No one knows real, actual despair.

I mean, we whinge, and whine that our lives are fucked/our job is lousy/ no one understands/accepts/loves us, Y2K is coming and we're all going to be fallout matter from a nuclear explosion that will sting all the planets in this solar system.

Religion has become an institutionalised idealistic fantasy for world leaders and power trippers, in order to further throw us into their web of lies and deciet, removing from us, any sort of original or innovative idea or thought, making us as lifeless and easily commanded as machinery or computers. ( which, by the way, are secretly our enemies, and are plotting behind our backs, waiting for the moment they can reach their colour- coded cable tendrils around our necks and strangle us with their megabytes and worm viruses.)

We think up new conspiracy theories everyday.. The aliens are secretly working in conjuction with the US government, and Area 51 in fact DOESN'T exist, but the aliens know the frenzy it causes, and keep up the "practical joke" by appearing in stupid saucers every so often, so that they can watch us go mad and run around, appearing on the covers of smut-tabloid journals and sleazy prime-time talkshows, recounting our "paranormal encounter".

Oh and by the way, all those alien abductees.. it's just something they put in the water to stop you worrying about that huge flaming comet heading for earth at an alarming rate, ready to obliterate us all.....

So make sure your bomb shelter is built of the toughest, leading brand titanium alloy, stocked to the brim with jatz crackers, and oreos, and mcdonalds burgers, and frozen pizzas ( never mind the fact electricity will probably die out in a few years, we're human, it's our job to take things for granted...). Make sure there's plenty of evian water (ignore those rumours, so what if evian backwards spells 'naive'?), and don't you dare even forget the TV, tuned to all the major sport channels, with re-runs of bewitched and Hawaii five-O playing 24 hours a day.

Make sure you lock your house, and insure your car, and that your'e immunised for every possible disease, wether it exists or not, and that you have all your pastel coloured pills in their corresponding containers, and that you listen to society and the media, because they never fail to tell you what to like and hate, what to fear and accept, what to ignore, what to believe. Worship your television, God Is In The TV, Marilyn Manson was right, even if he is a freak who got three ribs removed so he could suck his own cock, and breast implants so he looks like a girl, and even if he did sell his eye to Satan, and that's why it's discoloured now.

Always shop at the most popular stores, and by clothes that are in fashion, you wouldn't want to look different, now, would you? And make sure you have EVERY SINGLE SPICE GIRLS RELEASE THERE IS. ANyone who doesn't like Backstreet Boys, or other synthetic, musical executive produced, boy and girl bands, should be lynched in the street or executed at dawn, because death in the name of popular culture, or society's new favourite view is ok, and it's not murder if we all agree with it.

Buy all your appliances anew, so that they're all Y2K compliant, and recycle when it suits you, not all the time. You still look environmentally concious to all the neighbours, even if you do prefer CFC sprays to the new, CFC-free alternatives, and even if you don't give a flying fuck about whales or dolphins, or the fact that you are slowly killing yourself, and the place you inhabit. It's OK, your kids can deal with it after you're dead.

Condemn those lower than you, you are better than them, you have every right to do so. Break every commandment of the christian religion, minus murder ( can't be bothered, superbowl's on), then preach righteousness until you're ordaned a minister at your local church. Tell weird looking kids that they're going to hell, and that God loves without limits, but dressing in black, and wearing makeup, or transgenderal clothing isn't accepted in heaven. After all, you're perfect, your'e an adult, AND you're religious, you must know everything.

And, whatever you do, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT dare have any kind of independant thought or original idea. This is against the rules, and will not be accepted in today's modern society.

Have a big New Year's party, get really drunk, be really obnoxious to people you really hate but invited for the sake of looking popular, and competing with the neighbours down the street who are also holding a new year's party. And at the end of it all.. count down, secretly wondering inside, "Will I die, when that old 1999 walks away and leaves that pedestal empty for the new year 2000? Is my life about to be over for all eternity? Have I got only these last few seconds to live?? Here goes nothing..."

5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Happy New Year.

Oh and if society calls, tell them to get fucked, I prefer insanity and solitude... and we're going to get really fucked up tonight.....

-The Ashen Childe.

NB Most of this text document is from a satirical point of view. If you take any of these points really literally, You're Fucked.

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