchestra. The engineer put on his gloves and went over to the metal can that housed the explosive.
"The whole can ripped open!" he exclaimed, "Wait a minute, these aren’t smoke charges, they’re M-80s."
"What’s that?" Mrs. Nesbit asked.
"Firecrackers, like a tenth stick of dynamite."
"Oh my God!"
"We’re lucky no one was standing close to this thing."
We were all startled when we heard someone clearing his throat in the aisles.
"I think I might have you man here." It was Frank, the security guard. He was holding two rather unsavory characters each by the arm. "Look who I caught poking around in the halls."
As he brought them on to the stage, we instantly recognized the faces: Alex Garbers and J.D. Ramis.
"So you’re the two little creeps who’ve been trying to wreck the show!" Mrs. Nesbit looked like she was ready to throttle both of them on the spot.
"No. It has to be one of them." Frank informed her. "They were at opposite ends of the school. Besides, they're too anti-social to work together."
"Hey shut up!" J.D. snapped
"Yeah! Besides, you can’t prove anything." Alex added.
"Well, then." Mr. Deitchman cut in, "Let’s go over the events, shall we?"
He began pacing. I suddenly felt like I was in a scene from "Colombo,"
"In the past two months there have been a rash of down-right diabolical pranks, all spaced well apart to lure us into a false sense of security. There has been a tripwire, a weakened trapeze cable, a fake fire alarm, and some miss-wired special effects." He walked up in front of them. In his Gus costume, he looked like a grandfather scolding two misbehaved children.
Mr. Deitchman pointed at Alex. "You know anything about the special effects prank?"
"What the hell are you talking about?"
Unblinking, "Gus" turned to J.D. "What about you?"
"Oh, come on! What could I possibly know about on explosives? I'm a quarter back!"
The wily teacher turned his back on the two and started walking away. Then he stopped. "Well, both your defenses are flaky. However," He spun around and pointed at one of them. "You just gave yourself away."
Who was he pointing at? Well, let’s see if you can figure it out for yourself.
Then maybe I’ll tell you.
"Me?!" the culprit exclaimed, "What kinda crock is that?"
"How did you know I was talking about explosives?" Mr. Deitchman asked him calmly.
This obviously flustered J.D. "Ah, well, you said so."
"I said ‘miss-wired special effects.’ I never said anything about something blowing up."
J.D. turned as white as a sheet.
"Oooo, you’re busted!" I said triumphantly.
Without warning, J.D. twisted loose from Frank’s grasp and made a run for the stage door. He got as far as the edge of the scenery, when Tony suddenly dropped down in front of him.
J.D. stumbled to a stop. At first he was surprised, but it quickly turned to rage. "Outta my way, freak!" He raised his fist and swung. The next part happened too fast for me to describe. But the result was pretty funny. J.D., clad in a leather jacket and jeans, was face down on the stage. Sitting on him was my shy and silent cousin, in a brown and white cat costume, twisting the crook’s arm behind his back.
"Figlio di lupa!" Tony snapped.
"Now Tony," Mrs. Nesbit began, "you don’t want to hurt the poor bugger."
"Oh yes you do!" Sarah put in.
"I think you’d better tell us what else you had in store for tonight before Tony twists your arm off." Mr. Deitchman said.
J.D. only scowled back from his humiliating position. "Ha! You don’t have the gutsOW! Okay, okay! I rigged the curtains to collapse and that’s it. OW! It’s the truth, I swear!"
"You seemed very intent on stopping this show from ever happening. So that leaves one question: Why'd you do it?"
"This school gets all these sponsors for drama, but do those rich snobs every give a penny to the football team? No!"
"Some way to handle jealousy. Well, that firecracker stunt qualifies as attempted murder, so you’re going away for a while. Take ‘em away, Frank."
J.D. said a few not-too-kind words before Frank came over and hauled him up, keeping his arm in the same position. Then I suddenly remembered Alex.
"Hey, wait a minute." I said, "Alex, if it wasn’t you, what were you doing here that time back in November? I saw the tripwire in your bag. And some red stuff."
"Uh, that’s...kinda embarrassing."
"Come on."
"Well…The red stuff was ribbon. And the wire wasn’t tripwire. It’s used to make...um...bows." He blushed. "I was helping my mom make decorations for Thanksgiving."
I could hardly keep from laughing. Alex? Making bows? Oh, that was too much!
"Another thing." I said when I thought I could control myself. "What are you doing here now?"
"Trying to get a free peek. Did I mention you look great in a unitard?"
Whack!
Like I said before, face you’d love to slap, so I indulged myself. He was still the same little pervert I remember.
When they were gone, the stage crew set to work repairing the curtains and the smoke bomb can. They gave the entire set a thorough inspection just to be sure.
It was ten minutes until show time when they finished. We could already hear the audience outside the curtains. It sounded like a full house.
What can I say about how it went? In one word: Dazzling!
The show was everything you’d expect and then some. In an effort to make it more interesting, we added a few of our own twists:
During "The Rum Tum Tugger," the orchestra played an extended verse while Geoff went out into audience and pulled his girlfriend out of her seat. She’s actually not that bad of a dancer.
In "Growltiger’s Last Stand," we had a backdrop, ship’s wheel and a wooden "deck." When the Siamese attacked, I screamed and "jumped off the ship" on the right side (offstage), followed by a slightly exaggerated splash sound effect and a spray of "water." The same trick followed when Growltiger was pushed off the plank.
Even though the Macavity laughter was a recording, Tony was great. During the fight scene, he and Brian exchanged a few swipes, wrestled, and then Brian picked Tony up and literally threw him halfway across the stage. It still baffles me as to how he lands on his feet like that. When it came time for his grand exit, Tony jumped off the stage, picked up a hidden extension cord and yanked it apart. The whole theater went black and the maniacal laughter echoed throughout.
When the show was over there was a thunderous applause. We came out in groups of two or three and took our bows, with the audience clapping the entire time. Tumblebrutus and Pouncival (Tony and Chris) had their turn to show off some acrobatic tricks. Then everyone cleared the stage except Rum Tum Tugger, who sat there leaning against an oven. Tumblebrutus crept out of the shadows behind him and tied his tail to an over-sized watering can. Then he ran out in front of Tugger and stuck his tongue out at him. Tugger growled and lunged, but stopped when he realized he was dragging the can behind him. Tumblebrutus stood there laughing at him, along with most of the audience. The moment Tugger had his tail loose, however, he made an "Uh-oh" face and ran for it. He did a flip off the stage and raced down the center aisle, Tugger hot on his heels, and then out the back door. More laughter and applause from the audience.
Well, that’s pretty much everything that happened. We survived the evil pranks and managed to put on a spectacular show. I still don’t know what became of J.D., but then, who cares? Good riddance!
THE END
