Jerry Springer Meets Final Fantasy VIII!!!! Part 1 "You're Cheating and I know it!" written by Michael Rankin!! (Jerry Springer fanfare) "You're Cheating and I know it!" (Crowd cheers) JERRY: "Hello, I'm Jerry Springer. Today on the show we have people who think thier spouce is cheating on them. Let's meet our first guest, Rinoa!" (Rinoa walks onto the stage) JERRY: "Now Rinoa, you suspect you're boyfriend, Squall is cheating on you. How is it that you found this out?" RINOA: "Well, almost every week, he comes home at 3:00 in the morning all messy-looking and I noticed that he has scratches down his back." JERRY: "Ah, so that's it?" RINOA: "No, once, I even found a phone number in his pants" CROWD: "OoooooOOOooooOOOO!!!" JERRY: "Well, Rinoa, we're going to bring him on here, and give him a lie-detector test. Is that okay?" RINOA: "Okay." JERRY: "Let's bring 'em out!" (Squall trudges onto the stage) (Crowd boos and throws assorted items at him) JERRY: "Well, that's something new." SQUALL: "Whatever." JERRY: "Squall, Rinoa suspects you of cheating. Is that true?" SQUALL: "Whatever, Jerry. Whatever, Rinoa." JERRY: "Is that all you can say?" RINOA: "That's all he usually replies with." RINOA: "Squall, I've seen all the main clues of cheating. You come home late, you're all scratched up--" SQUALL: "Whatever. I get those from the Training Center." RINOA: "Okay, if you think you're so clean, take a lie-detector test!" SQUALL: (Oh crap) SQUALL: "A-a lie detector? What-" RINOA: "-ever. I knew it! You're cheating!" SQUALL: "N-no! I'll take it.." SQUALL: (Ellone, if you can hear me, take me to "the dream world" right now!) JERRY: "Well?" SQUALL: "Uh, okay! Okay! I will." JERRY: "Alright then. As we wait for the results, let's see what's on Jerry Springer tomorrow." (Tomorrow, on Springer... >>We meet Squall's "father". But is he really his father?<< That's tomorrow, on Springer!) JERRY: Alright then, we have the results back from Squall test. Ah, the wonders of technology....Oh. Ah, so, Dr. Kadowaki, may we have the results?" KADOWAKI: "I'm sad to say that Squall IS cheating." RINOA: CROWD: "OOOooooOOOoooOOO!!!" KADOWAKI: "But that's not all. Squall has been cheating with his very own instructor, Quistis Trepe!!!" CROWD: "WOAH!" JERRY: "Oh, how scandelous.." RINOA: "Squall.....I....never want to see you again!!" (Rinoa slapps Squall with all her might) SQUALL: "OW!" CROWD: "JerrY! JerrY! JerrY!" JERRY: "Let's bring Quistis out." (Quistis comes out) JERRY: "Quistis, why have you seduced Squall even though he is already involved with one of your friends?" QUISTIS: "Why? Well isn't it obvious? I've always had the hots for Squall, even before that Rinoa came along. I deserve Squall. Besides, I can treat him better than you ever could." QUISTIS: "Isn't that right, Squall?" SQUALL: "Yes, my eternal goddess-of-love-and-sensuality." RINOA: "WHAT??? HOTS THIS, BEEE-YATCH!!!!!" (Rinoa runs over to Quistis and goes into a wild rage of scratching, biting and slapping.) RINOA: "YOU DAMN SLUTTTY !!!!!" QUISTIS: "GET THE HELL OFF ME, 'n !!!" CROWD: "WHOO!!!! JerrY!! JerrY!! JerrY!!" (2 of Jerry's big fight stipper dudes come over and break up the fight.) QUISTIS: "Grrrrr...." RINOA: "Well, I somehow knew Squall couldn't be trusted, so I have gotten my own new bo'" SQUALL: "WHAT??????" RINOA: "Yup, Ciddie, come on out!" (Headmaster Cid comes out onto the stage) CID: "Helll-ooooo!!!" SQUALL&QUISTIS: "Eww....." (Rinoa gives Cid a big kiss) CROWD: "AHOOOO!!!!!" JERRY: "So, Rinoa. You have decided to cheat on your boyfriend with the Headmaster?" JERRY(whispering): "Uhh...May I ask why?" RINOA: "He may be old, and a little overweight...But I think he run circles around Squall love-wise." CID: "Yes. I also love Rinoa. Come on. Gimme some sugar." CROWD: "OOOOooooOOOooooOOOOhhhhHHHHHH!!!!" SQUALL&QUISTIS: (shudders) SQUALL: "Whatever. This is retarded. I'm outta here." SQUALL: "Come on, Quistis, let's find us a motel." QUISTIS: "Oh yeah.." JERRY: "Well, that all for today. Watch again tomorrow!"
