PENNY M. AND SHELLIE W.
PART 7
Everyone was hovering, dang it! J.D. frowned and tried not to show his frustration when Buck asked him *again* how he was feeling. "I'm fine, Buck. Just ready to get home."
"You sure you're strong enough to ride by yourself? I wouldn't mind doubling with you."
"No, I'm fine. Now leave me be and let's get going."
J.D. knew he looked comical in Josiah's colorful wrap. The long piece of clothing hung down to his knees and the shoulders drooped almost to his elbows, but at least he was warm. His feet on the other hand, were freezing. Stones dug into his heels through the thick socks Buck had given him to put on over his own pair. He'd asked where his boots were, but the horrible memory came back almost as soon as he'd opened his mouth. Buck had tried to avert his eyes, tried to hide the sympathy written there, but there was no mistaking the stricken look on his friend's face. J.D. knew Buck had seen more than he'd let on, more than J.D. had ever wanted him to.
The boy reached under the wrap to rub the soft cloth of the shirt Vin had loaned him, absently fingering the buttons. It felt good to have on clothes, to be in control of who touched him, who saw him, who... A shiver ran up his back and he felt his body begin to shake from deep inside his gut. He pushed aside the terror his thoughts threatened to drag him into, grateful as Vin's voice pierced through and shook him from his reverie.
"Let's ride." Vin towered above him, already atop his horse.
J.D. nodded, determined to hoist himself into the saddle even if it killed him. He lifted his foot into the stirrup and bounced. Fire blazed through his insides as he clenched his teeth against the pain, grabbed hold of the saddle and pulled himself the rest of the distance. Weariness spread through his limbs and he doubled over the saddle horn to catch his breath and he felt a large hand resting on his arm.
"No, I'll be ok." J.D. shook off Buck's hand.
Buck grumbled and walked over to his own animal. "Dang stubborn fool."
J.D. let out a small chuckle, closing his eyes from the effort. He could still hear Buck mumbling under his breath and he hid his face from the gunslinger's view as a faint grin crossed his lips. J.D. opened his eyes and Vin looked over at him, a smile creasing the corners of the tracker's mouth too.
Vin shook his head in amusement and slowly led the others through the dense woods.
J.D. fought his own weakened body, trying to keep himself from sliding off one side or the other. Truth was he could have used another day or two of rest, but he had an urgent need to get home. Or just to be away from here.
The hot stabs in his belly grew more intense, relentlessly poking outward with each step the horse beneath him took. His head felt for the whole world like it was about to explode off his neck and scatter unnoticed into the clumps of underbrush. Every shadow, every sudden noise made his heart flutter and he desperately longed to just bawl his eyes out.
J.D. looked over at Vin, his vision becoming more and more blurry from unshed tears, but he refused to break down now, not in front of these men he so admired. So he blocked out the vivid flashbacks that insisted on popping into his haunted mind, but he couldn't concentrate on holding himself upright at the same time and he started slipping again.
This time he felt a strong hand grip his arm and push him back into the saddle. Buck removed J.D.'s foot from the stirrup, replacing it with his own, then heaved himself behind the boy.
"Don't want to hear one word." Buck's whisper was dead serious, but J.D. could easily read the concern in the man's tone.
J.D. didn't have the energy to argue anymore. He pitched forward as Buck pressed into the horse's ribs, tensing for a moment as the gunslinger pulled him back against his chest. J.D. let go and relaxed, allowing himself to lean into the security his friend was offering. And for the first time in what seemed like forever, he felt safe.
*******
"Riders coming." Vin's warning stopped the other men and they waited, relieved to see Chris and Nathan meeting them on the trail.
"Boys." Chris touched his hat brim in way of greeting and pulled back on his horse's reins when the animal danced sideways.
"J.D.?" Nathan dismounted and hurried to the boy's side, reaching up to place his hand on J.D.'s thigh. Nathan stared worriedly as he looked at the kid. His pale face was upturned on Buck's shoulder and the older man held the boy's arms in place around his waist. Deep bruises marred J.D.'s cheeks and neck and the healer's gaze moved to the makeshift bandages wrapped around the boy's wrists.
"What happened?" Nathan looked up at Buck, anguish written in his dark eyes.
Buck remained silent and Josiah answered for him. "We don't know, exactly. Found him in an old house about seven miles or so off the main road. Buck's the one that pulled him out."
"Buck?" Chris questioned his old friend, but still no response from the gunslinger.
"Josiah found a graveyard behind the house." Vin answered for him. "I think the old man was murdering people, torturing them or something. J.D.'s got some marks--"
"That's enough, Vin." Buck's quiet voice drew all their attention. "We don't know what happened. We need to get this boy home, so how about stoppin' all this jawin' by the side of the road and let's go."
The gunslinger's dark mood only increased Nathan's concern and he let out a frustrated sigh as Buck urged his horse on, leaving him standing.
Nathan quickly mounted and caught up to the men and after several minutes of watching J.D. shift restlessly in Buck's arms he couldn't hold back any longer. He positioned his horse next to Buck's and reached out his hand to feel the boy's forehead.
J.D. flinched and opened his eyes, panic and weariness mixed in a heart-breaking combination. "Nathan?"
"Yeah, rest easy, son. I just wanted to see if you had a fever."
The youth turned his head from the healer and pressed in closer to Buck. "I'm all right."
"J.D." Nathan moved toward him again to examine the split covering his cheekbone.
"No." Buck's voice was low, but firm. The healer looked up into teary, yet determined blue eyes and a wave of sympathy coursed over him as he looked into those devastated features. "Not now, Nathan. He's had enough, it can wait 'til we get into town."
Swallowing hard with the empathy that swelled in his chest, the healer nodded slowly and moved away, allowing the two friends their privacy. He looked over once and saw Buck tuck his chin against J.D.'s dark head and whisper something. The older man let go of his reins with one hand and reached up to slide his arm around J.D.'s shoulders and pull him in closer. The image of protection was moving and Nathan looked at J.D. just before averting his eyes. The look of despondency on the boy's face froze the feeling of warmth that had started in his soul. What in God's name had the boy been put through?
PART 8
They arrived in Four Corners by late afternoon. J.D. sagged weakly in Buck's arms and the older man struggled awkwardly to dismount. He saw Nathan rush forward to help and he gratefully lowered the boy into the healer's arms. Chris and Vin stood to their left, ready to step in if they were needed.
"We need to get him to the clinic." Nathan said as he helped Buck steady their friend. "Somebody want to get J.D. some clean clothes and maybe somethin' to eat?"
Josiah clapped Vin on the shoulder, gently pushing him toward the hotel. "We'll be right back."
"I'll wire the sheriff in Eagle Bend, let him know what went on." Chris spoke softly, his gaze still on J.D. as he led away the horses.
Buck turned J.D. toward Nathan's. He felt the boy tense, then pull away. "No."
"Whoa, whoa, J.D. Come on. We're trying to help." Nathan gripped the kid's arm and tried to steer him back the clinic stairs. J.D. violently jerked out of the healer's grasp.
"NO! I gotta get rid of this smell!" J.D. tried to stumble toward the bathhouse, but Buck held him in place.
Nathan looked at Buck, total confusion written on his dark features. "What smell, J.D.?"
Buck's face blanched as he remembered the suffocating heat, the unfamiliar stench of rotten plants and potions mixed with the familiar odor of human sweat and fear. He had only been subjected to it for a few minutes, but he shuttered to think the kid had endured it for almost two days. Now J.D.'s eyes pleaded with him and he stepped between the boy and Nathan.
"Come on, Nate, he'll be all right. I'll see to it he won't be long." Nathan sighed heavily, obviously not wanting to delay J.D.'s care, but Buck was just as determined to take care of the boy's emotional wounds.
"Well, if you won't go to the clinic, then I'm going with you." Nathan took J.D.'s other arm and Buck felt the kid stiffen with indignant anger.
"I don't need company." J.D.'s insolent voice grumbled out hoarsely and the boy tried to pull away but he suddenly bent forward and swayed in his friends' grasp. Buck tightened his hold and Nathan automatically moved in front and supported the boy's sagging frame, worry written clearly on his face.
Buck had a tight smile on his face and he chuckled gently. "Kid, you're gettin' your way, so don't push it."
J.D. nodded and gave in to their help. Together, the three walked slowly to the bathhouse.
*******
Much to J.D.'s dismay, his two over zealous friends didn't let up even after they reached the bathhouse. The tub was filled with warm water and he waited impatiently for the men to leave, but they were obviously not planning to.
Resigned but hopeful, he turned his back and began pulling off his shirt. "You can get out now." His voice was low and weak in his own ears, but couldn't help that. He wanted to be alone, get away from their sympathetic stares and forever wash away the old man's lingering touch from his body. He was desperate to replace the dirty stink of sweat and blood in his hair and clothes with the clean scent of soap and water. His legs felt as weak as a newborn foal's and when he moved forward to lean against the tub, his limbs wobbled in different directions beneath him and he lost his balance.
"Let me help you, kid." Buck's quiet voice startled him. He didn't realize the older man had moved so close. A gentle touch rested against his shoulders and steadied him until he found his balance. When he was standing on his own again, Buck let go to grab a sleeve and ease it off. J.D. gasped in sudden pain with the pull against his sore joints and Buck stilled his movement to place a warm palm against his bare shoulder.
"Sorry." J.D. turned to his friend and blinked when he sensed the fury radiating from Buck's tense form. "I forgot, J.D. I forgot how --"
"It's okay, Buck." He mustered his strength for a smile, but that seemed to make Buck grow more emotional, so J.D. turned back around quickly. He felt Buck reach for the shirt again, and this time being more careful as he peeled the material from the boy's stiff back. The seasoned gunslinger's gentle touch moved him and J.D. bit his lip when a helpless moan escaped from the depths of his chest with the discomfort the actions caused.
Heated pain made him aware of the bruises that swathed his shoulder blades and dotted down his neck. When his shirt was removed, he heard Nathan gasp and J.D. held still but trembled as cool fingers pressed gently into his back. The memory of cold hard wood beneath him and hot stabs piercing into his stomach made him flinch away and he leaned against Buck.
"This can wait, Nathan. Let him finish here first."
Nathan must have agreed, because the touch withdrew and he sighed gratefully as Buck unwrapped the bloody bandages around J.D.'s wrists. The youth winced as the dried material pulled against the raw skin and Buck looked questioningly at the healer behind him.
"Let 'em soak first." Nathan's anguished voice broke the silence. Buck nodded and reached for the waistband of J.D.'s pants as if he were helping a child undress.
"I can do this by myself." The determination he was shooting for ending up sounding like vulnerability instead and J.D. swallowed hard as he pulled away from Buck.
"I know, kid, sorry. We'll turn around and you get in." Buck sounded happy with his solution but J.D. was having none of it.
"How about you guys leave and then I get in? I've been doing this alone since I was a kid." He was beginning to get agitated.
"No, J.D., not this time." Nathan's words cut through him like a knife, and he tried to summon enough anger to argue, but he just didn't have the will to fight them both.
"Turn around then."
He waited until both men complied then turned his back to them and leaned against the tub. Pulling off his socks proved to be almost a greater challenge than he could handle and he tripped on his own feet twice before he succeeded. Working much slower than normal, he carefully finished unzipping his pants, stifling his harsh breathing as best he could when his thumb knuckles pressed into the bruises in his lower abdomen. He shoved the trousers down and bent over to pull them away, but nearly cried out in pain. Instead, he straightened and kicked them off then moved as quickly as he could manage to get into the tub before his waning strength gave out. The small feeling of triumph plummeted as his legs gave out and he pitched forward. Just before he hit the ground, Buck and Nathan both caught him.
Hot tears of embarrassment ran down his cheeks and dripped from his chin. He wasn't so much bothered with Buck and Nathan seeing his nakedness, but by the sick feeling of helplessness that came crashing back into his soul.
"It's okay, J.D." Nathan's strong voice stirred the hairs over his ear and he felt himself lifted effortlessly and helped into the tub.
"We gotcha." Buck's reassurances matched Nathan's tone as if they were assisting in an everyday occurrence, but J.D. wanted to slip under the soapy water and disappear.
Nathan dipped a tin cup into the water and began wetting the boy's dirty hair. The healer stopped and put the cup aside, then reached for the soap. He worked the rough bar between his hands, building up a lather. When he was satisfied, he let go of the soap and gently began massaging J.D.'s scalp. He seemed to sense the boy's unease when J.D. curled forward and hung his head. "Sit up straight, J.D." His voice teased and Nathan paused when his fingers brushed against an abrasion and J.D. flinched. "Sorry, son."
J.D. didn't answer, but he straightened his back to allow Nathan better access.
"Hey J.D., how 'bout I get Inez to make you up some biscuits and gravy, eggs, and bacon." Buck was rambling, and J.D. knew the older man was just trying to cheer him up, but he remained silent. The only movement he made was when Nathan occasionally touched a tender spot or open cut on his scalp, and he couldn't help but wince.
J.D. felt Nathan's fingers probing the bumps and cuts as he worked the soap into his hair, sensing the healer's sudden need to hurry.
Nathan gently pushed him forward. "Close your eyes, J.D. Don't let any soap get in there."
He hung his head and closed his eyes obediently. Warm water poured over his scalp and ran down the sides of his face, washing away the soapsuds. His hair became a curtain and shielded his face and J.D. allowed himself a moment of raw grief. He felt Nathan run his fingers through his hair and stiffened unconsciously. "All done. You can lean back now."
Feeling like he was floating, J.D. leaned back and opened his eyes with shock when he pressed into something soft. Nathan moved to his side and smiled at the look of wonder on J.D.'s face. "I put a towel behind you, make it a bit more comfortable for your back."
The healer picked up a rag and dipped it in the water near J.D.'s hip, then worked the soap into the cloth. He lifted it and wiped J.D.'s shoulders causing the boy to jerk and shudder from the touch. The black man realized his discomfort and handed him the washcloth. "Here, you can do this if you want."
He took the rag and Nathan moved away to give him a little privacy, but he could feel both sets of eyes on him as he bathed himself. A shell of sullen disinterest seemed to harden around him and J.D. felt detached from his surroundings. He had no idea how long he was in the tub, but decided he was finished as he felt the water growing from tepid to downright cold.
"I'm done." He wished he had the strength to get out by himself, but he knew every ounce of his reserves had been spent and he no longer had a choice.
Buck brought over a large towel and turned his head to the side so J.D. could stand up. He wrapped up the shivering youth and he and Nathan supported him as he climbed out.
"You ready to lay down now?" J.D. didn't answer as Buck continued to gently dry his dripping hair. "Tomorrow - a shave and a haircut."
J.D. lifted his head and followed Nathan's gaze to the gunslinger. Buck's features were almost as haggard as he felt. Disappointment shrouded his usual happy expression when his joking still aroused no reaction and J.D. felt a stab of guilt.
Buck continued to tousle his hair dry with the towel as if nothing were wrong. Josiah stuck his head in and handed Nathan a clean nightshirt he had retrieved from J.D.'s room. When Buck was satisfied J.D. was sufficiently dry; he and Nathan helped J.D. get dressed. The long white shirt hung to his knees and seemed to swallow the boy. J.D. fiddled self-consciously with the top button that held the shirt together around his neck while the two other men stared at him. He didn't realize the picture of innocent hurt he presented with his dark hair plastered to his head and the bruises that stood out on his pale face.
Josiah was waiting just outside the bathhouse and took over for his exhausted friends. "Just lean on me, son."
J.D. gave in and leaned into the big man and felt Josiah's arm enclose around him. New strength seemed to flow into him and he carefully placed one foot in front of the other. Silence followed the two as they walked from the bathhouse toward the clinic. J.D. kept his head down, too ashamed to even look up.
They reached the first step to the clinic stairs and J.D. tried to lift his foot enough to climb by himself, but it proved too much. After the third step his legs collapsed beneath him and he felt Josiah's strong grip keep him from hitting hard wood. Without complaint, J.D. let himself be picked up and carried the rest of the way up the stairs and into the room. Groaning with weariness, J.D. relaxed as he was placed on the mattress, until he saw the healer coming toward him and he turned his head away.
*******
He saw J.D. turn away and knew he didn't want to endure the exam, but Nathan could no longer keep his worry at bay. He drew up a chair and sat beside the bed.
"I'm gonna have a look at you, J.D. I want you to tell me when somethin' hurts, ok?" When the kid didn't answer, the healer took a deep breath and reached out to unbutton J.D's nightshirt. He unfastened it all the way down past the boy's abdomen and stopped as he felt J.D.'s muscles tense under his touch.
"Josiah, heat up some of that tea, please." Nathan never took his eyes off J.D. as he gave his instructions and he could feel Buck's gaze locked on them.
Nathan pulled open the shirt and placed one large hand atop J.D's belly. The boy's flesh looked so stark white next to his dark skin and he flinched a little when J.D. gasped. Moving carefully, he gently palpitated the area just below the boy's rib cage where he knew the stomach to be located, searching for signs of serious injuries. The dark fear that had encased his heart ever since he'd first seen J.D.'s hunched over posture in Buck's arms melted away when he encountered no firmness that would indicate internal bleeding.
He lifted his other hand and enclosed his fingers around J.D.'s waist and sides, squeezing gently into the kid's body with his thumb and fingers and checking his lower ribs. He glanced up to gage the boy's reaction. J.D.'s eyes were squeezed shut and his bottom lip trembled with distress. Resigned to the unpleasant necessity of probing farther, the healer pulled open the nightshirt wider and glanced at the marks on the boy's lower abdomen.
He stopped when J.D. moaned and winced from his touch. Nathan looked up with worry. "That hurt?" He hadn't even touched the wounds yet and he looked over at Buck. The gunslinger's face was hidden in his hand as he roughly scrubbed his face.
J.D. shook his head, but remained silent and kept his eyes closed. His breathing was harsh and his chest lifted with each intake of air. He wanted to stop and soothe the kid, get him calmed down, but the sooner he finished, the sooner J.D. could rest. As Nathan continued his exam he remembered Vin telling him Buck caught the old man standing over J.D., injecting him with some kind of poison. Needle marks surrounded by bruises, suggesting rough handling, dotted J.D.'s lower abdomen. Nathan grimaced as his mind provided images of pain and terror that demon must have subjected on J.D. Nobody deserved that, least of all J.D.
"Let me know when I press against something that hurts, ok?" He put as much concern as he could in his tone but J.D. still didn't respond.
He pressed in the center of his belly and J.D. let out a slight hiss. His breath hitched in his chest and Nathan hesitated then gently slid his fingers down and compressed J.D's abdomen near the bruises.
"Nathan--" Buck's shocked voice alerted him and Nathan glanced up to see tears rolling from J.D.'s closed lids. Buck moved forward and knelt beside the bed. His voice gruff with emotion, he began whispering to the boy and he draped his arm across the top of J.D.'s pillow, over his head, looking as if he were trying to shield him from the terrifying images forming behind those closed lids.
"J.D." Nathan's voice was stern but kind as he spoke over Buck's soft reassurances and tried to break through the barrier the youth was erecting right in front of them. "You have to tell me when you feel pain, son."
J.D. nodded slowly, his eyes still shut tight. Nathan unconsciously clenched his hand into a fist and slowly uncurled his fingers before reaching out again for J.D. He continued his exam, this time touching the bruises around the boy's throat and the ones scattered along his cheekbone and jaw. He felt the strained ligaments in J.D.'s shoulders and redressed the wounds encasing his wrists. Finally, Nathan dipped a clean rag into the basin on the nightstand and wiped J.D.'s tears from his battered face.
The boy's eyes were still closed, but Nathan knew he was far from sleeping. "Can you tell me what happened, J.D.?" His tone was soft and soothing, but J.D. reacted as if he'd been slapped.
The boy's head shook adamantly and new tears spilled freely down each side of his face.
"Ok, ok, I'll leave you alone for a bit." The kid seemed so tense, so near breaking that Nathan didn't want to push. Perhaps after a few days of rest J.D. would be willing to answer some questions. Moving deliberately in order not to startle him, the healer began to gently button up the boy's nightshirt. Buck reached out and stopped him.
"I'll do that."
Nodding, Nathan rose and allowed Buck to take his place. He bent over J.D. and patted his shoulder affectionately. "Just rest easy, son. We'll be right here." Looking up at Buck and then Josiah, he saw the same display of uncertainty he felt on his own face.
Buck's fingers worked with buttons that looked tiny in his grasp. His look of intense concentration and genuine concern wrenched Nathan's heart and he turned away to find a fresh cloth to dip in the basin of water beside the bed. When he returned, Buck was finished and J.D. seemed to be asleep. The older man turned to face Nathan..
"How can I help?" Buck's question was heart wrenching in its sincerity, but Nathan had no answers.
The healer looked down at J.D. and touched his cheek with the cool cloth. The boy jerked his head away but settled back against his pillow to allow the man's ministrations. Nathan kept his voice low while the boy slept. "I don't know, Buck. J.D. will have to let us know. He needs to talk about it first, then he can start to heal."
J.D. groaned in his sleep and turned to his side, his arm wrapped around his body, his forearm pressed into his gut. The boy's face twisted and he cried out weakly and Nathan's dark eyes met Buck's haunted ones.
"What in God's name did he do to this boy?" Nathan whispered under his breath and this time Buck turned away.
PART 9
J.D. slept fitfully in the clinic. Though his fever was gone, nightmares still plagued his battered mind. Buck wouldn't leave J.D.'s side, and the others found themselves as worried about the gunslinger as they were about their youngest. Chris finally talked him into a much-needed bath and a hot meal and he agreed reluctantly after soliciting a promise that he would be summoned when J.D. woke up.
Josiah was with J.D. when the boy screamed in his sleep and sat upright in his bed. The ex-preacher approached him carefully. "J.D., you're all right." His voice soothed through J.D.'s loud breathing and he gently touched the boy on his shoulder.
J.D. gulped air and tried to steady his nerves and wildly thumping heart. Biting his lip to hide the trembling, he looked at Josiah, still frightened. "Where am I?"
He'd asked the same question all three times he'd woken up since they'd returned to Four Corners. He couldn't seem to grasp that he was home.
"You're at Nathan's. You're safe, son." Josiah reached for him and cupped the back of his head gently and J.D didn't resist when the big man pulled him close. He leaned into his friend and fought against the tears that clogged his throat. Despite the ex-preacher's words, he was still scared. Why did he see that hellish man and the glint of a steel needle filled with poison every time he closed his eyes?
In all the dime store novels he'd read, he'd never thought there could be such evil. He always assumed the good guys wore white and bad guys had hideous scars you could spot a mile away. Evil shouldn't come in the form of a grandfatherly old man. One person's pain and suffering should never bring another person pleasure.
As his thoughts overtook him, he didn't realize he was sobbing into Josiah's shirt. The memories were just too vivid. The ghost of Treadly's hands pressed against his abdomen and cold fingers slid down too close to his groin. He could still feel the needle sinking into his belly followed by burning, clawing agony in his gut. he pain climbed into his brain and threatened his sanity and J.D. wondered if the Professor’s plan had already worked. He felt like he'd never be free from the torture.
"Son." Josiah's deep voice broke through. "You know we all want to help you."
J.D. raised his eyes to look at Josiah and wiped his nose with his sleeve. Words caught in his throat and threatened more tears and he shook his head in mortified defeat.
He felt Josiah place a finger under his chin and lift his head. "God doesn't mean for us to suffer alone."
He stared at the older man and gently shook his head. He drew his brows together in helpless pain and despair rang in his voice as he tried to explain. "I just want to forget."
"Only time can heal that wound for you, J.D. You can't just forget, that's not how the human mind works."
J.D. nodded and pulled away. "I know. I wish I could, but then I think I want...." He looked up at Josiah; his eyes filled with unshed tears. "I want to kill him."
"Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord. He'll get his just due, son. But don't let your need for revenge consume you or you've lost."
J.D. nodded, but the question that lay so heavily on his mind came off his tongue. "Why couldn't I see it?"
"See what, J.D.?" Josiah cocked his head in confusion.
"That he was evil, I guess." J.D.'s voice lowered to barely a whisper.
"Sometimes the devil has a good disguise." Josiah leaned closer. "It's the only way he can lure in good people. And you're a good person, J.D., don't ever doubt that."
A warm blush of color tinged J.D.'s cheeks at Josiah's soft words, but confusion pulled his mouth into a frown. "What..." He choked on his words, but his eyes begged the ex-preacher for an answer. "What makes somebody like that?"
"Sometimes they're not right in the head, either born that way or because of something that was done to them."
J.D. shuddered and fear radiated from his dark eyes. "You think what he did to me can make me like him?"
"No." Josiah shook his head and smiled. "That's not exactly what I meant. You can get through this, son. There's no evil in you."
J.D. settled onto his side. One hand rubbed absently at his belly but his eyes were glazed, his thoughts far away. Josiah remained silent and after awhile, the boy closed his eyes and his hand grew still to rest against his body. The older man reached out and patted J.D. gently, then rose from the bed and moved to a chair across the room.
*******
The door squeaked open and Buck entered. "He asleep?" He tiptoed across to the bed when he saw Josiah's nod, then turned. "I'll stay with him now. Thanks."
Buck sensed Josiah's hesitation. "Hey, I've ate, had a beer, hell, I even took a bath, so I'm ready to rest a spell."
Josiah smiled; the unspoken understanding that J.D. was Buck's charge pushed him to his feet and out into the night.
Buck sank down on the bed near J.D's hip. The boy looked so peaceful. Smokey eyelashes lay against his pale face, lengthened by the contrast of dark against light. His clean ebony hair shined like a newly polished buckle. The nightshirt he wore lay open at his neck, and the beat of his pulse vibrated the tender skin near the hollow of his throat. Breaths parted his lips and his chest rose and fell in gentle rhythm. He looked so young. So unbelievably young.
Yet J.D.'s respite didn't last long. Buck's heart dropped as the boy's head jerked on the pillow and his easy breaths turned into panicked gasps.
"Shhh, calm down." Buck soothed, but the muscles in the boy's face twisted and his shoulders twitched as he fought the demons lurking in his sleep.
"Noooo. Please." J.D. begged, a soulful moan escaping from the depths of his chest and his knees and elbows met as he curled himself up into a ball.
Buck rested his palm on J.D.'s cheek. Soft, warm skin moved as J.D.'s terrified eyes flew open and he immediately latched onto Buck's arm. "Buck? What's wrong?"
"Nothin'. You're all right...just watching you breathe."
J.D. frowned and he pushed himself up in the bed, still struggling to slow his ragged breathing. "What? You hit your head or something?"
Buck smiled and withdrew his hand, though he ached to stay in touch with the boy. "No." He looked down at his hands, then looked back at J.D. "We need to talk, son. I need to tell you something."
"What?" When Buck didn't answer right away and J.D. tugged on to his friend's wrist. "Buck? You're scaring me. What is it?"
Shame burned hot on his face as Buck quickly reassured the kid. He grasped the boy's shoulder and squeezed. "You know you're not alone now..."
He broke off and let go of J.D. to press his hands on his knees. The gunslinger's muscles tensed and he almost stood up to leave, but his face hardened with resolve and he returned his hand to J.D.'s shoulder.
"I know this has been really hard on you, J.D. and I know you don't want to talk about it, but Nathan said it might help if you did."
J.D. shook his head and turned his gaze to the sheet he now clutched in his fists.
"Please. I need to help you, son." Buck ducked his head and looked into the kid's eyes. "And I need you to tell me what happened so I can." His voice rough with emotion, Buck unconsciously tightened his grip around his friend's arm, as if he were afraid the young man would bolt.
J.D. bit his upper lip and visibly shrunk back into his pillow. Buck loosened his grip from the kid's arm. "I don't remember all of it." He brought his eyes up and turned his head sideways as if he were trying to recall the events without reliving the memory.
"You were there, weren't you?" J.D.'s voice was so quiet and strained; Buck had to lean closer to hear him. "You took me out of that place." The last word was more a sigh than a sound and the devastated look on J.D.'s face made Buck almost turn away from the agony written there.
"Yeah." Buck nodded encouragingly and squeezed down the sorrow in his chest so he could speak. "I was there, J.D, but not 'til the end. We know you were taken on the road and I found you in that house, but I don't know what happened before I got to you."
He watched as J.D. swallowed hard, intense grief making his face look as if it were about to shatter. "You ever think you're going crazy?"
The question caught Buck off guard, but he considered his answer carefully as he slowly regained control over his emotions. "No - I don't believe I have."
"Knew a boy back home who had a cousin that was insane. He'd sit up in a tree-naked -- and throw rocks at people, shouting about giant horseflies or something." J.D. clenched his hands absently and the far away gleam in his eyes told Buck he was remembering more than the boy back east.
"He was trying to make me go insane." J.D. sat up and began to rock slowly, his arms crossed protectively across his waist.
Buck picked up the thread and realized J.D. had switched back to the old man with the syringe. A flash of memory nearly made him gasp out loud. Sweltering heat, flickering lamplight, J.D. helpless, tied on a table, while a mad man stood over him. Shaking his head to rid himself of the memory, Buck stood up. He disguised his unease by walking across the room and pouring a glass of water.
"Thirsty?" When J.D. shook his head, Buck gulped the liquid down, then returned to sit in a chair beside the bed. "Did he tell you who he was?"
"Called himself Professor Treadly. Said it like he was famous or something." J.D.'s voice was still low and fragile as he continued to stare at his hands.
"And the big guy?"
J.D. looked up as if seeing the giant before him. "That was his son. He was addle brained, didn't know if he was coming or going."
"He helped me at the end, y'know."
"He did?"
J.D.'s wide-eyed wonder pulled at Buck's soul, tore off another piece of his heart and stole it away. "Yeah, he untied you." Buck paused for a moment, then pushed on even though he was afraid of the fear and pain he was bringing back for both of them. "J.D., what'd he...? What did he do to you?"
Terror and grief replaced the wonder in the kid's eyes, and J.D. pushed the bed covers back and stood up. He swayed and caught himself on the headboard. Buck reached for him, but J.D. shook his head.
"No, don't. I can do this." His voice caught and he lifted his hand to push back bangs that had fallen in his eyes. A tear slipped from the corner of one eye and he quickly wiped it away with the back of his hand. "I can't be laying down while I tell you this."
Buck quickly retrieved the extra chair and pushed it behind J.D. The boy sank gratefully onto the wooden seat and held one hand on his belly as he shifted to get comfortable. Buck knew he was struggling, the uneven breaths and his eyes gave away the unresolved emotions deep within his battered soul. Buck fought his own emotions as he felt his chest swell with the realization of how much loved this boy.
"He was giving me shots...in my stomach." J.D. licked his lips and held his breath for a beat before continuing. "I didn't know what was in it, but it felt like he'd made me eat gunpowder and a lit stick of dynamite. Buck, I ain't never felt pain like that, not ever." J.D.'s face crumbled as a sob hitched through his chest. Buck reached forward and put a comforting hand on the boy's knee, afraid the boy was about to collapse.
"I didn't think anything could hurt that bad -- he'd put his hands all over me - and he'd -- hold the needle where I could see -- see when he stuck it in me --" J.D. voice quivered as beads of sweat broke out on his upper lip and tears filled his tormented eyes.
"Slow down, kid. Take it easy." Hovering close, Buck dropped down on one knee in front of him and gripped J.D.'s shoulder.
"Why was he doin' it, J.D.?"
J.D. drew a shaky hand across the front of his nightshirt and sucked in a deep breath. "I don't know, Buck, I don't know!" Standing abruptly, J.D. groaned and folded over but Buck caught him.
"Ok, that's enough." Concern strained his voice as Buck wrapped his arm around his friend and helped him back to bed. The kid melted into the mattress and curled onto his side, pressing his face into the pillow.
"You all right? Want me to get Nathan?" Buck hated the thought of leaving him alone, but he was afraid the kid needed more help than he could give him right now.
"No -- no, just stay with me." His voice, small and quiet, broke Buck's heart and the older man sat beside him. Short, strong fingers wrapped around the back of Buck's hand and the gunslinger reached down and smoothed the hair from where the strands had fallen across J.D.'s anguished face.
The young man turned his head with the touch and looked at Buck. "I'm sorry, Buck, it's not you I'm mad at. It's just, he kept hurting me and telling me my pain had a purpose, that he was searching for what drives somebody out of their mind..." J.D. stopped, catching his breath.
"For a while, I thought he'd found it. I thought I was going crazy. Nothing made sense in my head. I called for you --" His voice broke and J.D.'s lips quivered as he pressed them together. "I prayed for someone to help me, and then I just prayed for it to end . . . I didn't care how."
"Oh J.D." Buck released J.D.'s hand and pressed both palms to the boy's face. J.D. struggled with his tears and his lip trembled as his eyes filled. "I'm sorry, son. I woulda gone through heaven and hell to get to you if I could. I wish I coulda gotten to ya sooner, you know that right?"
Regret squeezed and hurt through his chest as if he'd been kicked by a mule and Buck slid his arms around and under J.D. and held the boy close as J.D. brought his own arms around to hold him back. The emotional battle J.D. fought broke through his defenses. Buck's shoulder grew wet with quiet tears as he rocked slightly as he held on the kid with his arms and his heart.
The door creaked open and Buck glanced up to see Chris and Vin step into the room. Chris moved quietly over to the bed, his face etched with concern as he looked at J.D.'s trembling form.
"He all right, Buck?" Vin peered around the taller man's shoulder and whispered.
Buck nodded but didn't speak as he continued to hold the young man in his arms. He didn't feel uncomfortable or awkward being caught comforting J.D. It seemed only natural and he knew his friends understood the brotherly bond between them.
After a moment, Vin turned and walked to stand next to the window. Chris moved back and reached for the chair J.D. had recently vacated. Twisting it deftly around, he straddled the chair backwards and waited.
When J.D. grew quiet, Buck pulled back a little and settled the boy on the mattress. J.D. looked spent, his eyes were closed and his face was swollen, wet tracks crossed his cheeks and Buck wiped them gently away. One hand still cupped the back of J.D.'s head and he carefully withdrew it to allow J.D. to rest, but the youth opened his eyes and reached for him.
He seemed startled when he caught sight of Chris and Vin, as if he hadn't been aware the two other men had stepped into the room.
"J.D." Chris' rough voice was uncharacteristically soft and he inclined his head carefully toward the young man in the bed. "Just wanted to check on you, see how you was feeling."
Vin touched his hat and ducked his head with his usual shy attitude. "Nothin' happenin' out there tonight, we thought we'd stop by."
The boy smiled and Buck could tell he was pleased with his friends' concern. "I'm doing better, thanks. Just tired is all." He turned his smile on Buck and tugged on the older man's sleeve. "What did you want to tell me, Buck?"
The question reminded him of what he'd come into the room for, but an instant change of heart brought a smile to his face that he hoped looked genuine.
"Just wanted to tell you that house where we found you, it's gone, burned to the ground. It took Treadly and his son with it so you can rest easy, J.D., they ain't coming back."
J.D. pressed back into his pillow and blinked his eyes in relief. "Thanks, Buck. Thanks for tellin' me, now maybe these dreams will go away, huh?" A faint grin creased the boy's puffy face.
"I'm sure they will, kid."
The lie twisted inside him but Buck stubbornly refused to let it show and stretched his smile wider and touched J.D. gently on the forehead. "Get some sleep. I'll be right here if you need me."
" Thanks, Buck. . . ." The sleepy word faded into a deep breath. J.D. closed his eyes.
Buck glanced nervously at Chris and Vin.
Chris shook his head. "We all do what we gotta do, Buck."
Tears blurred Buck's vision for a moment as he sat back in the chair next to the boy's bed. He'd be damned if he'd let Treadly or anyone else bring harm to J.D. again. They'd have to go through him and the rest of the guys first. Breathing a prayer that God and J.D. would forgive him the untruth, he settled in for the night. He made himself a promise that he'd tell J.D., someday when the boy was stronger, after he'd had a chance to heal. Someday.
Buck looked over at his young friend as he slept. His heart ached and he hoped J.D.'s innocence hadn't been destroyed by what he'd been through. He couldn't tell him the truth now, wouldn't do the boy any good anyway. Buck closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair and promised himself again. Someday... when I'm strong enough.
THE END
