Part 10- Desire to Own, Touch, and Feel
Harry Potter opened the door of the Potions classroom, his cheeks flushed from the long walk up to the classroom, and the effort of trying to figure out which stairs lead to this one. Dumbledore changed the stairs after Harry had graduated, and they were more confusing than ever, changing and grating from each of their magical positions into another. Harry puffed a bit, having never had a liking for the stairs, since they had gotten him, Ron, and Hermione into more trouble than they were all worth. He adjusted his glasses and looked up, the thudding rush of blood in his ears slowing in the silence of the familiar, dark room.
Severus Snape was sitting at his desk, working on grading some work done by his students, and from the flourishing motion of his quill, he was giving them nice F’s. Harry cringed a bit as he remembered the numerous pieces of parchment that were returned to him as a student, that bright red letter emblazoned upon it as if it were some sort of elaborately concealed Howler screaming “flunkee” at him without a sound. Harry stood there nervously, his bright green eyes flitting to the abandoned desks, the stools neatly placed on top of them. Severus’ face was hidden by his black hair, and he was apparently so engrossed in the correcting of papers that he didn’t even notice Harry had entered the room. Feeling a little irritated that he hadn’t been acknowledged; he walked forward quickly, his hand closing over the one holding the quill. The hand jerked away as if burnt, and Severus’ head whipped up to glare at him. Harry, startled by the hostile look in his previous teacher’s eyes, backed up a bit as Severus gave a soft, enraged snarl and stepped off his stool swiftly, slamming the quill down on the desk with a loud bang, and whisking away from Harry’s grasp. The rage in his eyes was decades deep, hotter than flames, and the gaze seared through Harry, making him shiver unpleasantly.
“Why is it,” he paused to lick his lips, and Harry noticed how red his dark eyes were. It looked as if he had been crying. “that every single time you come into my classroom alone you are apologizing for some stupid mistake that you’ve done?” Harry stood there, frozen, his hands falling to his sides. “Is it because you pity me, Potter?” Harry cringed as he used his last name, and knowing he deserved it, said nothing. “Just some old fool wasting away in a school teaching little kids how to play with fire, hm? No love life, no nothing, no family, no friends. And all you like to do is rub it in, day in, and day out.” Severus sneered at him, and Harry felt as if he was back in Hogwarts, miserable, sitting in his stool behind his cauldron, and listening to Snape’s wrathful speeches towards him. “Am I that to you? Am I a pathetic man to you? Do you think that I can’t catch what you throw at me? This is all revenge, isn’t it? For all those times I told you that you were stupid, that you were an idiot, that you didn’t deserve your fame. This is what it’s all about.” Snape started pacing at the opposite side of the room, his voice echoing. “Or maybe it’s because of James.” He spat out Harry’s father’s name out sarcastically, bitterly snarling at Harry as tears formed in his eyes. “Maybe you know that we had a relationship at one point, that he didn’t want me. He wanted your mother, that’s who he wanted, and I couldn’t blame him nor could I forgive him!” Harry’s green eyes widened at the statement, having known nothing about their relationship and not bothering to say anything that would get him into further hot water. Severus’ hand slammed down upon one of the empty desks, the stool rattling against the hard surface with the force. Harry jumped a little, not expecting the sudden motion, and he tightened a hand into his robes. Snape glared at him. “I wasn’t good enough for your father, was I-of course he wouldn’t love a freak like me. I was a stupid, lonely child with nothing, no one to turn to! He preyed on my vulnerability, just like you are, and he dropped me as soon as he found someone more to his liking. I hate, Potter, to be placed as second best at anything!” Harry flinched every single time the hand fell upon the desk, with every single word. “I was only a little boy growing up in a home that wasn’t a home to me in the first place, somewhere I was tortured for the smallest mistake, kicked out into the streets just for saying the wrong things, and being punished for being human-and I come to Hogwarts hoping for some sort of solace, to find someone that I could be true friends with-but I never did, did I? What you said was the truth-I’m not lovable…” Severus wiped furiously at his face, trying to conceal the tears that Harry saw, and he watched him avidly, green eyes fixated upon his tall form. There were no words forthcoming, and Severus turned his back on him, leaning against one of the desks.
Severus covered his face with his hands, trying to wipe away the tears on his cheeks. Memories haunted him like ghosts now, and he was so exhausted from enduring a sleepness night that the illusions seemed real. James had been his first lover, someone whom had helped him out of his shell a little and had introduced him to his friends, all of whom didn’t trust Severus at the least. Snape had started noticing they were disappearing, and wondering, in his childish innocence, why they were leaving every full moon, and he had tried to find out what they were up to. He needed James more than anything as a child. Harry was no replacement for him, but it still ached within that he had been abandoned for that girl…Lily, the young second year who transferred from another school. Snape admitted that she was pretty, that she had a genuine attractiveness about her that wasn’t just looks, but he thought that James had thought he was beautiful, the one person whom he’d stay with. But that fateful night when Severus had leaned in to kiss him in the library behind a tall bookshelf…James had pulled away and pushed him so he was at a distance, telling him the truth in a harsh, loud whisper... Severus felt a soft, warm hand brush against his cheek, and he instinctively leaned towards the fingertips. He ached for the warmth, the comforting embrace of another person, the whispered reassurances that he was human, that he was lovable.
Harry drew Severus’ hands away from his face, gazing at him through his glasses sympathetically. He had no idea that any of this had gone on, and it bothered to him to an even further extent that he had prolonged Severus’ suffering just by not returning a simple kiss. Tears glistened on pale cheeks, and when Snape’s hand reached to wipe his face clean, the hand holding his own pulled them down. Harry leaned up and kissed the moisture away, combing his hand through the black hair. Snape had washed his hair again, for once, and it was silky soft against his fingertips. Snape’s eyelashes were dark against the soft skin under his eyes, and some of them stuck together with the wetness of his tears. Harry kissed his eyelids as well, and Severus tilted his head, his lips parting in an almost sensuous motion.
Harry slid his glasses off and let them fall to the desk with a clatter, his green eyes falling to Snape’s mouth. He shook his head a little, trying to get the blur out of his eyes unsuccessfully, and he hoped he wasn’t going to mess this one up. He smiled a little and traced a hand over Snape’s cheekbone, coaxing his eyes gently open. During the war, Snape had nearly gotten all of his teeth knocked out in a fight with another wizard, namely Lucius Malfoy. Madam Pomfrey, not really knowing what his teeth had looked like beforehand, had grown them back perfectly, giving him a wonderful, dashing smile.
Harry traced the fingertip to Severus’ lips, and then he leaned forward, pressing a hesitant kiss to the corner of his mouth, shivering at the salty taste. He ran another kiss along his lower lip, and Severus’ eyes closed, letting him take his time. Harry’s tongue flickered out to run across his lower lip, and a soft moan escaped Snape’s lips at the teasing motion. Severus leaned forward gently, not being able to help himself. Afraid, his breath shaking from his lips, Harry pressed his lips to Snape’s, trusting. Their lips molded together in gentle kisses that slowly began to get deeper, Harry raking a hand through Snape’s hair as he whimpered desperately, and Snape gently slipped his arms around Harry’s waist, their lips locking even tighter as Severus gently pushed Harry into the opposite wall. Harry’s hips bucked up, and his lips pulled away from Severus’ as he pushed his head up against the stones, groaning from the sudden shock of full body contact. Severus pressed gentle, nibbling kisses to his jawbone, smiling at the moans from Harry’s throat. “You know-that thing I said to you-was wrong-I even apologized for-mmmm!!” Harry’s words were stifled by the delicious taste of Severus’ lips, and he felt the burning flush on his cheeks, a familiar sensation trembling from his mouth to his groin.
The door creaked open, unknowing to them both, and Severus nibbled on Harry’s lower lip sensuously, his black eyes lifting to study Harry’s scar and down to his stunningly green eyes.
Then a high-pitched, girly set of screams drifted to Harry and Snape’s attention, through their arousal fogged, senseless minds. Severus was the first to notice and act, and he turned around, seeing a group of horrified Slytherin girls standing in the doorway of his classroom. They gave him a look of complete, indescribable terror, and bolted from the room screaming something that sounded vaguely like “I saw Professor Snape kissing Harry Potter!” Severus looked incredibly amused, the door falling shut and leaving them in complete silence. Harry was the first to start laughing softly, his chuckles muffled into Snape’s shoulder, and Severus started in afterwards, his hands gently rubbing Harry’s back as he laughed so hard he nearly burst into tears.
“I suppose that’s going to be all over Hogwarts now,” Harry snickered, his arms wound around Snape’s neck. “Professor Severus Snape snogging with the Boy Who Lived…” Snape laughed even harder at the simple sentence, since Harry had proclaimed it almost as if he had reciting the weather on the telly, and Harry grinned triumphantly. He nudged Snape up lightly with his shoulder so he could look in his eyes. “I meant it, you know-that you’re lovable…” Harry raised a hand and wiped tears of laughter from Snape’s wonderfully flushed cheeks. “…I know it. I do!” The doubtful look on Snape’s face spoke volumes, and Harry kissed him lightly on the lips. “Very, very lovable.” He murmured, brushing his own raven black hair from green eyes, and grinning mischievously.
He looked quite serious about it, too, Severus noted, as he himself leaned in for another kiss, one of adoration for the truth in his words, and the affection he felt. All the mistakes Harry had made before washed away from his memory momentarily like words written in the sand of a beach, a wave of emotion taking the past away. It was so scarily sappy to Snape that he wondered if he was losing his touch. The bitterness melted away, Severus caressing a hand across Harry’s cheek, moaning softly as he decided not to care about how sappy this all was, and he concentrated all his effort upon the lovely creature within his arms.
And for the first time in a long, long while, Snape felt pure again.
(AN: Okay, okay, I know it sucked, whack me all you want. ^.^;;; Anywho, I hoped you enjoyed…I’m sorry I kept all of you hanging, it was sort of stupid of me…eheh…I was planning on putting out Parts 9 and 10 at the same time, but I decided against it. Phew. O_o Talk about a long piece.)