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 Santa
searching photograph
Santa Singh was traveling in a
crowded bus. He was carrying the Passport size photograph of his son
(for college admission). Accidentally, the photograph fell down from his
shirt pocket. He started searching for it frantically and found it
dropped on the floor under the legs of a lady standing next to him on
the bus. He politely asked the saree clad lady “Please can you lift
that saree? I want to take a photograph".
The rest is history. He was beaten so badly that he had to be rushed
to a hospital and was admitted in.
To his surprise he saw Banta Singh on the bed next to him who was in a
worse condition. Santa asked Banta what happened.
Banta started to explain "Are mut puch Adventure
ho gaya merebhai".
He had gone to a remote village on some official
work , but couldn't finish it in time. So he missed the last bus from that place. As he could
not find any hotel in the village. He approached a nearby house and
asked the owner whether if he can stay there for a night. The Owner
replied "Sorry I have 2 grown up daughters. So I can't allow you
in. He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there
for the night. The Owner replied, “ I have 3 grown up daughters.
Sorry, I can't allow you to stay". He went towards the next house and
without taking any risks, asked," Do you have "grown up daughters?".
The Owner asked," WHY?" I want to stay here tonight …
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Santa and Banta goes for an interview
Santa and Banta are best friends. Santa has very good job but Banta is
jobless. They decide that they'll apply together for the next job. On
day of the interview, Santa tells Banta that he will go inside first
and answer all questions except the last one and after coming out he
would tell Banta all the questions & answers. So when Banta will go
and answer there, he will get the Job. So, Santa goes in
EMPLOYER: When did India get independence?
SANTA: Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom
in 1947.
EMPLOYER: Good.
Who is India's Prime Minister ?
SANTA: It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.
EMPLOYER: OK. What is India's population?
SANTA: Good Question,
Research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you Sir.
Santa comes out and tells Banta who is in a state of
nervousness, all questions and answers. Banta remembers all answers
but forgot the questions. He goes in for the interview.
EMPLOYER: When were you born?
BANTA: Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947.
EMPLOYER: What???? Who is your father?
BANTA: It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.
EMPLOYER: Employer is upset now. Are you mad Mr. Banta?
BANTA: Good Question,
Research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you Sir.
_____________________________________________________________
Free
Gift
Banta Singh rushed back angrily to the grocery shop from where he had
purchased a packet of butter a few minutes ago. "Where is my free
gift?" he shouted at the shopkeeper. "But Sir, there is no free gift
on the purchase of butter."
The shopkeeper answered politely. "Don't fool me," replied Banta, "it
is clearly written on the packet of the butter 'Cholesterol free'"
_____________________________________________________________
Sugar Bottle
One day Banta Singh was
home and he went to the kitchen, opened the Sugar bottle, peeped
inside and closed it. His wife was seeing this. After some time Banta
again went to the kitchen, opened the Sugar Bottle, peeped inside and
closed it. His wife saw this. Banta Singh again and again did the same
thing. His wife was puzzled by this. So,
she asked Banta, 'Why do you open the Sugar bottle, see inside and
close it?'
Banta Singh replied, 'I am a Sugar Patient you know.... Our
family doctor has advised me to check up the Sugar often'.
_____________________________________________________________
B
+ positive
Santa: Nurse, I am very eager to know my blood group.
Nurse: B positive
Santa: please tell me soon ....
Nurse: B positive
Santa: Madam, I am positive, but I'm eager to know my blood group.
_____________________________________________________________
Double
decker bus ride
Santa and Banta were visiting Mumbai. They managed to get into a
double-decker bus.
Banta some how managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Santa got
pushed to the top. after a while when the rush was over, Banta went
upstairs to Santa.
He saw Santa in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both
hands, scared to death.
He asked "What is the matter? Why are you so
scared ?
I was enjoying my ride down there just came up
to see how you feel.
Scared Santa replies. "Yeah, you must have been
enjoying because you've a driver down there"
____________________________________________________________
Com - for - ta - ble
Santa and Banta are running a ranch together in Haryana. They decide
to buy a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. Banta
takes their life savings of 6000 Rupees and goes to Delhi to buy a
bull.
He eventually meets with a man who was ready to sell
him a bull.
"It's the only one I got for 5990, take it or leave it."
He buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office and says, "I
would
like to send a telegram to my friend in Haryana that says: Have found
the stud bull for our ranch, bring the trailer." The man behind the
counter tells him, "Telegrams to anywhere in the INDIA is Rs 7.50 per
word."
He thinks about it for a moment and decides. "I'd like to send one
word, please."
"And what word would that be? inquires the man.
"Comfortable." replies Banta. The man asks, "I'm sorry mister, but is
your friend going to understand this telegram?" Banta replies, "Santa
is a native inidan villager and reads REAL slow, when he gets this,
he will read it like: COM-FOR-DA-BULL
_____________________________________________________________
Santa Singh Knows Everybody
Santa was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone
there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired
of his boasting, his boss called him bluff, "OK, Santa how about Tom
Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.
" So Santa and boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's
door, and sure enough,
Tom Cruise, shouts, "Santa! Great to see you! You and your friend come
right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Santa's boss is still skeptical. After they leave
Cruise's house, he tells Santa that he thinks his knowing Cruise was
just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Santa says. "President
Bush," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes, I know him, let's fly out to Washington." And off they go. At
the White House, George W. spots Santa on the tour and motions him and
his boss over, saying, "Santa, what a surprise, I was just on my way
to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup
of coffee first and catch up.
"Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally
convinced. After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his
doubts to Santa, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The
Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Santa. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope
a long time." So off they fly to Rome. Santa and his boss are
assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Santa says, "This
will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people.
Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and
I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And Santa disappears into
the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later
Santa emerges with the Pope on the balcony.
By the time Santa returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart
attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss'
side, Santa asks, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope
came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on
the balcony with Santa Singh?"
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Santa Banta in a Bar
Santa Singh and Banta singh are sitting in a bar sipping Black Label
Johnny walker when Banta singh noticed a gorgeous blonde sitting by
herself in a corner. As he was getting up to talk to her.
Bar Tender said "Hey don't worry about her, She is lesbian! ".
Banta singh "Lesbian or no lesbian, I get all of them" and he
stylishly holding his whiskey in his left hand walked to her table.
Then leapingforward in a very sexy voice he said "Where exactly in
Lesbia, you from?"
_____________________________________________________________
Banta Singh winking
Banta went in for an interview for a job as a sales man.
The interview went quite well, but the trouble was that he kept
winking.
The interviewer said, "Although you have a lot of the qualities we are
looking for, the fact that you keep winking could put a lot of our
potential customers off."
"Oh, that is no problem," said Banta. "I stop winking if I take a
couple of aspirin."
"Show me," said the interviewer.
So Banta reached into his pocket. Embarrassingly he pulled out loads
of condoms of every variety- ribbed, flavoured, coloured and
everything before he found the packet of aspirin. He took an aspirin
and soon stopped winking.
The interviewer said, "I do not think we could employ someone who
would be womanizing all over the country."
"Excuse me!" exclaimed Banta, "I am a happily married man, not a
womanizer!"
"Well, how do you explain all the condoms, then?" asked the
interviewer.
Banta replied, "Have you ever gone into a drug store, winking, and
asked for a packet of aspirin?"
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Appointment Letter from
America
Santa Singh sent his bio data to America to apply for a post in
Microsoft.
A few days later he got this reply:-
"Dear Mr. Singh,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further
correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks"
Santa Singh jumped with joy on receiving this reply.
He arranged a party and when all the guests had come,
he said "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar Khushi hogee ki mujhay
Amrika mein Naukri Mil Gayee hai."
Everyone was delighted. Santa Singh continued, "Ab main aap sab ko
apnaa Appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa, par letter English main hai
Isliyen saath-saath Hindi main Translate bhee kartaa jaongaa."
"Dear Mr. Singh ----- pyare singh sahab
You do not meet ---- aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ---- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondence ---- ab letter vetter
bhejnay kee zaroorat nahee hai.
No phone call ---- phone vone kee bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ---- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ---- aapkaa bahut bahut shukriya"
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SARDAR JOKES
