Blonde Jokes.

6 O'clock News

A blonde and a red head are watching the 6 O'clock news one evening. The red head bets the blonde $50 bucks that the man in the lead story,who was threatening to jump from a 40 story building,will jump.The blonde says,"I'll take that bet," the blonde replied.

A few minutes later,the broadcaster breaks in to announce that the man had,indeed,jumped.The red head now feeling guilty for betting on such a thing says that the blonde doesn't have to pay the fifty dollars.

"No,a bet's a bet,"the blonde replies,"I owe you $50 dollars."

The redhead, feeling even more guilty, replies "No, you don't understand, I saw the 5:30 edition, so I knew how it was going to turn out."

"That's okay," the blonde replies, "I saw it earlier too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Green Side Up!

A woman hired a contractor to repaint the interior of her house. The woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him what colors she wanted for each room. As they walked through the first room, the woman said, "I think I would like this room in a cream color."

The contractor wrote on his clipboard, walked to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!" He then closed the window and continued following the woman to the next room. The woman looked confused, but proceeded with her tour. "In this room, I was thinking of an off blue."

Again, the contractor wrote this down, went to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!"

This baffled the woman, but she was hesitant to say anything. In the next room, the woman said she would like it painted in a light rose color. And once more, the contractor opened the window and yelled, "Green side up!"

Struck with curiosity, the woman mustered up the nerve to ask, "Why do you keep yelling 'Green side up' out my window every time I tell you the color I would like the room?"

The contractor replied, "Because I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street."

Appliance For Sale

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."

Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

51 Days!

Four blondes walk into a bar. They go up to the bar and ask the bartender for 4 shots. They raise their glasses and say "51 days!" and down the drinks. They ask the bartender for another round. They raise their glasses and say "51 days!" and down their drinks. They ask for a third round.

The bartender says "Excuse me ladies, but if you don't mind my asking, what does 51 days mean?"

One of them answers, "We got a jigsaw puzzle. On the box it said 2-4 years, and we did it in just 51 days."

Fire At A Blonde's House

A blonde's house catches on fire and she runs next door to call 911. The 911 operator answers and the blonde pleads "Come quick, come quick, my house is on fire, my house is on fire!"

The 911 operator says "Lady, lady, calm down now, calm down. You're going to have to tell us how to get there."

To which the blond replies "Like in the big red truck...DUH!"

The Blonde And The Gun

A blonde walked into a doctor's office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened?

The blonde said, "Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, so first I stuck the gun in my mouth, but thought, wait a minute, I just had all that bridge work done, and I don't want to ruin it. So, I pointed the gun between my eyes, and then thought, wait a minute, I just got a nose job not too long ago, and I don't want to ruin it! So then I stuck the gun in my ear, and thought, wait a minute, this is going to be loud ... !"

A Smart Blonde

A blond girl gets sick of being called stupid, so she does something about it. She dies her hair a really dark brown. Then she thinks to herself, "Now I need someone that i can prove to that I am smart." So, she finds a sheep farmer and asks him, "If I can tell you how many sheep you have on your farm, will you give me one?"

The farmer says, "Sure, there's no way you can guess that."

So, the girl thinks a while, then says, "You have 356 sheep on your farm."

"That's amazing!" the farmer says, "how could you possibly know that?"

"Us intelligent people just know these things." Then she takes her sheep and starts to load it in her car, when the farmer walks over to her.

"Ma'am, if I can tell you your real hair color, will you give me my dog back?"

An Over Weight Blonde

A blonde terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean?"

"No, from skipping."

Blonde Airline Stewardess

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she cried, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

Three Blondes Fishing

Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.

"Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden.

"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left.

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?!"

Lost in the woods

There were these two blondes that got lost while walking in the woods.One blonde looks down and sees some tracks.The blonde says,"Those are deer tracks,because their really big."The other blonde says."No, those are bear tracks."Well,they stand there and argue about it for about 30 or 40 minutes,Then the train comes by and kills them both.

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