Christmastime at Xander's

by Nighthawk

Christmas was about to come around for the Harris clan
They thought things would be different this time.
They thought they had a plan.
They thought they could avoid the bellowing laughs
And the remarks so crass
They thought they could avoid
Getting drunk off their collective ass.

Things started out well enough
Mom thought, "Gee, this ain't so tough."
She cooked, she cleaned, she sure wasn't a slouch.
She even got Dad away from his beer and off the couch.
Xander laid out the plates, Dad cleared out the rooms.
Mom, busy in the kitchen, started humming some tunes.

Xander waited nervously, for holidays always brought the Harris's
together
Yet their family bliss was about as solid as a feather.
Maybe things would be different this time, maybe they won't be so
corrosive
But Xander wondered if the world would be better off
With a well placed explosive.

The doorbell rang
And Mom sang,
"Xander, go open our doors!"
And Xander saw Uncle Roary
Holding an open can of Coors.

Uncle R was the same as ever, drunk, his face red.
His Christmas gift to his nephew
Was always a stuffed animal he shot dead.
Sure enough, hidden behind his back
Was a moose head mounted on a rack.

He laughed heartily and slapped his nephew's spine
Xander bore the pain, and told himself he was fine.
Uncle R slurred, "Hey, look what I got for you!"
Xander forced a smile and proclaimed, "Woohoo."

Dad came to the front door and muttered,
"Geez, are you already drunk?"
Uncle R sneered at his brother in law and replied,
"You're one to talk, ya stupid punk!"

Xander felt a tightening in his chest.
He prayed, "Please God, please God,
Let this be our Christmas best."

Soon the other Harris's came, by marriage or by blood.
Instead of an explosion, Xander thought,
How about a flood?

Here came Dad's brother, Ash, the loony war veteran
Then came Mom's sister, Ellen, the outspoken lesbian.
Bob and May brought three extra freaks.
Xander never said so, but those kids gave him the creeps.
There was Uncle Jack, with a mean ol' golfing putt.
Then there was Mona, whom Dad called a slut.
Uncle Carl came in dressed as the King.
Uncle Dave wasn't built to be Elvis,
But he made a nice drag queen.

The predinner chats were polite, but invisibly tense.
Xander knew that they were straddling a fence.
Soon things would fall and things would fly.
Someone's gonna yell, and someone's gonna cry.

When Mom came out with the turkey, she looked so serene.
Oh man, was there going to be one shattered dream.
The clink of silverware told of peaceful dining.
But soon Bob and May's kids started whining.
The Harris's bore through as best they could, but it was useless.
When Uncle Roary stood, he was gonna be ruthless.
He barked, "Can't you shut those kids up!"
Xander swallowed dry meat and lifted his cup.

May rose and defended her children, it was the beginning of the end.
How could they have thought to break a decade long trend?
One thing led to another, no one stopped to think.
It sure didn't help that someone spiked the drink.
Mom's face broke and she looked down with despair.
She was numb to the growing noise.
Poor woman, a quiet Harris is ever so rare.

Xander sighed, knowing that this was fate.
He rubbed his temples and picked up his plate.
He didn't know why this got to him, he knew he should take it in
stride.
Once again he grabbed his tent and took it outside.