Distribution: Ask!
Rating :G
Disclaimer: Joss.
Feedback! Yeah!!!
Dedicated to Bushwoolie who came up with not only the idea, but the title. She's a freaking genius!!
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"Third one in as many days." Giles stated. The paper fell open to the gruesome pictures continued from the front page. Willow blanched and even Buffy looked away. Only Xander focused on the body frozen in icy terror. Something about the scene of the crime was nagging at him.
Giles circled the article. "We shall have to double the patrols. And I don't want anyone out there alone. There's no telling what this, this *thing* is. I don't want to risk having one or all of our insides freeze dried."
A soft tinkling music filtered through the thick library walls. Oz tilted his head and nudged Xander. Xander grinned wolfishly. "ICE CREAM!" He shouted, bolting out of the library. Buffy handed Oz a dollar bill, so did Willow.
Giles was aghast. "Does every single meeting have to stop at the sound of the damned ice cream truck? For pity's sake! There's a demon on the loose freezing people and all you care about is whether or not you get rainbow sprinkles!"
Buffy grinned. "Right. Thanks for reminding me. Definitely rainbow sprinkles this time, Oz. Giles? You want a double chocolate?"
Giles deflated. "Yes, yes of course I do."
Oz nodded. Today he was going to get a nutty buddy and Willow had mentioned something about chocolate jimmies. He met Xander at the truck. He was hopping up and down in an attempt to maybe intimidate the other five year olds surrounding the truck.
Proudly, Xander proclaimed. "I'd like two double chocolate cones with chocolate jimmies and oh, can I have a chocolate bar with that?"
Oz frowned.
"Right." Xander nodded. "Make that two chocolate bars and three doubles."
~~~~~~~
That night the streets were filled with a soft tinkling music as Mrs. Vanderwall walked her poodles home from a groomer's appointment. She hummed along as she crossed the street. A shadow fell over her, Peachy and Nancy Dog. "Hello?" She stammered before she began to scream in terror as her limbs froze to death. Her last thought was, "Damn, shoulda sprung for the dog manicures."
~~~~~~~
The next morning the paper read, "Poodle Paramour Popsicle Found." Giles frowned at the lack of respect and tried not to laugh. "Poodles were like to great bonbons . . . Ha ha. . . Bloody awful."
"What's awful?" Buffy slunk in and tumbled into a chair. "Is it my hair?"
"No. This article is just so full of disrespect. Here a woman died and they refer to her as a 'popsicle', not to mention this bit." Giles stifled a laugh then coughed. "Ah, nevermind about that bit. How was the patrolling?"
"Nada. No vamps, tramps or spooky freezing guys to be had."
"Hm. Well, perhaps we'll have better luck tonight? Say eightish?" Giles almost grinned, almost.
~~~~~~~`
Oz wandered the streets with Willow and Xander. Willow held up the walkie talkie. "Dead Man's Party to Blue Monday, hey Buffy. See anything?"
The walkie talkie fizzled. "Nope. It's as quiet as the grave . . Scratch that. It's as dead as my social life out here. Wait. What's that?"
Oz heard a soft tinkling coming from the walkie talkie. Taking it from Willow, he clicked it. "Uh, don't get me wrong here. That sounds like 'Pop Goes the Weasel' Over?"
Xander hot a weird look on his face. Willow grabbed his arm. "What?
"Pop Goes the Weasel."
Oz rolled his eyes. "Xander, you just had a Chocolate Blast and three cones of Chocolate Mint Chip. The first step is admitting you have a problem."
Xander ignored the redheads. "Do you smell chocolate? Mm."
The walkie talkie fizzed in Oz's hand and Buffy was talking. "Hey, Oz is right. It does sound like Pop. Hm, how do I turn this thing off? What? Push the what? Giles, I *know* how to work this thing! I *am* a trained profession- Oh, my God." The sound of plastic hitting the pavement. Then nothing.
"C'mon." Willow growled and dragged the boys off toward the Slayer. Skittering around the corner, Willow screamed.
Oz stared and his jaw dropped open in surprise. "There's something you don't see everyday. Not even here."
Xander grinned like the devil and started fumbling in his jeans for something. "Finally." He breathed. "Something in this damned town I was meant to fight. Nae, born, built and bred to fight!" The spoon glinted silver as a streetlight caught it and Xander yelled, "
Willow just stood there in shock. The thing was huge! And it was trying to freeze Giles and Buffy, but she just couldn't get her mind around the concept. "It's not supposed to do *that*!" She stammered. Oz silently agreed.
The thing was over three stories high. It had Buffy in it's pseudo jaws and Giles was in an arm? It was hard to tell because the thing was made entirely out of chocolate ice cream. It's eyes were too great slabs of chocolate and it's back was covered in a rich coat of rainbow jimmies. It was the worse thing that could ever be witnessed by soon to be college students: Munchies gone bad.
Xander leapt onto it's back and the thing screamed as he plunged his spoon into it's ice creamy surface. Whipping the spoon out, he shoveled it into his mouth. Then jammed it right back in as the beast wailed in terror.
Willow turned green. "I think I'm going to be sick."
Oz raised an eyebrow. Then whipping out a spoon he dove onto the creature. It cried piteously and dropped Buffy. Giles bit into the pseudo tentacle that had him and began to eat it.
Ten minutes later. . .
"I'm going to die." Buffy exclaimed.
Oz burped an agreement.
Giles rolled over and tried not to retch. "My insides . . ooooohhh. What we won't do to save the world!" Willow patted him sympathetically.
Xander licked his spoon clean for the tenth time. "Yeah, that's right. Xander Harris patrols these streets because the forces of good are always hungry. Hungry for justice. Anybody up for a pizza?"
The end.