In view of the extraordinary co-operation and helpfulness of the plain folk of Bridgwater, we are delighted to announce that the town is to be honoured by a visit from Reichsbastard Heydrich*.

We have a full programme of celebrations to mark the true friendship between the peoples of Bridgwater and the Reich.

Tuesday, 4 November

1400 (Sharp**). Arrival of RM Heydrich at Bridgwater Junction. To be greeted on the platform by Mayor and all surviving councillors. Presentation of big bouquet of flowers by Carnival Queen.

6.00 pm. Civic Reception at the Town Hall. Local British Action Party leaders, other dignitaries and the four lucky winners of the Bridgwater Mercury's 'Nosh With a Nazi' competition in attendance.

Wednesday 5 November.

Morning. Tour of the secret chemical plant. Demonstration of the effects of Todthrax on sheep, cows and selected small boy.

Afternoon. Ceremonial visit to Dr Morgan's Grammar School for Boys, to make lengthy speech against gypsies and hand out the Siegfried von Stoatstauffer Prize for Nazi Maths. RM Heydrich to inspect the Rugby Team, hand out Schlichter von Bottenrammer Trophy for most Aryan-looking Boy Athlete and watch in demonstration game between Wehrmacht scratch team and the Morganians.

Evening. Bonfire on the Fairfield. Winston Churchill to be burned in effigy. RM Heydrich to have the choice of intimate supper with Carnival Queen or Nazi Maths Prize-winner.

Thursday 6th November.

Morning. RM Heydrich to visit the 'typical Somerset family' of Councillor Dyson, be photographed on a farm and hold a cheerful discussion of why fascism is a jolly good thing with Dyson's happy farm workers.

Afternoon. Lengthy dinner. All surplus produce to be conveyed to the table and picked at by the SS, then the leftovers to be given to pigs.

Evening. Bridgwater Carnival. RM Heydrich and dignitaries to watch from Town Hall Balcony. Floats celebrating Nazi Victories on the Eastern Front, Anglo-German Strength and Purity, the ridiculousness of the subject races and decadent German cabarets from the 20s are to be favoured.

Der Footnotes

* Though, of course, his actions in making the entire population of a home counties town lie in the road and then trundling a Panzer division over them was, naturlich, an entirely justified and honourable way of dealing with partisan home guard activity and a fine example to all concerned, the Reichsbastard prefers not to be referred to in public by his popular nickname 'The Beast of Bury St Edmunds'.

* * In the event of lateness, the reception will be cancelled, and the engine driver will be publically executed by firing squad on the Cornhill.  There will be a small finger buffet afterwards.
 

DER END
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