Chapter Three: Lastly

Tohma thrusted up into wet heat, the pressure being released suddenly. His vision faded and his body relaxed, the tension absent.

Lingering for a few moments, Eiri, wound down with slower, lighter licks. The taste of Tohma was drank in by every bit of his being, locking that away for recall, as well. Letting go, he stared up the smooth flat stomach and chest to Tohma’s face.

Sighing, he lifted himself up on both arms and crawled up to force Tohma’s arms back around him, around his waist where he could just be held for a moment.

His body was warmth and sweetness, but his mouth rarely ever was. Putting his head against Tohma‘s chest, he found himself counting the heavy heartbeat pounding below. It was comforting to say the least. "Now, we’re both ugly bastards, Tohma."

There is the sudden sound of a key in the lock, and the door swung open to the sound of Shuichi's happy singing to himself, he dropped his bag on the floor and slipped his shoes and jacket off. His tank-top was already hanging loosely on his shoulders as he straightened his skin-tight black pants. They're the kind of pants a dancer might wear, of a spandex like material. He turned, with a shopping bag clutched under his arm. "Yuuukiii!"

Rage blinked at Shuichi's entrance, shoving her skirt down. We are so screwed*

The sound of Shuichi's voice jerked him from his languid relaxation against Tohma's small chest, and he jumps away and up to his feet. Grabbing for his pants, he first lifts Tohma's, realizes his mistake, and scooped his own up. "There you are...What's in the bag?" It wasn’t not like he could have put on his pants without anyone noticing, so he just stood there holding them.

Shuichi stared, his eyes wide in momentary shock. He then reached into the bag and extracted a pretty box containing expensive looking strawberry cakes. He silently handed them to Eiri and turned away. "I'm...going to bed."

Yes, the guilt hit Eiri the hardest in the stomach. Instead of going wide-eyed with horror and stammering apologies, he went blank instead, staring at the box as if he didn't know or care what was inside.

That wasn't how he felt inside. Inside, it was killing him. He could barely breath. He shoved the box towards Rage to hold for him, reaching forward to seize Shuichi's shoulder. "Wait, no. No, don't go to bed." He wasn't too strong, but neither was Shuichi. But Shuichi was flexible, so he grabbed him around the waist. "Thank you." It all felt so useless.

Rage held the box, taking a peek in side before looking back up at the scene, trying to fix her shirt, using the box as a sheild.

"Eiri... why?" Shuichi let his hands rest on the other man's at his waist. "This isn't fair. Not fair." It was obvious that his voice was choked by tears as he glanced to Tohma's now obliviously sleeping form. "Eiri..." He tried half-heartedly to pull away.

Rage peeked at the cakes again, wondering if Eiri would miss one...or three...

"It's what it is, but nothing more." Eiri said, every beat of his heart was painful and tight, and he refused to let Shuichi squirm away. "The body is the body, I've told you that before. It has nothing to do with anything else." What a lame thing to say. "Would you accept an, 'I don't know' answer?"

Shuichi let out a sob as he fall nearly limp in Eiri's grasp. "I'm so stupid. I know better. but it still hurts to see it. It breaks my heart. Eiri, I know that I'm being a hypocrite. But I want you to myself."

Rage sneaked out a cake, keeping her eyes on Eiri and Shuichi, licking her lip.

"How are you being a hypocrite?" Happy that Shuichi has forgiven him so easily, Eiri pet his pink hair and the back of his neck, snuggling into it.

Shuichi continued to choke back his tears. "All I asked you for was that you'd be alone, waiting for me when I got home. I can't believe you...." He pushed against him again, harder this time as if trying to get away. "Just because you're stronger than me doesn't mean you can make me do whatever you want!"

Rage slowly ate the purloined cake before making the box look perfect again, trying to look innocent with her cheeks doing a little chipmunk routine.

"I was going to be!" Eiri caught his tone and lowered it again, speaking softly to Shuichi. "Then come on, lets go somewhere alone. Together. Just you and me and we can be alone." He already mentioned being alone, didn't he? Damnit, he was starting to sound like an idiot. Not liking to restrain Shuichi when he struggled, he let go, but not without the intention to shadow him where ever he went.

As soon as he was free, Shuichi tore away from him and into the bedroom where he dove under the covers, hiding his face in the pillows and sobbing uncontrollably. The wracking of his sore muscles made him sob all the harder, curled up on his hands and knees.

Eiri let out a deep world-weary sigh, though he only has himself to blame. "Sometimes I like making a big mess." Slowly, measuring each motion, he slipped into clothing. Fastidiously buttoning the top, he just imaged Shuichi in the bedroom crying, and it filled him with insupportable worry and disgust at himself. He didn't bother to say anything to Rage, headed on a course to Shuichi. That's all he really cared about at the moment.

Leaning against the door, he listened to the sounds inside before opening it slowly, letting the creak of the door signal his arrival. "Shuichi, just stop crying. I'm an asshole, the biggest asshole there is. We both know this. I don't know why you expect anything good out of me." It was all matter of fact.

Rage stood and took the box into the kitchen, setting it in the fridge before grabbing Tohma's clothes and dropping them on his face.

Shuichi was still in the awkward position he had been in when he threw himself on the bed. He turned his head slightly to look at Eiri. "I don't care! I don't care anymore! I just want to be with you. That's all that matters. I'd drop everything else if it simply meant that you'd want me more than HIM!" The jealousy and near disgust in his voice as he uttered the word was weighted with sadness. He then rolled over and sat in the bed on his knees, his tear filled eyes fully meeting Eiri's.

Eiri wondered if it was wrong to think Shuichi's tear filled eyes were so beautiful. It wasn't as if it was because he was crying, but because they sparkled. He decided it was okay, in that case. "Be with him? Are you insane?" Remember sensitivity, Eiri, he's the one hurting. And it's your fault. So, stop being a dick. "I mean... why would you think I would want to be with him over you? No, that's not ever going to happen. Ever. If I wanted to be with Tohma, I would be with him. I would have been with him. But I want to be with you. I'm not in love with him like I am with you. Like I said, the body is the body. But you're the only one that I love." He hoped Shuichi wouldn't pull away in disgust, but he crawled onto the bed in hopes of putting his arms around Shuichi.

Rage started to clean up the living room, throwing away the trash and the remains of lunch, picking up the bottle of lubrication and mopping up the spill, lifting Tohma to clean the mess on the couch before dropping him again, rather roughly, just doing this and that to make sure everything was back in order as it should have been...except for the passed out label head but someone might hurt her if she tossed him outside naked...or in the dumpster.
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Shuichi clung to Eiri tightly, letting his tears fall on his shoulder, his soft strawberry colored hair disheveled and uncharacteristically out of place. he whimpered into the other man's neck and clutched at him. "Eiri... Eiri, I'm sorry. I want to be with you. I'm such an idiot. You're right. I'm so stupid." He let out a sad moan and clings tighter, wrapping his fingers in Eiri's hair.

Eiri tried to be sweet and tender, petting Shuichi's back and side. But the guilt grew worse when Shuichi started to apologize to him, which inevitably turned to anger. In one sudden movement, he pushed Shuichi away, shaking his head violently. "No, you idiot. You're not the one that's supposed to be apologizing to me. What the hell did you do wrong? Nothing. So shut the hell up about being sorry."

Shuichi lay flat on his back in bed now, looking up at Eiri with fear in his eyes. "Wha...? Y-Y-Eiri...? I...I…" He stopped himself from apologizing and just looked at him through the tears in his eyes

"You should be yelling at me, calling me a dick, or a jerk, or telling me that you want to leave me. Not saying sorry that you're sad." His anger fizzled and died, leaving him slouched over, sitting on the back on his heels, hands on his thighs. "Why do you drive me crazy every second that we're together?" Damn those eyes. They always got to him. His voice was void of anger, sliding down cover Shuichi with his body, wrapping himself against the smaller form to hold them together.

Shuichi heaved a sudden sigh, responding to Eiri's touch with intensity. He now shed tears of relief, just feeling the other man against him. "Eiri, I don't want to drive you crazy! I want to make you happy. You deserve to be happy."

"You DO make me happy, idiot. It makes me happy to wake up in the middle of the night with you kicking me in your sleep. I like it when you make me nasty tea or try to cook dinner. I like it when you sing in the shower, or in the hallway, or when I am trying to work. Your stupid music doesn't bother me; neither does your hair dye on my clothes, or your pocky boxes crammed everywhere. It makes me happy to live like this. Moron. Do you think you could stop crying and smile at me?" Eiri threaded fingers into Shuichi’s hair, playing with it against the nape of his neck.*

Shuichi’s heart fluttered in his chest, and he smiled softly, sniffling through the last of his tears. He had never heard Eiri speak quite like this before, and it made his heart swell. He reached up and put his hand on Eiri's cheek and smiled again "Eiri, you're still always good to me. Even when you don't feel like it."

It was hard not to smile back when Shuichi smiled at him like that, even if he did try his hardest to hold it back and flinch instead. Oh well. It was okay to smile at Shuichi now and then, when they were alone. He rubbed their noses together since Shuichi liked affection and those disgusting cute things he thought entirely unnecessary (but liked, nevertheless). "The cake. Thanks." Baby steps were still steps forward. "Are you mad at me anymore? Even in the slightest? Sad?"

Shuichi smiled contentedly, the weight of a long day melting away. "I'm not angry. I'm only a little sad. And that's because I didn't get to spend the day with you and give you a reason not to be with Seguchi-san..." He pressed his lips to his cheek and kissed him gently and innocently.

Something about that statement troubled him, but he couldn’t quite place his finger on the 'wrongness' within it. "Hm. Well, sometimes you need to do thing to put other things to rest, you know? Like some things are steps forward, towards a new end that liberates you. Does that make any sense? I think your idiocy oozes from your skin and seeps into mine."

A lot of what Eiri said went completely over Shuichi’s head, but he didn't care, he just assumed that it meant that he was sorry. "Eiri!" He kissed him deeply, smiling even more as he then laid back to look up at him. "Eiri... I want you to be happy. So, you can have your way with me, even though I said that you couldn't earlier... anything you want. 'Cause I love you."

Fin