And now for some really fine print... it's just standard legal stuff that was translated from a real lawyer, but it's still really important.
Here's the deal:
I run this site so that people like you (and people you like) can use it for personal entertainment, information, education, communication, and cyber gratification. So go ahead and browse around all you like. You can even download stuff from the site but only for noncommercial, personal use. If you do, though, don't fool around with the copyright and other notices all over the stuff. They're there for a really good reason. And don't even think about distributing, modifying, transmitting, reusing, reposting, or anything else uncool with any of the stuff, including text, images, audio, and video, for public or commercial purposes unless I give you written permission. And it's not likely I will.
If you visit my site, you're also legally obligated to [read: stuck with] the terms and conditions listed below and any other law or regulation that applies to the site, the Internet, and the World Wide Web, or the state of Oregon. You shouldn't access or browse the site if you have any problem with that, because once you start, there's no turning back -- you are bound by [read: stuck with] the terms and conditions.
So here's the scoop on my Top Ten Rules for Cyber surfers who hang out on my site:
1. For everyone's sake, just assume that everything on the site is copyrighted unless we say it's not. So you can't use the stuff except how we say you can on this page or anywhere else on the site without my written permission. And like I said before, it's not likely I'll give you permission anyway. In fact, even if I wanted to, the lawyers are likely to veto any deal anyway. So it's better you don't even ask.
2. While I try to include accurate stuff on the site, we're not promising you it's accurate. In fact, I’m not promising you anything except fun and entertainment. So if you use stuff on the site, you're using it at your own risk. Don't call us if there's a problem because we assume no liability or responsibility for errors or omissions on the site.
3. I and anybody else who helped me create, produce, or deliver the site are not liable for any damages you suffer when you use it. In particular, the lawyers want you to know that our disclaimer includes "direct, incidental, consequential, indirect, or punitive damages arising out of your access to, or use of, the site. Without limiting the foregoing, everything on the site is provided to you 'AS IS' WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON-INFRINGEMENT. Please note that some jurisdictions may not allow the exclusion of implied warranties, so some of the above exclusions may not apply to you. Check your local laws for any restrictions or limitations regarding the exclusion of implied warranties." Ugh! What a mouthful from the mouthpieces. We put all of that in quotes because we couldn't figure out any other way to say it that the lawyers would accept. But here's the bottom line – I’m not responsible if you're browsing around and the site damages you or your computer or infects it with any nasty viruses. We sure hope that doesn't happen, but if it does, don't call me.
4. If you don't want the world to know something, don't post it on the Internet in any way, including in any survey, form, bulletin board or anyplace else. That's because anything you disclose to someone else becomes theirs, unless you make an agreement otherwise. This means that if you send me your ideas, legally, we can do anything we want with them. If I wanted to, I could reproduce them, disclose them, transmit them, publish them, broadcast them, and post them someplace else. Not only that, I get to use any intellectual property (ideas, concepts, know-hows, or techniques) you send to me, any way I want to, including developing, manufacturing, and marketing products or programs using the information you send to me. And I don't have to pay you for it. The bottom line is that if you want to keep something private, don't send it to anyone on the Internet.
5. Pictures of people or places shown on the site are either our property or someone else's property I’m using with their permission. No matter what, it's definitely not your property. You or any of your net friends can't use it unless we said you can on this page or somewhere else on the site. So guess what -- I won't say yes. So be careful, Bunky, because unauthorized use may violate all sorts of nasty laws. Be smart, keep the stuff you download to yourself.
6. Do NOT use any of the copyrighted characters. I would give you a list but I've forgotten half of them, so if you don't recognize them, don't use them.
7. You'll probably notice that a lot of other sites are linked to mine. While that's cool, it doesn't mean I've looked at all those sites, much less checked them out periodically to see what's going on. So don't blame me if someone gives you wrong information about my Website or has stuff on it that offends you or your pets. It's not my fault.
8. That brings us to what you do on my own site. While I occasionally listen in on chat groups, or look at all the postings in discussion groups or on bulletin boards, I take no responsibility and assume no liability for the content of those locations or for any mistakes, defamation, libel, slander, omissions, falsehoods, obscenity, pornography, or profanity you might encounter when you visit such places. And don't be stupid by posting or transmitting any unlawful, threatening, libelous, defamatory, obscene, scandalous, inflammatory, pornographic, nasty, mean, or profane material or any material that law enforcement types may consider a criminal offense, get someone in court on a civil lawsuit, or for that mater violate any law -- anywhere, anytime. While I certainly respect your privacy, I have no choice but to fully cooperate with any law enforcement authorities or court that asks me to cooperate in an investigation of illegal, nasty behavior.
9. I am allowed to change this page or anything else on the site any time I want to. That's because it's mine and can do it. If I do change the page, then you're bound by [read: stuck with] those changes, too, whenever you visit my site.
10. If this all sounds kind of mean and undiplomatic, you should have seen what the lawyers gave to me in the first place. I had to remind them that human torture and sacrifice was outlawed in the United States. Boy, did they look disappointed!
There now, I’m finished, the lawyers are happy, thanks for reading this message.