The Things You Take For Granite
Spoilers: Big time Heroes

How could he? He left us in that tiny second. That sounds selfish, doesn't
>it? Something I've grown to try and banish from my thoughts. But old habits
>die hard.
>
>The things to take for granite when you have everything. Yeah, I'm poor. I
>went from riches to nothing, but I had something. It took and LA bound
Angel
>to show me that. And I don't mean Angel the vampire.
>
>Doyle showed me so much and I didn't see it till now. He gave me a place to
>stay. His is the first house I called after the roach insident. And then he
>helpped me find that great home. I know, it was spirit infested but, Dennis
>is okay.
>
>Out of everything though, he gave me his heart. No one ever did that for me
>before. I mean, Xander loved me, but I don't know how much so. But Doyle...
>he just seemed so there, that I took it for granite.
>
>I think I tried to avoid the whole 'in love' thing for as long as I could.
>But when Kate said it was so obvious, I couldn't believe it. And I hinted
to
>Angel I liked him, but didn't know how to show it. He showed it in the most
>obvious ways possible.
>
>And I treated him like shit. Someone to walk over like I do everyone else.
I
>do this every time and yet I still don't learn. And now look what I have to
>show for it. I don't even have a grave to morn over. not even dust, Buffy
>would atleast have dust.
>
>Angel and I watched that video and everythig seemed so right. Angel was
>actually the first to turn it on. I heard Doyle's voice and turned, hoping
it
>was him, that it was just a dream. And then I saw the tv. I guess I'm glad
he
>did that video thing after all. Now I can keep his voice, his face,
>everything with me.
>
>Angel offered to walk me home, or give me a ride. Maybe stay there the
night.
>But I just simply told him no. I had to be alone. But not at home. I went
to
>Doyle's place. I grabbed one of his shirts, and wrapped it around me. I
smelt
>in the room and didn't smell bong-water like before. I smelt him. The
>masquelin colon he wore.
>
>I started to cry again. I couldn't control the tears. Not anymore. Every
time
>things seemed good they were taken from me. Every time.
>
>As I cried, I swear I felt him behind me. Wrapping me in his arms, telling
me
>in a silent way not to cry, that everything was fine. That we can get past
>this, we always do. But I'm just crazy to think that. He wasn't here, he
>couldn't be. I watched as he pulled the plug and as he turned to nothing.
He
>gave his life for me, and Angel and all thoughs demons below. He gave up on
>something just for him. He didn't care he'd never see me again, or that he
>was going to die. He just did what he wanted to do.
>
>Now all I have left are these bits and pieces of things. The tape, my
>apartment, his things. I'm sure Angel wouldn't care if I took some things,
>just as a reminder. But I can't help but feel a piece of him in me. Like
when
>we kissed, he gave me something to remember him by. But I just don't know
>what.
>
>All I know is, is I'm in his apartment weaping for him. I'll cry all night.
>Most likely will, without a choice. But I'm not leaving this room tonight.
>Not till morning. I want to just crawl into his bed and think the covers
are
>him, covering all my sadness and sarrow till morning brakes.

Angel's Diary