I am John Kerry.

I was against the Iraq war, but I voted for it. Now I'm against it but I was for it. I support the UN. I'm against terrorism and against Iraq war. But I voted for the Iraq war.

I'm against gay marriage but for gay unions. I support gays but think the SF mayor is wrong. I support gay marriages. No, wait, gay unions.

I'm Catholic. Wait, I'm Jewish. My dad was Jewish. But I was raised Catholic. What am I? I don't want to confuse people.

I am for abortions, but wait, I'm Catholic, and Catholics are pro-life. But I might consider putting pro-life judges in office, maybe, but I'm not sure.

I went to Vietnam. But I was against Vietnam. I testified against fellow US troops in Vietnam, threw my medals away and led others to do the same. But I am a war hero. Against the war.

I wrote a book that pictured the US flag upside-down on its cover. But now I fly and campaign in a plane with a large flag right-side up on it. But sometimes we fly upside-down.

Yasser Arafat is a hero and a statesman. The Israelis shouldn't kill Palestenian terrorists, but they should stop terrorism. Yasser Arafat is a terrorist supporter. I support Mideast peace.

I am for the common man, unlike Bush. I am against the rich. But my family is worth 300 million dollars. I am the common man.

I am John Kerry