Whew, I'm finally done part 2.....I have it in HTML for you so it'll look right on your site. All you have to do is copy/paste. If the centering command at the start of it is screwing you over, just delete it. Jerry Springer Meets Final Fantasy VIII!!!!!! Written by Michael Rankin Part 2! "Who's your Daddy!?" (Jerry Springer fanfare) "Who's Your Daddy?" (Crowd cheers as Jerry enters the stageroom) JERRY: "Welcome again to Jerry Springer. Today on the show we have people's fathers with us...or are they? Let's meet our first guest. If you remember, this person was on our previous show, "You're Cheating and I Know It" everyone, welcome Squall." (Squall trudges onto the stage) JERRY: "Hello again, Squall" SQUALL: ".........Hi" JERRY: "How's Quistis?" SQUALL: "Shut up. Just shut up." JERRY: "Anyway, why have you joined us once again?" SQUALL: "I don't think Laguna's my real dad." JERRY: "Why is that?" SQUALL: "Well, he looks like such a girl. Not to mention he acts like a complete retard. I just can't see how I could be related to that bumbling moron." JERRY: "Those are harsh words, Squall. Do you dislike him that much?" SQUALL: "I don't hate him, I just think he's an idiot. That's all." JERRY: "Is that all you have to go on to think he's not your dad?" SQUALL: "What about the fact that his last name is Lorie and mine is Lionheart?" JERRY: "Hmm..true." JERRY: "So, what's your main objective on this show today?" SQUALL: "To see if Laguna's really my dad and if not, find out who is." JERRY: "Alright then, let's bring out Laguna." (Laguna walks onto stage) CROWD: "......." (Laguna scratches his head like a dumbass) JERRY: "Laguna, do you know why you're here today?" LAGUNA: "You feel sorry for me and now you're gonna gimme a present?" JERRY: "Ummm....No." LAGUNA: "Aww...Shucks." JERRY: "Squall here doesn't think you're really his dad." JERRY: "He wants to know the truth." LAGUNA: "What? That ain't true!" LAGUNA: "Yeah...I remember that very day...." SQUALL: "I don't give a crap about that." JERRY: "Well, Laguna. if you're so confident, will you take a paternity test?" LAGUNA: "P-p-p-paternity test?" LAGUNA: "Ohhh...My leg's cramp'n up!" (Laguna hobbles around the stage sobbing meekly) SQUALL: "See? He can't be my dad!" JERRY: "Why are you so nervous? You ARE Squall's dad, right?" LAGUNA: "Well---uh--you see, I can't because......er, I'm a.....Cyborg! Yeah! Got no blood. Yup." SQUALL: "If you're not really human, how could you psssibly have a kid?" LAGUNA: "Oh CRAP!! Uh, okay, I'll take that test..Ouch. Leg." JERRY: "Alright, as we help Laguna off the stage, let's see what we have on the next show.." LAGUNA: "Please be gentle.." (Tomorrow, on "Springer", >>Bad-girl Selphie nude model under-age for...Zone? Her boyfriend tries to stop the madness!<< (That's tomorrow, on "Springer") JERRY: "We have the results back from the lab. Squall, R U READY??" SQUALL: "Whatever.." JERRY: "Squall, Laguna is.................not your dad." SQUALL: "I saw that one a mile away.." LAGUNA: "Oh, fiddledee-dee..... I might as well go clean..." LAGUNA: "I used to know your dad. He was such a loser. About 20 years ago, he took my most precious possesion because he wanted it so much. (sniff) I never saw those dolls again... Anyway, I was so mad, I kidnapped him, tied him up in a bag, and left him for dead in the deep forest of Grandidi.. From then on, I assumed father of his little brat, Squall. That man was Dr. Odine!!!" SQUALL: "WHAT???? AAAAAaaaaaAAAAaaaaAAAAaaaaHHHHhhhhHHHHhhhh!!!!!!!!" SQUALL: "Why'd ya do it, pa?" LAGUNA: "That doll collection had a lot of sentimental value. And you had value to him. It only makes sense." SQUALL: "But that's twisted!" LAGUNA: "I NOT LISTENING!!!" (Laguna pluggs his ears) LAGUNA: "LA LA LA LALALA!!!!!!!!" CROWD: "JerrY! JerrY! JerrY!" SQUALL: "That crazy scientist is my dad????" LAGUNA: "LA LA LA--You mean he's still alive?" SQUALL: "Yeah," JERRY: "Let's bring Odine out." (Odine comes onto the stage and immeadiatly kicks Laguna in the groin) LAGUNA: "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep......" LAGUNA (high pitched): "You're asking for it now!" (Laguna lunges a Odine in a mad fit) ODINE: "Stupid bastard! Thinking you could take my life?" SQUALL: "Jerry, how did you know all this beforehand? How did you know that Odine was my real dad and you brought him here?" JERRY: "Hey, it's television. No one ever said it was very realistic." (Laguna and Odine continue to fight) LAGUNA: "EAT METAL!!!!" (Laguna fires his machine gun at Odine) ODINE: "Is this...the end?" (Laguna dhramaticaly stepps on Odine) LAGUNA: "See you in hell!" (Laguna shoots Odine one last time.) SQUALL: "!!!!!..........." JERRY: "!!!!!..........." CROWD: "..............." CROWD: "WHOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" CROWD: "JerrY! JerrY! JerrY!" (Jerry's fight stopper people drag Odine dead carcass off the stage) JERRY: "Another day, another bloodstain...(sigh)" LAGUNA: "Now that Odine's out of the picture, let's go home, Squall. I'll buy you a Barbie" SQUALL: "NOO!!!!" (Squall does a Renzokuken to Laguna) SQUALL: "(BEEP)'n girly man.." LAGUNA: "Squall...you--I---d-dolls----talk show--uh......." (LAGUNA lays motionless) SQUALL: "Uh, whoops. There's problems in being a level 100, and that's one of them." JERRY: "Just roll the credits." (END OF PART 2)
