Thailand (Part 2)

August/Sept 2000

At Thai immigration, a local offered us a room at his new guesthouse - less than a month old. A lovely clean place. Simon, the Thai owner (and ex-It consultant), made us feel at home and offered us house "cocktails" on the house, late into the night. Chiang Khong was a lovely clean border town and we ate at a market stall. "SP Guesthouse" is definitely recommended to anyone travelling to/from Laos.

In the morning we got an 'American' breakfast in with the price (£2) and Simon had a minibus arranged at 7am for us to travel 5 hours south to Chiang Mai. We were the only passengers. The minibus developed clutch problems but after repairs, the driver put his foot down and we arrived at midday. After the wonderful scenery of Laos, northern Thailand seemed very tame and sterilised. Very westernised with good roads and an efficient infrastructure. Thailand was obviously a go-getter nation.

Chiang Mai is Thailand's second largest city and the traffic is ferocious and loud. It takes ages to cross the roads. It was full of tour agencies offering treks to see the 'hilltribes' but with 300 agencies in town, we figured that the 'isolated' hilltribes would have had so many visits from tourists now that they were now probably sat around in their villages in American football shirts, eating Macdonald`s and drinking Coke. We passed on that activity and the endless offers of foot massages. Thai cookery courses were tempting but overpriced. It was a real tourist town but it grew on us and we ended up staying 4 nights. I was able to buy an excellent new camera at a cheap price and Jo was able to book a flight to Sydney to watch the Equestrian (horse) events at the 2000 Olympics.

Our guesthouse was obviously owned by an avid collector of 'Pop' bottles and cans. He had thousands of bottles in cabinets and metal advertisement boards on the walls along with photos of "Miss Thailand" since the 1960s. It was a lovely place to stay in the centre of town for peanuts. Internet access in town was the cheapest we had come across anywhere - 50p an hour, so we spent every evening catching up, while a Thai rockband played all my old favourites in a pub across the road.

The city had an 'old quarter' bounded by a well-maintained moat, but the 'worth doing' sights were sporadic. I suppose we had just seen too many Wats by now. The Wat Phra Singh complex was the best and that was mediocre. In one temple, there were 19C murals of action packed tableaux of life 100 years ago - courting scenes, merchants, fishermen etc. What looked like Bermuda shorts on the men, were in fact tattoos. In the 19C all boys in the north were tattooed from navel to kneecap - a painful ritual (I wonder if everything in between was covered?) to show their courage and make themselves beautiful to women. This ritual is now seemingly copied in the West nowadays by any budding rock musicians, wrestlers or hip travellers. Silly sods!. We walked to a municipal park to see an orchid flower festival which had finished. The lake was full of huge carp fish with their mouths open above the surface waiting for food.

We caught a bus down to Lamphun 26km south to visit one of Thailand's grandest and most important temples - Wat Phra That Haripunjaya (they don't make it easy to pronounce these names when you are on a bus do they?). Originally founded in 897, but rebuilt in 1443 the 'chedi' (main tower), 50m tall, was clad in brilliant copper plates, and crowned by a golden umbrella which glistened in the sun. More fun was found in a dark red bell tower which supposedly contained the world's largest bronze gong. It was enormous as was the sound when I bashed it repeatedly with a log waking up the Buddhist monks on their afternoon naps. It`s a tough job being a monk.

We rented a 110cc scooter to visit the Doi Inthanon National Park about 100km south of Chiang Mai. The highway south out of the city was being repaired. Every major highway in Thailand seemed to be getting upgraded to handle the increasing traffic. At the market town of Chom Thong, before we headed into the hills, we stopped in at the market for breakfast and discovered many "hilltribe' women walking around in their colourful traditional costumes. I took some photos of their wonderful clothing and smiling faces.

We set off for the 48km climb up to the summit of Doi Inthanon (2565m), the highest mountain in Thailand. It is part of the Thanontongchai range - foothills of the Himalayas. About 20km up the steep twisting trail, we got a puncture in the back wheel. We were miles from anywhere, and had no choice but to turn back and head for repairs. For 18km, I balanced the bike with Jo on the back with a flat and took 50 minutes to get back. But we succeeded. I found a bike repair shop just outside the park boundaries (which was nice!) and a little Thai man, cigarette in mouth, removed the back wheel, replaced the inner tube and had it back together in 15 minutes. To get the tyre back on, he laid the wheel flat and pressed down using his bare feet. The repairs, including a very grateful tip, cost £2 and saved the day.

We returned heading uphill, through evergreen forests, deciduous forests, tropical rain forests and mountain rain forests with wonderful vistas over the area. The Wachiratharn waterfalls dropped 100ft over a steep cliff and made a deafening roar with the heavy monsoon water . There were numerous rainbows in the mist. The mountains are famous for their perpetual fog and we climbed through the mist to the summit for no view whatsoever. We got soaked in the process and had another problem. The steep inclines and our combined weight had drained our petrol tank (we could only get up in 2nd gear) and we were on empty with 45km to get back to the nearest garage. There was only one solution. Freewheel in neutral all the way down. With the steep descents, we picked up speeds of 90kph plus - not fun with the bends, but fortunately there was little traffic. We reached the garage on fumes but made it.

Back in the suburbs of Chiang Mai, Jo had a result. She spotted a Tesco's Superstore. What the hell was that doing here? We had previously found one in Tashkent, Uzbekistan (Central Asia), which was a surprise. It was like a home from home, except the prices were in Baht and catered for the Thai customer. The fish counter was enormous with tanks of live fish, lobster and shrimp that you scooped out with a net. The gigantic superstore all seemed too civilised for me. It sold absolutely everything. There was a wall of 300 TVs all tuned to the same channel which was impressive.

We rented the scooter again and headed for Doi Suthep, 16km outside town. Another lovely twisting road through forests, up a 1000m hill, with fine views over the city. On top, stood the beautiful Wat Phra That Doi Suthep - Northern Thailand's holiest shrine which takes its pre-eminence from the magic relic (they all seem to have one - Buddha's bones, dust, pubic hairs etc) enshrined in its chedi and the legend of its founding. Apparently, a white elephant, with the 'relic' tied to its back was followed to see where it ended up. It eventually climbed the hill, trumpeted 3 times, turned around 3 times, knelt down and died (I'm not surprised after that bloody climb!). Ever since, it has been northern Thailand's most important place of pilgrimage.

We climbed a flight of 300 nagger (serpents) flanked steps to the upper terrace which had lines of huge bells around the complex for pilgrims to ring. "Probably the most harmonious piece of temple architecture in Thailand, a dazzling combination of red, green and gold" (Rough Guide), it was indeed a fine sight. The chedi was a sparkling 16C gold plated beacon, surrounded by golden Buddhas everywhere. The kind of place with so much ornateness, that it cannot be captured properly on film. There were many pilgrims praying to assorted shrines and it was a very tranquil place (apart from the bells!). To enter the temple, I had to remove my shoes and don a pair of baggy Thai trousers. These looked so good on me, that in the market nearby, I bought 3 colourful pairs to send home.

Later, we attempted to find the rarely visited ruins of Wiang Kum Kam. No wonder. There were no signs and we never found them, but it was enjoyable to potter around the quiet roads and I ended up giving Jo her first motorbike lesson.

One of Chiang Mai's highlights is the 'Evening Market' - a huge affair of stalls set up along many roads, mostly geared to the tourist market. We bought heaps of clothes and enjoyed the easygoing banter of stallowners. The other highlight for me was a kebab stall we frequented every night. For 8p a kebab, you got pork/beef, onion, pineapple and tomato. I'm sad to report that one night, I ate 20 of these! I had had a shock on the scales arriving back in Thailand. I had gained 12 lbs. since leaving India 3 months ago. Admittedly it was only a third of the weight I had lost, but an indication of the excellent food and beer in SE Asia. So cheap, you just can't turn it down. I love the soups, spring rolls, kebabs and, er, beer.

We headed south to Sukhothai by bus. The forested hills were the last decent scenery we would see in Northern Thailand. After Sukhothai it looked like any US/Australian build up of boring small towns. We originally intended to stay the night in Lampang so that we could visit an elephant orphanage the next day. But the town was a non-descript conurbation of extreme ugliness and having failed to secure accommodation or a motorbike we decided to push on. It rained all day, so it was a good time to travel.

Sukhothai was equally non-descript, but at least it had an UNESCO World Heritage site nearby. The rain let up long enough for us to find a guesthouse, before an all night torrential downpour started. There is nothing so depressing as arriving in a new place where all market stalls are covered from the rain and you can't explore. Monsoon weather had caught us up.

We were up at 6am the next day to visit the ruins. "For a brief but brilliant 150 years (1238-1376), the walled city of Sukhothai presided as the capital of Thailand, creating the legacy of an unified nation of Thai peoples and a phenomenal artistic heritage. Now an impressive assembly of elegant ruins, it has grown into one of Thailand's most visited ancient sites" (Rough Guide).

But not at 7.30am. We caught a bus to the site, rented bicycles and sneaking through a side entrance, we had the ruins to ourselves. At its prime, old Sukhothai boasted some 40 separate temple complexes and covered 70-km sq. This early in the morning, we had the most impressive site - "Wat Mahathat" all to ourselves and it was most atmospheric. Containing the King's temple, this was the spiritual epicentre of the city. It was a jumble of brick remains, old plaster Buddhas and the central 'chedi' in 'lotus bud' design (representing the purity of Buddha's thoughts battling through the clammy swamps and finally bursting into flower - sounds like Alan Greenspan's economic policies).

We pedalled around the other ruins as tour groups arrived. Despite the overcast skies, there were lovely reflections of the trees and temples on the surface of the water. The original planners had a keen aesthetic sense using water to offset and reflect the solid monochrome contours of the stone temples. It was all a bit too tidy but a lovely early morning excursion. We caught an old wooden 'songthaew' back to town (a wooden pickup truck where you sat on benches in the back) and caught a bus to Ayutthya. Or intended to. It never stopped and we ended back in Bangkok that night.

Back in familiar territory. The streets were swarming with tourists at the end of the summer season. The tourists don't seem to smile in Bangkok and were very offish, unlike the Thai locals who seemed pretty happy. You just have to smile at them, and their faces burst into a grin. Maybe the tourists were trying to play cool. Maybe they were bewildered. Holed up in our regular guesthouse, dogs howled, and cats screamed into the night. Thailand seems to have an extraordinary number of dogs. Most seem strays relying on handouts. Apparently, they are eaten on the eastern border. The cats all have their tails doctored, but I haven't see "cats tail soup" on the menu anywhere.

Bangkok meant business. Not exciting stuff but necessary before we parted our ways at the end of the week. I was awaiting the arrival on my Welsh friend Paul, who despite reading the antics of Patrick in Nepal, had decided to take a shot at travelling with me for 7 weeks. He would arrive from London, the day before Jo left for Sydney.

Jo had also had toothache for weeks and decided to visit a dentist. The dentist worked on the streets with just a reclining chair and a torch. No, I'm kidding. She had a professional consultation, 2 fillings repaired and was told to get some root canal work done in Australia. We also had to travel miles to British Airways to pick up Jo's ticket. Boy, did we know the bus system well, but seemed to be the only tourists using it. Everyone else used motorised rickshaws, but the buses are constant and cost less than 1p a ride. With a 33'C daily temp and extremely humid conditions (it rained everyday), the Bangkok traffic and weather left us drained most of the time.

We caught a bus down to Chinatown for a wander before viewing the Golden Buddha at Wat Traimet (see Thailand Part 1). It was closed on our first visit. This was the largest Buddha in the world made of gold in the world - 16ft high, 12.5 ft wide and weighing over 5 tons. It was remarkable. Like liquid gold.

I was not able to steal it so we tried the "Buddhist fortune teller" machine instead. You inserted a small coin, and a little red light went round a circle of numbers. When it stopped, you took the relevant number/fortune from a stack of numbered pigeon holes underneath. I drew No 22 which said " Successful in anything (naturally), but trading is the best. Forthcoming child will be a baby boy (news to me!). Your mate will make a good match (not after 10 months on the road together!). Lost articles will be recovered (I can claim on my camera disaster?). Very good luck approaching (I'm a free man from Sunday). Patient fast recovering (my stomach?). Outstanding debts will be refunded. (all right - cough up, whoever you are). Overall, this one is especially good".

We did a day excursion back up to Ayutthya by express train. You can't fault the service of the information stands at the train station. After buying our tickets and passing the time by wandering around, they would leap out and ask where we were going and attempt to drag us to the relevant platform. 90 minutes later. Catching a ferry across the river from the train station, we walked into the site of ancient temples arranged in a leafy riverine setting and full of day-tripper tour groups.

"In its heyday, as the booming capital of the Thai kingdom, Ayutthya was so well endowed with temples that sunlight reflecting off their gilt decorations was said to dazzle from three miles way" (Rough Guide). But not nowadays. Everything got stolen by invading Burmese armies and it was also very overcast. The piles of red brick foundations could have been built anytime, anywhere. To be honest, apart from the sporadic Buddha statutes, it could have been the remains of an English factory from the 19th Century. The foundations had sunk into the marshy ground and been warped in shape (more cowboy builders!).

Ayutthaya ("invincible" - I think not), was founded by King U Thong in 1351 (sounds like an American DIY underwear hauling company) to exploit trading routes between India and China. It replaced Sukhothai (see above) to become the new Thai capital. By 1685, one million people lived here (double London's population at the same time, but I'd like to see the evidence). In 1767, it all came to an end when the Burmese invaded and blew it to pieces. These are the remains. The capital was subsequently moved to Bangkok (because it had Tescos and Boots).

I found the ruins rather non-descript and the most fun we had was sneaking in over fences to avoid the admission charges to each ruin. I climbed to the top of the highest remaining 'prang' for a view over the site, while a security guard blew wildly on his whistle for me to get down (ok - come and get me). We also found the serene Buddha stone head which had become nestled in the embrace of a bo tree's roots. A herd of decorated elephants were mobilised to give the tourists their token elephant ride.

The towering Wat Ratburana was built in 1424, by a king to commemorate his two elder brothers who had managed to kill each other in an elephant back duel over the succession to the throne. What did they yell at each other "Elephants at dawn!"?

The only untouched site was the Wat Na Phra Mane built in 1503 which showed the distinctive features of Ayutthayan architecture - outside columns topped with lotus buds and slits in the wall instead of windows to let the wind in (or out if they ate a lot of Thai food!). It survived because a Burmese cannon blew up here, mortally wounding their king and prompted their retreat ('Run away, run away!'). They took it as a bad omen and let it be.

What does make the daytrip worthwhile is the Bang Pa-In Palace 20km away. It developed as a Royal Palace retreat for 19th Century Thai kings and is an eccentric melange of European, Thai and Chinese architectural styles. We avoided the admission charge by walking in a side entrance (are we cheap or what?) past an armed guard who probably thought we were lost from a tour group.

Set in manicured grounds on an island and based around an ornamental lake, the royal residence was called Warophat Phiman ("(most) Excellent and Shining Heavenly Abode (dude!)"). Other great names were "The King of the Gods Goes Forth Gate" and the "Divine Seat of Personal Freedom". It is actually still a crime in Thailand to insult the Royal Family. They are very popular especially since they have had nine continuous generations of the blighters. In Bangkok, there were endless portraits of the Queen who was having her 60th birthday celebrations. Some flattering photos and some not so flattering (guess those water tablets aren't working).

Armed soldiers guarded the complex because it is still a Royal residence. We watched them 'changing the guard'. I'm sorry to report that it was a display of small 5ft tall Thai soldiers with a strange kind of 'gay' salute, where their right arms flayed out in a "get away, you are awful but I like you" gesture. If you've seen the 'Monty Python' gay troops scene you know what I'm talking about. They could have swapped their rifles held by their left arm with handbags. Naturally I didn't report my observation to them. They had bloody big guns!

The strangest sensation was the piped 'Big Band' music from the 1940s music everywhere.. I kept looking for a trolley to do my supermarket shopping. It changed into Irish folk music and I kept expecting James Galway to come trundling past in his wheelchair, flute at mouth. I suppose it keeps the troops awake and is pleasant enough.

I thoroughly recommend the place, especially the lawn covered in a herd of full size topiary elephants pruned from hedges. There were lions and cows too. David Attenborough never saw these! Outside, we passed a Wat with the 'longest word in the Thai dictionary award'. It was called (taking a breath) "Wat Chumpolnigayaramrajworawihara". I didn't even try saying it.

Back in Bangkok, we visited the National Museum one morning and attended an excellent "free English tour". The Museum was formerly a Royal Palace for the 'succeeding prince" to the Thai throne and was a wonderful array of picturesque buildings up the road from the Grand Palace. Our female Dutch guide had lived in the city for 6 years and was an expert on Thai history and the Buddhist culture. She pointed out the architectural symbolism of Wat temples and in the Buddhaisawan Chapel (Royal Chapel), took us through the 200 year murals illustrating the life of Buddha. It all put our reading and sites into context and we couldn't get enough.

We were told about the "birth, death and rebirth" concept of betterment, whereby Buddhist followers try to lead a good life, so in the next life, they rise a level towards enlightenment. There are 500 levels so don't get impatient. One of the ways to better themselves is to give the Buddhist monks free food in the morning. We had seen this 'giving of alms' throughout Myanmar, Cambodia, Vietnam, Laos and Thailand. Monks have no money and rely on handouts (except Laos where they have enough money to use email).

She also told us about the 'animalism' religious tradition of Thai people, where they believe that 'spirits' inhabit every place. When they move into a house, they set up an altar to the "neighbourhood spirit" and place edible offerings for it on a regular basis. By doing so, they are telling the spirit that while they have taken over the space, the spirit is still welcome to stay. We had seen these everywhere. Even within the Museum grounds, a man had set up a vast collection of fruits and an entire pig's head for the spirit. If I can only disguise myself as a spirit, I could get free food for life. Unfortunately beer was not on the table.

We viewed the artefacts found at Sukhothai and Ayutthya and the Royal 'funeral chariots'. These were fantastically golden 45ft tall, 40 tonne wooden structures and elaborate affairs dripping with dragons which were pulled by 300 men. When a member of the Royal Family dies, their body is sealed in an urn for nine months before taken by one of these chariots to the Royal cremation site. The last one was used in 1986 to cremate a Queen Mother. The procession is apparently colourful but very slow. It takes 5 days to cover about a mile to the cremation site! (bring your sleeping bags!).

We visited the "red light" district one afternoon. Not exactly "happening". It was a sterile collection of bars with dancers and assorted sexual goings on, but not at 2pm. The area was full of McDonalds, KFC and Pizza huts and strangely enough, all the international air travel carriers. .

Bangkok is 'sinking' at a rate of 5cm a year. It could be below sea level by 2050, so get here soon. Everyone seems to hate Bangkok, but we enjoyed the reliable amenities available to us and spent far too much. You can rush around the place in two days to see the major sites, or enjoy it over a few days. It was much nicer than reports led us to believe, and after India, it was a godsend. They get 10 million tourists a year and we seemed to have been the only people to never have visited Thailand.

When Paul got off the bus from the airport, I didn't recognise him, because he'd shaved his head for the trip. He didn't recognise me, because apparently, I had lost "half my body weight" since he last saw me in 1999. I had originally met Paul on a boat trip on the River Nile in Egypt, back in 1995 and with his brother Steve, I had been inducted into how the "Welsh" travel - i.e. creating chaos wherever they go. We had remained firm friends ever since and had done a lot of walking in the Welsh mountains. He had just given up running a pub after 3 years and decided to join me on my travels for a couple of months.

We spent the day orientating him to Bangkok. In the evening we paid a visit to the red light district of Pat Pong, which was full of neon lights, street markets and gaggles of tiny attractive Thai "girlies" hanging around the bars with numbers pinned to their chests. I'll have a number 4 tonight! We peered into the bars to see nearly naked girls grinding away on the bar tops to music, but chickened out of sampling a sex show (what would my mother think?).

The following day, we bid farewell to Jo who was flying to Sydney later in the day and jumped on a bus to Phetchaburi about 3 hours south of Bangkok. It gets few tourists, but had a fabulous temple that looked like the Rockefeller Centre in New York. Three vertical towers went straight up and dominated the town centre. Beneath the main one was a temple covered in murals and a series of dazzling golden Buddhas within. We visited the "Evening Market" where we gorged on cheap street food. It was nice to visit an ordinary Thai town after Bangkok. The locals were friendly and there wasn`t a tourist in sight.

We were headed for the island of Koh Tao. To get there, we caught a bus to Chumphon, a non descript provincial town and waited for a midnight ferry to take us across to the island. We were drinking beers outside a shop in the evening, when we were invited into the house next door. There, in the concrete lounge, a man sat on the floor with 4 off duty firemen, drinking strong Thai whiskey. We spent an enjoyable hour with them, despite the fact that noone could speak English. They just seemed content to keep our glasses full. Paul was already appreciating Thai food and hospitality. At the ferry terminal, we met a Dutchman - a scuba diving instructor who had ridden his motorbike overland from Holland. We swapped travel experiences and it was interesting to hear that he felt exactly the same about every country I had visited.

The midnight ferry was a small wooden affair, loaded to the gills with supplies for the island. There was a long wooden platform, under cover, where you could stretch out and sleep and we joined a dozen people to sleep in a long line. There was an almighty thunderstorm and the boat was tossed about the stormy seas, but we slept through the terrible gale thanks to the whiskey.

We arrived at Koh Tao's harbour - Ban Mae Hat, as the sun rose about 5.30am. Koh Tao is a small mountainous island of 21 sq. km of granite. It is called "Turtle Island' because its coastline resembles a turtle diving. The East Coast (turtle's shell) is full of secluded caves, the West Coast (underbelly) is a long curve of beautiful beach facing Ko Nang Yuan - a scenic Y-shaped group of islands offshore. Beautiful blue water and excellent coral reefs surround the island. Consequently, it has made scuba diving it's principal tourist industry and the competition has forced the prices down to the lowest in SE Asia.

I expected to find a fully developed ugly tourist scene, but was pleasantly surprised to find a laid back place of smiling faces, small villages (less than 1000 people on the island) and essential tourist facilities but nothing overwhelming. The beaches were almost spotless. They even had a volunteer "Tidy up the beach day", and since it was the low season, just the right number of tourists. No 'penguin colonies' as I call beaches covered in tourists. Noone bothered you on the beach either which was very refreshing. Prices on the island were inevitably higher than on the mainland and the food was very western orientated, but it was very affordable.

A local woman offered us a beach bungalow a few kilometres up the West Coast from the harbour and we found ourselves staying at the beautiful Haad Sai Ree Bay. A 2 km sandy beach, hemmed in by 1000m hills completely covered in tropical jungle and a series of bungalows and palm trees on the beach. The beach was deserted at 7am as we swam, jogged along the sand and played Frisbee. We found a beach restaurant on a wooden platform by the beach, where you could lay back on reclining cushions and just relax and this became our main port of call for meals. Grilled barracuda fish and Thai curries were excellent.

We decided to spend a couple of days walking around the island, before enrolling on a PADI Open Water Scuba Diving Course. It was very hot and sunny as we climbed up a trail to the "Two Views" mountain (930m) from where we could see both east and west coasts. Away from the beach, there was virtually no inhabitation. We descended to the East Coast and found an isolated idyllic bay called Laem Thian with a dramatic tiered promontory, where we swam in the warm clear water and sunbathed (as you do). Then a long trudge back to the West coast. We hit one of the bars in the evening, but leaving Paul at midnight, it took me 90 minutes to find our bungalow 15 mins up the beach. In pitch-black darkness, all the bungalows looked the same. After all those months of travelling, I got lost in a 2 km long bay. Good one Bob.

The following day, we attempted to climb the highest mountain on the island, but there was no trail and we spent 3 hours thrashing our way up through untamed impenetrable jungle, insects, thorn bushes, creepers, rotting trees and huge boulders. In extreme heat, it was exhausting and streams of sweat poured off us. We became very dehydrated but nearly reached the top where a vertical cliff prevented a final ascent. No view through the dense vegetation. It was just as bad coming down. We couldn't find our original path (because there wasn't one) and just battled our way down to the sea. After a relaxing dip, a sorry pair of trekkers, suffering from bouts of cramp, covered in cuts and bruises, staggered back to the beach like two Japanese ex POWs who had just emerged from hiding in the jungle. We were exhausted and didn't think we'd have the energy to start a scuba diving course. That evening, there was a spectacular sunset of vivid red, orange and yellow. It was so peaceful at night. A few bars played music, but generally just the sound of the sea bathed your ears. We were, however, eaten alive by red fire ants in our beds.

We had enrolled with 'Planet Scuba', which I had been recommended. The 4 day course cost £134 including 5 dives, and we were given free bungalow accommodation near their office (a relief to leave the ants!) at the same bay. I had always wanted to try scuba diving but the costs had always put me off. Now was my chance to get a little deeper than my snorkelling efforts. Our instructor was a loud friendly German girl called Kathy. There were another German couple from Koln on the course - Pascal and Sandra and they were good fun. We all gelled into a great team. The following lengthy account may be technical, but it`s what we did.

The course starts with 5 modules covering the various aspects of what we had to learn. We would watch a video and then Cathy (with nearly 1000 dives under her belt) would lecture us on various technicalities - equipment, procedures, safety, dive tables, navigation, planning our dives etc. We would be given a simple test after each informal lecture. We also had a large textbook each and had to read various chapters and fill in Review Questionnaires. The first day was all academic, which suited our very sore bodies.

The following morning, we continued with the academic stuff and after a light lunch, we were taken by pickup to the harbour where the main office was. Here we were given our equipment - wetsuit, mask, snorkel, flippers and Buoyancy Control Device - BCD (like a lifejacket that you can inflate/deflate on the surface). We were taken out to one of their boats - 'Whaleshark I' and sped off to Mango Bay. Cathy took us through the equipment and we donned our gear, along with a weightbelt and a heavy canister of oxygen strapped to our backs connected by an 'octopus' of rubber pipes connected to our respirator and BCD. When the boat moored, we did a final check of our equipment to make sure everything worked (esp the air supply). Then one by one, we stood on the edge of the boat and stepped into the water, inflating our BCD to keep us afloat. We were joined by two American girls - trainee 'Dive Masters' to help us underwater on our first dive.

The first stage of actual diving is to stick the respirator in your mouth, and deflate your BCD. You start to sink underwater. The most important rule is to breathe continuously and steadily. No holding your breath! As you sink, you pinch your nose and blow to 'equalise' the pressure that builds up in your sinuses. When we reached the sandy bottom - only 10m below, we swam around to get used to everything. Then we went through a set of exercises. Everything is communicated by sign language underwater. Cathy would demonstrate something and then each of us would have a go. The exercises included clearing the mask of water (blowing through your nose), taking our respirator away and finding it again while exhaling air, grabbing the alternate air supply from our 'buddy' and learning underwater communication. As we did the exercises, colourful fish would come up to investigate. The water was very clear and visibility was excellent.

We swam into deeper water, learnt to 'streamline' (travel though the water horizontally without using your arms), 'hovering' (floating in the same place underwater, just using your breathing to control your position). After 35 minutes we rose to the surface. I found the whole underwater experience very natural. No panic. Just keep breathing slowly. It is completely silent underwater and it seems timeless, but you have to keep an eye on your air gauge on a regular basis to make sure you know how long you have. It was more difficult to get the equipment assembly right. Our final test that day was a swimming test, where we had to swim a few hundred metres - strange, considering we had already been underwater already! Back on the boat, we learnt to dis-assemble our gear and headed back to port. Back on land, we washed the gear and had it stored. All these procedures would become very familiar to us. We were exhausted and asleep by 9pm.

On the third morning, we completed the final module and took a Final Test. I was pleased to get 49 out of 50. (Paul got 7 - only kidding!). That afternoon, we had a repeat performance of kit, boat, headed for Mango Bay again, got ready, final check and entered the water for a controlled descent to 12m and spent 40 minutes underwater, just following Cathy to explore the coral reefs. Other groups of scuba divers passed us. I was able to practise my buoyancy techniques. On the bottom, we repeated some of yesterday's exercises, but with no example beforehand. We had to remember without prompting. To reach the surface, we had to practise a no-air-supply ascent, whereby Paul took his respirator out of his mouth, grabbed my spare one and we ascended together, holding each other`s arm, with Paul using my air supply to breath.

Back on the boat, we had an hour's rest. Depending on the depth/length of your dive, you have to let the Nitrogen dissipate from your body. There were hot drinks, biscuits and fruit to replace energy and warm us up, although it was very hot in the sun and the water was warm near the surface. We switched to new air tanks but didn't strap the gear on. Instead, we just jumped in with mask and fins and Cathy threw us our equipment and we had to put it on in the water and go through all the checks. Which was interesting! We headed underwater for another 30 minutes, learnt to use a compass underwater and explored the coral reefs. Paul and I seemed to be naturals underwater (Mr Modest!). Back on the boat, we were given our official logbooks to record our first two proper dives.

On the final morning, we sailed round to the picturesque aem Thian Bay for our deepest dive so far. We descended to 18m for 38 minutes and just went diving. Practising our buoyancy techniques and looking at the fish and coral. Before we ascended, we did a 3 minute `safety check` where you hover at 5m for 3 minutes to let the nitrogen leave your bodies before you finally surface. As we relaxed back on the boat, we headed for Shark Island and replaced our air tanks. As we were about to descend, Paul pointed out that I did not have my respirator in my mouth. I had started to descend by holding my breath with no air supply. Lack of concentration. Doh! We dove to 12 m for 35 minutes to practise navigation skills underwater. And that was the course. On the returning boat, we were congratulated on passing it.

We had enjoyed it so much, that we had already enrolled on the Advanced Course where you do five more specialised dives to learn new skills and improve your underwater performance (£100). We were already booked to do a Night Dive that night with Kathy. 3 dives in one day! Consequently, we relaxed on the beach until we re-boarded the boat at sunset. Four of us were doing it. A Thai girl called Pom and a Kiwi girl joined us. We motored into the sunset to Three Rocks while Cathy explained the use of powerful torches underwater. It would be pitch black and our only form of communication and knowing where anyone else was our torch. We suited up under a full moon, took a compass bearing and descended 10m for 40min attempting to use our compasses to keep to the planned dive. It was very disorientating to dive with zero visibility. We saw very few fish, just a couple of colourful ParrotFish asleep in the coral. But it was an experience. We managed to stay in contact with each other, though I had no idea who was near or behind me. We celebrated by going down to a bar for farewell drinks with our German diving friends who were flying home, and other people we had met over the previous days. A heavy cocktail session commenced which left Paul very hung over in the morning, and did he suffer.

We had the morning off, and Paul slept till noon (luxury!). We were down at the harbour for 1pm to board WhaleShark II with two decks and many more divers on board. We headed for ow Luek Bay Paul was still hung over. We had our Advanced Navigation Dive to do and our Dive Instructor, a friendly Brit called Chris, went over the details and what we would be trying to achieve underwater. We descended 10m for 40 minutes to a sandy bottom to go through some exercises ・going in a straight line for 50m and back, and then attempting to swim a square of 25m each side, returning to base. To estimate your distance, you counted your fin kicks ・one complete fin kick equalled 1 metre. We did the first exercise ok ・Paul held the compass and I counted my fin kicks. Then we did the same exercise with me holding the compass. I even managed to complete a square with the compass, while Paul counted fin kicked. But when Paul came to do his square, the night before took its toll and he lost his bearings. We had to surface to find Chris since we didn`t have a clue where he was (thanks Paul!). After we reunited at the surface, we descended for a second attempt and Paul buggered up again! Lost after only two sides. A lesson learnt about drinking the night before a dive, and he was telling me beforehand, that he had won the Duke of Edinburgh Award for Compass Reading. All lies I think.

For our second dive, it was one of our own choices. Paul had opted for the underwater-motorised engine (DVD) which propelled you underwater at a rate of 4 knots an hour. It was like holding onto the back of a small lawnmower and being hauled behind horizontally (James Bond stuff). I had opted for the more conservative Peak Buoyancy Performance Dive whereby I descended with an instructor who fine-tuned my ability to remain virtually motionless underwater anywhere I wanted by controlling my breathing ・exhaling and inhaling. He stuck a knife sticking up from the seabed and I had to do fin pivots over it (like doing press-ups without your arms) without touching it. Then he stuck it in the sand and I had to place a finger on the top of the handle and stay there for a minute without losing touch. All done by breathing. I learnt to go into a vertical position and hover along the seabed with only a couple of inches to spare. I learnt to do somersaults and backflips and close up hovering to coral beds. My instructor would give me an example and I attempted the same. Some attempts were successful. Others left me completely disorientated (backward somersaults). But it was good fun and put me in good stead for future dives.

On our final day of the course, Chris had told us to stay off the beer, because we would be making a deep-water dive of 28m (nearly 100ft). Nitrogen Narcosis (poisoning of the brain, leaving you thinking much slower) can be a problem and also decompression sickness if you ascend from the bottom too quickly. We had to be alert at all times. Whaleshark II was packed with divers today and it was difficult to move putting your gear on. On deck, Chris ran through the dive and said he would conduct an experiment of how the brain is affected by pressure underwater. He had a child`s plastic ball with shapes cut out and we had to place the pieces inside the ball. Paul did it in 25 seconds. I embarrassed myself taking 59 seconds (the slowest ever apparently). We were taken out to the underwater 全outhWest Pinnacle・・out in the middle of nowhere, but the deepest part of the coastline.

We made the lengthy descent slowly (18 metres a minute maximum), continually equalising the pressure. On the seabed, we repeated the ball exercise. I was only a second behind Paul`s 43 seconds. Nitrogen Narcosis obviously helped my brain underwater. We then dived around the towering Pinnacle Rock and saw huge colourful Angelfish and a 4ft Gruba sheltering in a cave and a baby shark. Visibility was excellent and it was an amazing dive. We could only stay at the bottom for 10 minutes and the dive only lasted 25 minutes since you use up a lot more air the deeper you go. The idea is to breathe as slowly as possible and use the least amount of exertion by good buoyancy techniques. Inevitably, Paul, the Boy Wonder flashed around oblivious, until Chris did a air gauge check and Paul was almost empty and we still had to surface 20m with a 5 minute safety stop at 5m. Emergency action. Chris gave Paul his emergency air supply respirator and the two of them made an ascent to the surface. Fortunately, Chris had plenty of air left (as did I), but it was another lesson learnt. A very sheepish looking Paul cowered from the piss takes on board. Doh!

We took a rest as the boat sped to White Rock for our final dive of Advanced Photography・ Essentially, this was just us renting a camera each and shooting up a film underwater in 40 minutes at 14m. But it was also the first dive we had to plan on our own and do on our own without any Dive Instructor in charge. You always make a second dive to a shallower depth than the first. We descended and explored the huge coral reefs. Fabulous visibility, colours and loads of fish. We concentrated on snapping stationary objects ・since buoyancy control is vital to hold the camera steady. I was able to put my advanced techniques into practise, but occasionally, I forgot where I was and big black prickly sea urchins would burn my unprotected legs. Ouch. We did a safety stop, but never made it back to the boat, ending up on the surface 100m away (more crappy navigational skills). We had completed our Advanced Course.

Scuba Diving is very addictive. We did 9 dives in 5 days and it got to the point, where I couldn`t remember doing anything else. Our PADI qualifications would allow us to dive anywhere in the world and go onto even more specialised courses. Very recommended. I would also definitely recommend this island if you want a good mixture of piece and quiet, some nightlife but mainly the lovely beaches/coral and obviously the diving courses.

With only 7 days left on my Thai visa, it was time to leave Koh Tao straight from the final dive. We caught an afternoon express boat across the blue water with flying fish leaping over the surface to the next island called Koh Phangan which lay 2 hours south. From a distance it looked just like Koh Tao but is larger with even less people. It is famous for its monthly Full Moon party which had occurred when we were diving. From the harbour of Throng Sala, we caught a pickup across the unmade (Cambodian standard), sandy, twisting jungle lanes of the island to the East Coast to a beach that someone had recommended "if you want a quiet beach to yourselves". Sure enough, the secluded beach of Ao Thong Nai Pan Yai was virtually deserted.

We got a beach bungalow (more like a garden shed on stilts) at the end of the beach at a small resort. There were only 4 people staying there. We spent two nights there, and a lazy day on the beach ・reading, Frisbee, swimming, sunbathing etc. Fishing longboats were moored on the deserted sandy beach. We had the beach to ourselves and noone bothered us. It would have been a great beach for a romantic holiday, but I was stuck with Paul. Prices were higher than on Koh Tao, but we were in a completely isolated spot with minimal facilities. On our second evening, we drank and chatted to two Dublin girls ・Janet and Caroline who had spent an idyllic week there but had to fly home back to boring jobs. Unlucky.

The four of us joined a few other tourists who seemed to have appeared from nowhere to catch an 8am longboat ferry to the largest island of Ko Samui two hours further south. This was the major tourist island on this coast and as soon as we arrived, I knew it wasn`t my scene. Tourist facilities everywhere; so non-descript, that I could have been in Spain, Cyprus or Greece. I had expected all Thai islands to be like this, but it was a shock when it happened. Our songthaew (pickup) full of travellers dropped the two Irish girls at the airport for their flight to Bangkok. Paul and I finally got dropped at the most popular East Coast beach called Chaweng. Penguin colonies of tourists crowded the narrow beach. Jet skies zoomed around. This was definitely Essex People country. British people on their summer holidays somewhere more exotic than Spain but you wouldn`t know the difference. Pubs with names like Faulty Towers and the Red Lion with English soccer matches on TV and English breakfasts.

We got a dingy bungalow in a resort away from the beach. More demand meant higher prices and we attempted to do this place as cheaply as possible. We spent 2 nights here, spending the days lying on sunbeds on the beach reading and fending off the endless locals trying to sell henna tattoos, clothes, food, drums etc. It rained most of the second afternoon. We didn`t talk to another tourist in 2 days. It was all couples and groups. Compared to the other tow islands, this was hell in comparison. The bars in the evening were full of young Thai girls attempting to pick up western men. Cat calling you as you walked past (At least I now know Thai for "Hey! Big Boy!". On the second night, Paul went to a Thai Boxing evening. It was "ike watching small children fight"he concluded. It rained all night.

We fled Ko Samui early the following morning. Our songthaew picked up various backpackers en route to the port of Nathan on the West Coast to catch the 8am boat. We met up with three girls - Welsh Lottie, Australian Anthea and English Laura. To get the ferry to the mainland, you had to get on a coach at the end of the pier, get driven aboard the car ferry and get off the bus. Then when it arrived, two hours later, you got on the bus and were driven off the boat and on inland 50km to the town of Surat Thani which was the transportation hub. It was still pouring with rain.

Paul and I were undecided what to do. I had 3 days left on my visa. We tossed a coin and decided to check out Phuket on the West Coast of the mainland to see if the famous `Vegetarian Festival` had started. This is where locals walk around with rods of steel stuck through their cheeks and mouths. The 3 girls were all headed for the island of Ko Phi Phi via Phuket. So we all teamed up and headed for Phuket by bus through the pouring rain. It turned out that the Festival wasn`t due to start for 4 days and we just didn`t have the time to hang around. Phuket sells itself on its beaches and the `James Bond` islands, where various movies were filmed. But they must have all looked crap in the rain.

In unceasing morning rain, Paul and I headed south by bus to Hat Yai the "Gateway to Malaysia". The girls headed for Ko Phi Phi, but in this weather, I was glad we weren`t going. It would rain for the next four days; almost continually. We passed wonderful scenery of towering limestone pinnacles covered in mist and vegetation. We could smell the coconut groves outside the bus. About 8 hours later around 4pm, we rolled into Hat Yai and caught a local bus to the Malaysia border ・60km and a staggeringly slow 2 and a half-hours to get there. As darkness fell, another torrential thunderstorm descended and flooded our road. A foot of water soon lay in across it.

We were dropped next to the border crossing ・a modern, western concrete affair with channels for trucks, buses and cars and were stamped out of Thailand. I had had a great 6 weeks in total in Thailand and feel I did everything I came to do. Obviously, there are loads of islands you can visit (I never saw Leonardo De Capico on Koh Phi Phi doing `The Beach`. 'Somewhere on this planet, there must be someone who can act!') but I think I had a good cross section. I don`t need to sell Thailand. Everyone has already been there. It was comfortable and nice, almost boring, but a great place to relax in between more taxing countries. Most importantly, they have Tescos and Boots!

Costs in Thailand for 28 days (in British Pounds Sterling)

Travel - £42.18
Accommodation - £41.26
Food - £120.90
Other - £457.62 (inc £133 for new camera, £132 for Beginners Scuba diving course and £100.60 for Advanced course)
Total - £667

Grand Total - £5006.73