"Without an understanding of their children's needs, parents cannot effectively support their children"

Ø     Communication is the basic means of teaching and guiding. Without effective adult/child communication, children cannot learn.

Ø     Our words are only one form of communication; children also look to our style, our tone, our voice and our body language for clues. Make sure you smile and comfort children often. Provide a positive communication role model that they can respect and learn from every day.

Four Steps to Improved Communication:

Step One: Understand the importance and purpose of good communication with children.

Ø     We communicate in order to teach, guide, promote skills, and encourage overall development

Ø     We communicate in order to learn from and about the child

Ø     We communicate to increase understanding, share feelings, and express ourselves

Ø     We communicate to be close and affectionate

Step Two: Identify and overcome obstacles to positive, effective communication.

Ø     We can get stuck if we blame the child for the problem and stop trying to communicate

Ø     When we communicate only one-way, children stop listening; we have to listen as well

Ø     When we use discouraging words, children do not respond to us positively

Ø     Sometimes we have hidden agendas that get in the way of honest communication

Ø     Lack of respect and understanding for the child will also hinder positive communication

Ø     Sometimes it is difficult to communicate when we are handling feelings and strong emotions

Step Three: Finding solutions means overcoming each obstacle as it comes along, and learning as you go.

Ø     Start by taking 100% responsibility for the communication: don't ever give up!

Ø     Develop your listening skills: take time to really listen and to understand

Ø     Use encouraging, positive words in place of negative, discouraging ones

Ø     Be honest and straight-forward, be gentle

Ø     Model respect, empathy and understanding

Ø     Be patient as children struggle with their emotions; work to handle your own emotions, too.

Step Four: Once you establish positive communication with a child, work to maintain it and improve it daily.

Ø     Strive for closeness, friendship and guidance as your primary goals everyday

Ø     Make it safe for children to express themselves, help them learn appropriate words and methods as they grow

Ø     Don't give up if you feel overwhelmed, just let it go for a day if needed

Ø     Show unconditional love and acceptance of a child's effort and positive intentions

Ø     Encourage children to see the best in themselves

*Our words are only one form of communication; children also look to our style, our tone, our voice and our body language for clues. Make sure you smile and comfort children often. Provide a positive communication role model that they can respect and learn from every day.

"A child gets more out of a good performance with lots of recognition from their parents than he or she gets from a great performance with no recognition from their parents". 

Make communication a priority:

Ø     You can't expect children to do everything simply because you, as parent, "say so."

Ø     Children want and deserve explanations as much as adults do.

Ø     If we don't take time to explain, children will begin to wonder about our values and motives and whether they have any basis.

Ø     Parents who reason with their children allow them to understand and learn in a nonjudgmental way.

Ø     Make your expectations clear.

Ø     If there is a problem, describe it to your older child, express your feelings about it, and invite your child to work on a solution with you.

Ø     Be sure to include consequences.

Ø     Make suggestions and offer choices.

Ø     Be open to your child's suggestions as well.

Ø     Negotiate with children.

Ø     Children who participate in decisions are more motivated to carry them out.

"Nurturing and not breaking a child's will is the basis of creating confidence, co-operations and compassion in children."

Parenting: Building effective communication with my child

Ø     The key to effective communication between you and your child is listening to each other.

Ø     Make the time to have a one-to-one talk

Ø     When your child is speaking, don't interrupt.

Ø     Sometimes the key is to wait until your child initiates the discussion. When this happens, be ready to drop whatever it was you were doing

Family Meetings

How to have the family meeting:

Ø     Many experts see family meetings as an ideal opportunity to open the doors of communication between parents and children and allow everyone and say in the household rules. 

Ø     The best place to have a meeting is around a kitchen or dining room table.

Ø     Meetings should be held weekly, at a regular time that everyone agrees on and when no-one has anything major to give up

Ø     Short and never an unhappy experience

Ø     Express things that are bothering them, but should never attach others

Ø     It’s a time when everybody gets to talk and have an opinion.

Ø     According to Boyce: “Children learn how to speak up in meetings and that their opinion means something.  They learn the democratic process and to take responsibility for the decisions being made”.

"Communicate clearly, concisely and correctly in written, spoken and visual form than fulfills the purpose and meets the needs of audiences."