Part 3- Confusion of Red
Harry stared at him, dazed for a moment. Severus could see it in his eyes, the disbelief and confusion, and the young man’s lips parted, as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t. A long silence passed between them, serving to separate them even further.
“What do you mean, Professor?” His voice was hushed, his green eyes magnified behind his glasses. “Who killed who? What happened?” He begged, desperately, hoping to God that he wasn’t hearing what he was.
“You’re smart enough, Potter, to figure it out,” Severus said, sharply, his words almost like glass in Harry’s consciousness. He instantly regretted the look that passed over his student’s face, one of irritation spurned from his underlying grief. “I was a servant for Voldemort, and he took me along when he planned to kill your father, James. He was too much of a risk. His involvement with me in Hogwarts had proven that he was a danger. Voldemort did not tell me what he planned to do, and me, the loyal servant, followed. I tried to stop him from killing your father, but he scorned me as if I were a young child. Then he went for Lily, and then for you. I was not powerful enough to stop him from doing what he did, and I watched my best friend die under what I know now to be complete evil. Voldemort thought it to be some sort of initiation ritual for me-to prove my loyalty to him.” Severus took a deep breath, as his voice shook. Harry’s eyes were narrowed in rage, and his hand kept on brushing back a silken lock of his black hair. “He didn’t stop by just killing them-he did things to them I cannot even describe to this day-even if I had a thousand words of any kind to use. A mixture of both your mother’s love and my desperation resulted in the scar down your forehead.” Severus traced the lightning bold in the air, and green eyes followed his fingertip. “He left me once Sirius and Hagrid had come, and I ended up going back to Hogwarts to be questioned-“
“So you were personally involved in the deaths of my mum and my dad?” Harry’s voice was laced with the need for revenge, and Severus hoped that his hand wasn’t yearning to hold his wand. “You were the one who-“
“-I don’t think you understand, Harry.” Severus snapped, bitterly. How dare he blame him for his parents’ deaths! “James was my best friend, the only one I did have. I wouldn’t have let him die-“
“And you wouldn’t even sacrifice your own life for theirs, just so they’d be alive!?” Harry glared. Severus fell into silence, shocked by the selfishness of Harry’s words. “If you had died maybe none of this would have happened!”
“And with the result being that Voldemort would be roaming even today?” Severus retorted. “I was in too bad of shock to do anything. If I could have done something to help your father I would have! If I had sacrificed my own life, he would have destroyed your mother and father just the same, and probably you in the process! If you hadn’t had a combination of both our emotions, you would have died and Voldemort would have still been in power-successful, terrorizing numerous people and taking down wizards who weren’t powerful!” The black haired Potions teacher’s raven black eyes narrowed.
“You wanted to kill my mum and dad just as much as he did, and don’t you deny it, you…you…pond scum! You’re just as evil as Voldemort was, and maybe even worse, because you just undermined me!” Harry spat out; the entire past colour in his face having drained away in his rage. “I told you secrets and things I don’t think anyone else would know, and now you turn around and tell me you were a Death Eater, of all things! What’re you doing now, putting together your new group of minions to attack me and take me down!?” Harry was being unreasonable, and he knew it, deep down. Unfortunately, the rage within him broiled, bubbling on top of his conscious. Severus Snape flinched under the words, his dark eyes falling down to his cup. “You’re a bastard! A damned bastard, a fool! How dare you! How dare you do this kind of thing to me, as if I were some ninny! I trusted you, as a teacher of mine-I thought you changed! But now I see you didn’t, you’re just the same, bitter bastard who couldn’t ever get anyone to love! That’s what you’re missing, you know that?!” Harry stood up from his chair, his rage spilling out in his words. “No one loves you, and that’s why you hate everything under the sun! It’s because people hate you for what you were, and what you are now!” Harry picked up his jacket and gave him a hard, bitter glare before turning on his heel, walking swiftly to the doorway and exiting to the frigid winter winds outside.
Several minutes passed, and Severus stared at his cup, not really looking at it at all while he thought.
“What did you want me to do, Harry, lie to you?” Severus’ eyes slipped upwards to the windows, knowing Harry was long gone. It would have been an entire lie, the relationship-friendly or something else-if he didn’t know.
But what, he wondered bitterly to himself, if Harry was right, and no one would love…me?