"Given a conflict, Murphy's law supercedes Newton's."
"Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce."
"Ask not for whom the bell tolls, let the machine get it."
"Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it."
"Some drink at the fountain of knowledge...others just gargle."
"Some women get excited about nothing and then marry him."
"High explosives are applicable where truth and logic fail."
"In case of nuclear war, prayer in schools will be okay."
"Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either."
"If hackers ran the world, there'd be no war--lots of accidents, maybe."
"Know thyself. If you need help, call the CIA."
"One good turn gets most of the blankets."
"I had an IQ test. The results came back negative."
"A guy walked into a bar. He was treated for minor injories."
"God Bless America, but God help Canada to put up with them!"
"The light at the end of a tunnel may be an oncoming train."
Get thee down. Be thou funky."
"Remember: 'i' before 'e', except in Budweiser."
"Inside every short man is a tall man doubled over in pain."
"As easy as 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841."
"Heisenburg probably rules."
"If two wrongs don't make a right, try three."
"Murphy's Law only fails when you try to demonstrate it."
"Don't judge a book by its movie."
"God pulled an all-nighter on the sixth day."
"A Freudian slip is when you mean one thing and say your mother."
"Heck was created for those who refuse to believe in Gosh."
"No job is so simple that is can't be done wrong."
"Get the facts first, THEN panic!"
"What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over."
"Fool-proof implies a finite number of fools."
"A man who smiles when things go wrong knows who to blame."
"People who live in glass houses...shouldn't."
"Behind every successful man stands a woman waiting for his job."
"Eagles fly; but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines."
"A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken."
"A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead."
"Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune time."
"If you can't speak softly, just use the stick."
"Intel has announced its next chip: the Repentium."
"The world will end in 5 minutes. Please log out..."
"General Failure's Fault. Not Yours."
"Scandisk is now checking your hard disk. You can start praying."
"Smash forehead on keyboard to continue."
"A program is a spell cast over a computer, turning input into error messages."
