These past two months, I have undergone a change, an irreversible change. For those of you who have been around me, you see the happiness that I have been experiencing. I find this happiness without a girl, sex, money, food, good grades, and occasionally nice weather. It persists despite theft, a broken racket, a messed up meal plan, and adversity. My happiness exists because I have found the Way, the Truth, and the Light.

Am I religious? If religion is defined as believing in God, trusting him, listening to him, praying, and reading the Bible, then yes. However, when you think of religious you probably think of Charlie Church. There are many complaints about the human institution known as the church, and I assure you I make most of them. To clarify, allow me to present an oft made mistake by members of society that has misconstrued so many beliefs, words, and definitions in the past.

The church and God are seen as synonymous, while in fact they are completely different. The church has become corrupt and the majority of those filling it barely know anything about why they are there. To most, it is instant Karma. They are appeasing a wrathful being by droning through a procession and will be saved because of it. This is not Christianity, my friends, and should not be talked about as such. Keep church separate from faith. Church should be an expression of faith, but when we stop confusing it as BEING faith, we can see how man has become corrupt in his belief system. No longer is church a chance to be in God’s house to worship and communicate with him. Most are blind to that now. It is now a duty, an obligation, not a privilege. It is not God blanketing our eyes from him, which must mean it is ourselves. If God wanted to cover himself up, we would not be able to walk outside on a sunny day to see the beauty of nature. Nature, yet another revelation being erased by the greed and insecurity of humanity. . .

Another misconception is the notion that Christians and other faithful followers are brainwashed. On the contrary, Christians have been set free. Work and religious practices and evangelism are not a chore done to please man or appease God. A true Christian knows they can never do enough to repay and thank God for all He has given. They are an act of love and fellowship. Those who are truly brainwashed are the automatons going to church and repeating the same motions every week. It is a recital of what was learned in Sunday school or they are merely there to thump their Bibles, acting more righteous than others. These are the conformists who do not know how to exercise their free will.

This brings up the interesting point that atheists and agnostics can be seen as closest to finding God. They are putting on a show for no one (though I am sure there are some no better than Bible thumping robots of the church). They have CHOSEN not to believe in God, a choice they are allowed to make according to scripture. They are no longer blinded by the ways of man when it comes to religion and faith. However, they are often shrouded in the darkness they have created, refusing to come out or even to take a peek at what God has to offer. If they could look past themselves for just a moment perhaps they would notice God calling out to them and showing Himself to them in every aspect of life.

Now allow me to share with you my experience . . .

It is not the easiest experience to explain, especially to anyone who has not undergone the same conversion. It was not an immediate change and not entirely gradual. No one seduced me into a sect and I had no thirst for power and righteousness. I simply listened.

For those of you who know me well, I have grown up my entire life as a Roman Catholic. I was baptized into the church, enrolled in Catholic schooling, and eventually released into college where a plethora of ideas surrounded me. Throughout my teen years, I struggled with the concept of God and even more-so, Jesus. I went through periods of agnosticism and possibly even short periods of atheism. Perhaps the strongest dose came this summer.

As some of you know, I attended one service all summer and the only reason was so I could drive the car that night. What a great reason to go to church. Not very religious, eh? I then returned to college with a different perspective on life. I wanted to drink, hook-up, and had no room for God in any of it. I wasn’t an atheist, just a empty shell, longing to be filled with booze and girls.

My empty shell went to one mass and one Bible study, and gained nothing from it. I neglected both for the next few weeks. I had no need for either because I was a perfectly nice person. I found many excuses to ignore God over that period of time. But then something else lured me back to Bible study. But I still had no intention of finding God or becoming a Jesus Freak. And so I attended another.

It didn’t go so bad and was actually a bit fun. So I went again the following week. But now a change was taking place. I felt a stirring deep inside. But I still wasn’t seeking God. The next day I decided to check out the Christian group on campus, and I enjoyed myself, but evidence that I still was only concerned about having a fun time was evident in the drunken festivities the next night.

The following week was Halloween, and I went to Bible study looking more dapper than ever. The Bible, however, was finally beginning to take on some meaning as I saw more and more happening around me that related back to it and myself. Then things become a bit blurry. No one did anything different to me and there were still remnants of that lady chasing booze-hound permeating my being. But all the good things that were happening around me were becoming far too coincidental. I was having eye opening conversations with people I had known for some time now. I found myself arguing points on sex, drinking, and religion that were no longer simply hypocritical moral debates. Then I began praying, on my own, in private. It was not the normal bedtime prayer. It became an intimate time for conversation, thanksgiving, supplication, and listening.

Then I heard the calling. Not across the room or on the phone, but from the heavens. And I listened.

Everything that has happened since that point has made me happier than I have ever been before. No person converted me. No group made me conform to their ways. No book forced a change on me. I just believed. And then I saw others who had the same types of experiences and realized it was no longer an idea, it was faith. But it wasn’t a cult or a religious institution. It became personal.

No, I don’t have a girl. Yes, I haven’t had a drink in weeks. Yes, I plan to keep it that way for some time yet. No, I don’t mean to convert you. No, I am not more righteous than anyone else here on earth. Yes, God led me to him. Yes, I have turned away before. Yes, he will always welcome you back.

And if this is brainwashing, I’ll keep it.