Part 3

Chris heaved another sigh as he once again returned his gaze to the familiar landscape in front of him, and away from that of the young boy plodding behind him. Larabee might not be quite the sucker that Buck was when it came to seeing an unhappy expression on either of J.D.'s or Vin's face, but it still brought sadness to his own heart to no longer witness enthusiasm sparkling in Vin's blue eyes. Chris still fully believed that once they arrived in Eagle Bend, and Vin was met with the glitter and splendor of the town's festive atmosphere, that bright, shy smile would return. And the boy would have a wonderful time taking in all the sights, smells and tastes of Christmastime that Eagle Bend was quickly becoming renowned for within the territory.

Not surprisingly, it hadn't taken long for the harsh reality of Buck and J.D.'s absence from their little adventure to sink in for Vin. As soon as their homestead had disappeared from view, Chris noted a marked change in the boy's demeanor. The delighted and still somewhat uncharacteristic chatter that had been the morning's norm had been replaced by sadness and perhaps even regret.

Although Vin was clearly missing his cousin and newly adopted 'uncle' already, Chris was determined to make this trip to Eagle Bend worth the young boy's while. And even before they reached their destination, Chris was certain he'd be able to lift the youngster's spirits.

The two shared a love of nature and whenever together on the trail, Vin always relished the opportunity to learn from his guardian everything and anything related to the great outdoors. From reading tracks, to identifying trees and rocks and animals, Vin's mind became a sponge much like the one housed in the cherubic head of his younger cousin.

In just a short while, once they reached the fork in the road that divided the trails to Eagle Bend and Four Corners and moved further into terrain unfamiliar to Vin, Larabee was certain he'd be able to hold Vin's attention and bring the inquisitive nature-loving boy to the fore.

It was the familiar, rather than the unknown however that finally brought some excitement and animation into the boy's being. "Look, Chris, it's Doc Nathan!" The youth shouted, pointing ahead to the silhouetted form of a rider traveling the road from Four Corners.

Chris couldn't help the small smile that quirked his lips as he yet again acknowledged the keen vision exhibited by the child. Once the boy's shout alerted him to the approaching rider, it still took a few seconds for Chris to confirm the horseman's identity for himself.

"Hi, Doc Nathan!" Vin greeted his friend happily as he approached Chris and Vin at the junction of the roads, a broad smile brightening his face.

"Mornin', Vin, Chris," Nathan greeted the pair, his expression still cheery, but his brow furrowed in confusion. "So, how's Buck doin'? Looks like you was able to talk sense into that fool head 'a his."

Chris responded with a snort. "Not like I had much say in the matter." Mindful of the wary blue eyes staring up at him as intently as Nathan's gaze, Chris chose his words carefully. "He's mighty stiff, Nathan. 'N sore. As much as he didn't want to admit it, guess he finally figured out for himself that goin' on this trip just wasn't gonna be possible."

Nathan nodded in understanding. "So is Nettie mindin' that miniature powder keg you left behind?"

"Un uh. J.D. stayed with Buck. He didn't wanna come with us no more." Vin answered before Chris had the chance to.

Chris winced at the dejection he heard in the boy's words, and at the startled glare Jackson shot his way. Hell, he wasn't stupid. He knew leaving J.D. behind with Buck was going to be hard on the man's back, but it wasn't exactly Buck's back that Chris was worried about. His best friend was as strong as a bull and, from the time Chris had known him – hell, from even before then, he had bounced back from worse with a hell of a lot less motivation to do so.

No, what concerned Chris and Buck more than anything right now was the still-grieving heart of a little five-year-old boy and that same tiny soul that had suffered an awful fright the day before.

Those concerns foremost in his mind, he addressed both Nathan and Vin with conviction in his voice. "J.D.'s just worried about Buck right now. You remember how scared he was yesterday, now don't ya?" At the boy's nod and barely whispered "yes," Chris continued. "That's right and I'm guessing that after what happened, sticking close to Buck is more important to him than this trip."

Vin still didn't look too happy, but Chris could see that he had gotten through to the boy. And he easily identified understanding dawning on Nathan's features too. Not only was the man gifted in healing, but his compassion for his fellow man and for innocents such as J.D. and Vin gave him great insight into their hearts and minds as well. Nathan was fully aware of how Buck's fall had affected J.D. the day before, and Chris's few words clearly hit home with him. He'd realize that the best medicine for Buck was simply focusing on something other than his own misery and, who best to turn his attention to than the child who claimed his heart?

"You know, Vin, I think Chris is right. And since I'm headin' out to your place now to check on Buck, I'll do my best to set J.D.'s mind at ease, all right?"

Jackson too could see that Vin was still struggling with his separation from his little cousin and Chris was grateful for the man's attempt to back up his words. "I'd be much obliged, Nathan."

"Me too," echoed Vin.

"Good. And you know what else?"

The bright smile Nathan wore now had Vin's full attention. "What's that, Uncle Nathan?"

"Well, I bet by the time you and Chris get back home, with Buck feelin' better but none too active, J.D.'ll be bored silly and mighty sorry that he missed all the fun you 'n Chris had in Eagle Bend. Ain't that right?"

At the boy's enthusiastic nod, Chris gave Nathan a grateful look. "Sure is," he replied. "But we had best get on our way, Nathan. Still got a fair ride in front of us."

"Well, I'll let you folks get on your way, but I had somethin' important I need to ask Vin."

Chris immediately tensed, wondering what important question Nathan would ask of his boy.

Vin responded with a simple, "Me?"

Jackson smiled at the incredulity in the boy's voice, but his own tone was very serious. "I just need to know if you and J.D. played with Eloise Potter in the last coupla days when you was in town."

"No, sir!" Vin answered – a little too quickly.

Knowing Vin and J.D.'s aversion to girls, one that Adam had shared as well, Chris normally would have laughed at the reaction, however the worried knot that had immediately formed in his gut at Nathan's question overrode any sense of frivolity. He could tell from the look on Jackson's face that something was going on in town. Choosing his words carefully for Vin's benefit once again, "Everything all right at the mercantile, Nathan?"

Relieved at Vin's news, Jackson's expression still showed a mixture of concern and confusion. "Can't rightly say. Might be dealin' with quinsy, but it's too soon to tell."

At Nathan's use of 'quinsy' Chris couldn't prevent his wince. Just hearing the word made swallowing difficult. He'd had it as a child and even now could remember how excruciating the ordeal had been. Fever so high, he'd been out of his head at times and a throat that had burned like it was set afire. But, even without the help of a doctor or healer of Nathan's caliber, he'd survived. Thanks to many a family remedy and his mama's stubborn willpower, Chris had lived.

Yet, he knew of other children who hadn't. Like most illness, quinsy usually struck hardest at the very young. Or the very weak. And with that realization the knot in his gut grew. For the recent widow's sake, Chris prayed that Eloise simply had a sore throat. And he sent up a second prayer for his boys, that they should never have to go through that ordeal at all.

Chris never had any cause to doubt Vin's word, but in order to ease his mind, he needed the reassurance and to hear the words again. Despite the trepidation in his heart, Chris kept his tone gentle, yet serious enough to convey the importance of the question. "Vin, you sure that neither you or J.D. have played with Eloise? It's all right to admit if you did, son."

+++++++

Vin had no idea why Chris and Doc Nathan were acting so serious all of a sudden. He had even less of an idea who or what this 'quincee' was, but he desperately wanted to ease their minds and wipe the worry off their faces. Then they could go on to Eagle Bend like they'd planned and make Chris happy like he was this morning.

'Course he and J.D. had been in Mrs. Potter's store a few times last week, but to confess that would spoil his and J.D.'s secret. Chris would ask him why they were in the mercantile alone and Vin couldn't tell an outright lie about it. Not this close to Christmas. And he didn't want to ruin the wonderful surprises Uncle Ezra had helped him and J.D. get for their new fathers.

They'd both been so excited and J.D. had been especially good and hadn't even hinted that their savings had bought a lot more than they'd ever imagined. Well, since Ezra had invested the money at two-hunderd precent innerest. Whatever that meant. Vin didn't know much about them money words, but their fancy-dressed friend said it was better than even the banks would give them! Uncle Ezra must have been right because they'd ended up with enough money to finish paying off their gifts (and get some candy whips too) and Uncle Ezra promised to keep the presents hid and safe for them 'til Christmas morning.

Besides, as many times as they'd been in Potter's store, he and J.D. avoided that pesky Eloise every chance they got. She was a 'girl', after all. Wore dresses and everything. And she drove both of them crazy something awful. No way would they play with her, not on purpose. And ever since Ezra had helped them pick the gifts they wanted out of the catalogue, Eloise would be hangin' around, trying to get her hands on J.D. and treating him like he was her own personal baby doll or something. Yuck!

James had been staying up at his grandparents' place to help out ever since his grandpa broke his leg, but Eloise had stayed home and was there when they went to collect their gifts. And when J.D.'d wandered off after Uncle Ezra told him to stay put, he did get cornered by "Smeloise" again, but he sure wasn't gonna play with her. Vin had started to go rescue him from all her fussin' and fawnin', but J.D. had shoved past her and ran to Uncle Ezra before he got the chance. Vin was glad since that slobbery girl really bugged him too. At least she usually set her sights on J.D. Vin figured it was better J.D. than him gettin' pawed, but he did feel a little sorry for his cousin.

Vin turned solemn blue eyes to Chris, desperate to let his new father know that everything was all right but still wanting to keep his and J.D.'s Christmas purchases a surprise. "I'm sure, Chris. We never played with that ole girl."

It wasn't a lie. Even though something in his heart made him feel like it was.

Part 4

"It just don't seem right," Buck protested for what to Nathan Jackson seemed to be about the fiftieth time. "A man needin' another man's help gettin' to the privy." Despite his very vocal objections, Nathan could tell by the death-grip Buck had on his arm, that his support was greatly appreciated. Just as his doctoring, the back-rub he'd given Buck and his help around the cook-stove had been appreciated.

"Ain't nothin' to be shamed of, Buck. There ain't a man alive who don't need a helpin' hand a time or two in his life. What makes you think you're any different?"

A strained grunt as they headed in the direction of the back porch was Buck's only response. "'Sides, helpin' hurt folk is what I do," he continued, "and you, my friend, no matter what you keep tryin' to tell J.D., is hurt folk."

Buck slowed his progress - what little the two big men were making – a frustrated sigh warning Jackson that his friend was about to stop. "Ah hell, Nathan, I know that. Can't hardly deny it. And I'm sorry I'm bein' so contrary. I appreciate you comin' out here and helpin' out more 'n you'll ever know." Another weary sigh escaped, "It's just. . . "

"You hate havin' the boy see you so laid up," Jackson interrupted. He nodded knowingly as his friend lowered his head in resignation and defeat. "Buck, it ain't like you're the first pa I've come across who doesn't want his son to see he ain't perfect. And sure as Christmas is comin', you ain't gonna be the last."

In spite of the obvious pain he was still in, Jackson fully expected to see prideful, shining eyes smiling back at him as Buck met his gaze. He wasn't disappointed. Refer to J.D. Dunne as Buck's son, and the man grew even taller. His love for that boy was just about as powerful as Nathan had ever seen. Josiah Sanchez might believe that Buck was the best thing to come along in the little orphan's life, and Nathan didn't doubt it. But the healer also knew with as much certainty that the same could be said about J.D. in Buck's life. That the little raven-haired urchin had become Buck's world was as plain as day.

And because of that, Nathan realized he'd have to bring up the subject of Gloria's children. He'd tread lightly though. He did not want Buck worked up any more than necessary and undo the good work he'd hoped his liniment rub had done. "And you sure ain't perfect, neither," he jibed.

"Shoot, how long we've known each other? It take you this long to figure that out?"

"Nope. Just thought you needed remindin' is all." Jackson was pleased to see the familiar grin on his friend's face. He only wished it would remain when he brought up the Potter girl. "Buck, J.D. been feeling all right? He's been awfully quiet since I got here."

Buck stared back at him, his eyes clouding with worry. "I know he got himself pretty worked up this mornin', but I don't think he's sick. Do you think he looks it? Maybe you should check him over before you leave?"

"Now stop worryin'. He don't look sick, he just ain't acting like himself. I asked 'cause Gloria Potter's daughter is laid up in bed with a bad sore throat and fever. Vin already told me that they never went near that little girl, I's just making sure you ain't seen J.D. around her."

+++++++

If not for his body's reluctance to move a single muscle, and the potentially ominous ramifications of the widow Potter's daughter being quite ill, Buck would have laughed uproariously at Nathan's concern about J.D., or Vin for that matter, being in close contact with Eloise Potter.

As a fatherless child raised up and nurtured by numerous women, Buck couldn't ever remember a time when the gentler sex offended his sensibilities in such a way as with Vin and J.D., and little Adam Larabee before them. But there was no question that - for the time being at least - girls were unwelcome interlopers in the adventures of cousins J.D. Dunne and Vin Tanner. Especially Gloria's daughter who, despite suffering the worst that the rightly named 'Wild West' had to offer, in the murder of her father, was still about as far away from a tomboy as Buck could ever have imagined.

"I don't think we have to worry about J.D. gettin' near that little girl, Nathan." The relief in Buck's voice could not be denied. "Can't quite figure why that little bit don't cotton to the fairer sex, but he'd sooner eat worms than spend any time with Eloise." Buck smiled at the recent memory. "'Bout split a side when he came out with that one."

"Usin' them words exactly, I bet," Jackson said.

"Yep," Wilmington almost laughed then but settled on a wink, his battered ribs protesting even the concept of laughter. "'Sides, you and Chris both already asked Vin, and that boy just don't have it in him to lie to Chris."

"Well, you're prob'ly right about that." Since Nathan had no reason to doubt Buck's faith in Vin, nor the apparent distaste the cousins had for Eloise Potter, he dropped the subject. No need to add worry to the many knots in Buck's back. Besides, Nathan had enough to worry about with Eloise back in town.

+++++++

Buck understood now why Nathan had asked J.D. to stay in the house on his trip to the privy. Because both of them knew that nothing struck fear into the heart of that little boy more than hearing the word "sickness".

His mama's death was still somewhat of a mystery to Buck and Chris. The records the orphanage had provided to Josiah had been minimal at best, but it was clear she had been struck down by some sort of malady. From Vin they were able to determine that Rachel Dunne had been ill for a time and, in the end bedridden, although for how long, even Vin wasn't clear on the subject - certainly a number of days, perhaps longer.

Not surprisingly, J.D. couldn't provide them with any more information than Vin. Or rather, he wouldn't.

It had become heartbreakingly evident soon after the boys moved in with Chris and Buck that the subject of his mama's passing was to be avoided at all costs around J.D. If anyone planned on getting any sleep at night. Even when J.D. brought up the subject of his mother on his own, the night terrors would often come. And with them the tears.

Buck's own ma had told him once that his tender heart and deep compassion for others was a mixed blessing. Character traits that made her extremely proud of her boy but had given her cause to worry so, too. He hadn't really understood her concern back then. He would simply shrug it off to her over-protective nature and distress over his desire to take up the gun and become a lawman. And over his tendency to get in way above his overly tall but inexperienced head when it came to protecting, or sometimes avenging, wrongs inflicted upon his mother and his many "aunts" who lived with them in the brothel.

With the deaths of Sarah and Adam Larabee though, he'd finally understood his mother's concerns. Losing two precious souls so tragically, who'd been as close as kin, had been as horrible for him as losing his own beloved mama. But he honestly felt the worst of that ordeal had been watching his best friend, no, his brother in all that mattered, suffer so grievously. He'd certainly learned the meaning of Hell then.

And yet somehow even that anguish had been less damaging to his heart than the agony of having to comfort this orphan in his care. A happy-go-lucky child who'd grow silent and withdrawn upon hearing even the slightest reference to his mama. A kid who'd wake up screaming for the mother who could never, ever come to him again. Whose bewildered and terrified eyes would plead with Buck to take him to his mama; that she was sick and needed him. And whose tiny arms would wrap themselves around Buck's neck and cling to him while he was told once again that his mama couldn't come, that she was in heaven, but that he had Buck now.

Each time he spoke those wholly inadequate words and felt the breathless sobs against his throat wracking the innocent in his hold, he realized just how wrong he had been. Hell was watching this child he loved suffer. And believing he might never be able to chase the nightmares away.

When J.D. had slid off Chris's gelding, damn near demanding that he stay behind because Buck 'needed him', Wilmington knew he and Chris had lost the battle. He'd suddenly understood that the awful fright that J.D. had suffered the day before had awakened the demons that normally only revealed themselves in the dead of night. Buck had realized just how important it was to show J.D. that he would recover and to allow him to be a part of that recovery. Even if in doing so it caused some added strain to his back, Buck couldn't deny the boy the chance to see that parents didn't always succumb to illness or injury. And more importantly, assure J.D. that he wasn't going to lose another parent.

Besides, Buck needed him here too. Chris wouldn't likely believe him any more than Nathan had at first, but J.D.'s presence hadn't actually been a problem at all. In fact, the boy had been a cooperative and compliant angel, so much so that Buck had briefly worried that he wasn't feeling well. Then the realization had set in that the kid was too scared to leave his side and respected the fact that Buck wasn't up to his usual antics. At least that's what Wilmington told himself.

If anyone gave J.D.'s past even a moment's consideration, they shouldn't have been surprised that the boy with enough energy to power a steam engine was actually capable of being quiet. Neither seen nor heard. Invisible, if need be. Just like the son of a working girl, there were plenty of times when the boy of a chambermaid would have to behave better than should ever be asked of a child his age.

Buck could still remember those times when, as a boy, he'd find himself no further than a room away from his ma, but not allowed to see her. Even when he'd skinned his knee or the other kids from town would taunt him he'd have to wait until his mother was finished working, before he could go to her. And even then, his tears would have to be silent ones. The other ladies were still working.

He sure as hell remembered how quiet he was forced to be if any of the girls took sick. And how he would try to be on his best behavior in hopes that he'd be permitted to visit with them. Or sometimes, when he'd gotten older, say good-bye.

It would have been the same for J.D. with his mama. No matter how much he wanted to believe otherwise, Buck couldn't imagine it being so.

And because he didn't want that little boy worrying about him any more than he already had, Buck tried to hurry back to him. Even if every step he took radiated searing bolts of pain from his back, up through his skull and down to his toes.

Somehow, as J.D.'s lovable face peeped through the curtains then disappeared as he ran to open the door for them, the hurt seemed to lessen. And Buck couldn't help the smile that overtook him. It lightened Buck's heart to know that the boy was always so eager to see him, even if he was only returning from the outhouse, of all places.

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