It’s All about the Ratings
Magus:
Today on the “Magus
I-don’t-have-a-last-name-but-maybe-I-don’t-have-one-show,” I tell you that the
show will now be called the “Magus Zeal” show, cuz I think that’s my last name!
Fan: Is that the whole show?
Magus: No, sit down or I’ll have to stick
my scythe up your ass!
Fan: You have no friends, is that
correct?
Magus: Wh-what kind of a question is
that? Okay, fine, I don’t have any friends!
Fan: How do you expect to make friends
the way you act?
Magus: What the- I have blue hair, a
cape, a scythe and I live in a dusty old castle, do you think I’m trying to get
friends?!
[Magus points to hair]
Magus: And this ain’t natural! I’m not exactly a social butterfly!
Other Fan: You suck!
Magus: Wh-oh well, who cares about you fans
anyways?
~NEWSFLASH~
News Anchorman: this is George Bob for
TFSSN, “The following shows suck network,” coming to report to you that; the
ever so popular late night talk show, the “Magus
I-don’t-have-a-last-name-but-maybe-I-don’t-have-one-show,” has dropped from a 1st
place show to a 1050th place show in one day. Ooooh, that sucks! It sems that Magus wants us to call it the “Magus Zeal” show…
but…
[Anchorman puts face up to camera]
News Anchorman: But we’re not cuz your show bites!!!!!!!! Anyways, back to your regular scheduled
programming, the new #1 show, “White men dress in drag and do the hoolah!” Now that’s quality television!
[Fades Black]
Magus: Wait! Wait! Wait! Hold it,
CUT!!! Give me another chance to prove
that my show is #1!!!
~Next day~
Magus:
okay, I’m back and I’m climbing back to the top of the ratings! Actually, I’m flying… get it… I’m FLYING to
the top! I’m Magus, I can fly! Ha ha
ha!
[A harsh silence comes over the crowd]
Fan: you suck!
Magus: Okay, okay on with the first guest…
the chancellor!!!
[Chancellor walks out]
Magus: I thought you were dead?
Chancellor: why?
Magus: Aren’t you Yakra!?
Chancellor: Yes, but only by day. At
night I am a horny old man who chases after little girls and steal their
underpants and put them in my closet for future reference!
Magus: Okay… why are you here?
Chancellor: I want to continue the
episode about the King and all of his bitches!
Magus: Watch your language!
Chancellor: Okay, sorry, all of the
King’s skanky hoe bitches!
Magus: That’s better! I wasn’t about to let you off my show
without swearing a lot!
[Magus starts a chant]
Magus: Magus! Magus! Magus!
[A silence falls over the crowd]
Fan: You suck!
Magus: Anyways…
Chancellor: I was a part of his orgy.
He was good, but then he started doing it with his daughter, and I’d
like to do it again! I mean, how sick
is a daughter and a father doing it?!
[king Guardia walks out carrying the
royal dog Spanky]
Guardia: What are you talking about
sicko!?
Chancellor: Why?
Guardia:
Look at my dog Spanky, look what you did to it!
Magus: what does he mean Chancellor?
Guardia: I mean, he screwed my dog! And now it’s dead!
Magus: What do you have to say for
yourself Chancellor?!
Guardia: Yeah!
Chancellor; okay, first of all, it’s name
is SPANKY…
Guardia:
So that’s what you did! You
spanked it!
Chancellor: Okay, yes, that’s true! I admit it!
Magus:
okay… on a totally unrelated topic… let’s bring out our next guest…
[Chrono walks out]
Magus:
Oh geez, not you again! Don’t
you have a home or anything?
Chrono: yup, it’s me again! And I’m glad to admit that I’m not having
sex with multiple women anymore! I’ve
turned over a new leaf!
[Chrono’s mom walks out]
Mom: You were having sex?
Chrono: Yes mom… don’t hurt me!
Mom: In my house?
Chrono:
Y… yes.
Mom: When? Where?
Chrono:
In my room, every night!
Mom: How? Why?
Chrono:
Mom, don’t you get it! Yes I was
having sex now stop asking me questions!
Mom:
But when ever I saw you, you said that you were humping a pillow! But you were actually doing it!
Magus:
Let me get this straight, it’s okay for Chrono to do his pillow but not
an actual girl!
Mom:
Damn straight!
Magus:
Jesus. Is your whole family
queer?!
Chrono:
Yeah, pretty much!
Magus:
I mean, what does your dad do for a living? Hooker? Fudge
packer?
Chrono:
Well, he did make good fudge, I use to taste it!
Magus:
[To himself] It’s obvious that he doesn’t know what I’m talking about…
what a dumbass!
Fan:
You suck!
Mom: Chrono, don’t think you’re getting
away with being with a girl!
Chrono:
Multiple…
Mom:
MULTIPLE!!! Now you’re really
getting an ass whoopin!
[Chrono’s mom grabs Chrono by his ears,
and drags him off the stage]
magus:
I think that’s all. I’ll be back
with a final thought in a moment.
[Commercial break]
[Show comes on again]
Magus:
I forgot that we’re too well-fare to get commercials…
Fan: you suck!
Magus:
Remember kids, you won’t turn out like these people. They’re all messed up in the head. So in conclusion, don’t play in traffic! That’s all for today.
[Show goes off air]
Magus:
[To himself] I think that will
get me into #1 place again in the ratings…
~NEWSFLASH~
News Anchorman: The once popular show, hosted by Magus has actually fought it’s
way from 1050th place… only to fail and fall all the way back to
2000th, making it just worse than Barney! I guess everybody just likes men dressing in drag and doing the
hoolah! I know I do. So until next time, catch you on the flip
side!
Fan:
you suck!
~Hey, I hope you liked that, because
that’s probably the Last Magus Zeal or whatever show that I’m writing.
Although I am continuing on with the
characters and all the interesting things that you found out about them
In a new fanfic, who killed Chrono, you’ll
be surprised who did it! Stay tuned!
