Brought to you in "Shag-O-Vision" and..
Distributed by EVIL ENTERPRISES

This Fan Fic is guaranteed 97% Recycled Jokes
"Save the Environment, re-use old Humor"

The Shaggin Disclaimer: I did not create Austin Powers and the Varios Austin Powers Characters, nor did I create the Buffy Characters.
Certain Humor and Storyline is also borrowed from the Austin Powers movie.
No one can sue me anyway.
I'm working a dead end, job, I have no savings, and I can barely afford toothpaste. Sigh L

Warning: Rated Shag-14 for shameless Sexual Innuendo
If your Mommy wouldn't let you see AP2 then don't you dare read this.

_____

Now our Story Begins…

We see the Endlessness of Outer Space.
The Giant Big Boy statue hurtles toward the earth at an incredible Pace.
Inside Doctor Evil is in Cryogenic Freeze along with his Cooler than a Cucumber Cat Mr. Bigglesworth.

Biggleworth: (Frozen) Meow!!

On Board Computer: Capsule approaching Atmosphere, destination EARTH.

_______

Meanwhile on Earth…

NYUniversity Dorm Room…
Scott Evil's Room…

Scott evil is necking a young College girl on his bed.
Her name Is Kat.

Kat: Oh Scott, maybe we shouldn't.

Scott: Sure we should

Kat: Are you really a doctor?

Scott: Well my dad is…err…was

Kat: Well I suppose we could..

Scott: I need this, every time I try to lose my virginity I get interrupted on the most humiliating way.

Scott removes his shirt and unzips his jeans.

Scott: Scott Boys about to give you a lesson in Love 101

Scott's Mother, Frau, runs into the dorm room.

Frau: Scott Honey, it's me

Scott: Damn it!! Mom, I'm was about to get some

Frau: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.

Frau: I had to come and give you the good news, me and your Al Gore here.

Scott: Al Gore!!

Al Gore: (Gasp) Pre-marital Shag, you should be ashamed of yourself.

He zips up.
Catches himself than screams in pain falling to the floor.

Al Gore: (Laughs)

Kat: Not even one minute into the Fan Fic and we've already ripped off "There's Something About Marry".

Al Gore: (Laughs) I love that Movie

Scott stands back up.

Scott: (Whiny) Mom

Al Gore: Vote for Gore in 2000!!! I'm not boring I only SEEM that way.

Al Gore waves g'bye and leaves.

Kat: Wow, you know the Vice President!!

Frau: Scott dear, Daddy's come back

Scott: What?

Frau grabs the remote and switches on The Television.

_____

Dateline NBC..
The Barbara Walter's Interview..

Barbara: So tell me Dr. Evil what's it like to be back on earth?

Dr. Evil sits across from Walter's petting Mr. Bigglesworth.

Dr. Evil: Barb, may I call you Barb?

Barbara: No!!

Dr. Evil: It IS good to be back on Earth. All my Favorite things are on Earth. Pogs, Jim Carrey, The Star Wars Trilogy, Fast Food Restaurants, Public Restrooms, Lame Long Distance Phone Company commercials, etc. I especially enjoy Dateline NBC. I had my Henchmen tape all the Reports I missed.

Barbara: Really?

Dr. Evil: I've heard only good things on your story about Pimps who predict the Armageddon

Barbara: That one got us ANOTHER Emmy

Dr. Evil: So many Emmy's huh?

Barbara: Oh yeah, you want one?

Barbara Tosses Dr. Evil an Emmy

Dr. Evil: I'll treasure it forever

He quickly shoves it in his pocket

Barbara: So you like the show?

Dr. Evil: Yes, but I confess I only like the show because of your and your sweet sweet Can.

Barbera: (Laughs Flirtingly) Oh you

Dr. Evil: I like The View as well.
Whatever happened to Debbie?

Barbara: (Nervous) Oh she's all right

Barbara looks down to the floorboards as there is a loud banging sound.

Debbie: Let me out of here!!!

Barbara proceeds to Grab another Emmy and whacks the floor boards until there is silence.

Barber: Shut the Hell up!!

Dr. Evil: (Laughs Wickedly)

Barbera: (Laughs Wickedly as well) So now that your back on Earth what are your plans?

Dr. Evil: Well I intend to Go to the Beach, Learn the latest Dance Craze, attend a few concerts, get a manicure, oh of course (With Pinkie over mouth) TAKE OVER THE WORLD. But first I must take on the tiresome task of destroying my arch Nemesis Austin Powers.

Barbara: You and Austin Powers have quite a rivalry?

Dr. Evil: Yes, it's similar to you and that dreadful Sawyer Woman

Barbara: No, that was a rumor. I have nothing against that perky, youthful, Witch.

Dr. Evil: Uh Huh

Babara: That's a unique Cat you have there?

Dr. Evil: Yes Mr. Bigglesworth here is my Baby. I love my Baby. Oh ahhh, But My poor Kittie lost it's hair during Cryogenic freeze.

Barbera: Yes, It's showing of it's ass on TV

Dr. Evil: ..Just like that Dreaded Sawyer Woman

Babara: (Laughs)

Slaps Dr. Evil High Fives her

Barbara: Of all the Evil Doctors I've interviewed you have the sharpest Wit. Kevorkian has NOTHING on you.

Dr. Evil: (Modest) Well I….

Barbara: Don't be so modest.
So Tell me what can we expect in the new world with YOU as our ruthless overlord.

Dr. Evil: Well all humanity will be enslaved by me and forced to do hard labor for all eternity.
Expect of course for you Bar, you'll become my willing Sex Slave and Spawn fourth my army of Offspring.

Barbara: (Laughs Flirtingly) Oh you Sweet Talker you.

Dr. Evil: But I wouldn't be where I am today without my son Scott Evil.

Barbera: You and your son are close?

Dr. Evil: Actually No, I've tried to kill him on an occasion or two. It's typical Father and Son Squabbling.

Barbera: I see

Dr. Evil: (To Camera) Scott son, Daddy's coming to get you after the Show

Barbera: We will return in a just a moment..

_____

Nyu Dorm Room..

Scott: Arghh

Frau: I can't wait to see him!!

Scott: Mom!!! He'll try to kill me again.

Kat: Your Father doesn't sound that bad

Frau: Who's' the girl?

Scott: Don't mind her she's just a bimbo

Kat slaps him

Scott: (Panicked) I have to get out of here!!

Scott runs out

____

After a long journey..
The Appalachian Mountains…

Scott Finishes scaling the Mountain.
He wears an Eskimo suit.
He's now at the Mountain Peak.

Scott: (Panting) Whew, He'll never find me here

Dr. Evil: Scott, Son!!

Dr. Evil runs up to him

Scott: What? How'd you find me?

Dr. Evil: Well I could go into the details, but instead lets hug

Dr. Evil spreads his arms and comes at Scott

Scott: No!!

Scott looses his grip and falls.

Scott: (Screaming) Damn it, I'm going to die a virgin.

With a Thud he is gone.

Dr. Evil: You think he's dead? Maybe he's just really really hurt badly.

His Evil HenchMan, Number 2, approaches him.

#2: I doubt he could survive falling off a Mountain onto Jagged Rocks.

Dr. Evil: Me thinks your right

#2: So your not upset?

Dr. Evil: No of course I'm not
(Breaks down in tears)
Oh My Son is Dead.
(Crying)
It's not fair

#2: Can I get you something, Tissue, Kleenex, Midol.

Dr. Evil: (Cries) My son, he was my ONLY son

#2: There There Err.. Everything going to be all right

Dr. Evil: (Crying like a 3 year old)

_______

A Week Later on Doctor Evil Island…

Dr. Evils' band of no good associates sit around the table in his Tower of Wickedness.

#2: I'm afraid Dr. Evil is not well, he's been rather shaken by the death of his Son, Scott.

Frau: I agree, yesterday I caught him watching The WB Network. He's become a sad sad person.

Mustafa: Couldn't we simply use Scott's DNA to make a clone or go back in time using the time machine and bring him back?

Frau: Aren't you suppose to be dead?
Did you not die in Austin Powers 2?

Mustafa: Well I…

Frau pushed the button marked "Mustafa" in Dr. Evil's Desk. Mustafa's Chair falls back sending him into a pit of Flames.

Frau: Ugh, that's for the Cheerleader skits on SNL

#2: Now back to the situation at hand

Frau: Dr. Evil has locked himself in his room, he refuses to talk to me. It's not the same without him here bossing us around and spewing about mindless plans of World Domination.

#2: I miss our old Dr. Evil

Frau: Surely there is something we can do?

#2: But Scott is dead, unless he has an identical twin we don't know about, we're screwed.

The Mechanical Buzz of a Robot is heard as the FemBots enter.

FemBot: Perh.. Perhaps there i. is a Way
FemBots in Sunn..Sunnysale have foun..found
Scott Ev…Evils Twi..Twin

Frau: His Twi..Twin? His Twin?

FemBot: Uh Huh

#2: Well, We will send a committee to find him, whoever he is

Frau: Quick page Dr. Evil inform him that His Son survived after all

#2: Are you proposing we lie?

Frau: I think Scott would have wanted it this way

_______

Meanwhile in Sunnydale… The Bronze..

Dingoes Ate my Baby are playing their set..

Buffy and the Gang, Minus Willow, are watching.

Buffy: Wow They're getting good

Angel: I like The Moppets

Xander looks at him funny

Cordy: Wow the lead singer is cute.

Xander: If he's so cute why don't you go shag him

Cordy: Maybe I will

Buffy: I think Xander's still upset after Cordy tricked him into getting that Vasectomy.

They all laugh.

Xander: But I got her back?

Cordy: You did not

Xander: Remember when you went to the Hospital for that "Routine Checkup"

Cordy: Yes, Why?

Xander: No reason

We notice Cordy's Skunk Tale hanging out of the Back of the chair.

They ALL laugh

Buffy: Oh yeah and remember when Giles injected me with those Muscle Relaxers in "Helpless"

Angel: Yes, Did you get him back

Buffy: I sure did, I killed and ate him (Smacks her lips like Hannibal the Cannibal in "Silence of the Lambs")

They ALL laugh

Buffy: No, Seriously I did

The Laughter stops

Angel: Well I for one am proud of Oz's Accomplishments in the Band.

Xander: If your so proud of him why don't you just Shag with him?

Angel: Because I'd lose my Soul They look at him funny

Angel: ..and because I don't like Guys (Nervous Laughter)

Cordy: So..Where is Willow?

Buffy: She'll be here in a while, she tries to see all of Oz's band Performances. She likes being supportive.

Angel: Awww, That is so Sweet

Xander: (Coughs) Homo

Angel: What was that?

Xander: Nothing

_____

The Stage….

The Band finishes there first performance and takes a break.

Oz looks around, he see's willow sticking her head out from the curtain leading back stage.

Oz: Willow, it's you.?

Willow: Yes it's m.. Me.
Come bac..Back Sta..Stage
I wan.. Want to Shag with yo..u

Oz: Willow, is there something wrong with your voice?

Willow: N..No

Oz: Well how could I turn down Sex? Err Shagging

Oz excitedly follows Willow BackStage.

____

Backstage…

It's deserted, just him and Willow.

Willow: You wil.. Will… Bow.. to Doctor..Ev..Evil

Oz: (Laughs) Ok Dr. Evil, I like this it's kinky.
I'll beg to you.

Two Small Guns appear out of Willow's chest.

Oz: Oh god, what are those?

Two Tranquilizer Darts hit Oz, he gasps then falls to the floor.. Asleep

The Other Fembots gather around The Sleeping Oz.

Willow reaches up and pulls off her mask revealing that she is Dun Dun Dun Dun, a FEMBOT.
(If you hadn't already guessed, I feel sorry for you)

They quickly pick up Oz's body and drag him away.
But lose there grip and drop him flat on his face.
He's still sleep.

FemBot: C'mo..C'mon Girls

They again lift him up and proceed to the back where the getaway vehicle is parked.

______

Back on Stage..

The Band looks around for there missing member.
Danny the Lead singer is worried.

Danny: Where is Oz?

Band Announcer: Now with an encore performance, Dingoes ate my Baby

Danny: But we can't play without Oz

Band Announcer: You HAVE to

Danny: Well Ok, what's the worst that could happen?

Dingoes Ate my Baby begins to play there song but for no reason at all Spontaneously Combust.

Band Announcer: Well that was Pointless

________

The Bronze…

Buffy: (Batting away the shreds of charred Human Flesh) Where do you suppose Oz is?

Cordy: The Restroom?

Xander: I'll check

Xander runs head first into the womans restroom. There are screams. After moments her returns.

Xander: Nope not in there?

Buffy: Now THAT was pointless

Xander: It was, Wasn't it?

There is an errie silence

Angel: You think he's been (Gasp) kidnapped?

Buffy: Sigh, it seems that way

Willow appraches them
(Not it's not the Fembot it's the ACTUAL Willow)

Willow: Hey Guys, Where's the Band?

Buffy: Spontaneously Combusted

Willow: On No!!

Buffy: Oz wasn't with them at the time

Willow: Then it's no biggie, seen any good movies lately?

Angel: Yesterday I saw The Horse Whisperer
I Cried, then I laughed, then I felt Inspired.
It was Beautiful.

They all Laugh at him

Buffy: Actually we think Oz was kidnapped

Willow: By Whom?

Xander: Maybe that thing?

Xander points to a lone Fembot at the Bar, drinking heavily.
He then approaches her.

Xander: Hey Pretty Girl, what's happening?

FemBot: Th.. The Other left me Beh.. Behind.. I'm s..So Lonely and Desp..Desperate

Xander runs back to his Friends

Xander: Guys, I found me a woman who's lonely desperate and has a speech impairment.

Angel: Oh yeah, those are the best kind

Buffy slaps Angel

Xander runs back to the Fembot

Xander: Is that a mirror in your packet because I can see myself in your pants

The Fembot rips off her Skirt and checks the pocket

Fembot: No Mirr…Mirror, you ar..are Mis..MisTaken

Xander has about lost it

Xander: My God!!
Will you got out with me?

FemBot: Gasp be..being hit o..on by.. Dor.. Dork!!!

The FemBot cried out a robotic cry and unleashed a river of Bullets all over the Bronze.
Everyone ducks in cover until it comes to an end.

Xander: Wow, I found that perversely stimulating.

Buffy runs up to the FemBot and puts it into a Headlock.

Buffy: What did you do with Oz?

FemBot: I wi..Will Never Te.. Tell you.

Xander: Get your hands off my GirlFriend!!!

Angel: Xander she's a robot.

Xander: But she's SO hot

Willow: Maybe I can rewire it to tell us where Oz is

Willow opens it's back panel and proceeds to re-wire it.

Willow: There, I set it to Presidential Mode

Buffy: You genius!!

The FemBot stands up and looks at them.

FemBot: I did not Have Sexual Affairs with that woman Monica Lewinski

Willow: It's working!!

FemBot: To the best of my recollection my fellow FemBot did NOT take Oz to Dr. Evil's Island.

Willow: Tell me where is this Island?

FemBot: If I recall correctly It is NOT in the South Pacific

Buffy: Well we have all the info we need, lets destroy it

Xander: (Whiny) But she's my girl

The Scooby Gang proceed to crush the robot

The FemBot: (Dying) I'm dying

"Titanic" theme plays

Xander: Don't let go, don't ever let go

The FemBot dies

Xander: (Crying) It's not Fair

Buffy: Well Lets go!!! We have to Save Oz.

Cordy: But we don't how to beat Doctor Evil.
He's an Evil Genius.

Willow: If we can't beat him we'll find somebody who can

Xander: Who?

All: Austin Powers International Man of Mystery!!!!

Cordy: He's so dreamy

Xander: If he's so dreamy why don't you just shag with him

____

"We will return to Austin Powers and the Shag Slayer in just a moment but first a word from our sponsor.."

Angel drives along the Highway, in his Sports car with the window rolled down and the wind breezing through his hair.
He looks to us with a Smile then hits the break and comes to a Screeching stop at the side of the road.
He gets out and leans against the Hood of His Red Shaguar.

Angel: Ah yes, The Dodge Shaguar, you know there is much misconception about Sports Car. Mostly from
Insecure Guys who seem to thinks Guy's who drive Sports Car do it to make up for their shortcomings as a man.
Well that not true, because I've got it where it counts, if you know what I mean. (Smiles with Confidence)

A Sports Car drives by with Xander in the Drivers seat

Xander: Hey Angel

Angel: (Laughs Nervously) Well, that doesn't mean anything, The Shaguar is..

Another Sports Car drives by with Wesley in the Passengers seat

Wesley: WoHooo, I'm cool

Angel: Err… Umm.. As I was saying Sports Cars are for Real Men..

Another Sports Car drives by with Scott Hope in it.

Scott: Hey, I don't need Buffy, I'm a babe Machine

Angel: (Laughs Nervously again) Well, The Dodge Shaguar comes with cushion seating and automatic door locks..

Another Sports Car drives by with Snyder in the Drivers seat.

Snyder: Oh yeah, I'm Shaggin

Angel: Damn it!!

"The Dodge Shaguar, a car for a Err.. REAL men?"

______

Continued in Part 2

I want more!