June 14th.
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an
air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to
see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a real sun
worshipper.
June 30th.
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus
and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another
scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used
to this kind of heat? At least it's a dry heat. Getting used to it is
taking longer than I expected.
July 15th
Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body).
Missed two days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson
though! Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th
I missed Tabby (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this
morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Tabby had
swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over $2,000
worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car now
smells like Kibbles and Shit. No more pets in this heat!
July 25th
Dry fuckin' heat my ass. Hot is hot!! The home air-conditioner is on
the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me
he needed to order parts.
July 30th
We've been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $1,500 in damn
house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
August 4th
115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500
and gets the temperature down to about 90. Stupid repairman pissed in
my pool. I hate this shitty-assed
state.
August 8th
If another wise ass cracks "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to tear
his god-damned throat out. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the
radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet and I smell like a
roasted fucking Garfield!
August 10th
The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and sunny.
It's been too hot to do shit for two damn months and the weatherman says it
might really warm up next week.
"I have no good news to report on the heatwave except drink lots of
water." Doesn't it ever rain in this barren-assed desert? Water
rationing has been in effect all summer so
$1,700 worth of cactus just dried up and blew into the mother-fucking pool.
Even a cactus can't live in this heat. The pool's drain system was
clogged by the cactus and it cost me
another $350 to hear another asshole repairman tell me he could charge
me double to have it fixed in 2 days -- at best.
August 14th
Welcome to Hell!! Temperature got to 123 today. Forgot to crack the
window and blew the fucking windshield out of the Lincoln. The installer
came to fix it and said "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to
spend the $1,500 house payment to bail me out of jail
and the repairman said to expect a call from his attorney.
August 30th
Worst day of the whole damn summer. I'm not leaving the house. The god-damned
monsoon rains finally came and all they did is to make it muggier than
hell. The Lincoln is now floating somewhere in Mexico with its new $500
windshield on some immigrant's truck.
That does it, we're moving back to Maine for some cooler weather!
