Drummer Jokes
HOME
Map Area
Why didn't the little drummer boy get into heaven?
Because he woke the baby for Christ's sake!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From the Drummers Dictionary:
Accelerando, n. drum fill; solo
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why to bands need Roadies?
To translate what the drummer says.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two drummers walk into a bar...
which is funny because you would have figured the second one would have seen the first guy do it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A new customer walks into the new store on the block that sells brains. There are three glass cases, each containing a nice wet quivering grey brain. The first one says "Astrophysicist", and it costs $10. The second says "Avon Salesman" and costs $1000. The third says "Drummer" and costs $10,000. The customer is confused, and questions the salesperson.
"I don't get it...why would I want a drummer's brain for $10,000 when I can get an astrophysicists' for $10?".
The salesman replies, "Because it's never been used."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a Drummer driving a Volkswagon?
A: Farfromthinken
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To get this joke, you probably have to know about the legendary unpopularity of Buddy Rich amongst his band...
A horn player who had been playing with Buddy Rich for many years came back from vacation to hear a rumour that Buddy had died. He didn't quite believe it, so he phoned Buddy's wife and said "Can I speak to Buddy please?"
Buddy's wife said, "I'm sorry, Buddy passed away last week."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," he said, and hung up.
A couple of hours later, he called her again. "Is Buddy there please?"
"No, I'm sorry. Buddy's no longer with us," said Buddy's wife. And hung up the phone.
Ten minuted later, he called Buddy's wife again. "Can I speak to Buddy please?" he said.
She recognised his voice, and said: "Look, I've told you before, BUDDY'S DEAD!" And slammed down the phone.
Two minutes later, and the phone rang again... "Is Buddy at home please?" the horn player asked.
Buddy's wife was furious. "I'm not going to tell you again, Buddy is dead.. D. E. A. D. DEAD. Why do you keep ringing me to ask for Buddy???!!!!"
He thought for a moment, and said: "I just love hearing you say it."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does a drummer use for contraception?
A: His personality!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two girls are walking along when they hear...
"Psst! Down here!"
They both look down and see a frog sitting beside the road. The frog says to them, "Hey, if you kiss me I'll turn into a world famous drummer and make you both rich and famous!" The two girls looked at each other, and one of them reached down and grabbed the frog and stuffed it in her pocket.
The other girl said, "What did you do that for?"
The first replied, "I'm not stupid. I know a talking frog is worth heaps more than a famous drummer any day!!!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do Ginger Baker and 7-11 coffee have in common?
They both suck without Cream.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, so long as a roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A drummer, tired from being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some "real" musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over there and that accordian."
The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got to stay".
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
A: Put a sheet of music in front of him.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy walks into a shop.
"You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a Gobson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremulo?"
"You're a drummer, aren't you?"
"Duh, yeah. How'd you know?"
"This is a travel agency."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation. As the boat nears the island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the island. As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "very bad when the drumming stops."
At the end of the day, the drumming is still going and is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Very bad when the drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.
After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveller is finally fed up, grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts "What happens when the drumming stops?!!"
"Bass solo."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but only after asking "Why?"
("Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?")
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
(Hmmm... that inspires a turnaround variation...)
Why are bad drummers better than drum machines?
You don't have to plug 'em in to get something stiff, mechanical and uninspired.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If a dollar bill was laying in the center of a room, and the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, a drummer with good time, and a drummer with bad time were standing in the corners, who would get the money?
The drummer with bad time since the other three don't exist.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I lady walks into a store and tell the man behind the counter she would like some musican brains. "Alright" he says, "What kind?".
"How much do they cost?" she asks.
"Well, those there are trumpeters at $5 a pound, those are french horns at $7 a pound, and those are conductors' at $10 a pound." He replies.
"What are those way back there?" she asks.
"Those are drummers brains. They cost $100 a pound." He replies.
"GOODNESS!!", she exclaims, "Why are they so expensive?"
"Lady, do you realize how many drummers it takes to get a pound of brains?!?!".
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the difference between a chiropodist and Ginger Baker?
A chiropodist bucks up your feet!!
(with apologies to Ginger Baker fans, ... and those that needed to reach for the dictionary for that one)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you get if you cross a drummer with a gorilla?
A really dumb gorrilla!!! (ba-dump bump )
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
"Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They have a machine to do that now.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
A: Because it can keep a steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Five: one to screw in the light bulb and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart would have done it!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do drummers have one more brain cell than a horse?
So that when marching in a parade, they can avoid the sh*t on the road.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
Me either.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q:Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
A: So you don't have to retrain the drummers.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An amateur drummer dies and goes to heaven. While he is waiting outside the pearly gates, he hears some incredibly fast drumming coming from within heaven. He immediately recognizes the playing, and asks St. Peter if that really is Buddy Rich playing drums in heaven. St. Peter responds:
"No, that's G-d. He just thinks that he's Buddy Rich."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How can you make a drummer slow down?
A: Put a sheet of music in front of him
Q #2: How can you make that drummer stop?
A: Put notes on it!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
A: So they can park in the handicapped spot.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A fellow walks into a shop and says to the shop assistant: "excuse me, I'd like to buy a guitar pick, and some strings."
The shop assistant looks uncomprehendingly at his customer, and says "pardon?"
"I'd like a guitar pick please, and some strings."
The shop assistant thinks on this for a while, and then turns to his customer and says "you're a drummer aren't you?"
"Yeah! How did you know man?"
"This is a fish and chip shop."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Johnny says to his mom: I want to be a drummer when I grow up!
Mom: But Johnny, you can't do both.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The classic one:
Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A drummer.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
A: The knocking speeds up.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
A: He doesn't know when to come in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the guitarist who was going to a gig and locked his keys in the car? It took him two hours to get the drummer out....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One friend to another: "Why do you hang around with that drummer??"
"Beats me!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
A: You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man dies and goes to Heaven. Unlike he had expected, Heaven is essentially a really long hallway with doors on either side, each with a short IQ range listed on it. Inside, he learns, the rooms are perfectly tailored so that the conversation will match the intelligence of the people in them.
He opens the 170 door. "Well," comes the conversation inside, "I've always found Fourier transforms to be a rather limited way of interconverting what are fundamentally..."
SLAM. Too rich for him. He heads down the hall a bit to the 115 zone and opens the door. "I just read 'Generation X'," comes a voice, "and though Coupland doesn't do too badly in identifying his generation's fundamental angst, I was a bit confused by..."
SLAM. Not bad, but now the man was getting curious, and wanted to see what was further down the scale. He tries 95. "Hey, did you read the paper today? Says interest rates will go up again..."
SLAM. How about 60? "Huh. Thought 'Married With Children' last night was pretty funny. Didn't get the bit about the hooters, though..."
SLAM. It was getting pretty bad. He tried 35. The people inside were looking at one another and drooling.
Finally, he came to the one marked with a 10. He hesitated, fearing what he would see when he opened the door. But he did, seeing only two guys inside.
"So," one said to the other, "what size sticks do you use?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two salesmen are in a bar. One says to the other, "I bet you I can relate to anyone in this bar, I'm such a good salesman." The other replies, "You think so, huh? Well, sure. But I pick the guys." "Ok," says the first, "you're on."
The other grabs the guy sitting at the table next to them and tells the first salesman, "Here, this one." This first subject is dressed in a three-piece suit and is carrying Wall Street Week. The salesman asks him, "What's your IQ?" "190." So they chat for a while about the stock market, particle physics, and Non-Euclidean geometry.
"Ok," says the other salesman, "That was pretty good, but you still have two to go." He looks around and grabs a guy dressed in jeans, a tee-shirt, and a baseball cap worn backwards. The salesman asks him "What's you're IQ?" "About 100." So THEY chat for a while about baseball, cars, and the various women in the bar.
"Fine," says the other salesman, "But there's still one to go." He goes to the back of the bar and grabs a really scummy looking guy in a muscle shirt and shorts. The salesman asks him "What's your IQ?"
"About 60."
"What kind of sticks do you use?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does the average drummer get on an IQ test?
A: Drool.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How can you tell when the stage riser is level?
A: The drools comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
A: "Hey, guys - why don't we try one of my songs? ..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What did the professional drummer say when he got to his job?
A: "Would you like fries with that?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?
Drool.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a guy who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. There's machines that can do that now.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How can you tell if there's a percussionist at the door?
The knock speeds up.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you tell if the stage is level?
The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Johnny says to his mom: "I want to be a drummer when I grow up."
Mom: "But Johnny, you can't do both."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What does the dyslexic drummer do after a joke?
"Ching, Badumdum".
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a drummer and an electric drum machine?
You only have to punch the information into the machine once.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?
He had to break the window to get the drummer out.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the last thing a stripper does with her asshole before going to work?
Drops him and his drum set off at the gig.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do drummers have a half ounce more brains than horses do?
So they don't disgrace themselves during a parade!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you make a flutist into a drummer?
You put another useless stick in his hand, and lower his IQ by 30 points.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you get a drummer to play his/her drums?
Start tuning your guitar.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do drummers have a pea-sized brain?
Alcohol makes the brain swell!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many drummers does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
Who knows? It's never been done!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What were the drummer's last words?
"Hey, guys, check out this song I wrote..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the drummer that could play a steady beat?
Me neither.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
A drum machine won't sleep with your girlfriend.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
Why? Oh wow, it's like dark, Man!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the first thing drummers do in the morning?
Walk home.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many drummers does it take to drive from Boston to Memphis?
Two if you're in the Grateful Dead, one if you're in trouble because you've gotten your girlfriend pregnant and she's a groupie, and none if you drum in the Jimi Hendrix Band.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How may Drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. But he's got to do it 3 times.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, "I'd like to look at the accordions, please." The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says "All our accordions are over there." After careful consideration, the drummer says, "I think I'd like the big red one in the corner." The owner looks at him funny and replies, "You're a drummer, right?" The drummer is amazed. "How did you know?" "Because the 'big red one in the corner' is the radiator."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man is standing on a street corner with a sign saying, "Tell me your IQ and I'll guess your profession." A guy walks up, and says "My IQ is 147." "Oo...", says the man. "You're a nuclear physicist, eh?" "That's right", says the guy, and walks off. A second guy walks up and says, "My IQ is 189." "Wow", says the man. "Brain surgeon, eh?" "Right you are", says guy #2 and he walks off. A third guy walks up and says, "My IQ is 62." The man asks, "Really? What kind of sticks do you use?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two drummers walk into a bar...which is funny because you would have figured the second one would have seen the first guy do it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How does a bass player get to a party?
He follows the drummer.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many drummers does it take to pop popcorn?
Two: One to hold the popper and one to shake the stove.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Have you heard of the drummer who finished college?
Me neither.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There once was a timpinist who dreamed that he was playing in "Messiah" and when he woke up he was playing in "Messiah".
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a SCUD missle and a percussionist?
A percussionist's results kill you slowly. (It's an ancient form of torture.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do drummers have 1/2 ounce more brains than horses?
So they don't disgrace themselves during the parade.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
Drool.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They have machines to do that now.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?
He had to break a window to get the drummer out!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We know a guy who was so dumb his teacher gave him two sticks and he became a drummer, but lost one and became a conductor.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two cowboys were waiting in their fort for the Indians to attack. They listened to the distant pounding war drums.
One cowboy muttered to the other, "I don't like the sound of them drums."
Just then, a distant voice came over the hill, "It's not our usual drummer!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy wanted to play bass in a band. The band told him, "Okay, but you will have to have 1/3 of your brain removed." So the guy went into surgery. When he woke up, the doctor said, "I'm terribly sorry, but we made a mistake and accidentally removed 3/4's of your brain!" The guy said, "Uh, that's okay. Got some sticks?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
So they don't have to retrain the drummers.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?
The knock always slows down.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I asked my drummer to spell "Mississippi"...
He said, "the river or the state?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you know if a drummer's platform is level?
The drool comes out of both sides of his mouth.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do trumpet players park in the handicap spots?
They put drumsticks on the dash.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to change it, and the other four to stand around and talk about how much better Neil Peart would have done it!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two drummers walk into a bar, which is actually kind of funny, because you would think that the second guy would have seen the first one do it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a dozen drummers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the drummer who got into college?
No.
Neither did I.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a drummer and Dr. Scholl's foot pads?
Dr. Scholl's foot pads buck up the feet.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bellringers job. The bishop was incredulous.
"You have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man, "observe!" He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side.
When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell."
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist (now there's a trivia question for you), the bishop continued his interviews for the bellringer of Notre Dame. The first man to approach him said, "Your excellency, I am the brother of the poor, armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty." The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.
"What has happened?" the first breathlessly asked, "Who is this man?"
"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Como saber si hay un baterista en la puerta?
Porque no sabe cuando entrar.
In English: How do you know there's a drummer at the door?
Because he doesn't know when to enter.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man died and soon after, went to Heaven. He discovered Heaven was an endless hallway with doors to the left and right. On the door was your I.Q. number. He went to door 160, and found the people there talking about quantum physics. He slammed the door and went to door 120. He found the people there trying to figure out as many decimal places of pi that they could. He shut the door and went to 80. He found the people in there talking about lastnight's Packer game. He thought to himself, "I'll come back to this one later," and shut the door. He walked all the way down to 16, and found the people in there talking about Sunday's episode of "King of the Hill." He shut the door, and went to door 7. He foung the people in there drooling on each other. Lastly, he went to door 3. He opened the door and heard one of the people say, "My sticks were Zildjian, what were yours?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day a drummer sick of all of the "stupid drummer" jokes decided to change instruments. So he went to the local music store and said that he wanted to learn a new instrument. The store owner cheerfully replied ok and asked what he would be interested in playing. After looking around the shop he said I'll try those things over there, pointing to the accordion section.
After looking through the accordions from over an hour the shop keeper said, "Have you found what you looking for?"
The drummer replied, "Yes, I'll take that big red one over there."
The store keeper smiled and and stared laughing. When the drummer asked why he was laughing the store keeper replied, "Are you a drummer, son?"
"Yeah!" replied the drummer.
"Well that big red thing is a radiator"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
A drum machine can keep a steady beat and won't steal your girlfriend!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many drummers does it take to wallpaper a room?
Three, if you slice them thin enough!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one; he holds it and the world revolves around him.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does Ginger Baker and black coffee have in common?
A: They both suck without Cream.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why are drummers always losing their watches?
A: Everyone knows they have trouble keeping time.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a kid with a set of drums?
A: The poster child for Birth Control.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a bunch of kids with drums?
A: Jerry's Kids.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you call a drummer?
A: You can't. They don't pay their phone bill.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What should you call a drummer?
A: It doesn't matter. They won't listen anyway.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you confuse a drummer?
A: Give him a piece of sheet music.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What would you call the smartest drummer in the world?
A: Mildly retarded.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's the best protection the Secret Service could have against a Presidential assassination?
A: Make a drummer the Vice-President.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call 10 drummers sitting in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do drummers have lots of kids?
A: They're terrible at the rhythm method.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man was looking for a new brain. He went to a brain surgen and told him of his problem. The surgen said, " I only have three brains left." The man said, " Well what's the cheapest?" The surgen said, " I have a doctor's brain for cheap." The man said," We'll that's great, what else do you have?" The surgen said, " I also have the brain of a rocket scientist, but that's just a little more pricy." The man replied, " Wow if you have the brain of a rocket scientist, the last one must be really smart." The surgen said, " The most expensive one I have, is a dummer's brain." The man said, " Why is a drummer's brain so expensive?" The surgen replied, " We'll because it's never been used before."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?
One will mature and make money.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q:How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:100: 1 to hold the light bulb and 99 to drink until the room spins.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Did you ever hear about the drummer who finished high school?
No.
A. Me neither!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
how can you get a drummer off your porch?
pay for the pizza!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So this guy goes into a store walks up to the counter and says "I'd like a Mashall HiWatt 360 watt ampflicator and a fender Geetar with the fried rose tremolo-
The guy stops him right there and says "You're a drummer, aren't you?"
"Uh, yeah. You did you know?"
"This is a travel agency."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. How do you know when a drummers outside your door?
A. The knock gets faster.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A drummer dies and goes to heaven. Outside the Pearly gates he's talking to St. Peter about the band.
"Who" askes the drummer "do you have playing here?".
"Everybody" says St. Peter, "We've got Billie Holliday, Ella and Bessie Smith sharing vocals, Duke Ellington and Count Basie on piano, the saxes you just wouldn't believe'"
"So," askes the drummer, "who leads the band?"
St. Peter waits just a second before answering and replys, "Well, it's God of course, but occaisionally he thinks He's John Dankworth".
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do drummers have one more brain cell than a horse?
--So that when marching in a parade, they can avoid the sh*t on the road.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How can you make a drummer slow down?
A: Put a sheet of music in front of him.
Q#2: How can you make that drummer stop?
A: Put notes on it!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
--So they can park in the handicapped spot.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the difference between a drun line playing together and shoes in a dryer?
Nothing
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you get an elephant out of a 40 foot hole?
Lower a drummer into the hole and gross him out.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you get a drummer to leave your house?
Pay for the pizza!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q:How many drummers can you fit in a phone booth?
A: None, "There's not enough room in there man!!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
"Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
A: Because it can keep a steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An amateur drummer dies and goes to heaven. While he is waiting outside the pearly gates, he hears some incredibly fast drumming coming from within heaven. He immediately recognizes the playing, and asks St. Peter if that really is Buddy Rich playing drums in heaven. St. Peter responds:
"No, that's G-d. He just thinks that he's Buddy Rich."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two drummers walk into a bar...
which is funny because you would have figured the second one would have seen the first guy do it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A new customer walks into the new store on the block that sells brains. There are three glass cases, each containing a nice wet quivering grey brain. The first one says "Astrophysicist", and it costs $10. The second says "Avon Salesman" and costs $1000. The third says "Drummer" and costs $10,000. The customer is confused, and questions the salesperson. "I don't get it...why would I want a drummer's brain for $10,000 when I can get an astrophysicists' for $10?".
The salesman replies, "Because it's never been used."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a Drummer driving a Volkswagon?
A: Farfromthinken
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To get this joke, you probably have to know about the legendary unpopularity of Buddy Rich amongst his band...
A horn player who had been playing with Buddy Rich for many years came back from vacation to hear a rumour that Buddy had died. He didn't quite believe it, so he phoned Buddy's wife and said "Can I speak to Buddy please?"
Buddy's wife said, "I'm sorry, Buddy passed away last week."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," he said, and hung up.
A couple of hours later, he called her again. "Is Buddy there please?"
"No, I'm sorry. Buddy's no longer with us," said Buddy's wife. And hung up the phone.
Ten minutes later, he called Buddy's wife again. "Can I speak to Buddy please?" he said.
She recognised his voice, and said: "Look, I've told you before, BUDDY'S DEAD!" And slammed down the phone.
Two minutes later, and the phone rang again... "Is Buddy at home please?" the horn player asked.
Buddy's wife was furious. "I'm not going to tell you again, Buddy is dead.. D. E. A. D. DEAD. Why do you keep ringing me to ask for Buddy???!!!!"
He thought for a moment, and said: "I just love hearing you say it."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does a drummer use for contraception?
A: His personality!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two girls are walking along when they hear...
"Psst! Down here!"
They both look down and see a frog sitting beside the road. The frog says to them, "Hey, if you kiss me I'll turn into a world famous drummer and make you both rich and famous!" The two girls looked at each other, and one of them reached down and grabbed the frog and stuffed it in her pocket.
The other girl said, "What did you do that for?"
The first replied, "I'm not stupid. I know a talking frog is worth heaps more than a famous drummer any day!!!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy walks into a shop.
"You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a Gobson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremulo?"
"You're a drummer, aren't you?"
"Duh, yeah. How'd you know?"
"This is a travel agency."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why are bad drummers better than drum machines?
You don't have to plug 'em in to get something stiff, mechanical and uninspired.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If a dollar bill was laying in the center of a room, and the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, a drummer with good time, and a drummer with bad time were standing in the corners, who would get the money?
The drummer with bad time since the other three don't exist.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a drummer with more than one brain cell?
Pregnant.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
there is a bar with a bunch of drummers in it and they are all yelling "51 days, 51 days!" and more and more keep coming in, they are all ordering drinks and yelling "51 days! 51 days!" the bartender has a puzzled look on his face as more and more come into the bar and order more and more drinks and chant and chant. finally, the bartender asks one of the drummers why they are all celebrating and chanting"51 days! 51 days!" the drummer answers with, "well, we all just finished a puzzle in 51 days and the box said 2 to 4 years!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's do a drummer and a mosqito have in common?
A: They both suck!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HOME
Map Area
Email
